Children of Narcissistic Mothers – Re-Traumatized by High Level Narcissists

Children of Narcissistic Mothers – Re-Traumatized by High Level Narcissists

You grew up as a child of maternal deprivation.  Your mother’s presence was neither loving nor protective. Early on you knew that Narcissistic Mama (or Mothering Figure) couldn’t stand your presence, even as a little child.

Psychiatrist and researcher Dr. John Bowlby created the term Maternal Deprivation to describe a mother’s lack of attachment and warmth toward her child communicated as cold dismissiveness and lack of empathy.

These children even when their physical and environmental needs are met, experience an existential sense that there is something fundamentally wrong with them—mother doesn’t love them and therefore they are horribly defective.

As adults some of these children feel guilt and shame, a deep sense of unease for being imperfect and letting mother down.  They feel that they can never measure up no matter what they achieve professionally or personally.

As babies they looked into their mother’s eyes and discovered a void—a cold uncaring, dismissive “don’t come near me” revulsion.

Enter the high level narcissist, infused with magnetic charm, command of self, energetic, self-confident, charismatic.  Children of narcissistic mothers become entranced with the high level narcissist.  Their high energy, expanded egos, towering ambitions are compelling to the child of narcissistic maternal deprivation.  They are spell bound, caught up in the romantic magic of the high level.  They feel energized, hopeful about this new gambit.

Marriage and partnership with the high level narcissist is exciting in the beginning. The narcissist is on his or her very best behavior, winning the heart and mind of the partner.

After a short period of time, the narcissistic partner reveals their cruel, demanding, manipulative side.  You experience the extreme controlling qualities of the narcissistic partner. Everything you do or say or even think is monitored and judged.  You are the object of cruel, obnoxious projections frequently, of course, in private behind closed doors. You dare criticized, castigated for the smallest oversight or mistake.  You are name called, unjustly accused and criticized.

You often now feel anxious, jumpy just waiting for the next volley of insults and recriminations.  You develop chronic insomnia and digestive disorders.  Why do you tolerate this horrendous treatment.  In the back of your mind in the unconscious there is a part of you that still feels empty and unworthy and essential wrong and not enough.

You were traumatized as a small child and now you are being re-traumatized by your narcissistic spouse.

This is your time and opportunity for awakening to the true nature of the high level narcissist.

With deep insights and intuition and your research you become clear that you will move forward along your own pathway of recovery, transformation and the continued evolution of your true self.

Along the way you learn to be self entitled, deserving of inner peace, worthy of trust and warmth, the full use of your many creative gifts.

Practice self care: rest, sleep, movement/exercise, food, hydration, Nature.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Selfless Servants to High Level Narcissists

Selfless Servants to the High Level Narcissist

Besides jeopardizing their psychological and physical health, those who live with narcissists rob themselves of vital opportunities to develop their unique creative gifts. They often set aside their talents, drives and dreams to spend huge amounts of time and energy at the disposal of the obsessive acquisitiveness of their high level narcissistic partner.

The high level narcissist expects you to perform perfectly for them. Their demands are unrealistic and outrageous. Those who are trapped in these marital arrangements feel like they must acquiesce to the overpowering wills of their partners.

Some individuals who are partnered with high level narcissists grew up with a narcissistic parent. As children they were treated like servants, expected to have full charge of the younger children, even the babies in the family. As early as five years of age, these kids were expected to do the heavy housework, cooking, cleaning, fetching. Narcissistic mom or dad was constantly screaming at these small kids.  When the slightest mistake was made or something like the dinner didn’t turn out perfectly, the small son or daughters was horribly punished and made to feel ashamed and worthless.  Growing up under these conditions of psychological and emotional abuse and servitude is chilling.  As adults these individuals do not develop a healthy sense of self entitlement, a core belief that they are worthwhile, a sense of solid well being. They feel unworthy.

This is the reason why so many of them are attracted to the high level narcissist who is so charming and compelling in the beginning.  When the narcissistic partner turns ugly and becomes very demanding, these outrageous behaviors are familiar to the spouse who grew up as the unworthy child of the narcissistic parent.

Being a selfless servant to the high level narcissist is a familiar role to the adult child of a narcissistic parent. They go along to get along. Feeling unworthy and not enough these partners put up with the rages, humiliations, demands, iron will control of their psychologically abusive partner.

For some there is a time of awakening, a clear realization that they can no longer remain in this role of servitude. They recognize that they must move forward along their own unique pathway of their authentic self.

This is a decision of triumph and strength. Individuals who follow their own pathways embrace their individuality with all of their creative gifts and finally find respite, restoration and the fulfillment of their true selves.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Prevailing Over Malevolent High Level Narcissists

Prevailing Over the Malevolent High Level Narcissist

In a roiling sea  of high level narcissists you are often in a state of anxiety, worry, self-doubt, uncertainty, confusion. This is not surprising since the high level narcissist is a very tricky, shape-shifting individual.

Infused with mesmerizing charm, gifts of seduction and persuasion it is very difficult not to become entranced with the high level. They possess a kind of magic presence that is drawn from one of their enchanting personas. Their eye contact is riveting, almost hypnotic. We feel their appraisal and moves toward us. They are stepping up their game. They make plans to catch us in their psychological butterfly nets.

The high level narcissist searches out those whom he wants to become part of his coterie, his golden circle, that place of honor that the high level bestows on special people in his intimate enclave. Of course the high level is loyal to no one but himself. After years of blind devotion and arduous work the narcissist will discard you without explanation or ceremony if he has found someone better to serve his outrageous demands and impossible standards. The narcissist is immune to the suffering that he causes others. even his spouses and children. His search for self- aggrandizement has no bounds. Above it all, the high level narcissist is ultimately an exploiter, usurping the talents, creative energies and sometimes the morality and decency of others. He is feverish miner of the human gold of his victims. His see and destroy missions are without conscience or boundaries.

Always exploitive and controlling, the high level narcissist plots and plans his moves toward you. Being selected by a narcissist to play a role in his/her life drama is considered a great compliments and achievement.

As you move through your awakening to the true nature of the high level narcissist, remember who you are–the exact opposite of these individuals.

You can and will prevail and recover and restore your true original self.

Be reminded of the gifts which are unique to you. You are strong, sensitive, kind, intelligent, empathic, resolute, of fine character, creative and holy within.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

High Level Narcissistic Golden Child

High Level Narcissistic Golden Child

Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life:

“In many ways, the birth of the future narcissist is a second coming, the fulfillment of all the hopes and dreams of the parents.  This child is the chosen one…In a family of several children, the golden one(s) is picked for his/her handsomeness/beauty, charm and magnetism, intellectual prowess, artistic talent or some combination of these qualities. In some instances, the budding narcissist is an only child or first child, the focus of attention in the household. A common message communicated by the parents is “everything we do is for you—you are the center of our world.”

The budding narcissist never learns about frustration tolerance since he/she always gets his way.  Similarly, he doesn’t fully develop a conscience since he is never told “No” or taught to respect others, to care about them, to not participate in immoral deeds.

The growing narcissist is allowed to and say whatever he wants all the time.

He feels that there is nothing that he cannot do. The future narcissist never achieves a true separation from mother and  or father, nor does he acknowledge prohibitions on anything that he wants or chooses to do. Psychologically he remains a small child, behaving as if only his wishes matter. Mother’s or father’s constant mantra of success and winning resonates in his ears,  Slowly and surely, he is indoctrinated to believe that he is superior. The high level narcissist spends his life convincing others of his greatness.

Understanding the true nature and origins of the narcissistic golden child provides you with valuable knowledge for identifying these individuals and developing a deep wisdom about human nature.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

High Level Narcissist – Notorious Exploiter

High Level Narcissist – Notorious Exploiter

 

Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life:

“A  …high level…narcissist doesn’t waste time on those who cannot perform for him/her. By seduction or guile he draws to himself those who will feed his constant need for power and admiration. Narcissists use personal relationships as stepping-stones and way stations to success. They perpetually scan their environments. Assessing their power positions, ever vigilant for those who will lead them to their next goal. The narcissistic personality values himself alone. Others are simply objects and vehicles who will satisfy his perpetual need for power and recognition. Throughout his personal and professional life, he manipulate everyone who crosses his path—spouses, lovers, children, business associates, friends…

The …high level…narcissist surrounds himself with individuals who act as extensions of himself. He fuses with those who will protect and expand his grandiose sense of self…..Those who work for or live with a narcissistic personality know that survival with him/her is always precarious. If luck holds and fate is kind, some chosen followers weather the unrelenting rages and demands that spill out of the narcissistic psyche…There is always a time certain when a relationship with a narcissist will end. Followers are discharge when their gilt has faded. They have become sexually and physically less attractive, their competitive edge is blunted, they have lost their slice of worldly power…”

The high level is finished with you and dispatches you to the hinterlands of obscurity and anonymnify. You are faded, worn and exhausted and as a result the high level narcissist has neither time nor money nor attention for you.  The high level doesn’t run with those who are truly humble, good, true, fair or pure of heart.

You are the opposite of the hypocritical high level narcissist who preys on the goodness of others.

Fine character is scarce these days – It seems like almost everyone has a price  – meaning they can be bought and sold for the coin of the realm, feeding frenzies of extravagance, psychological and emotional dominance of others..

But you are different: True to your unique individuality, ever-present–You show up always as yourself. Be lifted by your beautiful, vital character, conscience, empathy, kindness, psychological and spiritual stamina.

You can’t imagine being any other way.  Thank God!

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

The Power of the High Level Narcissist’s Charm

To protect ourselves from the incredible charm of the high level narcissist it is essential to understand the nature of his/her gifts of beguilement and persuasion.

Quoting from my book Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life paints a clear picture:

“The high-level narcissist is gifted at radiating immense charm when he/she chooses. This magnetic indefinable attribute is invaluable to all human beings. Charm is an energy, a vibration, a contagious optimistic state of mind. Charm beguiles; it can seduce us to do almost anything. The expression “pouring on the charm” has a truthful ring. It is a magic elixir that sets us soaring.”

It is easy for us to get swept up in the enchantment of the high level  narcissist’s charm.  Often these individuals are quite attractive, they are very confident, so sure of themselves. They pay us just the right compliments, make us feel larger and more significant that we feel inside.  We are quickly under the spell of the high level.

In this state we forget for power of our perceptive mind and move along the swift tide of fancy, unfulfilled wishes and the magic of knowing that we can be and have anything we want.

The high level with this magic puts us in a kind of trance that removes our doubts and fears. The high level is making us believe that we can be and have anything we want—at this moment.

Those who hitch a ride on the high level narcissists merry go round are in for a rough ride.

Behind closed doors with the hl narcissist the ugly, cruel, vile shadow of the narcissist is revealed in full.  You are the recipient of the primitive projections, recriminations, humiliations of our partner.

The hl imposes his iron grip of control on you —-insisting that your mirror him or her perfectly.  You are victimized and betrayed cruelly.

The high level’s act is so seamless that those outside of your partnership would never suspect that you are involved with such a cruel, controlling, lying, raging person.

Many of you have sustained this form of high level  narcissistic abuse for years and decades.

There is a time of awakening when you both recognize the true nature of the high level narcissist and know that you can and must separate from this highly abusive individual. You are reclaiming your rights to grow, thrive and evolve according to your own

Deep wisdom and respect for your incredible individuality together with your many unique creative gifts.

You move forward along your own pathway. Be proud of yourself for your perseverance, psychological and emotional stamina and spiritual strength. What an accomplishment!

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Partnerships with High Level Narcissists Eclipse Your Individuality

Partnerships with High level narcissists eclipse your individuality

Reading from my book: freeing yourself from the narcissist in your life:Provides a perspective on this process and how it affects you:

“Those who live closely with a narcissist – wives, husbands, partners, children are required to be false to themselves. They learned in early childhood that it was unsafe to feel and express the full range of their emotions, even to think their own thoughts… Deep inside they feel inadequate and worthless…”

The capacity to feel deeply requires a psychological sureness and groundedness. When a person can cry freely, laugh heartily, or become justifiably angry, he lives fully, he embraces his humanity.

“Unexpressed and unremembered feelings do not disappear…”

They voice themselves in our thoughts, dreams, sensations and actions, in the functions of our bodies. Many people become ill as a result of embedded emotions. …The body always states the truth…

Those who live with narcissists, particularly spouses, rob themselves of vital opportunities to develop their unique creative gifts

They set aside their talents, drives and dreams to spend huge amounts of time and energy at the disposal of narcissistic partners.”

The high level narcissist always has an agenda for himself/herself and for you.  He knows exactly what he wants from you  — to begin with  — total compliance, which includes veneration, perfect mirroring, the perfection of your image, the exploitation of your creativity, your perpetual devotion to his grandiose false selves.

You become the keeper of the high level’s secrets, the dirty works that he perpetuates off the public stage – those whom he has deceived and betrayed and cheated.  The high level  knows that you will not expose him because in exchange for your silence you are benefiting from the largesse of the lifestyle, your identity as an individual of influence and supreme importance.

Many partners of the high level narcissist are willing to make this deal.

They don’t realize at the time that they are giving vital parts of themselves away, diluting their creative energies,  exhausting their body/mind systems remaining in the sympathetic fight or flight nervous survival system, plagued with chronic insomnia, digestive disorders.

At a point of awakening you recognized that you are embroiled in a non relationship with an abusive, regressed high level narcissist. You have done the research and intuitively know that you can move forward along your pathway of the true original self.  Now you focus on the activation of your parasympathetic mode, the relax, rest, calming part of your body/mind system.  You put yourself first finally and feel tremendous energy physically, psychologically, mentally, creatively, spiritually.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

Leaving the High Level Narcissist’s Golden Circle

Setting the stage for the true nature of the high level narcissist, quote from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: “Like water cascading down a falls, compliments and tributes must flow to the narcissist at all times. ..The narcissist recounts endless stories of his triumphs and expects others to tell him “how wonderful he is.”

“Followers of the narcissist, especially those closest to him/her—spouses, mistresses, children, partners—squander their potential.” They have turned themselves over to a callous exploitative parental figure who makes all the decisions.

Members of this golden circle become exhausted by the outrageous demands of the high level narcissist’s constant rages and demeaning  humiliations. Living only to please and appease an imperious narcissist, combined with mounting erosions of their personal and professional opportunities wear very thin.

If you have been a member of the high level narcissist’s golden circle you remember the dreadful experience of what happened behind closed doors with one of these highly demanding, controlling and cruel individuals.

There comes a time when you recognize that you must choose  to separate and leave the tarnished golden circle of the high level narcissist and become free to be your true self, to rediscover your unique creative gifts, and develop healthy psychological and daily practices of  deep inner peace.

Give yourself tremendous credit for putting yourself first and choosing your unique invaluable individuality and creative gifts and healing, restoration and evolution.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Elite High Level Narcissists Do Not Awaken from Their Delusions of Grandeur and Omnipotence

We have an immense population of high level narcissists.  Our narcissistic society gives them huge passes especially if they hold wide and deep swaths of influence and power

Don’t try to wake up a high level narcissist from their slumber of intractable delusion and extreme self-entitlement.  They will scream in your face, shame you, mercilessly punish you with endless vile projections.

The high level narcissist has been lost in the desert of non reality throughout all of his years. This is particularly the case if he or she is the golden child. From the beginning this kid was selected as the special chosen one who symbolized the perfection, brilliance and promise of his parent(s).  He is a miraculous child, a demi deity, who,  from the beginning was venerated like a prince, princess, queen or king.

As a very young child this individual was not required to think of the welfare of others, how his or her presence was having a positive or negative effect upon others. The budding narcissist was given the run of the family, allowed, even encouraged to act out in the most outrageous ways. Cruel and mean, this little narcissist didn’t develop a working conscience or genuine empathy.

Rather the narcissist was encouraged to fulfill his wishes and desires without limit.

The elite from the beginning does not develop a sense of shame over committing a cruel act on another.

The golden boy or girl elite high level narcissist is so over entitled that their sense of self becomes pathologically inflated and highly delusional.

The mother and/or father of the narcissist continues to defend this individual regardless of his ugly cruel behaviors, betrayals, empty promises, habitual lies, double dealing.

In this zeitgeist of toxic pathological narcissism the elite golden boy or girl fits smoothly in the environments of extreme self-indulgence, an obsession with the perfection of one’s external environment and person, the frenetic search for “the best” whether this is in the form of exotic escapes, opulent lifestyles among the crème d’ le crème of society.  Elite high level narcissistic must have more’s wander the earth in a never ending fever of hunger and satiation.

There is the preciousness of your warm human heart that lifts you from the pain and dreariness of childhood wounds. This is the direction you are taking: authenticity, imagination, your creativity, the exquisite beauties of nature and art, the gift of inner peace, the quieting of the winds that reveal your essence, your sacred individuality.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Despicable Greed of High Level Narcissists

Today we are surrounded by countless greedy narcissists in a society that has become exceedingly materialistic, coarse, Darwinian, soulless.

There are outstanding exceptions in high consciousness individuals who are psychologically and emotionally evolved, with fine characters.  These are transparent, without act or artiface – No false selves. It is so comforting to know these people of the truth who are wise, transparent, kind with conscience. They can neither be bought nor compromised.

The high level narcissist is all act: false, cunning, acquisitive and very greedy.

Psychologically empty inside, he is always searching for more while he treats others without mercy or respect.

The greediest are the haves, the have mores and the have mosts always in an acquisitive state that feeds their hungry egos. They go after what you have – investments, properties, residences, businesses, valuable possessions, trusts, works of art.

They feed off of your creativity and steal your projects. – all the while leading you to believe that they are collaborating and contributing to your success.

Narcissists are never team players. This is a pretense, a strategy a ruse, a well honed act to gain your trust and ultimately to control you and the products of your unique creativity.

No matter how much they have for the high level narcissist it is never enough. The fever of acquisitiveness rises with every acquisition. You cannot win with these individuals if you stay partnered with them unless you are willing to become their psychological prisoners and forfeit your individuality, your unique gifts and your inner peace. Some of those who remain aligned with the high level narcissist are in a state of permanent delusion.  They have fused with the narcissist and unable to extricate themselves from this psychopathological state.

The high level narcissist doesn’t care if you are left with nothing. They get what they want, discard you and move on to the next shining prize.

High level narcissists get away with their dirty despicable greed.  Many in today’s society applaud them or turn a blind eye to their multiple cruelties.

There is hope and redemption with those who remain steady in their grounded fine characters, steady and rising in their creative gifts. We find them along the road less traveled, the pathway of the authentic self that speaks to you each day. Listen to the voice of your intuition.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.