High Level Narcissist – Notorious Exploiter

 

Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life:

“A  …high level…narcissist doesn’t waste time on those who cannot perform for him/her. By seduction or guile he draws to himself those who will feed his constant need for power and admiration. Narcissists use personal relationships as stepping-stones and way stations to success. They perpetually scan their environments. Assessing their power positions, ever vigilant for those who will lead them to their next goal. The narcissistic personality values himself alone. Others are simply objects and vehicles who will satisfy his perpetual need for power and recognition. Throughout his personal and professional life, he manipulate everyone who crosses his path—spouses, lovers, children, business associates, friends…

The …high level…narcissist surrounds himself with individuals who act as extensions of himself. He fuses with those who will protect and expand his grandiose sense of self…..Those who work for or live with a narcissistic personality know that survival with him/her is always precarious. If luck holds and fate is kind, some chosen followers weather the unrelenting rages and demands that spill out of the narcissistic psyche…There is always a time certain when a relationship with a narcissist will end. Followers are discharge when their gilt has faded. They have become sexually and physically less attractive, their competitive edge is blunted, they have lost their slice of worldly power…”

The high level is finished with you and dispatches you to the hinterlands of obscurity and anonymnify. You are faded, worn and exhausted and as a result the high level narcissist has neither time nor money nor attention for you.  The high level doesn’t run with those who are truly humble, good, true, fair or pure of heart.

You are the opposite of the hypocritical high level narcissist who preys on the goodness of others.

Fine character is scarce these days – It seems like almost everyone has a price  – meaning they can be bought and sold for the coin of the realm, feeding frenzies of extravagance, psychological and emotional dominance of others..

But you are different: True to your unique individuality, ever-present–You show up always as yourself. Be lifted by your beautiful, vital character, conscience, empathy, kindness, psychological and spiritual stamina.

You can’t imagine being any other way.  Thank God!

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Partnerships with High Level Narcissists Eclipse Your Individuality

Partnerships with High level narcissists eclipse your individuality

Reading from my book: freeing yourself from the narcissist in your life:Provides a perspective on this process and how it affects you:

“Those who live closely with a narcissist – wives, husbands, partners, children are required to be false to themselves. They learned in early childhood that it was unsafe to feel and express the full range of their emotions, even to think their own thoughts… Deep inside they feel inadequate and worthless…”

The capacity to feel deeply requires a psychological sureness and groundedness. When a person can cry freely, laugh heartily, or become justifiably angry, he lives fully, he embraces his humanity.

“Unexpressed and unremembered feelings do not disappear…”

They voice themselves in our thoughts, dreams, sensations and actions, in the functions of our bodies. Many people become ill as a result of embedded emotions. …The body always states the truth…

Those who live with narcissists, particularly spouses, rob themselves of vital opportunities to develop their unique creative gifts

They set aside their talents, drives and dreams to spend huge amounts of time and energy at the disposal of narcissistic partners.”

The high level narcissist always has an agenda for himself/herself and for you.  He knows exactly what he wants from you  — to begin with  — total compliance, which includes veneration, perfect mirroring, the perfection of your image, the exploitation of your creativity, your perpetual devotion to his grandiose false selves.

You become the keeper of the high level’s secrets, the dirty works that he perpetuates off the public stage – those whom he has deceived and betrayed and cheated.  The high level  knows that you will not expose him because in exchange for your silence you are benefiting from the largesse of the lifestyle, your identity as an individual of influence and supreme importance.

Many partners of the high level narcissist are willing to make this deal.

They don’t realize at the time that they are giving vital parts of themselves away, diluting their creative energies,  exhausting their body/mind systems remaining in the sympathetic fight or flight nervous survival system, plagued with chronic insomnia, digestive disorders.

At a point of awakening you recognized that you are embroiled in a non relationship with an abusive, regressed high level narcissist. You have done the research and intuitively know that you can move forward along your pathway of the true original self.  Now you focus on the activation of your parasympathetic mode, the relax, rest, calming part of your body/mind system.  You put yourself first finally and feel tremendous energy physically, psychologically, mentally, creatively, spiritually.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

Leaving the High Level Narcissist’s Golden Circle

Setting the stage for the true nature of the high level narcissist, quote from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: “Like water cascading down a falls, compliments and tributes must flow to the narcissist at all times. ..The narcissist recounts endless stories of his triumphs and expects others to tell him “how wonderful he is.”

“Followers of the narcissist, especially those closest to him/her—spouses, mistresses, children, partners—squander their potential.” They have turned themselves over to a callous exploitative parental figure who makes all the decisions.

Members of this golden circle become exhausted by the outrageous demands of the high level narcissist’s constant rages and demeaning  humiliations. Living only to please and appease an imperious narcissist, combined with mounting erosions of their personal and professional opportunities wear very thin.

If you have been a member of the high level narcissist’s golden circle you remember the dreadful experience of what happened behind closed doors with one of these highly demanding, controlling and cruel individuals.

There comes a time when you recognize that you must choose  to separate and leave the tarnished golden circle of the high level narcissist and become free to be your true self, to rediscover your unique creative gifts, and develop healthy psychological and daily practices of  deep inner peace.

Give yourself tremendous credit for putting yourself first and choosing your unique invaluable individuality and creative gifts and healing, restoration and evolution.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Elite High Level Narcissists Do Not Awaken from Their Delusions of Grandeur and Omnipotence

We have an immense population of high level narcissists.  Our narcissistic society gives them huge passes especially if they hold wide and deep swaths of influence and power

Don’t try to wake up a high level narcissist from their slumber of intractable delusion and extreme self-entitlement.  They will scream in your face, shame you, mercilessly punish you with endless vile projections.

The high level narcissist has been lost in the desert of non reality throughout all of his years. This is particularly the case if he or she is the golden child. From the beginning this kid was selected as the special chosen one who symbolized the perfection, brilliance and promise of his parent(s).  He is a miraculous child, a demi deity, who,  from the beginning was venerated like a prince, princess, queen or king.

As a very young child this individual was not required to think of the welfare of others, how his or her presence was having a positive or negative effect upon others. The budding narcissist was given the run of the family, allowed, even encouraged to act out in the most outrageous ways. Cruel and mean, this little narcissist didn’t develop a working conscience or genuine empathy.

Rather the narcissist was encouraged to fulfill his wishes and desires without limit.

The elite from the beginning does not develop a sense of shame over committing a cruel act on another.

The golden boy or girl elite high level narcissist is so over entitled that their sense of self becomes pathologically inflated and highly delusional.

The mother and/or father of the narcissist continues to defend this individual regardless of his ugly cruel behaviors, betrayals, empty promises, habitual lies, double dealing.

In this zeitgeist of toxic pathological narcissism the elite golden boy or girl fits smoothly in the environments of extreme self-indulgence, an obsession with the perfection of one’s external environment and person, the frenetic search for “the best” whether this is in the form of exotic escapes, opulent lifestyles among the crème d’ le crème of society.  Elite high level narcissistic must have more’s wander the earth in a never ending fever of hunger and satiation.

There is the preciousness of your warm human heart that lifts you from the pain and dreariness of childhood wounds. This is the direction you are taking: authenticity, imagination, your creativity, the exquisite beauties of nature and art, the gift of inner peace, the quieting of the winds that reveal your essence, your sacred individuality.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

The Malicious Hypocrisy of the High Level Narcissist

Many people are so taken with the compelling, thrilling, seductive self image of the high level narcissist that they are incapable and unwilling to perceive these malevolent individuals for who they truly are – vile exploiters of those whom they psychologically and mentally control. With cunning, a contagion of charm and promises of worldly success, the high level narcissist moves through his/her days with ebullient confidence.

Their delusions of grandeur and perfection are seamless. Their upward trajectory can be explained by their obsession with self aggrandizement and lack of conscience. Now they are very clever when they go over and through moral issues that could mar their perfect personas.

They make sure that someone else is always blamed – often an associate or marital partner who doesn’t understand how virulent this personality is.

They do not suffer the burden of conscience. This work for them so well.  Conscience requires a lot of work. It involves thinking about the welfare of others, making sure that we are making moral decisions.

This does not exist in the repertoire of the high level narcissist. Their obsessive focus is always themselves, what they are entitled to have, whom they will control, how much money and power they will acquire, how they will defeat their enemies – real and imagined, while maintaining an impeccable persona.

Having morals and a fine solid character do not apply to high level narcissists.  These individuals are superbly over-entitled. They defy the rules – these apply to others whom they view as inferior in every way.

A quote from my book: Freeing yourself from the narcissist in your life summarizes these qualities:

“The narcissist has an incredible sense of self-entitlement. Everything is about him and belongs to him. He smoothly oversteps the personal boundaries of others, mistreating, devaluing and humiliating them to bend them to his will and his desires.”

As a result of your research and clear intuitive sight you see through the false personas, the true nature of the hypocritical high level narcissist.  Whether you are the child of a high level narcissist or have been married to or partnered with one of them, you have opened your pathway to rediscovering the gifts and boons of your original true self.

Give yourself credit for your perseverance, courage, your strong belief in yourself, your mental and psychological stamina. Focus on yourself and movement into the restorative, calming pathways of the parasympathetic of self care and the full use of your unique creative gifts.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Can You Say “No” to Elite Narcissist’s Seduction Offensive

From my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: “The high-level narcissist marches through his many geographies, conquering new territories, multiplying his limitless control of the outside world and the lives of those who touch his…The supernarcissist assesses each subject’s worth to him.  He plays upon their proclivities and weaknesses.”

Irresistible charm, charisma  external façade is flawless, impeccable, of the finest taste. There is a polished, finely finished look to the high level narcissist who spends inordinate times on his/her external image. For the high level narcissist, image is his reality.

The high level fuses with you psychologically and emotionally convincing you that you are the special chosen one they have always sought and finally found.

Sensual/sexual palpable energies  exuded by the high level narcissist. Those who are infatuated with these individuals fall under their spell and have a very difficult time, freeing themselves.

When things go wrong as a result of the narcissist’s chronic lying and deceptions, the high level cleverly devises a new, exciting detour for you to take with him or her. They keep you constantly distracted, especially those who lead glitzy lifestyles of glamour, power and riches.

You get to a point of recognizing that you as an individual have been lost to yourself, you represent and symbolize the magnificence of the high level narcissist.  You have come to a time of reckoning, a truth moment.

Can you now say “No” to the high level narcissist and regain your true authentic self. You are not an image; you are genuine. You are not obsessed with raw power and the accumulation of wealth for its own sake.

You can and will say Yes to your original self, the promise of the person you are and were meant to be. Come home to yourself, celebrate your unique creative gifts, the freedom and independence of your true nature, the promise of your original self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

Embrace Your Individuality

You knew that you were different from your family of origin. They insisted that you obey and conform. Many of you did because of the threat of punishments, shaming or recriminations. Despite intimidations you forged your own pathways in your mind, knew that you were unique, not part of this family, often narcissistic parents, and quietly took your own counsel.

Growing up in this family was very difficult and complex. But you forged ahead, sometimes slowly, feeling that you were in a trap and not knowing how to rescue yourself. Always you followed the light of your consciousness and paid close attention to the messages of your intuition which protected and inspired you. Sometimes there were a few individuals who understood and respected your individuality and encouraged your pursuits.

These are the qualities of the wonderful individual that you are:

Spontaneity, a unique genuine response to ourselves, others and our internal and external environments. The ability to express a variety of emotions including  joy, humor, sadness, compassion, awe.

Deep appreciation of Beauty, a source of inspiration and healing. We find beauty everywhere:  in the natural world, in the inner core of others,  in your spiritual practice (as you define), in Nature: the magic of the changing  seasons, the phases of the moon, the rhythm of the ocean’s waves, the tiniest bird’s nest, the beavers’ magnificent dams, great Art and Music that lifts you up and inspires you, inspires us, mystery and power of your spiritual practice as you define this,

Unleashing your creativity: remember who you are and are becoming.  What form does this take for you: sketching, painting, unedited writing,

Maintaining your strength and stamina: sleep, rest, eat nourishing food, movement and exercise that works for you. You are evolving; be kind with yourself!

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Children of Narcissistic Parents – Living in the House of Desolation

The child of the narcissistic parent has been psychologically abandoned.  He/she lives not in a home but a “house of desolation.” This word originates from the twelfth century and essentially means devastation and hopelessness.

The baby and small child needs a deep meaningful and warm connection to the parenting figure to thrive psychologically.

Children of narcissistic parents may have their physical needs met but are starving for warmth, attention, kindness, understanding, positive attachment. Some children suffer from both physical, mental, emotional and financial deprivation.  Many were never wanted. Others were created to enhance the narcissist’s false self image and ego supplies for the narcissistic parent.

I hear from children of narcissistic parents. They have been through painful and complex ordeals. They speak of the cold cruelties of the narcissistic mother and/or father. They were exploited and abused, treated like objects, servants to their maternal and fraternal masters.

The house of desolation is not a home. It may have all of the accoutrements: the space, pleasant surroundings, comfortable ambience but beneath the material objects there is no vital core of human warmth or meaning here.  Some children are born into impoverished circumstances with narcissistic parents and suffer from many levels of narcissistic abuse and privation.

It is remarkable how these children who grew up in the houses of desolation coped and dealt with the cruel and ugly psychopathology of the narcissistic parent. Many learned how to hide in plain sight, went to Nature as an escape to Beauty, traveled to storied magical places with their imaginations, taught themselves how to paint and draw to create new visions of reality, sought spiritual avenues of meaning and solace, learned that movement and exercise through sports and dance built their stamina and deep inner strength.

Prominent British writer Rudyard Kipling was abandoned at the age of six along with his three year old sister Trix by his parents. Mother and father without the slightest announcement after leaving India on a trip to London left their young children with strangers whom  they contacted through a newspaper article. The caretaker was a cruel, cold abusive woman and her disturbed son. For six long years they were left at the mercy of these pathological individuals.  The parents returned unexpectedly and gave no explanation for their abandonment, absence or return.  Kipling’s mother had relatives in London but chose to put her children in psychological distress with unvetted disturbed strangers. Kipling suffered deeply from this abandonment and betrayal. He used his incredible creativity through writing to survive this horrendous extended traumatic experience of parental abandonment, particularly by his mother.

Are you the child of a narcissistic parent who grew up in A House of Desolation. I give you tremendous credit for your authenticity, integrity, stamina, grit and creativity.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

Predatory Narcissists – Series of Insidious Betrayals

I am re-visiting the experience of betrayal in relationships with narcissistic personalities. This is a common occurrence when we are involved with them as parents, in marriages and partnerships, personal and professional relationships.

Betrayal has an ancient history, harking back to the dawn of mankind.

Betrayal is described as “an act of deliberate disloyalty” It comes from the Middle English word bitrayen which means to deceive, resulting in a breaking of trust.

Insidious comes from the Latin word insidiae which means ambush.

Betrayal is a deep violation of trust. Betraying someone is an act of contemptuous disrespect.

We feel a sharp sting when we discover that someone we have trusted completely has covertly turned against us. These dark acts are perpetrated by those close to our psychological and emotional core.

Remember the narcissistic personality does not have a developed conscience.  Their conscience means not getting caught.

Predatory narcissists are gifted at choosing their victims. They pick individuals who are vulnerable, dependent, compassionate and empathetic.

If you are married to a narcissist there is a chance that you will be betrayed. Some narcissists lead compartmentalized lives. exquisitely playing a variety of roles, wearing convincing false self masks. They are duplicitous in their relationships. They chronically lie to their spouses about their acting out behaviors. Narcissists enter into relationships that their partners believe are close and filled with trust and integrity.

You spend decades with a narcissist, give your love, loyalty and devotion to them and they will betray you.

The predatory narcissist does not deserve you. Don’t let them get the upper hand over your heart, mind and spirit.

Many individuals awaken and recognize the true nature of the predatory narcissist. You discover that your research, intuition and core sense of self will help you to recover and thrive in the aftermath of the predatory narcissist.

You deserve to be victorious as you work through the psychological and emotional pain of this series of betrayals.

Practice self care every day – Sleep and rest, move and exercise, eat nourishing food, hydrate well, unleash your unique creativity. Give yourself tremendous credit for your perseverance, insights, strong sense of self, deep integrity.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Notes to Unique, Precious Empaths

You are the child who was never understood. You are a highly sensitive individual who perceives inner and outer reality on the most minute levels.
You remember from childhood often feeling overwhelmed. Loud noises and crowds were very distressing. While other family members were excited by social events, you had a very difficult time being in groups. You found many of the children to be aggressive and loud. Even attending a children’s birthday party was unsettling. The noise of groups was difficult for you from the beginning.

Some empaths as children find meaning and comfort in solitude, in their own company. They spend hours reading books, walking in Nature, writing in a journal, sketching and drawing. With a vivid imagination the child empath travels everywhere in his mind.

At night you were afraid of the dark and needed a night light on even as you grew older.
As a very small child you picked up the psychological and emotions and vibrations of others. You read their unconscious and knew what was hidden behind the mask of the face
Growing up in a narcissistic family is particularly difficult for the empath. The narcissistic mother or father imposed his will and chose roles for each child. There is the golden one who has been selected to mirror and represent the family image.
From the beginning you didn’t fit into your narcissistic family. You were so different from the other members. It was like you came from another world and wondered how you ended up with this group of people who shared your DNA. You never felt at home with the narcissistic family members.

As you moved into adulthood you began to appreciate your differentness. You appreciated your deep intuitions, inspirations and creativity.
Empaths never fit in to the society at large. This is particularly true currently. There are so many narcissistic personalities who are thriving in our aggressive culture. Without conscience the narcissist treats the empath with disrespect, viewing them as weak and fragile.

You come to a time of awakening, a deep appreciation of your true nature. You no longer care about being accepted by the society at large and its circles of influence.
You cannot compromise the pure gold of your authentic self. You find individuals who appreciate you true nature and whom you can trust. There are just a few but this is sufficient.

Your creative gifts expand and deepen. You find yourself creating whole worlds out of your imagination and intuition. You dispense with the notion that you need others to understand you. You are different and precious —the pearl of great price, the true authentic self. Embrace your individuality, deep compassion, intuition and fine perceptions.
Be kind and protective of yourself with: good sleep, rest, movement/exercise, spending time in Nature, nourishment, lovely music, following the unique pathway of your creativity in all of its forms.