High Level Narcissists – Dripping with Self Adulation

High Level Narcissists – Dripping with Self Adulation

There is a distinct vibration, a psychological secent you detect in the high level narcissist. Charming, often spell biending, these individuals reveal themselves fully when we are open to our intuitive insights about them. This is very important in that many people are fooled by high level narcissists at the top of their game. For the high level each person is a puzzle piece that he/she selects to enhance his sense of perfection, extreme self entitlement, power and control.

The high level truly believes that he has great value, talent, brilliance than any one else. Very aggressive, the high level is willing to disrupt and desimate those who stand in his way, taking a no prisoners attitude. He is disgusted with those whom he describes as weak and incompetent, introverted types that respond with feelings and empathy.

These outrageous, infamous types are conquerors. Many are obsessed with money and possessions, always topping themselves. Highly aggressive, he maneuvers himself/herself up the financial and social ladders, stepping over and pushing others off his path, a royal road to material largesse and social power.

There is a time for you of deep insight when you recognize that you can no longer stay in this toxic, non-relationship. You move forward now, knowing that you can recoonstitute and yourself fully—psychologically, physically, spiritually, creatively.

Practice daily self care: rest, sleep, hydration, pure nourishing food, beautiful music, movement/exercise and Nature—that restores mind/body/insight/beauty/creativity.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D., L.M.F.T.

High Level Narcissist – Creating A False Identity

High Level Narcissist – Creating A false Heroic Identity

High level narcissists compose a fictional identity that is portrayed as authentic, so real and believable. These are great dramatic actors. Often they are overt narcissistic golden boys. As toddlers they were impossibly spoiled and demanding as they are now with an incandescent charm that is captivating.

The narcissist creates a narrative of humble beginnings and reduced circumstances. High level narcissists love to talk about how poor and deprived they were. They embroider their stories with gross exaggeration and straight out lies. The high level narcissist emphasizes his familial hardships and abusive family dynamics and financial disadvantages. He leaves his listeners wondering how he climbed this summit of academic success with no one to come to his assistance. This is not the true story. A most unfortunate aspect to this fake hero’s story is in the exposure of his own family as a careless band of rapacious individuals who are coarse, rapacious with bad reputations.

In comparison the heroic narcissist’s personal tale is one of extraordinary fine character who rose from the most difficult, social and economic circumstances to intellectual and professional prominence. The high level is the hero of his story, the extraordinary individual who rose to the top despite the toughest obstacles.

This phony lying predatory narcissist is a nasty piece of work who has exploiting his family history.

Ruthless and greedy, he climbs to the top, pushing everyone aside who would get in his way. These phony Knights are psychologically dangerous to those who get swept up in their false lie filled personal narratives. These individuals don’t deserve your attention or presence let alone your relationship. Now is the time to separate out from them.  You are moving forward along your own unique pathways of transformation, healing, restoration and creativity.

 

 

High Level Narcissists – Masters of Varieties of Lies

High Level Narcissists – Masters of Varieties of Lies

“A lie is a handy tool the narcissist uses to enhance and protect the image he has so painstakingly built. Lies are automatic. They flow from him as effortlessly as sweat coming through pores… He (the narcissist) knows he can lie and get away with it…The narcissist insists that the way must be clear for him to move ahead…He looks you right in the eye and lies without hesitation…He is glib with his lies, he shades the truth or tells an outright lie.”

You cannot have a real relationship with someone who lies to you. Those who are partnered with or married to a high level narcissist are constantly being lied to by their spouse or partner.

High level narcissists are masters of deceit and take pride in their lies. They have developed this activity to a high art.

Compartmentalization -The high level narcissist is highly secretive. He cannot be authentic, real or true. One of his devices is compartmentalization.  He often leads a secret life  It is not unusual for these individuals to have several “close” relationships going forward simultaneously. Being married doesn’t interfere with the high level narcissist’s straying to other partners. These individuals don’t have a well developed conscience and are known to give in to their libidinal proclivities. They rationalize about these behaviors and always can give themselves perfect excuses for their immoral behaviors. For the high level narcissists the people around him are all part of his/her role as an exalted, highly entitled individual. The high level is the puppeteer who creates roles for those who share his world. The narcissist feels no guilt for these betrayals of trust. Lacking a moral compass, this kind of behavior is very easy for these individuals.

Re-writing history – High level narcissists are constantly revising their personal and work histories, resumes, family histories, academic and professional bona fides.

Double Downing on their Lies – High levels are completely shameless. They look deep you’re your eyes and lie directly to you. Narcissists develop the dark art of lying very early. Just think about it.  If we didn’t have a conscience wouldn’t it be smoother and easier to tell clever untruths that increased your personal power and control and enlarged your gilded image.

Lies of omission – High level narcissists are outrageously cunning at their lies of omission. They leave out whole swaths of forbidden behaviors that they know will exasperate their partners, spouses, ex-spouses, children, business associates.  It’s almost as if they can’t help themselves.  They are driven by ego and their ever-present goals of reaching the highest summits of power, control and the fruits of their excessive greed.

The high level narcissist does not change since this is a fixed personality disorder. For the narcissist the upside for him or her is utilizing their “talents” for mendacity to their advantage. Reaching the highest rungs of the ladder is what matters most to them.

You are different from the high level narcissist.  You have a finely developed conscience; you don’t lie; you don’t deceive people. Your relationships are genuine and not used to control and overpower others. You are capable of deep empathy and are capable of putting yourself in the place of another with regard to their feelings, thoughts, intentions and the problems and issues that challenge them.

Here’s to you, an individual of integrity, perseverance, spiritual vitality, traveling your unique pathways of transformation, evolution and creativity.

High Level Narcissists Double and Triple Down on Their Ever-Present Hubris

Hubris in man is ever-present, perhaps in prehistoric caves. Wherever there is pride there is hubris. The story of the angels cast into Hell for their hubris remains with us.

The word hubris comes from the ancient Greek meaning extreme pride and dangerous overconfidence.

Hubris is outrageous. Aristotle defined hubris as shaming the victim.

The high level narcissist gains pleasure from his hubristic acts. He or she is not called out on these dark deeds if they hold sway and power, if they are highly placed socially and economically.

Those who are married to or partnered with or children of hubristic high level narcissists are victims of their extreme psychopathology.

You spend years and decades married to one of these  individuals go through a series of leaving them, returning and continuing the cycle to the increasing stress.  psychophysiological imbalances, mood and anxiety disorders, chronic insomnia, re-traumatizaation from childhood.

When high level narcissists are shamelessly bad they will never admit they are wrong. All that matters is getting their way every time. When cornered they double and triple down on their lies, deceits, manipulations, exploitations and gain pleasure from dominating their spouses, ex-spouses, children, siblings, business associates. Unlike you they have no shame—never di and never will. They are always right no matter their horrific misdeeds and betrayals.

They draw around them a golden circle of followers and hangers on who are loyal to them no matter what the isue. They feed off of the high level’s extreme pride, economic largesse and social power.

In the high level’s psychological mix is a lack of conscience, any bit of shame or of course no empath.

The high level narcissist has no reason to change. This is a fixed personality disorder.

When you awaken and decide that you must separate out from the high level narcissist, this is a great moment of insight and mental and psychological clarity.

With great perseverance, wisdom and resolve you recognize that you are entitled to move forward as a separate, unique individual who deserves the full use of all of your creative gifts, to develop relationships based on self respect and integrity. As you learn more about the true nature of the high level narcissist, you realize that you are moving into the parasympathetic pathways of restoration, healing, transformation and the full use of your unique creative gifts.

Linda Martinez- Lewi, Ph.D.

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Quoting psychoanalyst Alice Miller about the dilemma of the child of a narcissistic mother: “The art of not experiencing feelings – A child can experience her feelings only when there is somebody there who accepts her fully, understands her and supports her. If tha person is missing, if the child must risk losing the mother’s love of her substitute in order to feel, then she will repress emotions.”

From her earliest days and months the daughter of the narcissistic mother experiences a cool dismissiveness. The little daughter feels the disdain, aloof distancing, disregard, disrespect emanating from this mother. The small child knew taht she could never let down and share her feelings with this mother. In her presence she felt edgy, scared, humiliated, emotionaly small and insignificant.

In the presence of family and friends mother took on a different look and manner. She was expansive, warm, attentive to these others who came for the expressions of her public performance. In fact mother was considered to be among the most sterling versions of an exemplary parent, so devoted and engaged with her child.

The narcissistic mother, self absorbed, exceedingly entitled, highly controlling manifests her true nature through a series of false selves that parade as genuine.

Different kinds of narcissistic mothers:

Mother Most Accomplished – nonstop talk about all of her achievements: schooling, extraordinary student, scholar and professional awards, described herself as outstanding in every way and in addition a super mom. Behind closed doors the horrendous presence of this parent from hell. Day and night berating, non stop criticism, humiliations were the worst.

Mother Most Regal – beautiful, obsessed with her looks and fine manners, her cultivation of culture and art, adored by her social circle, how envied for her grace.

And then you have Narcissistic Mother Most Holy – devoted mother, individual of spiritual qualities, especially her many kind deeds, how she is admired for her generosity, focuses on helping others. An individual of faith, talks about her strong conscience. The real story – This is a sham person and the true reality is that this mother is unholy, lacks a conscience, is a complete hypocrite, treats her children with cool, dismissiveness, criticized them for not measuring up morally and spiritually, always finds them wanting in character, accusing them of being frauds when in effect this mother most holy is a complete fake.

This child cannot be her true self since this is forbidden and signaled by the narcissistic mother as a negative vulnerability, a weakness, a lack of character. As a result this child cannot be authentic and must put on the facade that mother demands of her.

She is required to be rational, contained, measured, controlled especially in the way she expresses her emotions and opinions. The message of the narcissistic mother is: Be and do what I demand or I reject you completely. You’re flawed, imperfect and nothing that you do or say and feels is valid. I am the one in charge here. I am the puppeteer who controls and dictates what you think and feel and ultimately who you are.

As a result the original self in the child of the narcissistic mother must remain hidden, unspoken, pushed back into the recesses of the unconscious. There, long hidden these feelings do not disappear, rather they remain unexpressed and the subject of subterranean angst.

There is a time of awakening with your insights, research, intuitions and revelations of your narcissistic mother’s true nature. You move forward as a grounded, true self individual, fully entitled to your unique individuality integrity and your creative gifts.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Protect Yourself from Unrelenting Exhaustion Caused by Marriage to High Level Narcissist

Protect Yourself from Unrelenting Exhaustion Caused by Marriage to High Level Narcissist-

You can’t fall asleep at night; you are anxious, your mind is racing. You listen to your thoughts and wonder when you will get respite. Morning comes and you face exhaustion as if you had been up through the night. Exhaustion has a pain of its own, a feeling of weakness that can seem unending. Finally you face the day and wonder  if your strength and stamina will ever return. It is very difficult for those who have not experienced this level of exhaustion to understand. This is way beyond tired or worn out.

 

Your gut is out of whack. You are distracted and miserable most of the time.  On top of this is the dark presence, the horrific shadow side of the high level narcissist.  What you know for sure is that eventually he or she will start screaming at you, picking you apart in a low voice filled with derision and mocking. One of his/favorites is humiliating you.  Humiliation is one of the worst sensations we can experience. It is intolerable; we squirm inside, we become small and want to disappear, to become invisible.  These cruelties visited on you by the high level are  a regular feature, sometimes daily, wearing  you thin, jangling your nervous system causing  anxiety and panic, For some re-activating their childhood trauma as children in a narcissistic family.

You feel the old vulnerabilities, the childhood deprivation, the raw fear.

All of this is particularly alarming since your narcissistic partner/spouse doesn’t give a damn about you or you well being. In fact he is incensed that you are ill and pulling him down. You are bad for his image. Having a partner who is not “Up” all the time is very unappealing. The flawless narcissists despises your chronic exhaustion and uses every opportunity to both deride and abandon you.

Slowly at times very slowly you begin to sense that you are moving through the exhaustion, feeling the beginnings of strength.  You do research and seek good professional help. With time and an inner resolve and connection with a few individuals whom you trust you know that in order to heal and restore your physical and psychological health you will need to move along your own recovery pathways that activate the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems, daily self care:  rest, sleep, excellent nutrition, hydration, Nature’s healing gifts, the use of your unique creative gifts, your form of spiritual practice: basic restorative yoga, stretching, gentle ancient movements of chi gong.   Another phenomenal gift of healing: listening to beautiful music that moves inside with its beauty and the promise of renewal, strength and transformation, the fullness of your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

You can’t fall asleep at night; you are anxious, your mind is racing. You listen to your thoughts and wonder when you will get respite. Morning comes and you face exhaustion as if you had been up through the night. Exhaustion has a pain of its own, a feeling of weakness that can seem unending. Finally you face the day and wonder  if your strength and stamina will ever return. It is very difficult for those who have not experienced this level of exhaustion to understand. This is way beyond tired or worn out..

You are distracted and miserable most of the time.  On top of this is the dark presence, the horrific shadow side of the high level narcissist.  What you know for sure is that eventually he or she will start screaming at you, picking you apart in a low voice filled with derision and mocking. One of his/favorites is humiliating you.  Humiliation is one of the worst sensations we can experience. It is intolerable; we squirm inside, we become small and want to disappear, to become invisible.  These cruelties visited on you by the high level are  a regular feature, sometimes daily, wearing  you thin, jangling your nervous system causing  anxiety and panic, For some re-activating their childhood trauma as children in a narcissistic family.

You feel the old vulnerabilities, the childhood deprivation, the raw fear.

All of this is particularly alarming since your narcissistic partner/spouse doesn’t give a damn about you or you well being. In fact he is incensed that you are ill and pulling him down. You are bad for his image. Having a partner who is not “Up” all the time is very unappealing. The flawless narcissists despises your chronic exhaustion and uses every opportunity to both deride and abandon you.

Slowly at times very slowly you begin to sense that you are moving through the exhaustion, feeling the beginnings of strength.  You do research and seek good professional help. With time and an inner resolve and connection with a few individuals whom you trust you know that in order to heal and restore your physical and psychological health you will need to move along your own recovery pathways that activate the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems, daily self care:  rest, sleep, excellent nutrition, hydration, Nature’s healing gifts, the use of your unique creative gifts, your form of spiritual practice: basic restorative yoga, stretching, gentle ancient movements of chi gong.   Another phenomenal gift of healing: listening to beautiful music that moves inside with its beauty and the promise of renewal, strength and transformation, the fullness of your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

High Level Narcissists – Masters at Re-Inventing Themselves

Creating and revising their biographies out of whole cloth is a special gift mastered by the high level narcissist.

The high level conjures up stories about himself and his origins. They paint an illuminated heroic picture of their beginnings including their ancestors. According to their stories they come through biological lines of extraordinary individuals: great thinkers, scientists, leaders, –everything about their family tree is special and unprecedented. As he  or she tells the elaborate tales they are very believable. There are stories of heroic deeds, fortunes made, great leaders and entrepreneurs, everything about this background is unparalleled. The high level has told this story so many times in different ways that it is automatic now with no need for memorization. Of course this is not the real history but this doesn’t matter to the narcissist. It is the glowing, grandiose narrative that enthralls others that matters not the simple truth. The narcissist believes his own fictional tale.

Along the way the high level creates and conjures special roles for his partner and spouse, making sure that this person fits perfectly with the impeccable image that he is constantly projecting.

These fictions become true biographical narratives are activated by the high level narcissist’s false self identity.  Rather than growing up identifying as a true authentic self, the high level narcissist, especially if he is a golden child, from the beginning is treated with the greatest deference, like a little prince or princess, superior to his siblings.  He is the golden one without flaw or imperfection.  As a result of being placed in this role there are no limits put on him or her. The golden one doesn’t have a sense of limits or psychological boundaries and lacks empathy to other family members and others with whom he associates. Yes, he is often very charming and convincing and gifted socially but this is a purposeful performance all part of his influence and power over others. No true conscience develops in these individuals. They are smart enough not to get caught but they lack empathy and are completely self focused  calloused and obsessed with their reaching the heights of power and control.  If the must manipulate others to achieve this, that works for them.  They place themselves, their self importance and sense of perfection at the top and look down on those who have not achieved their mastery of deception, manipulation and exploitation.  They are always reaching for the next summit and as they rise and move up, deserting others whom they have used to maneuver to the top.  These are ace competitors who will do anything to win!!!

Those who are partnered with or married to these ultimate exploiters has caused you incalculable psychological, emotional and financial harm over many years. Your mind is very discerning and you have done extensive research on the narcissistic personality and know that it is not possible to have genuine relationship with a narcissistic personality.

The wise intuitive voice inside of you makes it clear that the narcissistic personality is not inclined to change despite all of your efforts and your loyalty.

After a complex and long process you are awakened and know that you are entitled to expressing yourself freely, to experience solitude and inner peace, deserving respect and empathy and the use of your many creative gifts.

You are moving forward along the pathways of psychological transformation and the fulfillment of your unique individuality.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Marriage to High Level Narcissist – From Dream Come True to Nightmare Scenario

You were chosen by the high level narcissist because you fit his/her specifications as the perfect partner.  You are bright, socially savvy, quite attractive, magnetic, empathic. You shimmer inside and out.  You make people feel comfortable; they trust you. If the high level had used a formula for the right partner—you came up as a royal flush.

You filled in all of the high level narcissist’s deficits; you humanize these cold, calculating, controlling, false self individuals.

The early years were inspired by a kind of beautiful scent, a magic elixir. You found the high level enchanting and compelling.  Bright, very attractive, in command of himself and others, you said Yes to this irresistible promise of having your dreams and wishes fulfilled. This is the script of the high level narcissist who despite not having a scintilla of empathy is “gifted” at pulling us into his world without limits.

When you look back now you remember the clues, the signs, the giveaways that were telling you that this person was disingenuous, a gifted liar, a double dealer, an unrepentant manipulator and exploiter. You found out that you were disposable and  interchangeable. He is without loyalty or mercy. It’s all about him/her. That’s the immutable truth.

Now after many years of psychological and emotional abuse, too many ugly wrenching scenes, abandonment, you are coming to a point of decision.

Each day you feel a bit more tired, dragging yourself around, forcing yourself by will and guilt to perform in your work and personal life.

Your body is lethargic and heavy feeling; your energy is sapped, your thoughts are gloomy even morose, an endless loop. At night you dread the sleep that will not come. And when it does you are subject to horrific nightmares – being chased down dark filthy streets, trapped in an accelerating elevator, feeling the hot breath of a menacing animal staring you down. These nightmares have started to repeat themselves. You are getting messages from your wise unconscious which is speaking the truth when you are sleeping and don’t have access to your defense mechanisms of denial, repression and rationalization.

You are being contacted by your deepest self, making every effort to get your attention through powerful dreams images. These dreams are so real that when you awaken you believe for a while that you have been awake and that these chimeras of the night are true.  In a clear sense they are. Dreams are messengers from the unconscious, the fountain of wisdom.

This is a time of awakening, a time for you to practice self regard and the care of your psychological, emotional, physical and spiritual health.

You make this a priority.  Get the rest and sleep that you need. If you have problems sleeping, rest. Be unjudgmental about any difficulty sleeping. Resting is a powerful way to relaxation, calmness, acceptance and love of self. Good nutrition organic food if you can, quality hydration,  movement and exercise that works for you: stretching, basic yoga poses, walking, dancing, spending time with Nature, expanding your creativity in every form it takes for you. A spiritual practice, meditation and prayer the way you define this. Be unjudgmental and kind with yourself.

You feel the power and energy of your authentic original self as you move forward along your unique pathways.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

 

Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply

You have been a primary resource of ego supply to the high level narcissist: adulation, praise, loyalty, creative collaboration.

Beneath the extreme confidence, self entitlement and charm, the high level narcissist is an individual who is constantly in need of keeping his ego fully inflated. High level narcissists create a golden circle of followers and admirers  who provide them with constant re-circulating adoration, obedience,  monetary rewards that raise them up on the power food chain.

High level narcissists choose partners and spouses who increase the attraction and fascination that others have toward them. A socially skilled charming sophisticated partners is an invaluable part of the high level’s appeal and cachet.  High levels choose spouses who burnish their image, are gifted socially and add to the perfection of the high level’s impeccable image.

For the high level narcissist you are an object who fulfills his/her needs, wants and expectations.  Your perfect performance is expected.

The high level is cunning and has a gift for knowing your psychological vulnerabilities and deep wishes.

He/she uses these skills for purposes of control and manipulation.  High levels offer a series of carrots and sticks to mold and manipulate their partners. If you sufficiently please the narcissist you are rewarded; if you move independently you are rebuked, treated with disdain—thrown out of paradise. Many married to high levels tend to be people pleasers which started in their family of origin.

For some partners to high level narcissists it is the exciting and easy lifestyle that is so appealing. You feel special when you can go through your days and have everything taken care of,  it is so smooth, exciting, expansive. You feel like you can have anything you want because you are connected with the magic of the narcissist. This is your delusion and denial of his/her true nature.

Behind closed doors the story turns ugly. You become the object of the narcissist’s vile projections, criticisms, humiliations. It is stressful and exhausting to be treated in this manner for so many years, even decades.

You have spent time researching the narcissistic personality, thought carefully about the stress you are under and know intuitively that this narcissist is not going to change.

You have many insights and  decide to move forward along your own pathway—that you deserve to pursue your unique creative gifts, to go through your days with a sense of inner peace, appreciating and acting upon your individuality. As you practice self care each day you learn to access the calming restorative part of the nervous system,  the parasympathetic. Physical, psychological and creative energies are renewed. You have come back to your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.