High Level Narcissistic Golden Child

Quoting from my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life:

“In many ways, the birth of the future narcissist is a second coming, the fulfillment of all the hopes and dreams of the parents.  This child is the chosen one…In a family of several children, the golden one(s) is picked for his/her handsomeness/beauty, charm and magnetism, intellectual prowess, artistic talent or some combination of these qualities. In some instances, the budding narcissist is an only child or first child, the focus of attention in the household. A common message communicated by the parents is “everything we do is for you—you are the center of our world.”

The budding narcissist never learns about frustration tolerance since he/she always gets his way.  Similarly, he doesn’t fully develop a conscience since he is never told “No” or taught to respect others, to care about them, to not participate in immoral deeds.

The growing narcissist is allowed to and say whatever he wants all the time.

He feels that there is nothing that he cannot do. The future narcissist never achieves a true separation from mother and  or father, nor does he acknowledge prohibitions on anything that he wants or chooses to do. Psychologically he remains a small child, behaving as if only his wishes matter. Mother’s or father’s constant mantra of success and winning resonates in his ears,  Slowly and surely, he is indoctrinated to believe that he is superior. The high level narcissist spends his life convincing others of his greatness.

Understanding the true nature and origins of the narcissistic golden child provides you with valuable knowledge for identifying these individuals and developing a deep wisdom about human nature.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

The Power of the High Level Narcissist’s Charm

To protect ourselves from the incredible charm of the high level narcissist it is essential to understand the nature of his/her gifts of beguilement and persuasion.

Quoting from my book Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life paints a clear picture:

“The high-level narcissist is gifted at radiating immense charm when he/she chooses. This magnetic indefinable attribute is invaluable to all human beings. Charm is an energy, a vibration, a contagious optimistic state of mind. Charm beguiles; it can seduce us to do almost anything. The expression “pouring on the charm” has a truthful ring. It is a magic elixir that sets us soaring.”

It is easy for us to get swept up in the enchantment of the high level  narcissist’s charm.  Often these individuals are quite attractive, they are very confident, so sure of themselves. They pay us just the right compliments, make us feel larger and more significant that we feel inside.  We are quickly under the spell of the high level.

In this state we forget for power of our perceptive mind and move along the swift tide of fancy, unfulfilled wishes and the magic of knowing that we can be and have anything we want.

The high level with this magic puts us in a kind of trance that removes our doubts and fears. The high level is making us believe that we can be and have anything we want—at this moment.

Those who hitch a ride on the high level narcissists merry go round are in for a rough ride.

Behind closed doors with the hl narcissist the ugly, cruel, vile shadow of the narcissist is revealed in full.  You are the recipient of the primitive projections, recriminations, humiliations of our partner.

The hl imposes his iron grip of control on you —-insisting that your mirror him or her perfectly.  You are victimized and betrayed cruelly.

The high level’s act is so seamless that those outside of your partnership would never suspect that you are involved with such a cruel, controlling, lying, raging person.

Many of you have sustained this form of high level  narcissistic abuse for years and decades.

There is a time of awakening when you both recognize the true nature of the high level narcissist and know that you can and must separate from this highly abusive individual. You are reclaiming your rights to grow, thrive and evolve according to your own

Deep wisdom and respect for your incredible individuality together with your many unique creative gifts.

You move forward along your own pathway. Be proud of yourself for your perseverance, psychological and emotional stamina and spiritual strength. What an accomplishment!

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Elite High Level Narcissists Do Not Awaken from Their Delusions of Grandeur and Omnipotence

We have an immense population of high level narcissists.  Our narcissistic society gives them huge passes especially if they hold wide and deep swaths of influence and power

Don’t try to wake up a high level narcissist from their slumber of intractable delusion and extreme self-entitlement.  They will scream in your face, shame you, mercilessly punish you with endless vile projections.

The high level narcissist has been lost in the desert of non reality throughout all of his years. This is particularly the case if he or she is the golden child. From the beginning this kid was selected as the special chosen one who symbolized the perfection, brilliance and promise of his parent(s).  He is a miraculous child, a demi deity, who,  from the beginning was venerated like a prince, princess, queen or king.

As a very young child this individual was not required to think of the welfare of others, how his or her presence was having a positive or negative effect upon others. The budding narcissist was given the run of the family, allowed, even encouraged to act out in the most outrageous ways. Cruel and mean, this little narcissist didn’t develop a working conscience or genuine empathy.

Rather the narcissist was encouraged to fulfill his wishes and desires without limit.

The elite from the beginning does not develop a sense of shame over committing a cruel act on another.

The golden boy or girl elite high level narcissist is so over entitled that their sense of self becomes pathologically inflated and highly delusional.

The mother and/or father of the narcissist continues to defend this individual regardless of his ugly cruel behaviors, betrayals, empty promises, habitual lies, double dealing.

In this zeitgeist of toxic pathological narcissism the elite golden boy or girl fits smoothly in the environments of extreme self-indulgence, an obsession with the perfection of one’s external environment and person, the frenetic search for “the best” whether this is in the form of exotic escapes, opulent lifestyles among the crème d’ le crème of society.  Elite high level narcissistic must have more’s wander the earth in a never ending fever of hunger and satiation.

There is the preciousness of your warm human heart that lifts you from the pain and dreariness of childhood wounds. This is the direction you are taking: authenticity, imagination, your creativity, the exquisite beauties of nature and art, the gift of inner peace, the quieting of the winds that reveal your essence, your sacred individuality.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Despicable Greed of High Level Narcissists

Today we are surrounded by countless greedy narcissists in a society that has become exceedingly materialistic, coarse, Darwinian, soulless.

There are outstanding exceptions in high consciousness individuals who are psychologically and emotionally evolved, with fine characters.  These are transparent, without act or artiface – No false selves. It is so comforting to know these people of the truth who are wise, transparent, kind with conscience. They can neither be bought nor compromised.

The high level narcissist is all act: false, cunning, acquisitive and very greedy.

Psychologically empty inside, he is always searching for more while he treats others without mercy or respect.

The greediest are the haves, the have mores and the have mosts always in an acquisitive state that feeds their hungry egos. They go after what you have – investments, properties, residences, businesses, valuable possessions, trusts, works of art.

They feed off of your creativity and steal your projects. – all the while leading you to believe that they are collaborating and contributing to your success.

Narcissists are never team players. This is a pretense, a strategy a ruse, a well honed act to gain your trust and ultimately to control you and the products of your unique creativity.

No matter how much they have for the high level narcissist it is never enough. The fever of acquisitiveness rises with every acquisition. You cannot win with these individuals if you stay partnered with them unless you are willing to become their psychological prisoners and forfeit your individuality, your unique gifts and your inner peace. Some of those who remain aligned with the high level narcissist are in a state of permanent delusion.  They have fused with the narcissist and unable to extricate themselves from this psychopathological state.

The high level narcissist doesn’t care if you are left with nothing. They get what they want, discard you and move on to the next shining prize.

High level narcissists get away with their dirty despicable greed.  Many in today’s society applaud them or turn a blind eye to their multiple cruelties.

There is hope and redemption with those who remain steady in their grounded fine characters, steady and rising in their creative gifts. We find them along the road less traveled, the pathway of the authentic self that speaks to you each day. Listen to the voice of your intuition.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

High Level Narcissists Demean those below their social class

High level narcissists are so taken with themselves, believing they are superior human beings.  This is often based on their accumulation of wealth, possessions, circles of influence.

They are unable and unwilling to acknowledge that someone who is not in their social class has intrinsic value as an individual.

High level narcissist, lost in permanent delusion, a lotus eater, a consummate pleasure seeker. Rather than deal with difficult issues or the consequences of his cruel deeds the high level narcissist adopts a pattern of escaping, buying, brokering, deal making, a lifestyle of bold acquisition.

The high level narcissist does not go deeply inside himself to seek a higher consciousness or offer comfort, solace or kindness to others.  The high level  is greedy, always wanting something for himself, even if it belong to someone else.

High level narcissists can be extremely cruel and demeaning to those who are not in their social class, their golden circle. They truly believe that they have “made it” and are superior to you because they have a level of wealth and social power that you do not possess.

The high level looks you over and finds you wanting, especially if you are lower class. You clothing looks cheap – Maybe you only have one change of clothes.  Your shoes are inexpensive, even second hand,, Your hair is clean but not cut expertly or shining with highlights and shimmering curlicues.

You are intelligent, well spoken, a voracious reader, deep thinker and thoughtful. None of this matters to the hl since you don’t make the grade in your physical appearance, nor did you attend the right prestigious schools, or grow up in high society neighborhoods.

It is outrageous to think that an individual like this gets away with being so deluded and horribly cruel and incredibly ignorant.

The dismissive cold look directed at you by one of these despicable people is meant to cause you deep shame.

Will you don’t respond to these regressed, inappropriate, cruel behaviors.

You have a very clear sense of who you are, an authentic person of value, integrity, creative gifts who is evolving psychologically, creatively and spiritually.

Be proud of yourself for your tremendous qualities of discernment, a deep knowing about what is truly real and valuable.

You find those who, like you are on the road less traveled, a fine pathway that leads to your transformation and evolution as an individual.

Great work!

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

High Level Narcissists Cause You Perpetual Extreme Exhaustion

You have always thought that when you get very tired, even exhausted, that sleeping and resting would bounce you right back to your vital energy.This has worked for you in the past; not now.

Year after year, decade after decade you have remained married to and partnered with the high level narcissist. There have been so many perks to this union: trips, treks, lovely residences, socializing with the brightest and most successful.  You knew how to make your partner shine in these venues.

You are his/her greatest asset, narcissistic supply. You are bright, attractive with a perfect appearance, phenomenal manners, socially sophisticated, able to talk with anyone and make them feel terrific about themselves.

You have been the “fixer” throughout this marriage, the one that knows how to smooth over your spouse’s most awkward, rude and callous behaviors.  You were always there to set things right.

With a full career of your own, you made invaluable contributions to your spouse’s professional and social image.  You introduced him to influential individuals, contacts that are directly linked to his climb to success.

Your exceedingly demanding roles throughout the marriage have taken a psychophysiological toll. Within the last year you have noticed that you are not springing back from your spouse’s endless rage fests, cruel recriminations, litanies of lies, accusations, humiliations.

You feel exhausted now in a different way; it is deeper and unrelenting. Even when you rest, you sense you have few or no reserves.  What is happening to you?  It is a possible that your oxidative stress has reached a very high level. It is possible that you have HPA axis disorder (hypothalamus, pituitary, adrenal) a dysregulation of hormones that causes a variety of symptoms including unremitting exhaustion, insomnia, digestive disorders, mood swings, blood sugar imbalances, difficulty getting up in the morning, complete lack of motivation.  (There can be many reasons for these symptoms)

Pay attention to the signals you are receiving from your body/mind. Listen to your intuitive messages.

Your high level narcissistic spouse is causing you extreme chronic distress.

You are entitled to down time, rest, sleep, nourishing food, gentle movement when you can, good hydration, ways of comforting yourself – listening to books, reading for enjoyment and distraction, listening to beautiful music. Pay attention to your inner wisdom not the narcissistic spouse.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

The Malicious Hypocrisy of the High Level Narcissist

Many people are so taken with the compelling, thrilling, seductive self image of the high level narcissist that they are incapable and unwilling to perceive these malevolent individuals for who they truly are – vile exploiters of those whom they psychologically and mentally control. With cunning, a contagion of charm and promises of worldly success, the high level narcissist moves through his/her days with ebullient confidence.

Their delusions of grandeur and perfection are seamless. Their upward trajectory can be explained by their obsession with self aggrandizement and lack of conscience. Now they are very clever when they go over and through moral issues that could mar their perfect personas.

They make sure that someone else is always blamed – often an associate or marital partner who doesn’t understand how virulent this personality is.

They do not suffer the burden of conscience. This work for them so well.  Conscience requires a lot of work. It involves thinking about the welfare of others, making sure that we are making moral decisions.

This does not exist in the repertoire of the high level narcissist. Their obsessive focus is always themselves, what they are entitled to have, whom they will control, how much money and power they will acquire, how they will defeat their enemies – real and imagined, while maintaining an impeccable persona.

Having morals and a fine solid character do not apply to high level narcissists.  These individuals are superbly over-entitled. They defy the rules – these apply to others whom they view as inferior in every way.

A quote from my book: Freeing yourself from the narcissist in your life summarizes these qualities:

“The narcissist has an incredible sense of self-entitlement. Everything is about him and belongs to him. He smoothly oversteps the personal boundaries of others, mistreating, devaluing and humiliating them to bend them to his will and his desires.”

As a result of your research and clear intuitive sight you see through the false personas, the true nature of the hypocritical high level narcissist.  Whether you are the child of a high level narcissist or have been married to or partnered with one of them, you have opened your pathway to rediscovering the gifts and boons of your original true self.

Give yourself credit for your perseverance, courage, your strong belief in yourself, your mental and psychological stamina. Focus on yourself and movement into the restorative, calming pathways of the parasympathetic of self care and the full use of your unique creative gifts.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Can You Say “No” to Elite Narcissist’s Seduction Offensive

From my book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life: “The high-level narcissist marches through his many geographies, conquering new territories, multiplying his limitless control of the outside world and the lives of those who touch his…The supernarcissist assesses each subject’s worth to him.  He plays upon their proclivities and weaknesses.”

Irresistible charm, charisma  external façade is flawless, impeccable, of the finest taste. There is a polished, finely finished look to the high level narcissist who spends inordinate times on his/her external image. For the high level narcissist, image is his reality.

The high level fuses with you psychologically and emotionally convincing you that you are the special chosen one they have always sought and finally found.

Sensual/sexual palpable energies  exuded by the high level narcissist. Those who are infatuated with these individuals fall under their spell and have a very difficult time, freeing themselves.

When things go wrong as a result of the narcissist’s chronic lying and deceptions, the high level cleverly devises a new, exciting detour for you to take with him or her. They keep you constantly distracted, especially those who lead glitzy lifestyles of glamour, power and riches.

You get to a point of recognizing that you as an individual have been lost to yourself, you represent and symbolize the magnificence of the high level narcissist.  You have come to a time of reckoning, a truth moment.

Can you now say “No” to the high level narcissist and regain your true authentic self. You are not an image; you are genuine. You are not obsessed with raw power and the accumulation of wealth for its own sake.

You can and will say Yes to your original self, the promise of the person you are and were meant to be. Come home to yourself, celebrate your unique creative gifts, the freedom and independence of your true nature, the promise of your original self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

Embrace Your Individuality

You knew that you were different from your family of origin. They insisted that you obey and conform. Many of you did because of the threat of punishments, shaming or recriminations. Despite intimidations you forged your own pathways in your mind, knew that you were unique, not part of this family, often narcissistic parents, and quietly took your own counsel.

Growing up in this family was very difficult and complex. But you forged ahead, sometimes slowly, feeling that you were in a trap and not knowing how to rescue yourself. Always you followed the light of your consciousness and paid close attention to the messages of your intuition which protected and inspired you. Sometimes there were a few individuals who understood and respected your individuality and encouraged your pursuits.

These are the qualities of the wonderful individual that you are:

Spontaneity, a unique genuine response to ourselves, others and our internal and external environments. The ability to express a variety of emotions including  joy, humor, sadness, compassion, awe.

Deep appreciation of Beauty, a source of inspiration and healing. We find beauty everywhere:  in the natural world, in the inner core of others,  in your spiritual practice (as you define), in Nature: the magic of the changing  seasons, the phases of the moon, the rhythm of the ocean’s waves, the tiniest bird’s nest, the beavers’ magnificent dams, great Art and Music that lifts you up and inspires you, inspires us, mystery and power of your spiritual practice as you define this,

Unleashing your creativity: remember who you are and are becoming.  What form does this take for you: sketching, painting, unedited writing,

Maintaining your strength and stamina: sleep, rest, eat nourishing food, movement and exercise that works for you. You are evolving; be kind with yourself!

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Children of Narcissistic Parents – Living in the House of Desolation

The child of the narcissistic parent has been psychologically abandoned.  He/she lives not in a home but a “house of desolation.” This word originates from the twelfth century and essentially means devastation and hopelessness.

The baby and small child needs a deep meaningful and warm connection to the parenting figure to thrive psychologically.

Children of narcissistic parents may have their physical needs met but are starving for warmth, attention, kindness, understanding, positive attachment. Some children suffer from both physical, mental, emotional and financial deprivation.  Many were never wanted. Others were created to enhance the narcissist’s false self image and ego supplies for the narcissistic parent.

I hear from children of narcissistic parents. They have been through painful and complex ordeals. They speak of the cold cruelties of the narcissistic mother and/or father. They were exploited and abused, treated like objects, servants to their maternal and fraternal masters.

The house of desolation is not a home. It may have all of the accoutrements: the space, pleasant surroundings, comfortable ambience but beneath the material objects there is no vital core of human warmth or meaning here.  Some children are born into impoverished circumstances with narcissistic parents and suffer from many levels of narcissistic abuse and privation.

It is remarkable how these children who grew up in the houses of desolation coped and dealt with the cruel and ugly psychopathology of the narcissistic parent. Many learned how to hide in plain sight, went to Nature as an escape to Beauty, traveled to storied magical places with their imaginations, taught themselves how to paint and draw to create new visions of reality, sought spiritual avenues of meaning and solace, learned that movement and exercise through sports and dance built their stamina and deep inner strength.

Prominent British writer Rudyard Kipling was abandoned at the age of six along with his three year old sister Trix by his parents. Mother and father without the slightest announcement after leaving India on a trip to London left their young children with strangers whom  they contacted through a newspaper article. The caretaker was a cruel, cold abusive woman and her disturbed son. For six long years they were left at the mercy of these pathological individuals.  The parents returned unexpectedly and gave no explanation for their abandonment, absence or return.  Kipling’s mother had relatives in London but chose to put her children in psychological distress with unvetted disturbed strangers. Kipling suffered deeply from this abandonment and betrayal. He used his incredible creativity through writing to survive this horrendous extended traumatic experience of parental abandonment, particularly by his mother.

Are you the child of a narcissistic parent who grew up in A House of Desolation. I give you tremendous credit for your authenticity, integrity, stamina, grit and creativity.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.