Marriage to A High Level Narcissist Re-Activates Childhood Toxic Shame

 

Growing up in a highly pathological family you experienced a deep shaming of the self since you were a very small child. You remember the feeling, so intolerable that  came over you when your narcissistic mother stared you down, pinched your tiny arm, screamed in her high pitched nasty voice that you were “worthless, despicable, a mistake of nature.” These moments are etched in every bodily system and each corner of your psyche. This shame has defined much of your identity as a person who has always felt like a fraud.

You wanted to hide and never return to this house. You made plans in your mind countless times. You conjured countless intricate plots: how you would leave, what time, how to go out unnoticed, what excuses to make that were believable. Even very little children are thinking of their escape plans only to realize that they are just to small to do this on their own. I remember one person who shared a memory at age three of looking down her street from a window, then following the plan in her mind only to realize that she was trapped and could not escape and was physically too little to manage her own rescue. With tears in her eyes she brought up this poignant memory.

Psychoanalyst Alice Miller identifies these children as Prisoners of Childhood. In a sense we are all captives of our parents. When we are very young we are vulnerable and at the mercy of our mother and father: their temperaments and dispositions, psychological and emotional stability, hidden and overt psychopathology. Children who grow up in these homes often feel deep shame about themselves.

Adult children of narcissists carry toxic shame into their marriages and partner ships especially if they are partnered with high level narcissistic personalities.  High level narcissists are shameless and without conscience. Don’t be fooled by their charming personas, their dynamism, magnetic qualities.

It doesn’t take long to recognize that you are married to a chameleon who can switch to any persona he or she chooses. It doesn’t take long for the narcissist to show his shadow side, that part of him or her that is single mindedly determined to control and manipulate you at every turn.

When you don’t comply and show independent of thought and action you are criticized, humiliated and shamed.  Narcissists are not insightful but they are cunning and can “read” your vulnerabilities.  They instinctively know that one of your weaker points is your residue of shame that you carry.  The high level uses this ruse to re-activate the feelings of insecurity and shame that you felt as a child.  They gain power over you as did your parents by pressing these tender psychological buttons that cause you to weaken and capitulate to those negative feelings about yourself.

After a number of years you finally recognize that you can no longer continue along this pathway. You spend time doing research about the true nature of the high level narcissist, a personality disorder that is not inclined to change. You begin to appreciate who you are as an authentic true self that is entitled to pursue your independence, unique creative gifts, a sense of inner peace, the fulness of your individuality. You learn to take very good care of yourself and to establish relationships of respect, trust, an exchange of ideas and personal transformation. Accessing the parasympathetic nervous system through many avenues: basic yoga poses, diaphragmatic breathing, listening to beautiful music, getting the sleep and rest that you deserve, being with Nature, the great healer, nourishing food, good hydration, exercise that strengthens and gives you a sense of vitality and well being, building a spiritual practice the way that you define it.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

 

Shameless High Level Narcissists Double Down on their Deceits and Manipulations

High level narcissists commit cruel deeds of deceit and exploitation throughout their self absorbed, venal, conniving, exploitive lives. Filled with an extreme sense of entitlement they believe that they are better, smarter, more talented, clever, creative than anyone else.

High level narcissists are condemned to a fate of never knowing the truth, incapable of compassion and love, the gift of empathy, an authentic understanding of their real self. They remain fake, hollow, barren, empty, false, lost, disengaged, bleak inside. Are they suffering you ask?  Not necessarily since they are “protected” by the defense mechanisms of denial, repression and projection.  Is it fair to you that you suffer and they don’t. Of course not. Do these high level narcissists change. NO! Can your love for them cause them to change? NO!  This perrsonality is very rigid and their titanium defense mechanisms work for them.  Do they fool a lot of people—YES, most of the time.

Does the high level narcissist get away with multiple cruelties, transgressions and betrayals? YES!

We live in an age of hyper-narcissism where the sins and transgressions are acceptable, overlooked by the many, known clearly by the few who seek the truth about the high level’s their innate nature.

As a spouse or partner or child of a high level narcissist, you have been psychologically and emotionally abused. You didn’t deserve to be treated with such disdain, deception, exploitation.

You have observed, researched, analyzed this narcissist for many years and watched while he or she deceived and discarded you countless times.

Now you are clear about this person to whom you have given a pass too many times. Your awakening is here, the moment of clearest insight holds steady, your body/mind is grounded this time to make the decision to quit this non relationship and to redirect your energies, talents, inspirations, warmth, empathy to yourself where it belongs.

Now you have respite, calm, solitude that you deserve. This is where you belong. The beauties of Nature await your presence and participation,  Remember self care each day: rest, sleep, hydration, nutrition, movement and exercise your way, music’s magic.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Protect Yourself from Unrelenting Exhaustion Caused by Marriage to High Level Narcissist

Protect Yourself from Unrelenting Exhaustion Caused by Marriage to High Level Narcissist-

You can’t fall asleep at night; you are anxious, your mind is racing. You listen to your thoughts and wonder when you will get respite. Morning comes and you face exhaustion as if you had been up through the night. Exhaustion has a pain of its own, a feeling of weakness that can seem unending. Finally you face the day and wonder  if your strength and stamina will ever return. It is very difficult for those who have not experienced this level of exhaustion to understand. This is way beyond tired or worn out.

 

Your gut is out of whack. You are distracted and miserable most of the time.  On top of this is the dark presence, the horrific shadow side of the high level narcissist.  What you know for sure is that eventually he or she will start screaming at you, picking you apart in a low voice filled with derision and mocking. One of his/favorites is humiliating you.  Humiliation is one of the worst sensations we can experience. It is intolerable; we squirm inside, we become small and want to disappear, to become invisible.  These cruelties visited on you by the high level are  a regular feature, sometimes daily, wearing  you thin, jangling your nervous system causing  anxiety and panic, For some re-activating their childhood trauma as children in a narcissistic family.

You feel the old vulnerabilities, the childhood deprivation, the raw fear.

All of this is particularly alarming since your narcissistic partner/spouse doesn’t give a damn about you or you well being. In fact he is incensed that you are ill and pulling him down. You are bad for his image. Having a partner who is not “Up” all the time is very unappealing. The flawless narcissists despises your chronic exhaustion and uses every opportunity to both deride and abandon you.

Slowly at times very slowly you begin to sense that you are moving through the exhaustion, feeling the beginnings of strength.  You do research and seek good professional help. With time and an inner resolve and connection with a few individuals whom you trust you know that in order to heal and restore your physical and psychological health you will need to move along your own recovery pathways that activate the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems, daily self care:  rest, sleep, excellent nutrition, hydration, Nature’s healing gifts, the use of your unique creative gifts, your form of spiritual practice: basic restorative yoga, stretching, gentle ancient movements of chi gong.   Another phenomenal gift of healing: listening to beautiful music that moves inside with its beauty and the promise of renewal, strength and transformation, the fullness of your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

You can’t fall asleep at night; you are anxious, your mind is racing. You listen to your thoughts and wonder when you will get respite. Morning comes and you face exhaustion as if you had been up through the night. Exhaustion has a pain of its own, a feeling of weakness that can seem unending. Finally you face the day and wonder  if your strength and stamina will ever return. It is very difficult for those who have not experienced this level of exhaustion to understand. This is way beyond tired or worn out..

You are distracted and miserable most of the time.  On top of this is the dark presence, the horrific shadow side of the high level narcissist.  What you know for sure is that eventually he or she will start screaming at you, picking you apart in a low voice filled with derision and mocking. One of his/favorites is humiliating you.  Humiliation is one of the worst sensations we can experience. It is intolerable; we squirm inside, we become small and want to disappear, to become invisible.  These cruelties visited on you by the high level are  a regular feature, sometimes daily, wearing  you thin, jangling your nervous system causing  anxiety and panic, For some re-activating their childhood trauma as children in a narcissistic family.

You feel the old vulnerabilities, the childhood deprivation, the raw fear.

All of this is particularly alarming since your narcissistic partner/spouse doesn’t give a damn about you or you well being. In fact he is incensed that you are ill and pulling him down. You are bad for his image. Having a partner who is not “Up” all the time is very unappealing. The flawless narcissists despises your chronic exhaustion and uses every opportunity to both deride and abandon you.

Slowly at times very slowly you begin to sense that you are moving through the exhaustion, feeling the beginnings of strength.  You do research and seek good professional help. With time and an inner resolve and connection with a few individuals whom you trust you know that in order to heal and restore your physical and psychological health you will need to move along your own recovery pathways that activate the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems, daily self care:  rest, sleep, excellent nutrition, hydration, Nature’s healing gifts, the use of your unique creative gifts, your form of spiritual practice: basic restorative yoga, stretching, gentle ancient movements of chi gong.   Another phenomenal gift of healing: listening to beautiful music that moves inside with its beauty and the promise of renewal, strength and transformation, the fullness of your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

High Level Narcissists – Masters at Re-Inventing Themselves

Creating and revising their biographies out of whole cloth is a special gift mastered by the high level narcissist.

The high level conjures up stories about himself and his origins. They paint an illuminated heroic picture of their beginnings including their ancestors. According to their stories they come through biological lines of extraordinary individuals: great thinkers, scientists, leaders, –everything about their family tree is special and unprecedented. As he  or she tells the elaborate tales they are very believable. There are stories of heroic deeds, fortunes made, great leaders and entrepreneurs, everything about this background is unparalleled. The high level has told this story so many times in different ways that it is automatic now with no need for memorization. Of course this is not the real history but this doesn’t matter to the narcissist. It is the glowing, grandiose narrative that enthralls others that matters not the simple truth. The narcissist believes his own fictional tale.

Along the way the high level creates and conjures special roles for his partner and spouse, making sure that this person fits perfectly with the impeccable image that he is constantly projecting.

These fictions become true biographical narratives are activated by the high level narcissist’s false self identity.  Rather than growing up identifying as a true authentic self, the high level narcissist, especially if he is a golden child, from the beginning is treated with the greatest deference, like a little prince or princess, superior to his siblings.  He is the golden one without flaw or imperfection.  As a result of being placed in this role there are no limits put on him or her. The golden one doesn’t have a sense of limits or psychological boundaries and lacks empathy to other family members and others with whom he associates. Yes, he is often very charming and convincing and gifted socially but this is a purposeful performance all part of his influence and power over others. No true conscience develops in these individuals. They are smart enough not to get caught but they lack empathy and are completely self focused  calloused and obsessed with their reaching the heights of power and control.  If the must manipulate others to achieve this, that works for them.  They place themselves, their self importance and sense of perfection at the top and look down on those who have not achieved their mastery of deception, manipulation and exploitation.  They are always reaching for the next summit and as they rise and move up, deserting others whom they have used to maneuver to the top.  These are ace competitors who will do anything to win!!!

Those who are partnered with or married to these ultimate exploiters has caused you incalculable psychological, emotional and financial harm over many years. Your mind is very discerning and you have done extensive research on the narcissistic personality and know that it is not possible to have genuine relationship with a narcissistic personality.

The wise intuitive voice inside of you makes it clear that the narcissistic personality is not inclined to change despite all of your efforts and your loyalty.

After a complex and long process you are awakened and know that you are entitled to expressing yourself freely, to experience solitude and inner peace, deserving respect and empathy and the use of your many creative gifts.

You are moving forward along the pathways of psychological transformation and the fulfillment of your unique individuality.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Marriage to High Level Narcissist – From Dream Come True to Nightmare Scenario

You were chosen by the high level narcissist because you fit his/her specifications as the perfect partner.  You are bright, socially savvy, quite attractive, magnetic, empathic. You shimmer inside and out.  You make people feel comfortable; they trust you. If the high level had used a formula for the right partner—you came up as a royal flush.

You filled in all of the high level narcissist’s deficits; you humanize these cold, calculating, controlling, false self individuals.

The early years were inspired by a kind of beautiful scent, a magic elixir. You found the high level enchanting and compelling.  Bright, very attractive, in command of himself and others, you said Yes to this irresistible promise of having your dreams and wishes fulfilled. This is the script of the high level narcissist who despite not having a scintilla of empathy is “gifted” at pulling us into his world without limits.

When you look back now you remember the clues, the signs, the giveaways that were telling you that this person was disingenuous, a gifted liar, a double dealer, an unrepentant manipulator and exploiter. You found out that you were disposable and  interchangeable. He is without loyalty or mercy. It’s all about him/her. That’s the immutable truth.

Now after many years of psychological and emotional abuse, too many ugly wrenching scenes, abandonment, you are coming to a point of decision.

Each day you feel a bit more tired, dragging yourself around, forcing yourself by will and guilt to perform in your work and personal life.

Your body is lethargic and heavy feeling; your energy is sapped, your thoughts are gloomy even morose, an endless loop. At night you dread the sleep that will not come. And when it does you are subject to horrific nightmares – being chased down dark filthy streets, trapped in an accelerating elevator, feeling the hot breath of a menacing animal staring you down. These nightmares have started to repeat themselves. You are getting messages from your wise unconscious which is speaking the truth when you are sleeping and don’t have access to your defense mechanisms of denial, repression and rationalization.

You are being contacted by your deepest self, making every effort to get your attention through powerful dreams images. These dreams are so real that when you awaken you believe for a while that you have been awake and that these chimeras of the night are true.  In a clear sense they are. Dreams are messengers from the unconscious, the fountain of wisdom.

This is a time of awakening, a time for you to practice self regard and the care of your psychological, emotional, physical and spiritual health.

You make this a priority.  Get the rest and sleep that you need. If you have problems sleeping, rest. Be unjudgmental about any difficulty sleeping. Resting is a powerful way to relaxation, calmness, acceptance and love of self. Good nutrition organic food if you can, quality hydration,  movement and exercise that works for you: stretching, basic yoga poses, walking, dancing, spending time with Nature, expanding your creativity in every form it takes for you. A spiritual practice, meditation and prayer the way you define this. Be unjudgmental and kind with yourself.

You feel the power and energy of your authentic original self as you move forward along your unique pathways.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

 

High Level Narcissists – Their Insatiable Greed and Manipulations

Human greed has been with us for tens of thousands of years. Greed is one of the great sins – the relentless pursuit of money, properties, luxurious possessions and the dark manipulations that are part of this game of pursuing more.  In society there are high level narcissists throughout history who have based the purpose of their existence on how much they could acquire and control. This is at the core of their being day and night.

Greedy high level narcissists are highly manipulative. With their obsessive need for more they plot and plan how they will exploit others, including  their spouses, ex-spouses, relatives, children, “friends” business associates.  Everyone presents an opportunity for the high level to use others to keep their ego fully inflated.

When the high level’s greed leads to tremendous financial success, this individual feels special and over entitled. He looks down on those who have not achieved his level of success. At the same time he burns with envy at those who have more money, wield raw power and material acquisitions. He watches every move of those who have become multi billionaires and is  enraged that they are climbing with such speed up the summits of extraordinary wealth. This motivates them to push harder each day, each hour. The high level plots his moves, finding devious ways he/she can take advantage of others who are more vulnerable whom he can manipulate and will bend to his will.

Greed is a primary driver for many high level aggressive narcissists.

Male and female high level narcissists pursue partners and prospective spouses who are well connected socioeconmically.  Heirs and heiresses are among their favorites. This is the perfect partner for one of these high stepping, wealth obsessed high level narcissists. They do deep research to find the precise individuals who can fit their specifications. This person must be very attractive, well educated, come from a family of wealth and high level social connections.

High level greedy narcissists are “gifted” at finding their way into these privileged circles.

Often attractive and handsome with magnetic charm, they engages the individuals on their A list of possible conquests. The high level knows exactly how to play people, make them feel unique and special, cater to their interests, passions, wishes and what make them tick. They know exactly how to flatter you with their words and charming non-verbals: riveting eye contact, appearing to be fascinated by everything you say and do. These are award winning method actor performances.

Many are enraptured by the high level narcissist and captivated they partner with and marry, these high climbers. Some time the partner has no idea that he or she is being manipulated and exploited. The narcissistic partner insists on using your assets and properties to finance their excursions into business deals. For the narcissistic personality what belongs to you is theirs. This financial arrangement can go on for many years. The exploitation is nonstop. When the greedy high level narcissist has acquired enough money is tired of the current spouse, he or she moves on to the next money making source.  It’s like gold prospecting. You strike gold, mine it out and then move on to the next possible gold rush. For the high level narcissist you are a commodity and resource that makes him very rich. You are interchangeable with others. If you don’t bring it forward he will easily find someone else. For the high level greedy narcissist,  everyone is expendable.

High level narcissists steal creative concepts and fully completed project if they think they can get away with it.  It isn’t a conscience that stops them, it is a cool calculation about whether they would be exposed and found out.  Otherwise straight ahead they move without a twinge of conscience.

If you are partnered or married to a greedy high level narcissist there is a time of reckoning of becoming awakened to the true nature of the narcissistic personality. You can no longer be exposed to their psychological and moral toxicity. You are exhausted from their taking advantage of you, financially, psychologically, emotionally, creatively and spiritually.

You stand firmly grounded on your individual wisdom and insight. Now you move forward along the pathways of the healing and restorative parasympathetic of self – care,  the fruits of your unique creativity, the beauty of your self expression, spontaneity, solitude of inner peace.  Give yourself tremendous credit for this journey you are making.  And always listen to your intuition, a divine gift.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply

You have been a primary resource of ego supply to the high level narcissist: adulation, praise, loyalty, creative collaboration.

Beneath the extreme confidence, self entitlement and charm, the high level narcissist is an individual who is constantly in need of keeping his ego fully inflated. High level narcissists create a golden circle of followers and admirers  who provide them with constant re-circulating adoration, obedience,  monetary rewards that raise them up on the power food chain.

High level narcissists choose partners and spouses who increase the attraction and fascination that others have toward them. A socially skilled charming sophisticated partners is an invaluable part of the high level’s appeal and cachet.  High levels choose spouses who burnish their image, are gifted socially and add to the perfection of the high level’s impeccable image.

For the high level narcissist you are an object who fulfills his/her needs, wants and expectations.  Your perfect performance is expected.

The high level is cunning and has a gift for knowing your psychological vulnerabilities and deep wishes.

He/she uses these skills for purposes of control and manipulation.  High levels offer a series of carrots and sticks to mold and manipulate their partners. If you sufficiently please the narcissist you are rewarded; if you move independently you are rebuked, treated with disdain—thrown out of paradise. Many married to high levels tend to be people pleasers which started in their family of origin.

For some partners to high level narcissists it is the exciting and easy lifestyle that is so appealing. You feel special when you can go through your days and have everything taken care of,  it is so smooth, exciting, expansive. You feel like you can have anything you want because you are connected with the magic of the narcissist. This is your delusion and denial of his/her true nature.

Behind closed doors the story turns ugly. You become the object of the narcissist’s vile projections, criticisms, humiliations. It is stressful and exhausting to be treated in this manner for so many years, even decades.

You have spent time researching the narcissistic personality, thought carefully about the stress you are under and know intuitively that this narcissist is not going to change.

You have many insights and  decide to move forward along your own pathway—that you deserve to pursue your unique creative gifts, to go through your days with a sense of inner peace, appreciating and acting upon your individuality. As you practice self care each day you learn to access the calming restorative part of the nervous system,  the parasympathetic. Physical, psychological and creative energies are renewed. You have come back to your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Leaving Your Narcissistic Parent Behind – Five Steps

Growing up as the child of a narcissistic parent is one of the most difficult and complex life histories a child can experience. The psychopathology of the narcissist is deep and daunting. As a baby and young child you were subjected to the full force of the narcissistic personality. Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist offers a clear picture of this fixed, personality: Narcissistic personality disorders are characterized by extreme self-absorption, lack of empathy, ruthlessness, incapacity for emotional intimacy, volcanic rage, chronic lying, deceit and exploitation… The narcissist lacks a conscience; his sense of right and wrong is determined by how clever he is at not being exposed or punished for his unethical, immoral and illegal behavior.

The narcissist believes he/she is superior to others. He has an overriding sense of self-entitlement…For the narcissist, everyone is disposable; one person is interchangeable with another. .He has neither a memory nor one scintilla of concern about the victims of his psychological crimes…Beneath the elaborate mask of a grandiose false self, the narcissist unconsciously experiences a deep, intractable psychological emptiness.

  1. Your restoration and healing begins with your deep research and study of the true nature of the narcissistic parent. Your understanding of the narcissistic personality provides you with psychological and emotional distance from this non parent.

You are taking the initiative to separate yourself from the narcissistic mother or father who was incapable of attachment, love, caring, warmth, empathy, protection or guidance. This is a foundational step for moving forward as a psychologically grounded individual.

  1. Children of narcissistic parents grow up with blocked emotions. Their feelings were stifled because it was psychologically dangerous to express themselves. When we squelch ourselves we cannot be spontaneous. We are constantly putting the brakes on our self expression. Growing up as the child of a narcissist we are required to tow the line, to model our reactions to the tune and timing of this distorted, demanding, derisive personality. Being in one of these homes is like what psychoanalyst Alice Miller call a kind of prison.  In her first book she named these children Prisoners of Childhood.

Now that you are in the process of awakening to yourself allow feelings to come through. When you feel laughter bubbling up let it blossom ; when tears form and fall from your eyes, let them flow. Spontaneous writing is a creative way of releasing feelings that are often hidden from the rational. Take a pen and pad or notebook and let yourself write whatever comes up without editing or judgment. This is an incredible tool of discovery and creative. Long hidden feelings, memories and thoughts come to consciousness and are expressed by you on the page. This is a part of the real you that has been hidden for a long time that is now being expressed in the most unique beautiful way.

3.    Recognizing that the deprivations and psychological abuse projected on to you was not your fault. You were the innocent child the victim of the narcissistic parent’s cruel, wanton projections. The cruel words and criticisms that you at times still hear inside of your mind were manifestations of your narcissistic parent’s psychopathology and had nothing to do with your true essence. You were on the receiving end as an innocent child who was blameless. Take this truth inside and let it resonate deeply within you.  Rest in knowing that you were an innocent, a precious child. Feel this deeply in yourself now.

  1. Practice self care each day. Make it simple and do it your way. Get the rest and sleep that you need . If you have trouble sleeping and falling back to sleep, rest.  Do not be judgmental when you have difficulty sleeping. Eat nourishing food, organic if possible. Hydrate well with pure water. Movement and exercise reduce stress, stretch our muscle and make us stronger with greater endurance. Spend time with Nature. Allow its beauty and mystery to captivate you in its magic. When we are engrossed in Nature in the moment we are healing and restoring ourselves.

5.Tap into your creativity each day. This takes as many forms as there are individuals. Think of all the ways you are creative: drawing, painting, sketching, sewing, cooking, baking, singing, dancing, chanting, gardening, all forms of writing, doing research on what fascinates, you, crocheting, knitting, sewing, quilting, photography, woodworking, ceramics, night dreaming, daydreaming, reveries.

And —Be Kind To Yourself!

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

High Level Narcissists – Ultimate Takers, Dissemblers

High Level Narcissists –Ultimate Takers, Dissemblers

High level narcissists are dissemblers, filled with patterns of deceit and corruption.  They conceal the truth from you at every turn. As the partner, spouse or child of a high level narcissist you can  only expect lies and purposeful obfuscation from these individuals.

Some of the things that the high level takes from you:

  1. Your inner peace and senses of solitude  – The high level narcissist is exceedingly demanding – high maintenance on your psychologically and emotionally. It is very difficult to feel relaxed and quiet when you are married to or partnered with a high level narcissist. Many of them are constantly in motion, moving from one activity to the next. They have unquiet minds that are continually demanding your attention, approval, praise and adulation.

2. They Eclipse the amount of time that you can spend in the calming, restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems where you experience healing and restoration. It is always about them; they are the center of the universe and expect you to be worshiping at their throne.

3. It is tiring to be married to a high level who must have his or her ego constantly fed with glowing approval. These individuals are completely bored with others, even their spouses and partners. They are disinterested with your creativity or intellectual pursuits.  They are bored and annoyed with those who possess clear independent thought.  They will steal your creative ideas and pawn them off at their own.

4. High level narcissists are dissemblers who despise the truth. Constructing elaborate lies and obfuscations are the methods that they use to continue to rise up to their over the top positions of power and influence.

5. High levels put untold pressures on you to compromise your well developed conscience.  They work on you to take the easy way through problems which involves lying by omission and commission. They may even offer you financial remuneration or unique gifts to turn a blind eye to ignore and reject your conscience. The pressure to go against your own fine character is often very pronounced.

6.High levels are envious of your creative gifts. Sometimes they lift your original concepts and exploit them for their own purposes. They never admit that they have taken something very precious from you. They don’t care about what they take as long as they fulfill their own selfish goals.

7.High levels wear you down with multiple humiliations that they know will compromise you psychologically and emotionally. If their vile projections keep you in a state of fight or flight day or night, that is your problem. You are to blame.

Ultimately you can never be your true self partnered with a high level narcissist.   They are incapable of developing meaningful, empathic loving relationships.

At a point of deep insight you decide to move forward as a separate individual, independent, free, creative, grounded, steeped in your own wisdom, psychological stamina, unique individuality.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.