Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply - The Narcissist In Your Life

Follow Your Vision-Not Your Narcissistic Parent

Some children know from the time that they are very young that their mother and/or and father does not have their best interests at heart. They have a prevailing feeling of dread, not being wanted, hypervigilence, fear, chronic distress, worthlessness, emptiness, always wishing and needing what never comes to them, a longing deep in the heart for someone who will hold them close, look in their eyes and say “I love you.”

The narcissistic parent use his/her children like commodities that are valuable or worthless to him/her. If you are the chosen one, the parent fixates on you obsessively—telling you about your specialness, your superiority, your intelligence saying:”You are better than all the rest, even my other children. Don’t tell them; that is between the two of us.” “I have always dreamed to have a child like you. You are going to be a powerful person who will succeed to the very top. You are brilliant and talented. I will always be here for you every step of the way.” This is the narcissist’s parent dream and vision of her child. She has put herself in the place of a god who will determine exactly how this special child will fulfill all of her needs, fantasies and high ambitions. All of her energy goes into making this happen. She neglects and abuses her other children. Her husband is a fixture, a non-person. Instead of growing in a natural direction that is real and authentic, this “privileged” child is being molded in every way to meet the narcissistic parent’s expectations. The parent lives through this child and in some cases has no other life of her own.

If you are not the chosen child you have had a very difficult time under the power of the narcissistic parent who is a tyrant. You are neglected, abused , dismissed, treated as unworthy. You are constantly found wanting in comparison to the perfect chosen child. You always come up short regardless of your many accomplishments, talents. Your empathy and humanity and compassion are considered weak and insignificant by the narcissistic parent. Victory—winning—vanquishing others, outwitting competitors–these are the traits that are revered in the narcissistic family. Forget conscience; it gets in the way of being first at the finish line. Caring deeply about others is an impediment, a waste of time and energy. These are the cold, cynical messages of the narcissistic household.

Some children who are discarded by their narcissistic parent, despite all of the obstacles and abuse, keep the flame of their individuality alive and their vision clear. They have a fierce persistence deep within them that says: “I am not my parent. I am different. I will not give in; I will not give up. I will keep going.” Your creative vision develops with you from the time of your birth. It begins with your uniqueness as individual—–mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. As you acknowledge this to yourself and manifest it in the way you lead your life, your vision will grow, deepen, become richer. Your vision is singular to you and at the same time it is universal. Share your vision with the world. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Sociopathic Narcissists-Psychological and Emotional Batterers

The sociopathic narcissist is predictably unpredictable. If you become engaged closely with this person you are in for a wild ride. This personality disorder uses all of his/her power to take over your life. He is the master of manipulation. Once you are under his/her control it is difficult to use your free will and make your own decisions. The sociopathic narcissist moves back and forth between a dynamic magnetism and a dark volcanic rage, intimidation and threats. Just when you think you’re having a lovely conversation with Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde creeps out of the shadows. He are startled by his presence, waiting for a show to drop or be thrown. These shifts remind me of the genius of Alfred Hitchcock films. He builds you to maximum suspense and terror. You’re hiding behind your eyes, your nerves are stretched, your gut is roiling. When you think the shower curtain will open, the body will fall, the birds will rip flesh to a bloody pulp, the master of suspense waits just long enough for you to let down——and then he pounces. Left off guard, you scream—that’s exactly what Hitchcock has programmed you to do. It’s one thing to have this as a movie experience on a Saturday night and another to be victimized by the Jekyll/Hyde treatment every day of your life. Sociopathic narcissists are psychological and emotional batterers. They have neither conscience nor mercy. You are either their puppet or they will find a way to disown, discard or even destroy you. Protect yourself by learning everything you can about their true nature and taking the steps to protect yourself.

First wake up and stay awake—this individual is a severe personality disorder who is not going to change—ever!!! As charming, pseudo empathic and convincing as they are, watch for their slimy underside—the shadow of an individual who purposely causes financial, emotional, psychological and even physical/health issues to others—especially spouses, ex-spouses, children, siblings. Use your powers of intuition and keen observation to recognize the sociopathic narcissist before you become ensnared by one. Walk right past the charm and empty promises, the irresistible persona, the dynamic vibration. If it looks too good to be true, it is. You will be getting constant cues about the true nature of this individual. Stay grounded within yourself. Maintain your personal power and honor your psychological boundaries. Pay attention to subliminal messages that are coming from the sociopathic narcissist. Steep yourself in solid information about the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

High Level Sociopaths in Positions of Power-Are You Married to One

There is a personality disorder spectrum from pathological narcissism to sociopathy. The kind of sociopath I speak of doesn’t personally attack another person with mortal physical force. From his point of view that would be absurd, ineffective and put him in prison. The high level sociopath destroys people slowly with pseudo empathy and feigned kindness. That is the demonic genius of the high level sociopath. He takes you into his confidence. Some people fall in love with these individuals and no matter what harm they have caused, continue to live with and defend them.

The high level sociopath is exceedingly narcissistic–self absorbed, exhibiting convincing pseudo empathy, personally magnetic, often very bright, cunning, cleverly exploitive. They wouldn’t be careless and impulsive to blow their elaborate persona of perfection, superiority or the misperception by others that they are “good people.” The high level sociopath operates to achieve his goals through his masterful control and manipulation of others. The high level sociopath is ultra confident. He has no limits. He is often seen as a business visionary. Some of these psychological predators accomplish a great deal in the world, building empires and fiefdoms that amass large fortunes. This is the public face and imprint that these high level sociopaths send to the world—their global image. This is a small fragment of their true nature. In private the high level sociopath operates in a different mode. He/she is cold, distant, enraged, hyper-perfectionistic and hyper-critical, autocratic and without mercy.

These individuals are the ultimate nightmare as parents. They are incapable of playing this role. Their children are used like chess pieces in a high stakes game. They don’t give a damn about how their small child is responding to them as long as the parent is in complete control of them. Some of these sociopaths discard and ignore their children, sending them off to full time nannies, boarding schools and military schools as early as possible. They want nothing to do with children other than using them to build up their image of a great father. In some cases these sociopaths choose a favored child that is groomed to become a part of his echo of perfection and power—this child becomes a strong source of narcissistic supply. The sociopath has huge bragging rights about the high achieving child he has created. Children who are not chosen for these special roles are thrown away, psychologically imprisoned, treated with extreme cruelty. If his children are not performing at the level he insists, some sociopathic parents abandon the entire family and re-constitute themselves with a new adoring spouse who has no clue about this form of psychopathology.

I am in communication with a number of individuals who unwittingly married high level sociopaths. They often have no clue that they are married to a person who is bent on destroying others in order to make it to the top.
The heady lifestyle that the high level sociopath provides for his puppet spouse is irresistible. Feeling financially secure, having anything at your fingertips that you desire, being seen as important and special—-all of these narcissistic supplies shared by the non-narcissistic spouse are very difficult to give up. Many spouses stay with the high level sociopath indefinitely despite the heavy toll that this partnership takes on them. Throwing in one’s fate with one of these vipers stunts your creativity, your capacity to become separate, to expand, deepen and grow psychologically and spiritually.

These sociopaths are all consuming. They suck out the creative and emotional oxygen from your life. You never have respite or peace. Sociopaths do whatever they want without any sense of consequences to the welfare of others. Everything is about their march to the pinnacle of power, the need to vanquish their many enemies, to morally compromise their close associates to bend to their will. Those who defy them are endangered psychologically and emotionally. These sociopaths are vengeful and never forget who has transgressed against their iron will.

If you are married to a high level sociopath, it is advisable that you sever this relationship—especially to protect your children. The sooner you make this move, the better. This person is not going to change—ever!
Apply your intuition, listen to your internal voices and act in your best psychological, emotional and spiritual interests. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

No One Can Destroy You Psychologically II

If you survived your childhood—and that is a very tall order for many abused, neglected and deprived children— no one can psychologically harm you.It usually takes most of us a number of painful experiences to come to this realization. After all what we had to do to remain alive emotionally and psychologically meant that we had to become invisible, pretend who we weren’t, cower in a corner and hope that we would not be hit, hide from our parents at friends’ houses, disappear into libraries to escape the horrors of home and fill our minds with useful intellectual information. Libraries become a place of refuge for many children. In books we enter a world of enchantment where we can be transported to other worlds and away from the constant psychological pain of our dysfunctional families.

Those who have suffered abuse and neglect often choose as partners, individuals who will continue these kinds of behaviors. We are drawn back to what was familiar to us,even though it made our lives intolerable. Many children learn very early that they are unworthy of kindness or empathy. They become inured to cruelty and neglect. As they grow up they unconsciously expect this kind of treatment from others, including prospective partners.

At some point victims of emotional and psychological abuse wake up. Maybe the last time of being humiliated and shamed and even struck in the face by a spouse or partner was the last straw. They say to themselves: “I will not take this kind of treatment ever again.” This time they mean it and begin their journey toward healing and wholeness. No one can harm or destroy you psychologically. Learn to appreciate that you are a valuable unique human being who deserves respect and the reciprocation of love and appreciation. Send this message to others who are still suffering and trapped in this old cycle of abuse. Your life has begun anew—Keep your light shining day and night. You deserve to live with a spacious calm mind, the reciprocation of love and friendship and deep inner peace. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers-Appreciate Your Uniqueness

Daughters of narcissistic mothers can spend years coming to the realization that they were raised by a woman who was a non-mother. Cold, manipulative, self-obsessed, vain, dismissive, hyper-critical, cunning, without conscience, deceitful—these are a few of the adjectives that describe the narcissistic “mother.” Psychologically, her breasts are permanently dry and unyielding—She cannot give sustenance to her little daughter. Her glance is vacant. There is no light in her eyes, no emotional contact–not a whit of tenderness. The narcissistic mother is a one woman show. She expects her daughter to adore her. She is at center stage, demanding applause. Maria Riva, daughter of the famous screen siren, Marlene Dietrich, in the memoir of her mother, talks about her role as servant to her mother. Maria was always at Marlene’s disposal day and night for all of her mother’s life. She arranged her clothing for special occasions, parties and even spent hundred of hours on movie sets where Marlene was working. Maria, the brilliant little girl, survived by mirroring the ultra-self-absorbed Marlene perfectly. She learned from her earliest days that that was what she had to do to survive. Maria was told secrets and observed behaviors between her parents which were traumatic, especially for a small child. Narcissistic mothers never think of protecting their children. The child is another narcissistic supply and an unpaid servant. Her individual being is meaningless and insignificant. Maria Riva is an excellent writer and her memoir is superb in illustrating the true nature of the narcissistic mother.

Daughters of narcissistic mother have to fend for themselves unless they are the chosen golden girl who is raised like a member of royalty. For the narcissistic mother, this child is the ultimate narcissistic supply. Many of the chosen daughters become narcissistic. The cycle of destructive narcissism continues through another generation. Unchosen daughters grow up to fast. They never have real childhoods. They are always either cowering from mother’s threats, criticisms or psychological and physical blows or hiding like an invisible ghost along the corners of mother’s life, hoping and praying not to be discovered.

The psychological identities of these daughters are obscured by the giant shadow cast by the narcissistic mother. One of the goals of these daughters is to go deep within, acknowledge who they are as individuals, validate their uniqueness, express it and celebrate their lives. Achieving this goal may require the help of skillful psychotherapy, participation in support groups, the close ties of friends. Creative pursuits that free up the daughter from her family of origin and a consistent spiritual practice in the way that you define this, are powerful ways to re-claim your individuality and expand and grow a solid sense of the authentic self. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Family Members of Narcissists-Abused-Discarded-Abandoned

The current societal climate rewards narcissists, especially high level ones, with stratospheric positions of power. Using their underplayed ruthlessness and a single minded focus they climb to the top by any means. Many in this culture worship economic status above personal character. It is fashionable even enviable to be a narcissist in some circles. Being overly full of oneself is expected—that’s called self confidence. Conscience is overrated. Why stay awake at night because someone who was naive was sacrificed for your benefit.

The painful destructive consequences to the personal lives of the narcissist’s victims don’t matter to a growing number in this culture. Children and spouses of narcissists pay a very high and often tragic price for being dumped and discarded. Narcissists never look back on their abandoned families. Once they are of no use, they cease to exist. Narcissists compartmentalize and have no real feelings of intimacy or compassion. With a whisper of conscience and a maniacal devotion to making money despite personal sacrifices of family members, the narcissist moves forward with warp speed, leaving misery, psychological devastation and tragedy in his/her wake.

Those who are left to put their lives together after the narcissist are psychologically bruised like soldiers who have been in the pitch of battle for years without respite. After the recognition and adjustment to being on their own, these brave warriors begin to reconstruct their lives. Their thoughts, feelings, inspirations, insights belong to them. No one is intefering with their mental processes or constantly criticizing them. They are free to make their own decisions and to seek those whom they can trust and who will facilitate their healing. Creating a life that is elegant in its simplicity, peaceful in its environment and embraces creativity, spontaneity, uses of the imagination and spirit represents the beginning of a renewed cycle of emotional and psychological growth. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Returning to a Narcissist? Choose Wisdom over a Child’s Wishes

You have been there so many times—the irresistible charm, being impressed with professional status, physical attraction, extravagant promises, a new life vision, unlimited possibilities, a wonderful powerful person with whom to share your life.

It is so tempting, remembering the peak times, the emotional highs, putting the ugliness in the background—forgetting chronic rages, demands for perfection, the wearing down and grinding down to exhaustion, the 24/7 demands, the deceits and betrayals, the bombardment of lies.

Much of the reason to return to narcissists lies in the unfulfilled needs and wishes of childhood of the narcissist’s victims.These needs and wishes are often forgotten or lie in the recesses of the unconscious. Some victims strongly feel that they don’t deserve to be treated with respect as a separate individual. They were never loved, accepted, experienced parental warmth. In some instances their parents were narcissists. Many of those who return to the narcissist are repeating this destructive childhood pattern.

No one person or persons can satisfy or respond perfectly to them. Eventually, many do the hard work of recognizing, accepting and repairing the psychological and emotional damage. As a result we are free from parental conditioning and become independent from the family of origin.
Awaken and choose wisdom and intuition as you move toward becoming separate, steady and strong. Take your life in your hands. Now you are free. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissist’s Secret Envy

Narcissists, especially those who are highly successful, appear to glide smoothly through life, taking everything they can. They cheat people and get away with it, lie at every turn, manipulate everyone in their circle, especially family members, psychologically harm the most vulnerable around them and still are not brought to judgment. If they are very high level narcissists most of those who venerate these highly entitled individuals give them a pass despite all of the pain they cause others.

With all of their professional triumphs, constant adulation and financial success, narcissists secretly envy what they perceive they cannot have. Envy is a feeling of unease that becomes an obsession of coveting another’s success, possessions, public image and importance. People keep their envies secret. Narcissists would never share these feelings with anyone. We see this envy in their blood thirsty competitiveness. If they are worth hundreds of millions, they seek billionaire status like their brothers and sisters in this special enclave. Many narcissists are all about money. I have had the displeasure of sitting next to a high level narcissist at a dinner event. Besides a running litany of self, he spent most of the evening talking about money—his status and power, how clever he had been at acquiring money and his grandiose vision for accumulating larger sums and multitudes of material possessions. Conversations with narcissists are always one way streets—they do all of the talking and bragging. You cannot get in a word without being rude. If you manage a half sentence, they will interrupt you and move back to their favorite topic—themselves.

Narcissists secretly envy what they cannot have. On an unconscious level they know that they cannot ever have an authentic relationship with anyone, even their own children. This obsessive need is played out in their chronic restlessness and frenetic acrobatics from one relationship to another. Narcissists crowd their lives with constant activity that will bring them an abundance of narcissistic supplies, particularly praise and adulation. Envy fuels the narcissist’s rage. If he loses an important contract that is feeding his narcissism or is overlooked for a power position he has prized, the narcissist flies into a fury. He despises and envies the individual who bettered him. The narcissist doesn’t have any real relationships. Empty, shallow and alone, he leads a counterfeit life, unable to create a warm meaningful connection with anyone.

Having people in our lives whom we can count on and care about us deeply, have our welfare uppermost in their minds and are supportive of our growth as individuals is invaluable—worth more than every possession, material acquisition and accolade that the narcissist ever received. His/her world is delusional and inauthentic.

Your daily life is a testimony to your personal healing and growth, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually in the way that you define this. As you leave the narcissist behind feel your heart open, sense your creative juices flowing and be grateful to yourself for all of your hard work done with great integrity.

Narcissist-Essential Parts Missing-Conscience-Insight-Compassion

The narcissist is an incomplete human being. He/she lives as a false self that is grandiose, extremely self entitled,deceptive and exploitive. Narcissists are deluded all of their lives and they cannot change. The narcissistic society rewards narcissists, especially those who are at high levels of power. Narcissistic elites rule by intimidation, social and business connections their extensive influence and their monetary power. Narcissist and ruthless have become synonymous terms.

Conscience, the capacity to distinguish what is right and wrong and to experience guilt when we have done harm to another is absent in the narcissist. These individuals do everything in their power not to get caught in their unethical and illegal deeds. Lack of conscience makes the narcissist’s movement toward his goals much easier. He/she doesn’t have to be concerned about the devastating effects of his misdeeds upon others. This includes family members: siblings, spouses, ex-spouses,children.

The narcissist lacks insight–the ability to examine and understand one’s inner mental process as well as the perception of others. Narcissists are incapable of introspection and lack insight. They live from an external perspective. Their image, the persona they project to the world, how much money they have accumulated, the power they wield over others—-these are their life priorities.

Above all the narcissist lacks compassion: “Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.” Narcissists have no compassion for their own children. Why would they care about any one else? They are consistently callous. There are exceptions when they are in the process of charming someone new in order to obtain power and control over a chosen victim. The spoils of these plots include monetary compensation as well as narcissistic supplies—praise and adulation.

One message I want to convey is that as much as you yearn for the narcissist to become compassionate, have a conscience and obtain insight–this is not going to happen, ever. The narcissist has a fixed personality disorder that formed early in childhood. The narcissist has no reason to change especially in this new age of narcissism which much of the population is striving to imitate.

You are a valuable unique individual. Follow your own path—forget what “society” is saying. What matters is the insights you are having every day. Keep faith with your self. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

LindaMartinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Narcissists-So Good at Making Spouses Feel Badly

I have had many communications with spouses of narcissists who have suffered emotionally and psychologically from these unions. Decade after decade they have stayed with these punitive often sadistic individuals. Why? for a variety of complex reasons. Some spouses have become so psychologically dependent on the offending spouse that they are afraid to leave. They worry about being alone. Often the narcissist has control over the finances and when the spouse asks for information, the narcissist flies into a classic rage. Narcissists don’t like being questioned. They are the rulers of their households.Spouses become uncomfortably accustomed to obeying to the letter their mates. As long as you are sharing you life with a narcissist, your world is fixed. You feel trapped. You try to distract yourself with movies, food, reading, frenetic shopping, casual friends. This works but only temporarily and there you are again staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night.

Reclaiming your life from the narcissist isn’t easy but it is worth it. Think carefully about all of your options. If you decide to sever your relationship legally, make sure you choose the finest attorney possible. Interview lawyers until you have found one who is highly experienced at family law and understands the tricks and games of the narcissist and their incredibly believable charm filled acts. Start thinking about the life you deserve to lead each day. Begin to calm your nervous system with relaxation, gentle yoga, aerobic exercise and meditation. Stay in contact with a friend whom you can trust (I’m talking about someone you can call at midnight and will be there for you). You are the author of your life—not the narcissist. As a result use all of your creativity, stamina, steadiness and perseverance to create the life that you deserve. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]