I have had many communications with spouses of narcissists who have suffered emotionally and psychologically from these unions. Decade after decade they have stayed with these punitive often sadistic individuals. Why? for a variety of complex reasons. Some spouses have become so psychologically dependent on the offending spouse that they are afraid to leave. They worry about being alone. Often the narcissist has control over the finances and when the spouse asks for information, the narcissist flies into a classic rage. Narcissists don’t like being questioned. They are the rulers of their households.Spouses become uncomfortably accustomed to obeying to the letter their mates. As long as you are sharing you life with a narcissist, your world is fixed. You feel trapped. You try to distract yourself with movies, food, reading, frenetic shopping, casual friends. This works but only temporarily and there you are again staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night.
Reclaiming your life from the narcissist isn’t easy but it is worth it. Think carefully about all of your options. If you decide to sever your relationship legally, make sure you choose the finest attorney possible. Interview lawyers until you have found one who is highly experienced at family law and understands the tricks and games of the narcissist and their incredibly believable charm filled acts. Start thinking about the life you deserve to lead each day. Begin to calm your nervous system with relaxation, gentle yoga, aerobic exercise and meditation. Stay in contact with a friend whom you can trust (I’m talking about someone you can call at midnight and will be there for you). You are the author of your life—not the narcissist. As a result use all of your creativity, stamina, steadiness and perseverance to create the life that you deserve. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life