Narcissists, especially those who are highly successful, appear to glide smoothly through life, taking everything they can. They cheat people and get away with it, lie at every turn, manipulate everyone in their circle, especially family members, psychologically harm the most vulnerable around them and still are not brought to judgment. If they are very high level narcissists most of those who venerate these highly entitled individuals give them a pass despite all of the pain they cause others.
With all of their professional triumphs, constant adulation and financial success, narcissists secretly envy what they perceive they cannot have. Envy is a feeling of unease that becomes an obsession of coveting another’s success, possessions, public image and importance. People keep their envies secret. Narcissists would never share these feelings with anyone. We see this envy in their blood thirsty competitiveness. If they are worth hundreds of millions, they seek billionaire status like their brothers and sisters in this special enclave. Many narcissists are all about money. I have had the displeasure of sitting next to a high level narcissist at a dinner event. Besides a running litany of self, he spent most of the evening talking about money—his status and power, how clever he had been at acquiring money and his grandiose vision for accumulating larger sums and multitudes of material possessions. Conversations with narcissists are always one way streets—they do all of the talking and bragging. You cannot get in a word without being rude. If you manage a half sentence, they will interrupt you and move back to their favorite topic—themselves.
Narcissists secretly envy what they cannot have. On an unconscious level they know that they cannot ever have an authentic relationship with anyone, even their own children. This obsessive need is played out in their chronic restlessness and frenetic acrobatics from one relationship to another. Narcissists crowd their lives with constant activity that will bring them an abundance of narcissistic supplies, particularly praise and adulation. Envy fuels the narcissist’s rage. If he loses an important contract that is feeding his narcissism or is overlooked for a power position he has prized, the narcissist flies into a fury. He despises and envies the individual who bettered him. The narcissist doesn’t have any real relationships. Empty, shallow and alone, he leads a counterfeit life, unable to create a warm meaningful connection with anyone.
Having people in our lives whom we can count on and care about us deeply, have our welfare uppermost in their minds and are supportive of our growth as individuals is invaluable—worth more than every possession, material acquisition and accolade that the narcissist ever received. His/her world is delusional and inauthentic.
Your daily life is a testimony to your personal healing and growth, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually in the way that you define this. As you leave the narcissist behind feel your heart open, sense your creative juices flowing and be grateful to yourself for all of your hard work done with great integrity.