Merciless, Greedy Narcissistic Spouse Cannot Love You

The narcissist is gifted at presenting an attractive, compelling, fascinating, convincing false self. It is very difficult to understand how this person who is so charming, bright and who appears to have fallen for you is incapable of truly loving another individual. The narcissist is “self” centered. Everything revolves around them. (This post refers to female and male narcissists). From the beginning the narcissist was playing a role. In some cases he was the Chosen Child–the Star, the Golden One, the Savior of the Family. In other family constellations the narcissist struggled to fit in with the rest of the family players. In order to win the childhood survival game, he developed a compelling, magnetic false self that drew people to him. He learned how to captivate others, almost like putting them under a spell. Especially if the young narcissist is physically attractive and bright and talented, he or she can develop the skills necessary to manipulate and control others. This begins within the family and moves outward into every region of the budding narcissist’s life.

Narcissists are ravenous for attention, praise, adulation and in many cases wealth and sources of power and influence. Deep down they are unable to form genuine relationships, including the role of a spouse in a marriage. They are so entitled and obsessed with self that others, including their spouses, only count as a source of perpetual veneration and praise. For the narcissistic spouse the husband or wife is a possession, a person to be molded to fit the perfect image that the narcissist has created for this individual.

Some of those married to narcissists spend decades in these highly constricted, abusive roles. They are kept in an emotional and psychological strait jacket. They live in delusion and fear, always checking in with the narcissist to make sure they are following his rules.

Those who are married to narcissists are possessed by them. They are tightly held with “rules” that are written in stone by the narcissistic spouse. There is no authentic love taking place in these pseudo relationships. In some instances the victimized spouse awakens to the knowledge that he or she is married to a serious personality disorder that is not going to change, that her life has been eclipsed, her creativity squelched, her sense of self abbreviated.

It is a profound awakening to know that the man or woman to whom you are married is incapable of loving you, of valuing you as a unique individual who deserves warm emotional and psychological reciprocation. With a narcissist, there is no give and take—They take greedily and mercilessly, leaving you in a weakened exhausted state.

Don’t wait for the endgame with the narcissist. Recognize this person for who he is—a severe personality disorder that is fixed like steel–impenetrable.

Turn to yourself–recognize and appreciate fully how genuine you are, how gifted and bright you are, the beauty of your warm open heart, your deep capacity for real love. Put your feet, head, heart and soul on your unique life healing, restorative pathway.

20 thoughts on “Merciless, Greedy Narcissistic Spouse Cannot Love You”

  1. Yes, as many of us learn more about our situation, giving a name and definition to what it is we are dealing with, we often are also faced with the realisation that we are codependants. It then becomes a requirement for us to go through painful learning and adjustments in our emotional lives and for the first time look to lean on ourselves. To become responsible for our own emotional well-being and to stop seeking validation outside of self. Thankfully we are in the age of the internet. Imagine how isolating and hard it must have been for those who came before us to find information and support!

  2. Tragic but true self absorbed parents and partners are not available for relationships that contain true empathy and emotional honesty.It is like a being invisible .Alice Miller wrote darkly about this in the “Drama of the Gifted Child”.The author is correct learning self care and acknowledge the lost years in trying to tear the wailing wall of indifference down. FIRST TRUST YOUR OWN INSTINCTS ,CREATE BOUNDARIES. LOOK TO NATURE AND THE ARTS TO HEAL.

  3. I entered into a family with a narcissist mother with 6 narcissist adult children . Every child has a role and for sure and a golden child is a daughter, whow is just lIke her mother . I had no idea what I was getting into . Im 20 plus years in a marriage and all of signs that are noted with this disorder is dead on . The mother has always interfered in all of her children life . Especially her sons . The Golden child does what they want wit out consequences . None of her children have stable relationships with their spouses. They are either divorce are on the verge of it and married and having outside relationships . Their mother has always encourage such actions especially with her sons . These people have absolutely no relationship with their children other than doing exactly what their mother did . There is a golden child in every family even mine but not on my account and in my eyes . I remarried with 2 children and had one within the marriage . I can see where his family tried to seperate my kids BUT it did not WORK ! I made sure of that . My kids are very close. The mother is currently sick after a stroke but she refused to help rehab herself 4 years ago , the golden child wrote a letter to all the siblings saying that the mother is first and each sibling life and their family becomes mute and everything will be surrounded around the mother needs . Ive been left sick at home , had surgery and left , kids programs missed , financial strain placed on my house hold when it’s not needed, the Golden child handle the money and a second sibling who is looked up to as better than the others . Basically these people have no family outside of that narcissist Mother and siblings. They put on a show every time she has to go to the Dr or hospital .they where raised to be better than others , inside family comes first only . They talk about each other and down each other but you wouldn’t know it because they play the perfect family. This mother still has control over her kids even though she can’t speak . She still hold family meetings and she chestize them if she thinks their not giving her total and primary care. Even though she doesn’t require 24 hour care medically , she demands it . The Golden child makes out a staying schedule but she’s not on it . The other sibling running things doesn’t stay in the state and isn’t on the sitting list . It’s totally crazy and unreal. They take off from work . The sad thing is that they don’t see their wrong . It’s a waste of breath and time to voice your concern of their behavior and your needs as a spouse , family and the noticing of their family home decaying . I have aged drastically since their mom became I’ll . I’m disabled myself so financially I’m not able to sustain on my own . All of our children are adults and that’s a good thing . I’m so ready to cut this off because it’s not getting better and I want to enjoy the rest of my life with some kind of peace !!!! I can write a book on this disorder .

  4. So eloquently described, yet while married to my husband of now 35 years I never knew exactly the what and who I married until he left me, walked out 2 years ago, without a clue or anything said then that he wasn’t happy in our marriage.

    My husband, a highly driven person, and introvert obtained all he wanted to do in his life, while I thoroughly supported every dream, goal and ambition he ever wanted to do.Now that he left, I assessed our marriage and am extremely angry still at not seeing what was clearly in front of me the entire 33 years while he and I lived together. With no remorse, apology from him, no contact either one of our sons, one of whom is mentally disabled, is not only stunning to those who knew us both, but to my divorce attorney and staff, because they think it is horrendous too.

    I gave up so many years of my life for someone who never loved me at all, nor our children, and feel I wasted so much of my precious years on this earth with a self-centered narcissist. Thinking it was only his ambition and slight arrogance, I put up with his belittling me, but have awakened to the fact that he never valued me as a person, who is bubbly, extroverted, creative, talented, and a genuine good person. I know now that he got this all from his own mother, who treated him and his twin brother like a burden to her, who never loved him, so he in turn couldn’t love me.

    My life is moving along, and have grown up so much since he abandoned me 2 years ago. Our divorce is now in full swing, and have hired my own attorney (but he texted me a few months ago saying attorney’s cost lots of money, and I could “consult my attorney” while the divorce proceeds) What does he think, I could just call up my attorney without paying her? A true, full-fledged narcissist at that.
    Wish me luck 🙂

  5. Good luck Deborah x Your experiences sound so similar to my own. I was also staggered after separation that I had given every single part of me while being controlled, manipulated and abused by him. His abuse also extended to my family and dear friends. I did not know about any of it until we separated. He masterminded it all. I can describe it as being locked in a cold dark room, then someone came in opened the door and turned the light on. It took a long time for me to realise what he had been doing while I trusted him and listened to his every word, followed his ‘guidance’ and rules. I was absolutely blown away with the truth from my legal team. As everything filtered through my conscience it all began to make sense. I was really angry with myself as well. How could you be so stupid? How did you not see this? It didn’t help that the entire time my intuition was screaming, I listened to him instead! I stopped beating myself up a long time ago through Linda’s blogs and am forgiving myself. I don’t know if I will never truly heal from this experience though I have made massive leaps and bounds. My sense of humour has exploded! I had never sworn in my life before, now I let it rip! If my intuition is telling me something is off I follow it instead of trying to be polite or please them. I have learnt to keep things simple and am very lucky to work with dogs mostly rather than people! Linda’s blogs have been my saviour x Yoga has been inspirational for me, relaxation music or at times really loud music blasting every part of me. Animals,and nature are heaven for me. Mindfulness to reduce the whirlwind in your head and breathing. Sometimes I just have to wear myself out around the property, filthy dirty and covered in farmers friends. Do what you need to do to get through though self care is very important. I am still learning about self care and not great at it though when I take the time for self care I am able to manage the evil ex and his toxin much better. Wishing you great success, happiness, peace and love on your journey 🙂

  6. Niclole,

    Thank you for your support, and I to you too. Hind-sight is always 20/20, and we always wish we could go back in time and have a re-do in our lives. My marriage to my husband lasted eons too long, but I was also a “trapped” woman too, who didn’t work during our married life, but supported his entire life, raised our 2 sons-both who were in Special Education with many problems, and our youngest son is mentally disabled and lives with me. My husband obtained his Bachelor’s in Business, a Master’s degree from the Naval Post Grad in Information Technology, we owned a franchise together, and he also had a real estate brokerage that I helped him with too.

    As Dr. Martinez-Lewi has stated in her blog, that a marriage with a full-fledged narcisssist is “not a true union, but a business deal. These people feel nothing, and when you no longer fulfill their needs and supplies, they will discard you without notice” –which my husband did to me. But she goes on to say, “don’t blame ourselves, because we didn’t know”. That makes me feel a bit better, although I’m not sure how long it will take for me to recover and trust again. The damage we have been subjected to will take years to recover from.

    I am in the process of writing my own book about my tragic life, but how I have managed to keep my head up, and hold myself together, with the hopes and dreams that my new life will offer once I get fully divorced in a few more months. My writing started as a way for me to vent my anger, a journal of sorts, but the more I wrote, the more I could see my healing taking shape. It really works, especially if you don’t have any family or friends nearby to lean on for support.

    Wishing you all the best in your recovery and write back to me if you want too.


  7. Deborah

    I am so sorry for all you are going through.

    I have learnt to trust myself and listen to my intuition through all of this. I have also learnt to say no! for the first time in my life which is very liberating 🙂

    While this has very much been a living nightmare I have learnt a lot about myself. I don’t want to be a victim and I don’t want to remembered for all of this. I would like to be remembered for Nicole. I am so much more than this. I don’t move through life as he does and I am proud of that! There are many beautiful things in my life I treasure, there are lots of positives. That’s what I hold onto.

    While this has been and remains to be an incredibly difficult and profound aspect of my life, I am so grateful to be free of him. That is such a blessing! I could still be at his hands and abuse though I am not!

    Trust is a huge deal and very much individual. For me it comes always back to trusting my intuition and surrounding myself with people I believe in. I don’t like any pressure and will either tell them to f***off or run or a combo of both! Having said that I have complete trust and faith in people I believe in and adore. Intimate relationships are much harder for me. I have not been able to go down that road and glad that I have not. I have needed this time for myself and for the first time ever truly enjoy my own company.

    I am now open to and willing to anything positive in my life, including a relationship. Not ever healing 100% from this is a good thing for me. I consider it an asset. No way I will find myself in the same situation again!

    I don’t want to go back or change anything to be honest. It has taken all of this for me to be able for the first time in my life to trust my intuition, stand up and say no more! That’s a good thing 🙂

  8. Nichol,

    I too feel much more liberated now, at almost 60 years, old, but as they say, better late, than never. During my entire married life, I had blinders on over my eyes, not only about who I married, but also about myself as a person, who is warm, affectionate, creative, bubbly personality, and who loves people in general and animals too. I love to dance, garden, sew, and cook and bake well..

    I think much of my error in meeting and marrying my husband was out of my running away from an abusive relationship with my mother, who I found out recently wasn’t happy in her marriage to my dad, and took it out on me, smacking and hitting me . In fact, only 4 months after my husband walked out on me, I received a phone call on January 20th, at 8:30 pm from my brother, David, who still lives in NY, and I was living in WA state then. David told me to sit down because he had something “stunning” to tell me. He then proceeded to tell me he had found my adoption documents hidden in our father Abe’s apartment. Wow. my world was rocked again, and found myself questioning who I was, and why this happened to me. The 2 shocking events shook my foundation to the core, crying for many days and months. To find out I was not the child of my parents, born to a French woman in Baumholder, Germany in August 1957, and adopted at 3 months old -and finding out ALL the relatives knew I had been adopted made me cry even harder.

    Feeling as if I could have had a better, more happier life both growing up, and wishing my husband -the narcissist had let me go many years ago ( in 1987 we actually went to marriage counseling because he was drinking and partying with single military cadets, and ignoring me I put up a fuss about it-yet we stayed together then.

    Playing the “would of, could of, and should of” is not healthy, I know, but I cannot help it due to the damage he did to me. It’s going to take many more years to heal from, The years- 35 years 35 years play over and over again in my head, because that’s how many years of my life we have been married. I am so angry I gave up so many years of my life to someone who never appreciated nor loved me,

    In January 2016, my divorce from him will be final, and maybe then, I can feel “relief” that finally I can breath, and begin my life again. For now, I sit and wait for my lawyer to negotiate a fair alimony settlement for me, one that will enable me to put food on my table, and a roof over my head without worries, Then, and only then will I feel freer that I can venture out again.

    You will find this poem inspirational in your healing too. I have to read it over and over again, to absorb it’s true meaning about loving yourself again.

    Love after Love
    A poem by Derek Walcott

    The time will come
    when, with elation
    you will greet yourself arriving
    at your own door, in your own mirror
    and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
    and say, sit here. Eat.
    You will love again the stranger who was your self.
    Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
    to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
    all your life, whom you ignored
    for another, who knows you by heart.
    Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
    the photographs, the desperate notes,
    peel your own image from the mirror.
    Sit. Feast on your life.


  9. Hi Debbie,

    Thank you so much for your poem, I love poetry and you are right, the more you read it the more it resonates with you.

    You will find peace as Kay has said though its a journey and it takes time. There is no right or wrong, it is what it is and it is different for each of us.

    I was known as you describe yourself (except for sewing) though lost myself a long time ago when I married him. I became very serious in meeting and being aware of his demands. I became his full time go to, jump! respond yesterday person pretty much. It entailed a huge amount of abuse no matter how hard I tried to meet his demands.

    I am now dancing again which is pretty huge for me and I am loving it. I am really glad you are as well 🙂

    You have no idea how angry I have been for three years! Absolutely livid with myself and beat myself up beyond belief in between dealing with him after we separated. I have learnt to stop doing that now though it took me years. The moment came when I prayed in bed ( I don’t pray) and I asked for help, I don’t know what to do? I got up the next morning feeling like death warmed up and stood in the sun. It just came to me, it might have taken you 44 years and all of this for you to be able to be able to stand up and say NO MORE! Though for the first time in your life you are doing it Nic.

    I suffered abuse prior to this as well. I have had to leave that alone, it is overload for me. I just deal with him and what I have to. I ignore everything else other than what I cherish.

    As Kay has said you will learn to forgive yourself for coming from an authentic, loving place at the hands of someone who took full advantage of all you are and your beauty. I wish I could show you how to do that though its your own special journey and you need to do it your own way.

    I know I will never fully recover from this though that’s ok. So much has happened. I know I will never find myself in the same situation ever again. That’s important. I stand up and say NO! I never did that before this, not once in my life. That’s a good thing 🙂 35 years is such a long time for you to have experienced and lived such evil abuse. I had only had 14 years of it.

    You are obviously an incredibly brave and beautiful woman! I am proud of you!

    Sending love and hugs x

  10. Debbie age has nothing to do with this in terms of moving forward. These vile creatures impact upon every element of life. Living without abuse is difficult when you have spent your entire life living with it. Its finding ourselves and being comfortable in our own skin for the first time which has been really hard for me to do. Even making my own decisions. It does not matter when or how you begin, just begin and take that leap of faith to do it x

  11. Nicole and Kay,

    Thank you so very much for all your emotional support to me. Happy to hear you both have moved forward now, and one day, I will be able to as well. I still feel right now that my husband still has control over me until our attorney’s can hammer out spousal alimony for me. Since I didn’t work almost entirely during our long-term marriage (I supported all of his careers, and raised 2 special needs children, mostly without him due to his military and corporate careers) I am scared and worried right now, but hopeful my attorney will obtain a good livable settlement for me. Since our youngest son of 24 in mentally disabled, and lives with me, the settlement will reflect that I will need the financial support for the rest of my life

    If all goes well, I will be officially divorced from “him” in January 2016. Yeah! And I will play the song called most appropriately for all : I Can See Clearly Now” by Johnny Cash and also sung Jimmy Cliff. —- Here are the Lyrics—

    “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
    I can see all obstacles in my way.
    Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
    It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
    bright (bright) sunshiny day.
    It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
    bright (bright) sunshiny day’.

  12. Debbie,

    That’s an awesome song, I love music, It can be your war song:)

    I have come a long way and am moving forward though still have a long way to go, which is all good. This journey has been incredibly difficult for me as I am still consistently dealing with him and all that entails.

    I am still controlled by him in some areas of my life though slowly I have eliminated a lot of it. Even if that has meant the avenues he was using. I had my email blocked twice professionally and he unblocked it each time though third time lucky! That was such a huge relief.

    Each time he looses control he looses the plot. It is very frightening though I am glad I have stood firm.

    I was also forced to give up my career which was a huge mistake. He demanded I stay home and commit exclusively to him, the business, having our children, caring for them and the property. I adored doing that though he stripped me of any independence very quickly and controlled my every move. I had to call him at work to ask for $5 to buy a coffee while breastfeeding a newborn and chasing an extremely active toddler at a park.

    He often told me no. It was terrible. I had to drive the car under two revs to save on fuel and not use the heater or aircon in the car. He would scream and rage even about things like that.

    I understand how worrying and scary this is for you. I hope your settlement and divorce goes really well. Remember to stay strong, take good care of yourself, visualise yourself smiling and happy with the result.

    My background prior to all of this was in disability services. My uncle has an intellectual disability, I simply adore that man! I consider the men I worked with dear friends to this day, they were at my wedding to him believe it or not. I still visit them though moved onto training dogs after I separated from him.

    I was approached by the org while still with him and was so excited as the kids were both at school by then. He said no. After we separated I was approached again by them which is unheard of though I was able to make my own decisions so I went for it. I am still there today 🙂 Such a blessing in my life! They inspire me and make me laugh.

    Its such a huge journey and one we will never forget!

    Wishing you great success, peace and happiness x


  13. Dearest Nicole.

    I am so very sorry to hear you were your husband’s door mat, jumping at his every command. Please take care of yourself now, because you most definitely deserve it and more:-) You most positively endured many years of abuse. Again, my heart is with you, my dear.

    As for me, my husband was gone a good portion of our married lives since he was in the Navy as a career man, both submarines, and air craft carrier. Once he retired from the Navy, he went on to become an IT Consultant,. During both these careers he was gone and I felt so much freer during that time, to do what I wanted to, go where I wanted to go, and not having to ask him if I could buy a pair of shoes at Payless or a rose bush for our garden. I was happy being a military wife while he was gone to sea with the happy camaraderie that happens with other Navy wives and their children and mine.

    But once my husband returned he would take back control of all our finances that I did when he was gone even asking to see the checkbook only hours after we had made love to one another. Wow! I would just tell him he could see the checkbook the next day and hide it from him, seeing how unemotional and controlling he was, but couldn’t do anything about it. I was a kept woman, who was never respected at all.

    During our entire marriage we never fought, never yelled or argued. It was hard to do that with someone who’s nose was always in the computer or in a book. We were basically “roommates- with benefits” as they say, because I can see now I wasn’t treated like he deeply loved me. Even when he was home, he was still –gone. I always enjoyed making our house a home, baked his favorite cookies whenever he asked me to or cooked homemade meals daily, gardened, cleaned our in-ground pool at one of our homes, bathed our dogs, took them to be groomed, sewed curtains or pillow covers, went to hair dressing school and cut his hair whenever he needed one, ironing all his clothes with precision and military creases and caring for our two sons and all their scholastic issues they had then. I can’t tell you how many times we moved all over the country (Charelston SC, Athens GA, Virginia Beach, VA, Monterey, CA, back to VA Bch, Hosuton, TX, Sacraemtno, CA, Keller, TX, Fort Worth, TX, Bellingham WA and many more places) constantly saying goodbye to those we knew yet my husband never had anyone close to him, nor friends-except me ever during our marriage, As you can see, it’s no wonder I feel so lost, so very lost and displaced, feeling beat up now, even though he never physically harmed me in any way. He is 6’4″ 209 lbs, and I am 5’3″ 108 lbs.with a deep voice that many of his peers thought was arrogant and even condescending at times.

    For now, I am counting the days and weeks until my divorce and settlement and it cannot come any faster for me. I call my own attorney every week to check in, but noting yet, so I wait. Changing me cell phone number so he could no longer text or call me was powerful to me. Moving from WA which I hated the constant rains and clouds back to Sacramento area by myself, with my sons help gave me a feeling that I was moving on. Hiring my own attorney also gave me power over him, because he had texted me back in June 2015 that divorce attorney’s cost lots of $$$$- and he wanted me to only go through his attorney— but I didn’t– he has to pay for my attorney and he didn’t want to.

    I am looking forward to the coming new year, with all the dreams, hopes and aspirations that I can possibly have right now. I don’t have the money right now to take dance classes I want to, but one day, I will.

    Best to you and our journey towards a much happier life ahead

  14. Debbie,

    What a powerful and enlightening poem. Thank you for sharing that with us. Good luck to you in enjoying your valuable, creative, warm and loving self!

  15. I have such empathy for the devastation, misery and carnage left behind by the pursuit of needless persons of vanity. My concern is that the defenses that result from our afflictions will obviously create barriers, of which, freedom will always remain the sweeter option.

    All relationships, of any sort, require sacrifice — an attitude of fairness providing a workable balance of “give and take”. After we endure such abuses, one has to wonder if we will ever find “normal” within the realm of the human persona.

    Experts in NPD, as Dr. Lewi knows, acquire a Ph.D from the lessons that come from the intensity of our experiences. Notice how we all learn from the sharing of our past similarities.
    I am grateful, as expressed by previous comments, for the ability to communicate our ordeals, feelings, and options in this manner.

    I will remain forever grateful for the courage Dr. Lewi has portrayed in bringing NPD to such a recognizable condition, so those of us who are looking to blame ourselves for our ignorance, can understand the ease by which we humans can be brainwashed. Such expressed realities of this blog, and beyond, allow me to see how the world is so vastly affected by our upbringing and perspectives. We can see how the rise of the Nazi movement, and so many other extreme perspectives, can cause so much turmoil and devastation.

    My observation parallels the synthesis of this blog that there are those who thrive on the lust of power, or the power of lust (and control) versus those who are the “absorbers” of life, who remain vulnerable by the very tranquility of the nature they possess and try to maintain. Noted in comments is the association of animals — the love for them or using them to be victims of insatiable dominance.

    As some of you others feel like experts, I too, wonder about it all and will remain perplexed as to how we can go about finding a remedy from what we know so many must run. Knowledge, as stated, is key to understanding the problem, but life continues to throw the narcissist in our paths to be dealt with, in one form or another. Is the true remedy to narcissism beyond our capability? Is humankind, at the hands of the many narcissists, destined for destruction?

    This blog reveals so many wonderful people who have offered so much, who now feel so used. My heart goes out to all victims, including the abused pets, with the hope that the desire and pursuit for true love will continue to prevail. Thank you, Dr. Lewi, for providing such a means of knowledge and communication.

  16. Amen, Kay! Your intent and simplicity are heartfelt, and appreciated.

    You caused me to reflect how much life, and the purpose of this blog, revolves around motive(s). We learn by reading this blog, and Dr. Lewi’s writings, how important understanding motives becomes. And isn’t it amazingly bewildering how often “God only knows”? Sometimes, learning by “their fruits” can can come a little slow to the rest of us.

  17. Diane, your point is well-taken, reflective, and right-on to me, but I often wonder about the term “codependent”. Are those of us on the blog now shifting our dependency to another source? Are we humans as independent as we like to think ourselves to be? We may be exchanging only words rather than “things”, but are various forms of exchange [with others] interrelated — a form of dependency?

    In other words, I’m basically asking if we, humans, ever stop being dependent on each other for a variety of reasons. Please understand, I appreciate this blog as anyone else and I’m posting with sincerity, not vanity. I know we all wish to escape the entrapments of severe narcissism, but isn’t it true that there are those we can continually relate with and depend on, who won’t seek to devour us? (That’s one main reason I’m on this blog.)

    I think you raise a very interesting, and scary, point — and one I’m concerned about for my life. Are those of us who are, or have been, victims of (extreme) narcissists in our past going to live with an imbalanced view and/or expectation of normal dependency (and normal narcissism)? Research reveals that children raised in narcissistic families marry into narcissism and repeat the same character throughout generations. I would like to know if others share this concern.

    I think it would be interesting to know if victims of extreme narcissists have a history of attaching themselves to such strong personalities throughout their lives, and when such abnormal attachment is no longer probable. They say “A leopard never changes its spots”. In the case of narcissism, who is the leopard — the offender or the victim?

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