If you have a narcissistic parent, if you are married to a narcissist, the sibling of a narcissist—you know that these individuals are exceedingly difficult, albeit impossible to live with! I have heard innumerable life stories of those who are going through excruciating suffering as a consequence of these toxic relationships.
It is common for those who are being abused to keep thinking that they can “fix” the narcissist. This is not the case. This is a very fixed personality that does not change. The defense mechanisms of the narcissist are like concrete or steel–They include primitive projection, volcanic rage, extreme denial, rationalizations and splitting. You can’t take your narcissistic spouse to counseling and expect that he or she will cooperate. The narcissist will pretend to make moves that will help save the marriage. This is a well crafted act. In some instances they manipulate the therapist to their side and you are the one who is stuck with an “emotional instability” label.
As the child of a narcissistic mother or father, you suffered extreme emotional and psychological deprivation. You were not loved for your true self. You were exploited as a living narcissistic supply. Some children are discarded since the narcissistic parent does not view them as measuring up to their expectations. So many of these lovely children are cast aside to fend for themselves, even as very small children.
Having a narcissistic sibling who hates and envies you from the beginning, tells lies about you, perpetrating myriad cruelties upon you, is one of the most difficult roles for a child. If the narcissistic sibling is the golden one, you were never believed. You were the source of ridicule and criticism. You were excluded from the family for not being “good enough” or the “bad one.”
If you have lived any of these roles as the victim of narcissistic abuse, it is essential that you understand that as a child you had no choice; as a spouse you could not have known that your husband or wife was a severe personality disorder.
A profound life change begins to take place when you recognize and appreciate who you are as a unique, invaluable, creative and loving individual. You are entitled to heal from the wounds of childhood that have haunted you all of these years. You deserve to face each day with inner peace and hope in your heart.
As the former wife or husband of a narcissistic spouse, you will learn to breathe deeply again, to set off on the pathways of your own individual life. Hold fast to your personal vision and inner wisdom.
Tell yourself and take action based on this vow that a narcissist will never “steal” your life, sap your creative energies, halt your dreams, bring you down—ever again.
You are evolving as an individual on every level as you heal—mentally, emotionally, psychologically, creatively, spiritually. Celebrate this long journey you have made. Feel your renewed vigor, creative juices, new goals and aspirations as they spring forth from deep within you. And spread the good news to others who are waiting to hear your words of support, empathy, strength and perseverance.