Category: Socialized Sociopaths

The Rise of High Level Socialized Sociopaths

The socialized sociopath I am focusing is often found at the upper echelons of power in private and public sectors. To most people they are unrecognizable in this role. These individuals are beyond clever and cunning. They are masters of image, disguise, theatre, seduction. Many of them attend our finest universities, have the highest credentials in many professional fields. They are exalted in our current society by many, bestowed honors and awards for their important work and looked up to as role models by their peers, followers, communities and friends.

These sociopaths are a special breed of men and women. They often, have earned several degrees and have entered, climbed and succeeded to the pinnacle of their professions. Almost everyone is fooled by them. Their main focus is in wielding power and manipulating others with great skill and through clandestine means. There are no limits to their ambitions. They place themselves strategically to achieve the maximum influence over others whom they view as pawns in their treacherous game. They learned the art of sizing up people early, have mastered all of the social skills and ways of flattering people into falling for them. They wield power and influence in their work over their associates. They act like team players but behind the scenes they are using associates to plot and destroy those who would block their path.  They spread lies, create ugly scenarios, defame and eventually destroy anyone who gets in their way. I have heard many stories from their victims of lives decimated by these fawned over criminals in disguise.

The truth comes from those who have shared their private lives with these individuals.  Some husbands and wives sacrifice their lives and sell their souls to share the public adulation, lifestyle and raw power that these sociopaths hold in the palms of their hands. Others finally discover that they can no longer live with the abuse, suspect that there is too much illegal, immoral and unethical behaviors occurring that they can no longer stomach and that they must sever these treacherous relationships to save themselves and their children. Divorces from these high level sociopaths are ugly to the max. Those who go forward and survive are relieved and finally free of the imprisonment and secrecy that has haunted them for decades.

Many in the current society, hyped by corporate pr machines, media and infotainment empires, believe that those who ultimately win—even if other human beings are thrown to the wolves in the process, is perfectly ok—-even admirable Those who don’t or won’t or can’t play this brand of hard ball are wimps, outliers, incompetents. The increase of narcissistic personality disorders over the last few decades is astounding. Along with this is the acceptance and rise of the interpersonally skilled, charismatic, high level socialized sociopath. They are seated in the midst of many power venues.

Socially gifted sociopaths fool most people. To protect yourself from these highly destructive individuals, study this personality disorder.

Pay close attention to the messages from your intuition. It always speak the truth—listen to the wisdom.

 

Omg–I Married A Sociopath

You are painfully discovering that the man you married is not only a narcissist, he is a sociopath. (This post applies to male and female sociopaths.) The warning signs were there early but you were so dazzled by his perfect charming irresistible facade that you didn’t notice. He had all of the qualities that you had been searching for. He was confident, intelligent, successful, good looking, socially skilled. And he was so taken with you that you couldn’t say no. There was a part of you that said: “This is the guy; if I let him go I will never find another man like him. I will have missed my chance.” Certainly you had no idea of the real nature of the bargain that you were striking. It was a deal with the devil and you were easy prey. With all of this said, do not blame yourself now. You could not have known that this man was a sociopath (I call them bloodless sociopaths because they don’t commit physically violent crimes) Their crimes are psychological, emotional and financial.

I have read and heard from so many women/men who have fallen into this trap. As the number of narcissists increases every day, the number of bloodless sociopaths swells as well. Being ruthless, lacking conscience (if you can get away with what you want to do without getting caught) stepping on the feelings of others, pushing those who are weaker out of the way, exploiting the vulnerable—–These personality traits and the behaviors and consequences of them have become unimportant to many in the current society today. As long as you get the goods, make the big money, are clever at getting around the laws and have the right connections and an impeccable image, you are praised , raised up, financially rewarded and by some who are mesmerized by you—considered a hero, an innovator.

This is all delusion–the greatest act in the world that most people believe, even the relatives of the victims of the sociopathic husband. In the darkness of your bedroom late at night, you are brutalized psychologically. You are derided, criticized and treated like a piece of trash. You are always in fight or flight mode–there is no let up. Your blood pressure is high; you are getting constant infections and flus. You can’t sleep at night and you wake up with a start. “What is he going to do next?” You keep asking and the answer is– Plenty.

First, recognize that you are married to a psychological criminal –a person who doesn’t give a damn about you and will replace you with someone else if he already hasn’t.

Make your plans in secret to get out of the marriage and to protect the assets that you have. That includes your emotional, physical and psychological health. Get ahead of his game. Research attorneys and find one who is so smart, clever and your absolute advocate–a person who is very grounded and remains exceedingly calm in dealing with these vipers. You need a veteran of these ugly divorce wars. Keep your circle of real friends tightly around you and make sure that no one says a word about your plans. Seek short term quality psychotherapy if you think that will provide you with a therapeutic alliance that you need at this time. Call upon a few friends who are there for you at any time.

Keep your plans very close to the vest. Don’t change your mind. At some point he may get the scent that you are on to his game and try to woo you back with enticements.Be faithful to yourself and your future as a free individual who deserves to use all of your creative gifts and energies and to experience healing and deep inner peace.

Socialized Sociopaths Do Their Dirty Work Unscathed–Free Yourself from Them

The socialized sociopath is alive and very well in our culture today. Their numbers are growing and they are striving at the expense of those who are most vulnerable–their children, siblings, spouses. The image is impeccable. They convince everyone to believe their lies. They lead many lives and continually deceive, exploit and destroy. They commit crimes of the heart by abandoning their children, literally and emotionally and through their perpetration of great harm upon them. They treat their spouses like dirt and wipe the floors with them. (But no one sees this horrific display of multiple treacheries).

Those who are awake and aware need to spread the word about these monsters living in our midst. Many of those whom you tell will not believe you so be selective. The truth is a rare commodity these days. Money is speaking more loudly on the public stage and in the offices of our CEO’s and the movers and shakers in business and government.

It is time to rise to this occasion and extricate yourself from socialized sociopaths. If they are family members, go no contact with them. You don’t have to explain yourself or give them any reason. It is none of their business. After all, they have made your entire life a living hell. Why make excuses for the disasters they have visited upon you.

Your best counter play is the way you lead your life, your healing process, the discovery and use of your many creative gifts and finding those who deserve to be in your company. Finding the best ways for you to calm your mind and your nervous system is an essential part of your new life. Do this daily and it will become a habit. Did you forget to laugh? Smile broadly? Be very silly? You never forgot. Get back into practice.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Narcissistic Sociopathic Parents Want You to Remain Their Psychological Slaves

You are a slave to no one. As an adult now you know this. If you do not, tell yourself this every day, during the day. You are a unique human being–love this person who is inside of you, this small child you have known all of your life. Many of us need to take time to hold our babies and whisper “I love you” to them.

In infancy and childhood and through the teen years those who grew up with narcissistic sociopaths were often treated horridly. You were at the disposal of your narcissistic sociopathic parent. The other –mother or father–was too weak, terrified, traumatized to protect you against this monstrous person who ruled the household.

In grammar school you were in stark fear as you counted the steps as you got closer to the front door of your house. Your heart rhythms beat like wild drums. Your mouth was dry. You wanted to scream but knew you dared not. He or she might hear you and the horrible drama already in progress would become more Hitchcockian. You may have asked yourself: Am I going to die tonight?” In the house you walked as quietly as possible, trying to be invisible and unheard as long as possible. Finally, the moment came when you faced the person who terrorized you the most. At night in bed you waited and heard every sound, every creak and murmur, always hoping that the beast downstairs would remain in his chair. (I use the pronoun he to represents male and female narcissistic sociopaths).

You survived that house of terror, desecration and desolation. You are the one who did it through each moment, day, months and years. That deserves our deepest respect.

The narcissistic sociopathic parent is internalized in many of his/her children. The child feels at the mercy of these cruel and unpredictable individuals. Due to this fusion, some children feel like slaves even after they have physically left their homes. Working with the aftermath of growing up with a narcissistic sociopath parent often involves participating in skilled psychotherapy. Others use various healing modalities like gentle hatha yoga, varying forms of meditation, creative pursuits, support groups and friendships.

As you heal you learn that you belong to yourself, that you are genuine and precious. There is and never will be anyone like you on the face of the earth ever again. Let this truth sink deep inside of you. You will find your way along the path to freedom. You will fly like a great bird. I can hear your wings soaring higher and higher into the blue.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.My book Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life is out in Paperback and the Kindle version is available at Amazon.com for 9.99 Paperback and ebook is widely distributed.

Embracing Treachery–Married to Narcissistic Sociopath

Treachery causes an annihilation of the self. Its natural course is psychological danger to you, betrayal and deceit. When you live and are married to a narcissistic sociopath, treachery shadows you day and night. You are never safely alone with your private thoughts and feelings. The treachery of the NS creeps cunningly into your dreams that often reoccur, warning you to get away, get out, save yourself. But you cannot listen because you are ensnared by the sociopath’s seductive ways–his promises, his rewards for “good behavior”–meaning that you do exactly what he expects of you, even if this goes against your personal principles and values. Many women are psychologically fused with socialized psychopaths and find them addictive. They flee from their lover or marital partner, only to return again and again. Each time they are a little weaker psychologically and less aware that the price they pay is with their lives–the dilution of their emotional energy, creative gifts, core sense of self, the initiative to follow their professional and personal dreams and to experience an abiding inner peace.

When you are twined with NS your life is in his hands, your thoughts are his thoughts, your heart belongs to him not yourself. He screams at you when he is projecting his noxious venom into your face. He humiliates you emotionally and psychologically when he is enraged. He gets a thrill out of hurting you as you cower and beg forgiveness for what he has done to you. The cycle of destruction is endless until women married or tethered to these men wake up and recognize that their mate suffers from a severe pernicious personality disorder that will not change. The experience with the NS leads you to the lowest depths of your being.

It is when we are at a very low ebb that the urgency of “Waking Up” becomes strong and persistent. The voice of intuition speaks clearly: now is the time to sever the non relationship with this man/woman.  You are a strong independent, capable and gifted human being.Leave this regressive, pathological non relationship. Get back in touch with your real self—-the person you were meant to be.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Sociopathic Narcissists Have The Killer Instinct

The grandiose narcissist needs to have his/her ego constantly stroked. He knows how to reel people in. He plays to their dependency needs, material desires, their aspirations for wealth and power. He can take one look at a woman and know how to get her under his control. Many women fall for this master of charm with all the gilded promises. With a narcissist you are lead to believe that you life will be unlimited, that you can have every high and pleasurable experience you’ve ever wanted, that you will never have to worry about money, security, social status. You will always be royal. Woman with very successful careers and professions still fall for charming narcissistic men. They become entranced, hypnotized.

The sociopathic narcissist is several steps beyond his classic brother narcissist. He doesn’t have a whiff of conscience. He is involved in illegal activities as part of his lifestyle. He secretly leads a number of lives and has a keen killer instinct. You get in his way and your life is toast. That is the force of his dangerous darkness. He may threaten you openly or keep his plans secret but watch out if you confront him. Those who go along with him are not leading their own lives. They stay there because of all the perks which are a constant distraction like a merry go round that is moving faster and faster. The giddiness of having anything you want is intoxicating.

Sociopathic narcissists are disastrous parents. They are incapable of forming any kind of relationship with them. Sometimes the child looks up to the father or mother because this person is very successful and powerful. Some narcissistic sociopaths choose one child to mirror him. He becomes the golden boy or girl and can do no wrong.

Sociopathic narcissists are psychological killers in business. They terrorize their rivals. They have close allies and partners that make the lives of their competitors a living hell. They step over ethical and legal boundaries all of the time and don’t get caught because they have a coterie of killer instinct sociopathic lawyers.

When you decide to divorce a sociopathic narcissist, make your preparations secretly and take your time to do a lot of research. Interview several attorneys who understand the way these people tick. The soon to be ex is out for blood and will stop at nothing to win. Find an attorney who is not intimidated in the slightest with these personalities, someone who remains calm when the long knives come out. Use all of your resources to get the support you need. Excellent psychotherapy can be very helpful during this time. Find friends that are available to support you and stick with this ordeal. You will prevail. Keep telling yourself that this is a marathon and you are up to the race and will cross the finish line with a smile on your face. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Sociopathic Women Play the Sex Card to Destroy Lives

There are specific kinds of narcissistic sociopathic women who are groomed from childhood to believe that they are entitled to have or do anything they want. There are no limits placed on them. They don’t develop a conscience. Very early they learn how to cleverly take advantage and manipulate anyone and everyone in their environment to get their limitless needs for veneration, adulation and worship met. These woman are often narcissistic daddy’s girls at the beginning. Daddy is so obsessed with his little daughter that a rift occurs with his wife. A fateful triangle develops and his wife and the daughter’s mother is left out of the picture. It becomes a daddy and me portrait. Daddy and his daughter have an erotic tie although this in infrequently acted out sexually. She has become his psychological mate. Early on this daughter knows that she can get dad to do anything for her—even something very outrageous. When she begins to date she exploits teenage boys and then men through her good looks and sexuality to inflate her enormous ego with mother lodes of narcissistic supplies.

These women get a rush, a sexual one, but more importantly, a power rush when their complicated undulating scheme leading to the seduction of a man has worked perfectly. The sociopathic woman has her target in mind way ahead of time, sometimes for years. She knows exactly what she is going to do to “get this guy, to seduce him, to control him, to destroy him.” Beneath the surface this kind of sociopathic woman hates men. I call her a phallic woman. Although she freely uses her female organs and looks to seduce men, she carries a psychological phallus with her that can defeat any man. On an unconscious level, since childhood, she was forced to become a false self. She was adored for her look, her brightness, the force of her extroverted personality, not for her real self. On an unconscious level she seeks revenge and the taste of it is sweet when she has seduced a powerful man and unraveled his life. Forget that she is married with children. This is a small detail to her; they are part of her external persona, not her identity. They are living puppets who make her look good.

When the seduction is complete and the sociopathic woman has achieved total power over this man, she is high–celebrating her victory. Her man, her possession has been carefully picked for his stature, his power position in the world, monetary worth and high voltage connections. She doesn’t care if the affair is discovered and becomes public. The betrayal of her husband is a small footnote and her children are not a factor. When the liaison is discovered and goes viral, this is the fulfillment of her dreams. She has prevailed. These sociopathic women will do their victory dance, acquire all of the power and money and acclaim possible and then move on to the next man whom they can seduce, exploit and destroy. This dangerous game continues throughout her life. She is a predator and will never abandon this role.

The best way to deal with these sociopathic women is to learn to identify them immediately and to distance ourselves from them. To learn about the narcissistic personality and the narcissistic sociopath, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists-More Dangerous than You Think

The narcissistic style has been co-opted by a growing part of the American population. The media and entertainment business, the powerful influence of peers on growing children and the lack of true quality time given to their children by some parents are all part of this equation. People do not have to have children today. They can make the choice to live without producing children or choosing marriage. These are respectable and truthful decisions individuals can make. There is still a residue of scorn and even suspicion felt by some toward those who make these personal choices.

There is a collective self absorption and selfishness that has become the norm in many circles. There is an absence of sensitivity to the needs and suffering of others, especially those who are judged as not fitting in to an elite group. Their differentness is derided and scorned through gossip and shunning.

There is a deep fissure, a social and psychological divide that is growing exponentially. If you are materially successful, have all the right contacts, and present an image of external perfection, you are preferred even chosen. If you don’t have the impeccable image, the high professional status, you don’t make the cut. Large swaths of today’s society have been taken over by narcissists and their deluded followers.

Grandiosity, lack of conscience, ruthlessness, lack of empathy, deception and manipulation have become tools rather than bad character traits. This is especially the case with sociopathic narcissists–those individuals who have the narcissistic personality structure and also share many characteristics of the sociopath. These traits include a careless disregard for other human beings, including chronic extreme verbal abuse and stress perpetrated upon spouses and children. Sociopathic narcissists purposely seek out ways to delude and control those who will profit them materially, socially and professionally. They are gifted at leaving others “holding the bag” while they abscond with the profits of some else’s labors. Leaving another person’s life in shambles or even their entire family is of no concern or interest to the sociopathic narcissist who has adroitly moved ahead to his/her next cycle of acquisition and control.

I am in communication with a number of victims of narcissistic abuse. There is a callousness in sociopathic narcissists that overrides any authentic human feeling. In fact if you get in their way, don’t pay attention to the cues that are speaking to you clearly, they will cut you down professionally and emotionally. Sociopathic narcissists are rarely brought to justice. They surround themselves with covens of cunning attorneys who do their bidding around the clock.

Human nature is both dark and sublime. There are individuals alive today who are giving, selfless, warm, empathic and such a joy that they bring a great light into our lives. We are psychologically held by their deep authenticity and boundless personal generosity. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists are Big on Suffering-They Cause Too Much of It

One sociopathic narcissist set loose causes suffering that is beyond our imaginations. I hear from those who suffer under the cruel tyranny of these individuals. There are generations of families of narcissists who cause incalcuable pain to their family members, spouses, siblings, in-laws. Sociopathic narcissists don’t suffer deep emotional pain. They are too shallow and very busy, greedily taking what they must have to fulfill their inflated ego needs. There is no real communication or relationship with a sociopathic narcissist. They are tyrants and control freaks. Some are psychologically sadistic and find pleasure in watching others suffer under the weight of their oppressive tactics.

Ultimately the sociopathic narcissist can help us to define who we are. Rather than being on the defense with them, walking on pins and needles,waiting for the next shoe to drop, hiding in their shadow, use your direct exposure to them and the pain you have suffered as powerful motivators to launch an offense. By now you know how these persecutors operate–They are shamelessly ruthless, chronic liars, dark exploiters, psychological bottom feeders. They not only must win but if that means taking you down in the process, they will not have a quiver of conscience. Conscience is a vital part of the sociopathic narcissist that is missing. At some point when you know them well, have studied their personality characteristics and have had enough, you will take a stand and say: “No more!” ” I’m resetting the start button on my life.” Appreciate your individuality, mental and artistic gifts and the part of you that cares deeply about the welfare of others. You are an authentic, strong human being. Identify and remove the sociopathic narcissists from your life. You will celebrate this move by leading your life fully. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Staying Married to a Sociopathic Narcissist for the Lifestyle-Not Good for Anyone II

Sociopathic narcissists have narcissistic personality disorder but are further along the spectrum to being sociopaths. They are self absorbed, highly manipulative, chronic liars, lead double and triple lives and have absolutely no empathy (They fake it very well.) Women are drawn to them and often find them irresistible. These men (and there are female sociopathic narcissists) are so clever that they have fooled many psychotherapists. Sociopathic narcissists are often obsessed with wealth–obtaining it, removing it from others and growing it to increase their power in the world. Many of those who today are standouts in our societal and political system are sociopathic narcissists. They know how to play every angle and loophole of the law, surrounded by a cadre of clever lawyers who know exactly how to play the legal system. They spend hundreds of thousands of dollar each year to make sure that they can sue whoever is getting in their way.

Women who marry these pathological individuals often do so without realizing it. That’s how charming and convincing they are. Sociopathic narcissists are consummate actors and facilely move from one part to the next. They can be philanthropic if it suits their image and will provide them with essential narcissistic supplies of praise and adulation.

In the home they are tyrants. Some women make the deal with the devil and stay married to them because they are leading a life on the surface that is filled with the excitement of living at the top tier of the social ladder. It is very tempting to have a public image that is admired, to be friends with the movers and shakers, to know that you are beyond financially secure and that your investments, trusts and portfolio will expand and bulge.

From a psychological perspective, this picture is not so lovely. Those who marry sociopathic narcissists will eventually experience the sharp, ugly, treacherous side of this personality. Once the bright sparkle has come off of the marriage, the sociopathic narcissist reveals his fangs and they are sharp and ready to tear without mercy. When this spouse is no longer intrigued with you and you cannot supply him any longer, you become the enemy is despises and intends to vanquish. Spouses on the receiving end speak of endless tirades, dreadful humiliations, demands for perfection and even apologies (for what–being human) Some women decide that they must stay in the marriage to protect the children and the family. They don’t realize the severe psychological damage this causes their children. A child would rather have one loving parent in reduced material circumstances than be trapped in a family from hell with a sociopathic narcissist. I have heard too many stories on this theme and know that children choose love, protection and caring over anything material.

If you are in the process about considering a divorce from a sociopathic narcissist, take time to research your plan of action. Interview attorneys, Ask the hard questions that will indicate if they are qualified to work for you and get the best result for you and your children. Tune in carefully and ask questions that will reveal if the lawyer you have chosen understands how sociopathic narcissists operate. Make sure your attorney has the knowledge, understanding of the dark edge of human nature and the courage to represent you. It is worth interviewing several attorneys. I know of so many women who were so stressed that they didn’t take this time and settled for someone who took their money and didn’t represent them and the interests of their children.

When you are free from living in the psychological prison of the sociopathic narcissist, you will be surprised at the changes in your thought patterns, sleep patterns, the calming of your nervous systems, the blooming of your creativity and most important—how your children are now able to live each day free from the moment to moment constraints and anxieties that their narcissistic father/mother placed on them constantly. Take credit for your courage and strength of will to travel this road to psychological and emotional freedom. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com