The socialized sociopath is alive and very well in our culture today. Their numbers are growing and they are striving at the expense of those who are most vulnerable–their children, siblings, spouses. The image is impeccable. They convince everyone to believe their lies. They lead many lives and continually deceive, exploit and destroy. They commit crimes of the heart by abandoning their children, literally and emotionally and through their perpetration of great harm upon them. They treat their spouses like dirt and wipe the floors with them. (But no one sees this horrific display of multiple treacheries).
Those who are awake and aware need to spread the word about these monsters living in our midst. Many of those whom you tell will not believe you so be selective. The truth is a rare commodity these days. Money is speaking more loudly on the public stage and in the offices of our CEO’s and the movers and shakers in business and government.
It is time to rise to this occasion and extricate yourself from socialized sociopaths. If they are family members, go no contact with them. You don’t have to explain yourself or give them any reason. It is none of their business. After all, they have made your entire life a living hell. Why make excuses for the disasters they have visited upon you.
Your best counter play is the way you lead your life, your healing process, the discovery and use of your many creative gifts and finding those who deserve to be in your company. Finding the best ways for you to calm your mind and your nervous system is an essential part of your new life. Do this daily and it will become a habit. Did you forget to laugh? Smile broadly? Be very silly? You never forgot. Get back into practice.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
8 thoughts on “Socialized Sociopaths Do Their Dirty Work Unscathed–Free Yourself from Them”
thank you Linda you are helping me so much.
Comment: From Sharyn
Hi, how refreshing it is to know that I am no alone. My life was torn apart by my mother. She has completely taken my whole family away. She has done this three times before. But This time she made sure she isolated my children from me.
Comment: From Sharon
This is such a wonderful site, and has helped me very much as I pieced together the reality of my life with a narcissistic mother and father who urged me to “just appease her.” I feel that I have to respond to the above comment, because my mother tore my life apart by colluding with my ex-husband to take my children. This happened even though I am an excellent mother and that has never been disputed. Thankfully, she was never able to sever our profound bond, although there was nothing she would have liked more. Her attitude is what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine too. In truth, she could not see me as separate from herself. Growing up and going through life with a narcissistic mother makes self confidence harder to achieve. I think a lot of this is that we cannot accept the basic truths that our mothers don’t love us at all, and because this is such a fundamental assumption (that mothers love their children unconditionally) it makes what we intuitively know in our lives difficult to accept.
And of course one has to be very careful who one shares this with as most people will not believe you. I want to say thank you Linda, and also hope to hear more from Sharyn. I do not know how common it is for narcissistic mothers to find ways to separate a daughter from her children, but this is something that is likely more prevalent than we can yet imagine. Of all the pain from being the daughter of a narcissistic mother and wife to a narcissist, this was the worst thing that ever happened to me, both because it was so awful to be separated from them, and possibly worse, that they were not well cared for, simply used by a father and grandmother.
Your comment that they sleep well at night while you toss and turn is perfect. My narcissist ex explained his uncanny ability to fall asleep instantly by saying it was because he had a clear conscience. I got to fill in the blank: I wasn’t sleeping well because…
It took 10 years to get a clue that he meant me no good. He was a good actor feigning love and concern and he beat me up thoroughly without laying a hand on me. Not one single friend of “ours” stayed with me when I left.
Your book has been the most revelation book I have ever read and I could not put it down. You wrote my life and all I need to do was add the names. You gave me hope too. Healing has taken many years, but your book helped me so much in this regard. Thank you so much for writing it, and thank you so very much for this blog.
Hey Sharon, your mothers exactly like especially the ” what is mine is mine and what is yours is mine” WOW I just heard her voice right now, eeeeewwww. But am glad am getting to learn from you people that she and my father shouldn’t be around my kids. These guys can isolate you from your own kids? Unbelievable! You are all strong people the way you got through living with the narcissists is the way you should fight to get your kids back. Just pray to God and claim them back. May God be with us while we are healing.
Thank you so very much for writing articles on this particular personality disorder, NPD.
They come in any relation, any age, anytime and any place. They make us question ourselves like” What is wrong with me?” What is going on?” ” For how long will it happen”? They make us feel going crazy and then they show the world how truthful they were in saying it. The only question they will never like us to ask ourselves is ” Who am I?” They know our inner true self does have the answer already and we will rise one day and will get rid of them after recognizing their real faces. Therefore, they try their best to get whatever they want from us before our inner wisdom brings the answer out to their faces. Whether it is money, or any other motive that had driven them to us in the first place.
My message to the survivors and the victims of narcissists and psychopaths is ” they think that they have fooled you with their wolves in sheep’s clothing character , have hurt you a lot with their vicious acts and venomous words, they think they may have robbed you emotionally, financially and physically, they are very WRONG. They have been defeated already by your strong will of keeping your faith strong, surviving the abuse, loving yourself, living for yourself, recognizing them and their dirty tricks and tactics and actions taken for getting rid of them. Congratulations!, you are alive and are a unique one to have survived the drama, they are dead and hollow inside out, let them enjoy their stupidity as they are their own worshipers. They will get no where with it, it is good for us that we did not agree and choose to live in their fake kingdom where they are the rulers, they are the masters and they are the controllers. All of us were born free and we are very lucky to survive it all ”
Thank you for your honesty. Feel free to read about my experiences if you feel led: http://amelianreilingmydailylife.blogspot.com/. Best, Amelia
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