Omg–I Married A Sociopath

You are painfully discovering that the man you married is not only a narcissist, he is a sociopath. (This post applies to male and female sociopaths.) The warning signs were there early but you were so dazzled by his perfect charming irresistible facade that you didn’t notice. He had all of the qualities that you had been searching for. He was confident, intelligent, successful, good looking, socially skilled. And he was so taken with you that you couldn’t say no. There was a part of you that said: “This is the guy; if I let him go I will never find another man like him. I will have missed my chance.” Certainly you had no idea of the real nature of the bargain that you were striking. It was a deal with the devil and you were easy prey. With all of this said, do not blame yourself now. You could not have known that this man was a sociopath (I call them bloodless sociopaths because they don’t commit physically violent crimes) Their crimes are psychological, emotional and financial.

I have read and heard from so many women/men who have fallen into this trap. As the number of narcissists increases every day, the number of bloodless sociopaths swells as well. Being ruthless, lacking conscience (if you can get away with what you want to do without getting caught) stepping on the feelings of others, pushing those who are weaker out of the way, exploiting the vulnerable—–These personality traits and the behaviors and consequences of them have become unimportant to many in the current society today. As long as you get the goods, make the big money, are clever at getting around the laws and have the right connections and an impeccable image, you are praised , raised up, financially rewarded and by some who are mesmerized by you—considered a hero, an innovator.

This is all delusion–the greatest act in the world that most people believe, even the relatives of the victims of the sociopathic husband. In the darkness of your bedroom late at night, you are brutalized psychologically. You are derided, criticized and treated like a piece of trash. You are always in fight or flight mode–there is no let up. Your blood pressure is high; you are getting constant infections and flus. You can’t sleep at night and you wake up with a start. “What is he going to do next?” You keep asking and the answer is– Plenty.

First, recognize that you are married to a psychological criminal –a person who doesn’t give a damn about you and will replace you with someone else if he already hasn’t.

Make your plans in secret to get out of the marriage and to protect the assets that you have. That includes your emotional, physical and psychological health. Get ahead of his game. Research attorneys and find one who is so smart, clever and your absolute advocate–a person who is very grounded and remains exceedingly calm in dealing with these vipers. You need a veteran of these ugly divorce wars. Keep your circle of real friends tightly around you and make sure that no one says a word about your plans. Seek short term quality psychotherapy if you think that will provide you with a therapeutic alliance that you need at this time. Call upon a few friends who are there for you at any time.

Keep your plans very close to the vest. Don’t change your mind. At some point he may get the scent that you are on to his game and try to woo you back with enticements.Be faithful to yourself and your future as a free individual who deserves to use all of your creative gifts and energies and to experience healing and deep inner peace.

37 thoughts on “Omg–I Married A Sociopath”

  1. Comment: From Catherine
    I really like you and the whistle blower that you are. thank you for being so honest. It is making such a difference in the world.

  2. Comment:From Holly
    I am now in a power chair and losing my very life everyday. It’s not just him, it’s also his mother. He has done such a good job of picking out “the perfect victim, me” that there have been 23 calls to the police, 2 to DCF and I have recently been discharged by my doctor who says that I am a victim of abuse and haven’t left ! Bastard ! Turns out my Dr. is a nutcase to.

    After years of offering Life, Health and Annuities and a top producer because I truly care about people and I teach them valuable information and spend countless hours with them educating them as to what is best for them and then leave them with making the right choices. When people saw that I am not a “dog and pony show salesperson” they referred people. My daughter was a straight A student, I never even dated and spent every waking hour teaching her character values, ethics, morality and protecting her from the sickos and bad influences only to be swallowed alive by this killer whale as I recooperated from an auto accident as my family watched and took excellent care of my daughter.

    My mother in law is in love with her son and incest runs in the family as per HIS stories in the beginning AFTER we were married. He knew a good thing and he was on his guard because all the guys were in love with me, I was unattainable. A devout Christian who wasn’t a prude but strived to be a lady even understanding their lust and instead of being offended I would shyly laugh off advances. My husband felt like he got the grand prize and that lasted until his bad behaviors and abuse made him realize that HE was not worthy and then he gave in to his unconscious self and consciously started affairs, championing his mother over me ( whom he hated when we first met, but I didn’t realize it until I had already moved in with him and was stuck).

    It’s a long story but I am convinced they are more than Sociopaths, they both have histories with knives. We married in Oct. of 2006 and this past Feb. 2014 he allowed me to find a 2011 letter from DCF stating that they wanted a proof that his Felonious Assault with Intent to Kill and Maiming charges were satisfied or whatever they do with them.
    I have been their favorite past time for going on 8 years now. I am hurt from my neck to my ankle and they show no mercy.
    He makes me drive his stick shift truck while a perfectly drivable Cadillac has sat in the driveway for 7 months and only needs a battery.

    My daughter was 10 when we met and will be 19 in October. She’s just graduating High School and I sent a video to my dad that opened his 86 year old eyes as to what I have endured when my drunk husband threatened to cut my heart out if I took the truck. This world is sick as can be when you show this stuff to the police and they just drive away.

    I think they look at me as if “well you married him” and secondly when they see me in a power chair they think “well where the heck is she going to go without him?” I have an Altruistic personalty, always have which has not always been to my advantage believe me.

    Thank you for your emails, you are a God Send ! I have forwarded some of your information to my Disability Atty and once I have my hands on my Award $ I am vamoose, divorce or no divorce. God bless you and yours dear.

  3. Comment:From Sophie
    Fight or flight- perpetual. And we choose these guys because of the first relationships we knew.

  4. Comment: From TrW
    Dear Linda

    Sad to say that you are describing my life and husband!

    31 years that I have lived under his terror and now have found the strength to stand up and begin to change my life for ME! Wish me luck and blessings as I begin to set myself free to start a new life of peace and love! Freedom to spread my own wings and see where I can fly. Scared but ready!

  5. Comment:From Tracy
    Yes! So true! In the middle of the divorce right now. He has no conscience. He even stole my dog! Which he knew how much that dog meant to me. And yes he has already moved on. He is dating. Just a creep. So glad I finally got the courage and the strength to move forward. These emails have helped me so much to realize that it’s not solely me at fault.

  6. Comment:From Dorothy
    Spot on! The torture is beyond painful and deeper than the soul. I’m finally out of that nightmare and now in therapy for the first time in my life at the ripe age of 48. He did a number on me.

    Thank you for these emails!!! They are validating reminders for me…of what he did to me is not my imagination…but real.

  7. Comment:From Alice
    Sociopaths are first class assholes that need help. Don’t matter if they are husbands, wives, brothers, sisters or any human being. I have notice that sociopaths are so sweet that honey drips off their lips if they are getting married and then after the marriage they turn into monsters. I have a brother like that which explains why both of his wives left him and only had one girlfriend that left too. I can write of book on him.

    I should have realized how he was from how he treated both of the woman he married afterwords which was like you said use “psychological, emotional and financial crimes”, when he was on me like a diaper about wanting to move in my rental property. The biggest mistake of my life because he started treating me like he did both of his wives. And I threaten to put him out of my house if he keeps it up after he called me a bitch like he did with his wives. I’m not going to put up with it and he knows it so he is treating me a little better because he isn’t going to find anything any cheaper in my town with his money problems still. God only knows who all he owes money too since collectors are still coming out of the woodwork. This dirt bag brother of mine was forced to file for bankruptcy and had his driver’s license taken away for a year, requiring defensive driving lessons after was in an accident and was charged with a driving while drinking. He even disrespects the law. So I hope another woman will not fall for his charm because she will regret every minute after the marriage.

  8. Comment: From Kelly
    I wish I would have had this information before I left my husband. I definitely would have done my research before getting my lawyer. I walked out of our divorce hearing and had lost EVERYTHING! My house, my car..everything because this man was and is still such a convincing liar.

  9. Comment:From Debbie
    You’ve mentioned in several posts that we should research a divorce attorney well and find one who can stand up to the sociopath and his attorney. It would be very helpful to me if you could write an article about how to be successful in finding such an attorney. Usually the only source of information is what they put on their website – are there other resources? This is my second attempt to divorce my husband – I failed in finding an attorney the first time around, fired him, hired another, and he was just as useless. Sometimes I think that I should just represent myself but that’s a disaster just waiting to happen, especially given what my husband is.
    We seperated for a year and a half during the first divorce and ended up reconciling, During that time, I subconsciously managed to bury all my bad memories, which at that point, appeared to be only borderline sociopath (along the lines of “is he or isn’t he?” – I had only partially bought into the idea.). This time, however, he has really showed his true colors and there is no doubt in my mind what he is. I’ve been reading books which are bringing all those buried memories back to the surface and I wonder how I could have let myself make the same mistake twice.
    I need a very good attorney and I don’t know how to find one. It would be so helpful to me if you could post something about this process.
    Thank you 🙂

  10. I am married to a sociopath who happens to be a drug and alcohol counselors. He is 16 years older married 5times before with 5 kids all of whom are in prison or on the way. He was managing a sober living house when we met has spent a majority of his life in and out of prison is a drug addict . I didn’t know about all the kids or marriages until years after we married. I was a severely abused child and attempting to turn my life around and get off the streets when we met. My father died when I was 7 and my mother was a diagnosed sociopath. I started living with dads parents a year before he died. Was estranged from family when I met him. He has verbally and emotionally abused me since shortly after we wed. He has been literally caught cheating refused to admit it lied about his childhood etc. Acts super charming to everyone and uses me as scapegoat when any crises arises. Family all dead now diagnosed with bipolar ADHD andptsd and schizoid affective. He uses that against !e quite often. Am college educated and intelligent however I let this man use and abuse me for 90% of our marriage will be married to him 10 years the 17th of Oct. He relapsed after his male sponsor died that he was unusually close to especially considering his background and his sponsor was gay. Blamed me for the relapse and I relapsed insisted on swinging and was with men women and transexuals. Have no means to leave disabled now.

  11. Still would like to know more about how to choose a lawyer experienced enough. Been married 32 years and he will never change. His 1st. wife divorced him for the same reasons.

  12. From my experience in looking around for myself I have found that talking to strangers works best. I have approached women Without wedding rings on who have small children with them. I am friendly and ask if they are married in casual conversation. When they say no that they are divorced I then ask who their attorney was, how good they were and how they found them. I have approached women everywhere from malls to grocery stores and am compiling a long list with their comments. I feel its best to talk to women who have gone through divorces with attorneys and get their first hand input on their experience. If you look at websites of attorneys ofcourse they will put the best about themselves. You need to find someone who has actually Used that attorney and see what their experience has been. I am still in this process.

  13. This is truly a “twilight zone” moment for me. At 22 years old the day I met my husband in the Navy, I saw a very tall handsome man, 6’4″ tall, and shy too. I was enamored with him and after dating him, I moved in and because we were both on active duty Navy, he and I married since they will not transfer you if your not.

    My husband was goal orientated, intense, could take any test thrown at him and not just pass, but score well above his peers, When he wasn’t drinking, and out with his other sea buddies, my husband was a likeable guy to most, but could come off arrogant to some, and condescending to others. He came into the Navy as an enlisted sailor, but took the officers test, and decided to make it his career. Again, hard driven, he then got his masters degree, and after the Navy, he went on to be an IT consultant, making a 6 figure income.

    But, I always knew “something” was wrong in our marriage, but could never put my finger on it. As a extrovert, and creative type B personality, I thrived on being around people and friends, cook, sew, garden and making things for others too. The 2 sons he and I had always were without their dad,, or me without a husband-even when he was home-he wasn’t really there. He was aloof, in is head, or out exercising, or drinking.

    It has been a little over a year since he left me, and read not only the book “Runaway Husbands” about men suddenly leaving their wives, but am reading this blog about what a true narcissist is, and he has been one all of his life, can never apologize to me for hurting me in any way, shape or form, was a neglectful and absent father to our two sons, used my outgoing personality to benefit his careers, his financial mistakes and lack of any feeling or emotions took over him–he walked out for good, his filing for bankruptcy, and ruining my credit, will not speak to his 2 sons, one of which is “legally mentally disabled”, and couldn’t even call him at the hospital in the town we live in (he left the state), never had real friends around him, and thinks he can do whatever he wants to, legal or not, all for his benefit..

    My husband of now, 34 years, since we aren’t legally separated, used me, abused me emotionally, and when he could no longer stand his life, he threw me out like trash. No remorse, no concern, no apologies, no contact either. It’s funny kind of that he now runs to the bible and religion for answers, because when he left, he was an Athiest, but all he really wants is verification that he is still a good human being, A true arrogant narcissist.

    I am now looking towards my future, yet I still feel so damaged inside of me. I gave and gave and gave, and never said no to my husband for anything. The pain I still feel, the anger I deal with daily consume me, and still cry about it. All I keep saying is “33 years” 33 years, of my life, to someone who didn’t deserve my love, didn’t appreciate all that I gave, and at 57 yeas old now, I am upset that he sucked up so much of it, because you don’t live forever.

    I want a ‘do over”, or be able to live a 2nd life. But I can’t, so I must try and do the best I know how to, and that is to love myself again, learn to trust again, and hopefully in a few more years, that man will just be a bad memory, tucked all the way behind me, and can move on towards a happy life again.

  14. He does not want “verification that he is still a good human being.” These people are devoid of empathy and could care less. In fact their manipulation is based upon a “callous disregard of others.”
    Dr. William Herstien Ph.D. wrote the following in part:
    The PCL describes psychopaths as being callous and showing a lack of empathy, traits which the PPI describes as “coldheartedness.” The criteria for dissocial personality disorder include a “callous unconcern for the feelings of others.” There are now several lines of evidence that point to the biological grounding for the uncaring nature of the psychopath. For us, caring is a largely emotion-driven enterprise. The brains of psycopaths have been found to have weak connections among the components of the brain’s emotional systems. These disconnects are responsible for the psychopath’s inability to feel emotions deeply. Psychopaths are also not good at detecting fear in the faces of other people (Blair et al., 2004). The emotion of disgust also plays an important role on our ethical sense. We find certain types of unethical actions disgusting, and this work to keep us from engaging in them and makes us express disapproval of them. But psychopaths have extremely high thresholds for disgust, as measured by their reactions when shown disgusting photos of mutilated faces and when exposed to foul odors.
    One promising new line of research is based on the recent discovery of a brain network responsible for understanding the minds of others. Called the default mode network (because it also performs other tasks and is operating most of the time when we are awake) it involves a cluster of several different areas in the brain’s cortex. The first studies have been done on function of this network in psychopaths and as expected there are problems there. Different studies have noted “aberrant functional connectivity” among the parts of the network, along with reduced volume in some of the networks crucial areas.”

    This was published in 3013. Last summer the National Institute of Mental Health(NIMH) rocked the mental health world by publishing that they were now going to diagnostic tools as a major tool for diagnosis, for instance fMRI. These, what I call 4 percenters as 4 percent of the population cannot physically feel empathy, can be identified as Antisocial Personality Disorder. This is a synonymous with The World Health Organizations “Dissocial Personality Disorder” used in the above citation.
    Most of the people in these blogs are bringing marital trauma to the fore. These people view everyone in like terms fundamentally. Only sometimes, for instance their boss, they see manipulation of a different sort as being in their best interest. This brings the possibility of being able to do a brain scan on a potential mate, or hire, or politician to determine if they are capable of empathy. Food for thought. I have broached the subject of teaching in a passing way the existence of such people in society in high school. And the possible consequences of observables such as grandiosity, coldness, manipulation, callousness. After all we have a duty to educate and protect our children. The normal person is defenseless against such people because they do not know of their existence. Perhaps we can begin the process of improving our family institution instead of the constant degradation of it we have been seeing for decades.

  15. pray for myself and my sons i married aman 12 years ago i trusted he has physically finacially emotionally mentally but im strong he stole my identity what tomorrow i find out wont shock me he is a animal im not a criminal ive worked hard for 20 years and this creep cant get away with this im pressing charges tessa rettig soon taylor gathering attorney fees now im self employed but he has took money out of bank also took me off as a signer of a payroll account god wants men to be good to women

  16. I am happy! I am aware of the warning signs and will not be marring that man. Thank you for furthering my education on this matter.

  17. Reading your messages make me stronger.I am leaving my narcissistic husband and his narcissistic family after 25 years of anxieties and deceit.
    It is scary as I am 54, but I believe everything will turn out fine at the end.Please TRW let me know if you left him and how are you doing.

  18. I have been involved with a narcissistic sociopath for 5 years. I am also a newlywed. I was married November of 2014. So you may ask how long do you think a narcissistic Sociopath marriage will last? I will tell you, 11 weeks. All the while being coned, connived, convinced that there is something wrong with me. The cruelty that I have endured over the years is unimaginable. Only to have married this man because 11 weeks for long enough for him. I came home from work one day and he was gone. All his things packed up and gone. To add insult to injury, mine. He has blocked me from calling his phone, text messaging, and changed his email address, so now I am married to a narcissistic sociopath that I cannot even get a divorce from because he can not be reached at this time. I have been seeing a therapist for some time due to what I have been going through with this man and she told me everything that has and would take place with someone like him. But no one could convince me that this was so, and I can tell you why, because I have been stuck in a cycle of abuse for so many years now, I didn’t even see it right in front of my face. I am just working on me now and attempting to work on the recovery process for myself. This is all still fresh because I have only been married 4 months now and he is gone. So here is what I can tell you from my personal experience, don’t mess with these people, they are dangerous, they do not change, you can’t make them change. There is nothing you can do for them but get as far, far away from them as you can and never regret it. Just be happy you made it out alive.

  19. I married a sociopath but did not realize it until two years after we divorced. I at first thought he was bipolar or something but now this makes perfect sense. The hell & abuse I endured from this man is indescribable, if I detailed it nobody would believe me. I wondered if he was possessed by a demon he was pure evil. He fit all the criteria for a sociopath personality. ALL every dot point, I was living a lie in secret behind closed doors I was abused so badly, I didn’t know how I could end up in this situation. Smart, pretty, great career, sizeable income…etc. I let a loser come into my life & turn it inside out & upside down. I am now free & happy & he has moved onto his next victim.

  20. If I were to write a book about what my recently EX Husband has done to me and continues to do to me it would be considered fiction because nobody would believe my story!I was married 36 years to a man who told me he loved me every day, wrote me an 11 page love letter and a few weeks later left with a DEAR JOHN LETTER . I later found out for 36 years he was living a SECRET LIFE! I live in Chicago Illinois and want to meet other woman with similar stories.Where can I find a meeting or support group locally? I live in the northern suburbs and can not find any place to meet other woman who have walked in my shoes. I have no idea who this man is. He has not talked to me in over 2 yeas and will not talk to me to explain anything he has done.The man I loved and believed loved me is a diabolical monster and is pure EVIL!I am a positive person and live in GRATITUDE each and every day. If I never see him again it will not be soon enough! I just want him to leave me alone but he is relentless in wanting to hurt and destroy me emotionally and financially!Can you help me get in touch with other woman who live fairly close.I would like to talk to them or meet with them because typing is too impersonal and the trough is I am a terrible typist.Please HELP!!!

  21. of course he became the COP! He then could control his world, that his mother stole from him? He always fought for her approval? I was emotionally, partially sexually abused as a child, then married a full blown sociopath narcissist, controlling cop.
    His mother spoiled him rotten, catered to his every move, and that’s why he married me. The sweet, honest, caring, loving, loyal wife to wipe his every need. He had more affairs then anyone on record!! I was severely codependent, and couldn’t, wouldn’t face the facts? Just plain fear of having to make it on my own?

    36 years later after, not ONE CHILD, BUT TWO KIDS FROM TWO DIFFERENT WOMAN? Holy crap, I must be insane to still be here in this web of a nightmare marriage.

    He had sex with some woman on one of his boy golf trips in spring training. Someone informed me of. He rented part of our home out to his coworker, and gave her my new vacuum, blender to use? Because she is a nice person? I wanted to strangle the pervert!

  22. Kathy, I’m in the same boat. 6 months into our marriage after a 5-year relationship (hunt) he began using drugs and completely checked out. His behavior reflects every single sociopathic quality, and despite being warned many years ago that he was a con, superficial, unreliable, immoral, egomaniacal and a criminal, I believed every lie he told me. He was utterly convincing. Now he is out of the house but still wreaking havoc. We are $50,000 in debt and he is cold as ice. I can’t turn back the clock but I will make it out of this better and stronger. He has submitted to therapy but how do you heal someone who has no conscience? He feels no empathy for anyone and I have no hope for his recovery. Ever. Thank God it’s over.

  23. I am a mother of two, divorced my first husband cos of his chronic womanizing. after two years of separation, I remarried but little did I know I married a monster. I was at loss when my first marriage failed. I thought my second husband was my savior, Knight in shining Armour. only few weeks of our relationship, I remember giving him a cake to surprise him, instead of being happy, he cursed me asking who am I to give him a cake. I got shocked and wanted to end the relationship immediately, but because of my super low esteem, he wooed me and accepted his apologies. since then he constantly cursed me and my children and after he would pursue us with his charm as if nothing happened. It became a cycle. Until we got married, thinking he might change. As years went by, he became worse. He would control me and constantly calls me a whore, having sex with different men, thief, liar, stupid, pea brain. I could no longer function well. Even at work he will be texting me to ask where I am every minute. The harassment is becoming worse. There are times Im thinking of committing suicide, thinking it’s the only way to get out of his shadow. I am already drained, exhausted and very tired ? please help me.

  24. Omg, so scary how other people are dealing with the same thing. I feel like I was my husband’s therapist for years, and now after dealing with him now I need the therapy. Husband and I are now separated, and I’m trying to make sense of his behavior. He had an affair and has no remorse at all, he’s narcissistic but lacks confidence all at the same time, he cracks jokes when I see him as if all is forgiven, and he’s just so incredibly cruel. I don’t even know who the hell he is. It’s as if he has a split personality, saying he loves me and yet he has these demons inside. I’m starting to question if I even want my 3 year old around this behavior. To make it worse, he told me himself that this kind of behavior seems to run in his family.

  25. Trying to disappear
    I was married for 23 years and with him for 30 years. I had noticed he would get aggrevated and angry fast, i also noticed he was impulseive. Over the years he has been doing strange things to the point i would ask hey is something wrong with you, his response was no is something wrong with you. My story is long and has been going on for years unfortanely i lost my daughter who was 18 in 2006, I had an attitude about the whole situation. I felt there was something else but couldnt figure out what it was. I was the bread winner, im the wife and i had no problem whit that at all. I remember walking in one day on my husband and his dad was saying did you tell her what you have and i said tell me what they both brushed me off and made up something to make me go away. So after my daughter died since i was always at work i took off for a little while and come to find out he had been cheating on me and not with one young girl but 20 of them , most of them they were my friend from high school who she ended up moving on my block, then theres the friend i work with, then theres the best friend of mine of 30 years who he was sleeping with their sister, he not only was sleeping with these girls he was having kids by them, til this day he still dont beleive hes done nothing wrong, i have divorced him and didnt realize what i was getting myself into, oh did i say he has at least 50 kids by all these women, they all are tied to each other , like 2 or 3 of them know each other and they all have kids by them, you know why because hes been having threesomes. so i live on my block wit, a girl accross the street, one next door, 2, 4doors over who moved over here, then i have the 2 around the corner who are strippers, then theres a friend of his who daughter has kids by him I sit here everyday trying to keep him away,because he thinks hes done nothing wrong. i have to get out of this cycle. i have put my 2nd ppo on him but by the time the police gets here hes gone. i have went to see a psychiatrist who tells me hes a sociopathic narsacist and after all that he wants me to beleive he loves me and im the one with the problem

  26. Hi. My husband has lied so much that I genuinely don’t know who he is. I feel unsafe because I really don’t understand how anyone can lie in the way he does. I feel duped.. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years and have 3 amazing children but only learnt tonight that he has been lying about where he want to university. I think he has a huge ego but low self-esteem which is also typical addict behaviour. I realise now that there is no option but to leave. I wanted to create a secure environment for my children in not rocking their home life but here lies the irony!

  27. Hi. My husband has lied so much that I genuinely don’t know who he is. I feel unsafe because I really don’t understand how anyone can lie in the way he does. I feel duped.. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years and have 3 amazing children but only learnt tonight that he has been lying about where he went to university.. aswell as his affairs… one of which was with a close friend. I think he has a huge ego but low self-esteem which is also typical addict behaviour. a I realise now that there is no option but to leave. I wanted to create a secure environment for my children in not rocking their home life but here lies the irony!

  28. Dear Deborah-

    I am sorry for you, truly I am, I understand your pain and I have lived your pain. I was married for seventeen years and left with two kids and 200,000 of debt. He was a narcissist.

    Then foolish me, weak and vulnerable I married immediately to true sociopath. The guy hadn’t filed an income tax return in 15 years. His money is in 5 different business accounts, he maxed out credit cards in his ex-wife’s name. He is a terrible person who says feels to guilt. The guy is scary. Yet he was charming and loving two years ago.

    I am 45 and thinking about what to do and how to escape and I have a good plan! I am a smart person with a good career. I will escape early next year by relocating with my job. I will leave him the house and file for divorce.

    As for you, my advice, do your best to close the door, don’t blame yourself. Revenge is best served cold not hot. If you are happy, and do things they make you happy that is the best revenge to our “Mentally-ill Husbands.” Ageis a number you have 30+ years of living to do. Don’t look back, look up, look forward!

    He (your ex) will not change but you do not have to be his prisoner. Not any more. No more self-imposed imprisonment!

    Live. Please live!!!

    Besides 57 is the new 47,get your groove back!

  29. Maybe we should start with the parents. Even if they claim to have perfect parents, you later learn that this story is also a lie. They present themselves as functioning adult with a wonderful childhood. Some of them block most of there childhood memories. They never really give u all the truth. I found out the siblings are also social path, they even cover for each other. This show a pattern of learned behavior.

  30. Oh how i WISH we were closer! Or that I could find something like that in Kansas where I live… I feel SO lost, and so alone. I can’t talk to my family because they don’t understand. Heck, I don’t even understand!

  31. I have an 8 year old, I stay because at least this way I an be around to shield my son from his father’s bizarre behaviors. Because when I left before and we filed for divorce, he had my son and exposed him to so many awful behaviors! I cannot have my impressionable loving little guy around that monster thinking the way he behaves is normal or acceptable! But how much longer can I shield him…?

  32. So how are you doing now? I COMPLETELY understand the feeling of not wanting to rock the children’s home life by leaving. I am still in that same boat…

  33. My husband was a trial lawyer and also wrote me these beautiful love letters. And he was a world-class sociopath with a 180-IQ and 35 years experience as a litigator.

    Several months ago, he came home for lunch and blew his brains out in the backyard, right under our bedroom window.

    He left a note for the cops that it was my fault that he killed himself. I’m a successful business woman, highly intelligent and yet I endured his abuse for years, wondering what was wrong with ME.

    Sociopaths typically don’t kill themselves but he believed his memory was failing and he knew that the truth about his double life would soon be exposed. I had no idea who he really was until after his death when several women told me that he had approached them with vulgar advances.

    He had so many secrets. I was married to a shadow, a man who used me and my good reputation as cover for his ugly life.

    Almost a year out, I still feel deeply depressed. His death made national news and no one believes my rantings. I’m isolated and alone.

  34. Yes, all these male “psychopaths” have dysfunctional families. When you start learning of there lies and sneaking it is time to get away from them. They usually think highly of themselves. My husbands mom was actually jealous of me. Makes me wonder….but he has left and I’m changing locks in 2-3 days with the c/c save on his amazon account and some clothes for me too. So now he can call me more names but I got one for him, looser!

  35. I’ve been married nearly 37 years to a sociopath. Although there have been many, many telltale signs that he was, I had NO idea what a sociopath even was until just recently. Talk about having a huge eye opening revelation! With the knowledge I have now, I can look back on the past 37 years and see it so clearly. I was only 18 when I met him, he was 25. In just 6 short weeks, he convinced me to get married, that what we had was rare and it was love at first sight. I was so naive back then and was easily fooled into believing every word he said. I practically worshiped him. Whenever his “sadistic” side came out, (which only came out after we were married of course) I would openly profess to him that it disturbed me. He made me dump all my friends that I had. He convinced me that they were just using me and that I didn’t need anyone but him. Then he made me quit my job right before we got married, he said he didn’t want me working, that he wanted to take care of me. What I didn’t realize at the time was, he was isolating me from everyone that I loved. He knew I was very close to my mom and so after our first child was born, we moved to another state. Well, to skip way ahead, we’ve been married 37 years like I said. I left him twice before. In 2003 and again in 2012. Currently, I’m with him but, I’m secretly making plans to divorce him. Each time I’d left him in the past, he never argued about my leaving nor did he try to stop me. In fact, it was me that came back to him because he convinced our grown children that I was the reason he was having so many health issues and that if they could talk to me and convince me to come back he knew he would get better. I knew it was bullshit. But, because he knew that our kids meant everything to me and because I didn’t want any mental abuse towards my kids, I came back to him. My kids know he’s a sociopath also. I was disabled in 2006 but because I was a stay at home mom most of our marriage and only worked sporadically, he would constantly tell me that I couldn’t survive on my own. When he realized that I could, in fact, survive quite well on my own, he changed his tactics to get me back. He manipulated me into feeling sorry for him. And I feel for it..twice! But, this time around, I have to leave for good. Sometimes I feel like if I don’t, I’ll lose my sanity. I walk on eggshells around him. Something else I’d like to say, maybe there are other people who can relate. My husband has never, ever cried once in our whole marriage. My mother passed away this past year and when he tried to console me, (because there were so many people around at the funeral, he didn’t want to look like an uncaring husband), he cried and tried to hug me but I knew in my gut that he was faking. I’ve always thought that someone who can’t cry or be moved by emotion, there has to be something wrong with them! How right I was! He never shows emotion unless it’s the expression of pure joy when he hurts me mentally and he sits back and enjoys it when I get upset. He pushes buttons but, I’ve learned a long time ago not to give in to that because he enjoys it so much. I’m a very strong person mentally and he’s intimidated by that, I know that now. I have learned that as long as I live with him and until I get divorced and move out, I keep my composure no matter how he tries to manipulate my emotions. I just shut down completely. He hates that. All sociopaths hate it when they don’t get the reaction they try so hard to get. Thanks for listening to me. It helps in some way that there are other people out there with the same problems I have.

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