Category: Covert Narcissist

Aggressive Overt High Level Narcissists – Psychologically Dangerous to Their Spouses and Children

Aggressive Overt High Level Narcissists – Psychologically Dangerous to Their Spouses and Children

Are you or have you been at the mercy of an individual who constantly screams, demeans, humiliates, brags and shames you. Likely, you are dealing with an aggressive overt high level narcissist. They can be described as an obsessive maelstrom of activity. Maelstrom refers to violent turmoil. The literal meaning is “a powerful whirlpool in the sea or a river.”

These cruel, highly charged individuals are self obsessed, without conscience; predatory without psychological boundaries— corrosive characters who do not change. Their entire focus is on Winning no matter the consequences to others—spouses, ex-spouses, partners, children.

Each day you are existing in the fight or flight, sympathetic nervous system—your adrenaline rushes through, your cortisol runs high, especially when you are trying to sleep. Night time with one of these predatory personalities can means the worst. You feel so vulnerable in the darkness; you wait to see if this horrid person will purposely confront you, scream, accuse, make menace with you.  You lie there, keeping one eye open, waiting for the next sound, movement, sensation. For many of you this is a reprise of the childhood trauma that has haunted you for decades. Growing up with a narcissistic parent, you never felt safe; you couldn’t let down.  There was neither privacy nor calmness; no possibility of solitude or a quieting of your nervous system to parasympathetic mode.

There is a long debate about whether aggression  of temperament is inborn or learned, nature or nurture. A recent study by the University of Montreal indicates that some individuals are born more aggressive than others. This research indicates that “aggression isn’t only learned, but inborn; and one’s environment can worsen or improve this behavior as one ages.”

The following list of predatory behaviors on the part of the aggressive high level narcissist offer you  a perspective and an appreciation of what you are experiencing:

Lack of respect for the needs of others

Grandiosity and extreme self entitlement

Winning for self at the expense of others

Humiliating you as a tool of control and submission

Infantile, regressive two year old temper tantrum behavior

Everything revolves around the high level narcissists: their needs and demands

After years of research and insights and the accumulation of excessive psychological and physical stress you make the decision to leave the high level narcissist and take back, renew, restore, transform your true authentic creative self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D., LMFT

 

 

 

High Level Narcissists – Dripping with Self Adulation

High Level Narcissists – Dripping with Self Adulation

There is a distinct vibration, a psychological secent you detect in the high level narcissist. Charming, often spell biending, these individuals reveal themselves fully when we are open to our intuitive insights about them. This is very important in that many people are fooled by high level narcissists at the top of their game. For the high level each person is a puzzle piece that he/she selects to enhance his sense of perfection, extreme self entitlement, power and control.

The high level truly believes that he has great value, talent, brilliance than any one else. Very aggressive, the high level is willing to disrupt and desimate those who stand in his way, taking a no prisoners attitude. He is disgusted with those whom he describes as weak and incompetent, introverted types that respond with feelings and empathy.

These outrageous, infamous types are conquerors. Many are obsessed with money and possessions, always topping themselves. Highly aggressive, he maneuvers himself/herself up the financial and social ladders, stepping over and pushing others off his path, a royal road to material largesse and social power.

There is a time for you of deep insight when you recognize that you can no longer stay in this toxic, non-relationship. You move forward now, knowing that you can recoonstitute and yourself fully—psychologically, physically, spiritually, creatively.

Practice daily self care: rest, sleep, hydration, pure nourishing food, beautiful music, movement/exercise and Nature—that restores mind/body/insight/beauty/creativity.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D., L.M.F.T.

High Level Narcissists – Masters of Varieties of Lies

High Level Narcissists – Masters of Varieties of Lies

“A lie is a handy tool the narcissist uses to enhance and protect the image he has so painstakingly built. Lies are automatic. They flow from him as effortlessly as sweat coming through pores… He (the narcissist) knows he can lie and get away with it…The narcissist insists that the way must be clear for him to move ahead…He looks you right in the eye and lies without hesitation…He is glib with his lies, he shades the truth or tells an outright lie.”

You cannot have a real relationship with someone who lies to you. Those who are partnered with or married to a high level narcissist are constantly being lied to by their spouse or partner.

High level narcissists are masters of deceit and take pride in their lies. They have developed this activity to a high art.

Compartmentalization -The high level narcissist is highly secretive. He cannot be authentic, real or true. One of his devices is compartmentalization.  He often leads a secret life  It is not unusual for these individuals to have several “close” relationships going forward simultaneously. Being married doesn’t interfere with the high level narcissist’s straying to other partners. These individuals don’t have a well developed conscience and are known to give in to their libidinal proclivities. They rationalize about these behaviors and always can give themselves perfect excuses for their immoral behaviors. For the high level narcissists the people around him are all part of his/her role as an exalted, highly entitled individual. The high level is the puppeteer who creates roles for those who share his world. The narcissist feels no guilt for these betrayals of trust. Lacking a moral compass, this kind of behavior is very easy for these individuals.

Re-writing history – High level narcissists are constantly revising their personal and work histories, resumes, family histories, academic and professional bona fides.

Double Downing on their Lies – High levels are completely shameless. They look deep you’re your eyes and lie directly to you. Narcissists develop the dark art of lying very early. Just think about it.  If we didn’t have a conscience wouldn’t it be smoother and easier to tell clever untruths that increased your personal power and control and enlarged your gilded image.

Lies of omission – High level narcissists are outrageously cunning at their lies of omission. They leave out whole swaths of forbidden behaviors that they know will exasperate their partners, spouses, ex-spouses, children, business associates.  It’s almost as if they can’t help themselves.  They are driven by ego and their ever-present goals of reaching the highest summits of power, control and the fruits of their excessive greed.

The high level narcissist does not change since this is a fixed personality disorder. For the narcissist the upside for him or her is utilizing their “talents” for mendacity to their advantage. Reaching the highest rungs of the ladder is what matters most to them.

You are different from the high level narcissist.  You have a finely developed conscience; you don’t lie; you don’t deceive people. Your relationships are genuine and not used to control and overpower others. You are capable of deep empathy and are capable of putting yourself in the place of another with regard to their feelings, thoughts, intentions and the problems and issues that challenge them.

Here’s to you, an individual of integrity, perseverance, spiritual vitality, traveling your unique pathways of transformation, evolution and creativity.

High Level Narcissists Double and Triple Down on Their Ever-Present Hubris

Hubris in man is ever-present, perhaps in prehistoric caves. Wherever there is pride there is hubris. The story of the angels cast into Hell for their hubris remains with us.

The word hubris comes from the ancient Greek meaning extreme pride and dangerous overconfidence.

Hubris is outrageous. Aristotle defined hubris as shaming the victim.

The high level narcissist gains pleasure from his hubristic acts. He or she is not called out on these dark deeds if they hold sway and power, if they are highly placed socially and economically.

Those who are married to or partnered with or children of hubristic high level narcissists are victims of their extreme psychopathology.

You spend years and decades married to one of these  individuals go through a series of leaving them, returning and continuing the cycle to the increasing stress.  psychophysiological imbalances, mood and anxiety disorders, chronic insomnia, re-traumatizaation from childhood.

When high level narcissists are shamelessly bad they will never admit they are wrong. All that matters is getting their way every time. When cornered they double and triple down on their lies, deceits, manipulations, exploitations and gain pleasure from dominating their spouses, ex-spouses, children, siblings, business associates. Unlike you they have no shame—never di and never will. They are always right no matter their horrific misdeeds and betrayals.

They draw around them a golden circle of followers and hangers on who are loyal to them no matter what the isue. They feed off of the high level’s extreme pride, economic largesse and social power.

In the high level’s psychological mix is a lack of conscience, any bit of shame or of course no empath.

The high level narcissist has no reason to change. This is a fixed personality disorder.

When you awaken and decide that you must separate out from the high level narcissist, this is a great moment of insight and mental and psychological clarity.

With great perseverance, wisdom and resolve you recognize that you are entitled to move forward as a separate, unique individual who deserves the full use of all of your creative gifts, to develop relationships based on self respect and integrity. As you learn more about the true nature of the high level narcissist, you realize that you are moving into the parasympathetic pathways of restoration, healing, transformation and the full use of your unique creative gifts.

Linda Martinez- Lewi, Ph.D.

Marriage to A High Level Narcissist Re-Activates Childhood Toxic Shame

 

Growing up in a highly pathological family you experienced a deep shaming of the self since you were a very small child. You remember the feeling, so intolerable that  came over you when your narcissistic mother stared you down, pinched your tiny arm, screamed in her high pitched nasty voice that you were “worthless, despicable, a mistake of nature.” These moments are etched in every bodily system and each corner of your psyche. This shame has defined much of your identity as a person who has always felt like a fraud.

You wanted to hide and never return to this house. You made plans in your mind countless times. You conjured countless intricate plots: how you would leave, what time, how to go out unnoticed, what excuses to make that were believable. Even very little children are thinking of their escape plans only to realize that they are just to small to do this on their own. I remember one person who shared a memory at age three of looking down her street from a window, then following the plan in her mind only to realize that she was trapped and could not escape and was physically too little to manage her own rescue. With tears in her eyes she brought up this poignant memory.

Psychoanalyst Alice Miller identifies these children as Prisoners of Childhood. In a sense we are all captives of our parents. When we are very young we are vulnerable and at the mercy of our mother and father: their temperaments and dispositions, psychological and emotional stability, hidden and overt psychopathology. Children who grow up in these homes often feel deep shame about themselves.

Adult children of narcissists carry toxic shame into their marriages and partner ships especially if they are partnered with high level narcissistic personalities.  High level narcissists are shameless and without conscience. Don’t be fooled by their charming personas, their dynamism, magnetic qualities.

It doesn’t take long to recognize that you are married to a chameleon who can switch to any persona he or she chooses. It doesn’t take long for the narcissist to show his shadow side, that part of him or her that is single mindedly determined to control and manipulate you at every turn.

When you don’t comply and show independent of thought and action you are criticized, humiliated and shamed.  Narcissists are not insightful but they are cunning and can “read” your vulnerabilities.  They instinctively know that one of your weaker points is your residue of shame that you carry.  The high level uses this ruse to re-activate the feelings of insecurity and shame that you felt as a child.  They gain power over you as did your parents by pressing these tender psychological buttons that cause you to weaken and capitulate to those negative feelings about yourself.

After a number of years you finally recognize that you can no longer continue along this pathway. You spend time doing research about the true nature of the high level narcissist, a personality disorder that is not inclined to change. You begin to appreciate who you are as an authentic true self that is entitled to pursue your independence, unique creative gifts, a sense of inner peace, the fulness of your individuality. You learn to take very good care of yourself and to establish relationships of respect, trust, an exchange of ideas and personal transformation. Accessing the parasympathetic nervous system through many avenues: basic yoga poses, diaphragmatic breathing, listening to beautiful music, getting the sleep and rest that you deserve, being with Nature, the great healer, nourishing food, good hydration, exercise that strengthens and gives you a sense of vitality and well being, building a spiritual practice the way that you define it.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

 

Shameless High Level Narcissists Double Down on their Deceits and Manipulations

High level narcissists commit cruel deeds of deceit and exploitation throughout their self absorbed, venal, conniving, exploitive lives. Filled with an extreme sense of entitlement they believe that they are better, smarter, more talented, clever, creative than anyone else.

High level narcissists are condemned to a fate of never knowing the truth, incapable of compassion and love, the gift of empathy, an authentic understanding of their real self. They remain fake, hollow, barren, empty, false, lost, disengaged, bleak inside. Are they suffering you ask?  Not necessarily since they are “protected” by the defense mechanisms of denial, repression and projection.  Is it fair to you that you suffer and they don’t. Of course not. Do these high level narcissists change. NO! Can your love for them cause them to change? NO!  This perrsonality is very rigid and their titanium defense mechanisms work for them.  Do they fool a lot of people—YES, most of the time.

Does the high level narcissist get away with multiple cruelties, transgressions and betrayals? YES!

We live in an age of hyper-narcissism where the sins and transgressions are acceptable, overlooked by the many, known clearly by the few who seek the truth about the high level’s their innate nature.

As a spouse or partner or child of a high level narcissist, you have been psychologically and emotionally abused. You didn’t deserve to be treated with such disdain, deception, exploitation.

You have observed, researched, analyzed this narcissist for many years and watched while he or she deceived and discarded you countless times.

Now you are clear about this person to whom you have given a pass too many times. Your awakening is here, the moment of clearest insight holds steady, your body/mind is grounded this time to make the decision to quit this non relationship and to redirect your energies, talents, inspirations, warmth, empathy to yourself where it belongs.

Now you have respite, calm, solitude that you deserve. This is where you belong. The beauties of Nature await your presence and participation,  Remember self care each day: rest, sleep, hydration, nutrition, movement and exercise your way, music’s magic.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Protect Yourself from Unrelenting Exhaustion Caused by Marriage to High Level Narcissist

Protect Yourself from Unrelenting Exhaustion Caused by Marriage to High Level Narcissist-

You can’t fall asleep at night; you are anxious, your mind is racing. You listen to your thoughts and wonder when you will get respite. Morning comes and you face exhaustion as if you had been up through the night. Exhaustion has a pain of its own, a feeling of weakness that can seem unending. Finally you face the day and wonder  if your strength and stamina will ever return. It is very difficult for those who have not experienced this level of exhaustion to understand. This is way beyond tired or worn out.

 

Your gut is out of whack. You are distracted and miserable most of the time.  On top of this is the dark presence, the horrific shadow side of the high level narcissist.  What you know for sure is that eventually he or she will start screaming at you, picking you apart in a low voice filled with derision and mocking. One of his/favorites is humiliating you.  Humiliation is one of the worst sensations we can experience. It is intolerable; we squirm inside, we become small and want to disappear, to become invisible.  These cruelties visited on you by the high level are  a regular feature, sometimes daily, wearing  you thin, jangling your nervous system causing  anxiety and panic, For some re-activating their childhood trauma as children in a narcissistic family.

You feel the old vulnerabilities, the childhood deprivation, the raw fear.

All of this is particularly alarming since your narcissistic partner/spouse doesn’t give a damn about you or you well being. In fact he is incensed that you are ill and pulling him down. You are bad for his image. Having a partner who is not “Up” all the time is very unappealing. The flawless narcissists despises your chronic exhaustion and uses every opportunity to both deride and abandon you.

Slowly at times very slowly you begin to sense that you are moving through the exhaustion, feeling the beginnings of strength.  You do research and seek good professional help. With time and an inner resolve and connection with a few individuals whom you trust you know that in order to heal and restore your physical and psychological health you will need to move along your own recovery pathways that activate the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems, daily self care:  rest, sleep, excellent nutrition, hydration, Nature’s healing gifts, the use of your unique creative gifts, your form of spiritual practice: basic restorative yoga, stretching, gentle ancient movements of chi gong.   Another phenomenal gift of healing: listening to beautiful music that moves inside with its beauty and the promise of renewal, strength and transformation, the fullness of your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

You can’t fall asleep at night; you are anxious, your mind is racing. You listen to your thoughts and wonder when you will get respite. Morning comes and you face exhaustion as if you had been up through the night. Exhaustion has a pain of its own, a feeling of weakness that can seem unending. Finally you face the day and wonder  if your strength and stamina will ever return. It is very difficult for those who have not experienced this level of exhaustion to understand. This is way beyond tired or worn out..

You are distracted and miserable most of the time.  On top of this is the dark presence, the horrific shadow side of the high level narcissist.  What you know for sure is that eventually he or she will start screaming at you, picking you apart in a low voice filled with derision and mocking. One of his/favorites is humiliating you.  Humiliation is one of the worst sensations we can experience. It is intolerable; we squirm inside, we become small and want to disappear, to become invisible.  These cruelties visited on you by the high level are  a regular feature, sometimes daily, wearing  you thin, jangling your nervous system causing  anxiety and panic, For some re-activating their childhood trauma as children in a narcissistic family.

You feel the old vulnerabilities, the childhood deprivation, the raw fear.

All of this is particularly alarming since your narcissistic partner/spouse doesn’t give a damn about you or you well being. In fact he is incensed that you are ill and pulling him down. You are bad for his image. Having a partner who is not “Up” all the time is very unappealing. The flawless narcissists despises your chronic exhaustion and uses every opportunity to both deride and abandon you.

Slowly at times very slowly you begin to sense that you are moving through the exhaustion, feeling the beginnings of strength.  You do research and seek good professional help. With time and an inner resolve and connection with a few individuals whom you trust you know that in order to heal and restore your physical and psychological health you will need to move along your own recovery pathways that activate the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems, daily self care:  rest, sleep, excellent nutrition, hydration, Nature’s healing gifts, the use of your unique creative gifts, your form of spiritual practice: basic restorative yoga, stretching, gentle ancient movements of chi gong.   Another phenomenal gift of healing: listening to beautiful music that moves inside with its beauty and the promise of renewal, strength and transformation, the fullness of your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

High Level Narcissists – Their Insatiable Greed and Manipulations

Human greed has been with us for tens of thousands of years. Greed is one of the great sins – the relentless pursuit of money, properties, luxurious possessions and the dark manipulations that are part of this game of pursuing more.  In society there are high level narcissists throughout history who have based the purpose of their existence on how much they could acquire and control. This is at the core of their being day and night.

Greedy high level narcissists are highly manipulative. With their obsessive need for more they plot and plan how they will exploit others, including  their spouses, ex-spouses, relatives, children, “friends” business associates.  Everyone presents an opportunity for the high level to use others to keep their ego fully inflated.

When the high level’s greed leads to tremendous financial success, this individual feels special and over entitled. He looks down on those who have not achieved his level of success. At the same time he burns with envy at those who have more money, wield raw power and material acquisitions. He watches every move of those who have become multi billionaires and is  enraged that they are climbing with such speed up the summits of extraordinary wealth. This motivates them to push harder each day, each hour. The high level plots his moves, finding devious ways he/she can take advantage of others who are more vulnerable whom he can manipulate and will bend to his will.

Greed is a primary driver for many high level aggressive narcissists.

Male and female high level narcissists pursue partners and prospective spouses who are well connected socioeconmically.  Heirs and heiresses are among their favorites. This is the perfect partner for one of these high stepping, wealth obsessed high level narcissists. They do deep research to find the precise individuals who can fit their specifications. This person must be very attractive, well educated, come from a family of wealth and high level social connections.

High level greedy narcissists are “gifted” at finding their way into these privileged circles.

Often attractive and handsome with magnetic charm, they engages the individuals on their A list of possible conquests. The high level knows exactly how to play people, make them feel unique and special, cater to their interests, passions, wishes and what make them tick. They know exactly how to flatter you with their words and charming non-verbals: riveting eye contact, appearing to be fascinated by everything you say and do. These are award winning method actor performances.

Many are enraptured by the high level narcissist and captivated they partner with and marry, these high climbers. Some time the partner has no idea that he or she is being manipulated and exploited. The narcissistic partner insists on using your assets and properties to finance their excursions into business deals. For the narcissistic personality what belongs to you is theirs. This financial arrangement can go on for many years. The exploitation is nonstop. When the greedy high level narcissist has acquired enough money is tired of the current spouse, he or she moves on to the next money making source.  It’s like gold prospecting. You strike gold, mine it out and then move on to the next possible gold rush. For the high level narcissist you are a commodity and resource that makes him very rich. You are interchangeable with others. If you don’t bring it forward he will easily find someone else. For the high level greedy narcissist,  everyone is expendable.

High level narcissists steal creative concepts and fully completed project if they think they can get away with it.  It isn’t a conscience that stops them, it is a cool calculation about whether they would be exposed and found out.  Otherwise straight ahead they move without a twinge of conscience.

If you are partnered or married to a greedy high level narcissist there is a time of reckoning of becoming awakened to the true nature of the narcissistic personality. You can no longer be exposed to their psychological and moral toxicity. You are exhausted from their taking advantage of you, financially, psychologically, emotionally, creatively and spiritually.

You stand firmly grounded on your individual wisdom and insight. Now you move forward along the pathways of the healing and restorative parasympathetic of self – care,  the fruits of your unique creativity, the beauty of your self expression, spontaneity, solitude of inner peace.  Give yourself tremendous credit for this journey you are making.  And always listen to your intuition, a divine gift.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply

You have been a primary resource of ego supply to the high level narcissist: adulation, praise, loyalty, creative collaboration.

Beneath the extreme confidence, self entitlement and charm, the high level narcissist is an individual who is constantly in need of keeping his ego fully inflated. High level narcissists create a golden circle of followers and admirers  who provide them with constant re-circulating adoration, obedience,  monetary rewards that raise them up on the power food chain.

High level narcissists choose partners and spouses who increase the attraction and fascination that others have toward them. A socially skilled charming sophisticated partners is an invaluable part of the high level’s appeal and cachet.  High levels choose spouses who burnish their image, are gifted socially and add to the perfection of the high level’s impeccable image.

For the high level narcissist you are an object who fulfills his/her needs, wants and expectations.  Your perfect performance is expected.

The high level is cunning and has a gift for knowing your psychological vulnerabilities and deep wishes.

He/she uses these skills for purposes of control and manipulation.  High levels offer a series of carrots and sticks to mold and manipulate their partners. If you sufficiently please the narcissist you are rewarded; if you move independently you are rebuked, treated with disdain—thrown out of paradise. Many married to high levels tend to be people pleasers which started in their family of origin.

For some partners to high level narcissists it is the exciting and easy lifestyle that is so appealing. You feel special when you can go through your days and have everything taken care of,  it is so smooth, exciting, expansive. You feel like you can have anything you want because you are connected with the magic of the narcissist. This is your delusion and denial of his/her true nature.

Behind closed doors the story turns ugly. You become the object of the narcissist’s vile projections, criticisms, humiliations. It is stressful and exhausting to be treated in this manner for so many years, even decades.

You have spent time researching the narcissistic personality, thought carefully about the stress you are under and know intuitively that this narcissist is not going to change.

You have many insights and  decide to move forward along your own pathway—that you deserve to pursue your unique creative gifts, to go through your days with a sense of inner peace, appreciating and acting upon your individuality. As you practice self care each day you learn to access the calming restorative part of the nervous system,  the parasympathetic. Physical, psychological and creative energies are renewed. You have come back to your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.