Children of Narcissistic Mothers - The Narcissist In Your Life

You can’t fall asleep at night; you are anxious, your mind is racing. You listen to your thoughts and wonder when you will get respite. Morning comes and you face exhaustion as if you had been up through the night. Exhaustion has a pain of its own, a feeling of weakness that can seem unending. Finally you face the day and wonder if your strength and stamina will ever return. It is very difficult for those who have not experienced this level of exhaustion to understand. This is way beyond tired or worn out..

You are distracted and miserable most of the time. On top of this is the dark presence, the horrific shadow side of the high level narcissist. What you know for sure is that eventually he or she will start screaming at you, picking you apart in a low voice filled with derision and mocking. One of his/favorites is humiliating you. Humiliation is one of the worst sensations we can experience. It is intolerable; we squirm inside, we become small and want to disappear, to become invisible. These cruelties visited on you by the high level are a regular feature, sometimes daily, wearing you thin, jangling your nervous system causing anxiety and panic, For some re-activating their childhood trauma as children in a narcissistic family.

You feel the old vulnerabilities, the childhood deprivation, the raw fear.

All of this is particularly alarming since your narcissistic partner/spouse doesn’t give a damn about you or you well being. In fact he is incensed that you are ill and pulling him down. You are bad for his image. Having a partner who is not “Up” all the time is very unappealing. The flawless narcissists despises your chronic exhaustion and uses every opportunity to both deride and abandon you.

Slowly at times very slowly you begin to sense that you are moving through the exhaustion, feeling the beginnings of strength. You do research and seek good professional help. With time and an inner resolve and connection with a few individuals whom you trust you know that in order to heal and restore your physical and psychological health you will need to move along your own recovery pathways that activate the restorative parasympathetic body/mind systems, daily self care: rest, sleep, excellent nutrition, hydration, Nature’s healing gifts, the use of your unique creative gifts, your form of spiritual practice: basic restorative yoga, stretching, gentle ancient movements of chi gong. Another phenomenal gift of healing: listening to beautiful music that moves inside with its beauty and the promise of renewal, strength and transformation, the fullness of your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

High Level Narcissists – Masters at Re-Inventing Themselves

Creating and revising their biographies out of whole cloth is a special gift mastered by the high level narcissist.

The high level conjures up stories about himself and his origins. They paint an illuminated heroic picture of their beginnings including their ancestors. According to their stories they come through biological lines of extraordinary individuals: great thinkers, scientists, leaders, –everything about their family tree is special and unprecedented. As he or she tells the elaborate tales they are very believable. There are stories of heroic deeds, fortunes made, great leaders and entrepreneurs, everything about this background is unparalleled. The high level has told this story so many times in different ways that it is automatic now with no need for memorization. Of course this is not the real history but this doesn’t matter to the narcissist. It is the glowing, grandiose narrative that enthralls others that matters not the simple truth. The narcissist believes his own fictional tale.

Along the way the high level creates and conjures special roles for his partner and spouse, making sure that this person fits perfectly with the impeccable image that he is constantly projecting.

These fictions become true biographical narratives are activated by the high level narcissist’s false self identity. Rather than growing up identifying as a true authentic self, the high level narcissist, especially if he is a golden child, from the beginning is treated with the greatest deference, like a little prince or princess, superior to his siblings. He is the golden one without flaw or imperfection. As a result of being placed in this role there are no limits put on him or her. The golden one doesn’t have a sense of limits or psychological boundaries and lacks empathy to other family members and others with whom he associates. Yes, he is often very charming and convincing and gifted socially but this is a purposeful performance all part of his influence and power over others. No true conscience develops in these individuals. They are smart enough not to get caught but they lack empathy and are completely self focused calloused and obsessed with their reaching the heights of power and control. If the must manipulate others to achieve this, that works for them. They place themselves, their self importance and sense of perfection at the top and look down on those who have not achieved their mastery of deception, manipulation and exploitation. They are always reaching for the next summit and as they rise and move up, deserting others whom they have used to maneuver to the top. These are ace competitors who will do anything to win!!!

Those who are partnered with or married to these ultimate exploiters has caused you incalculable psychological, emotional and financial harm over many years. Your mind is very discerning and you have done extensive research on the narcissistic personality and know that it is not possible to have genuine relationship with a narcissistic personality.

The wise intuitive voice inside of you makes it clear that the narcissistic personality is not inclined to change despite all of your efforts and your loyalty.

After a complex and long process you are awakened and know that you are entitled to expressing yourself freely, to experience solitude and inner peace, deserving respect and empathy and the use of your many creative gifts.

You are moving forward along the pathways of psychological transformation and the fulfillment of your unique individuality.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Marriage to High Level Narcissist – From Dream Come True to Nightmare Scenario

You were chosen by the high level narcissist because you fit his/her specifications as the perfect partner. You are bright, socially savvy, quite attractive, magnetic, empathic. You shimmer inside and out. You make people feel comfortable; they trust you. If the high level had used a formula for the right partner—you came up as a royal flush.

You filled in all of the high level narcissist’s deficits; you humanize these cold, calculating, controlling, false self individuals.

The early years were inspired by a kind of beautiful scent, a magic elixir. You found the high level enchanting and compelling. Bright, very attractive, in command of himself and others, you said Yes to this irresistible promise of having your dreams and wishes fulfilled. This is the script of the high level narcissist who despite not having a scintilla of empathy is “gifted” at pulling us into his world without limits.

When you look back now you remember the clues, the signs, the giveaways that were telling you that this person was disingenuous, a gifted liar, a double dealer, an unrepentant manipulator and exploiter. You found out that you were disposable and interchangeable. He is without loyalty or mercy. It’s all about him/her. That’s the immutable truth.

Now after many years of psychological and emotional abuse, too many ugly wrenching scenes, abandonment, you are coming to a point of decision.

Each day you feel a bit more tired, dragging yourself around, forcing yourself by will and guilt to perform in your work and personal life.

Your body is lethargic and heavy feeling; your energy is sapped, your thoughts are gloomy even morose, an endless loop. At night you dread the sleep that will not come. And when it does you are subject to horrific nightmares – being chased down dark filthy streets, trapped in an accelerating elevator, feeling the hot breath of a menacing animal staring you down. These nightmares have started to repeat themselves. You are getting messages from your wise unconscious which is speaking the truth when you are sleeping and don’t have access to your defense mechanisms of denial, repression and rationalization.

You are being contacted by your deepest self, making every effort to get your attention through powerful dreams images. These dreams are so real that when you awaken you believe for a while that you have been awake and that these chimeras of the night are true. In a clear sense they are. Dreams are messengers from the unconscious, the fountain of wisdom.

This is a time of awakening, a time for you to practice self regard and the care of your psychological, emotional, physical and spiritual health.

You make this a priority. Get the rest and sleep that you need. If you have problems sleeping, rest. Be unjudgmental about any difficulty sleeping. Resting is a powerful way to relaxation, calmness, acceptance and love of self. Good nutrition organic food if you can, quality hydration, movement and exercise that works for you: stretching, basic yoga poses, walking, dancing, spending time with Nature, expanding your creativity in every form it takes for you. A spiritual practice, meditation and prayer the way you define this. Be unjudgmental and kind with yourself.

You feel the power and energy of your authentic original self as you move forward along your unique pathways.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

High Level Narcissists – Their Insatiable Greed and Manipulations

Human greed has been with us for tens of thousands of years. Greed is one of the great sins – the relentless pursuit of money, properties, luxurious possessions and the dark manipulations that are part of this game of pursuing more. In society there are high level narcissists throughout history who have based the purpose of their existence on how much they could acquire and control. This is at the core of their being day and night.

Greedy high level narcissists are highly manipulative. With their obsessive need for more they plot and plan how they will exploit others, including their spouses, ex-spouses, relatives, children, “friends” business associates. Everyone presents an opportunity for the high level to use others to keep their ego fully inflated.

When the high level’s greed leads to tremendous financial success, this individual feels special and over entitled. He looks down on those who have not achieved his level of success. At the same time he burns with envy at those who have more money, wield raw power and material acquisitions. He watches every move of those who have become multi billionaires and is enraged that they are climbing with such speed up the summits of extraordinary wealth. This motivates them to push harder each day, each hour. The high level plots his moves, finding devious ways he/she can take advantage of others who are more vulnerable whom he can manipulate and will bend to his will.

Greed is a primary driver for many high level aggressive narcissists.

Male and female high level narcissists pursue partners and prospective spouses who are well connected socioeconmically. Heirs and heiresses are among their favorites. This is the perfect partner for one of these high stepping, wealth obsessed high level narcissists. They do deep research to find the precise individuals who can fit their specifications. This person must be very attractive, well educated, come from a family of wealth and high level social connections.

High level greedy narcissists are “gifted” at finding their way into these privileged circles.

Often attractive and handsome with magnetic charm, they engages the individuals on their A list of possible conquests. The high level knows exactly how to play people, make them feel unique and special, cater to their interests, passions, wishes and what make them tick. They know exactly how to flatter you with their words and charming non-verbals: riveting eye contact, appearing to be fascinated by everything you say and do. These are award winning method actor performances.

Many are enraptured by the high level narcissist and captivated they partner with and marry, these high climbers. Some time the partner has no idea that he or she is being manipulated and exploited. The narcissistic partner insists on using your assets and properties to finance their excursions into business deals. For the narcissistic personality what belongs to you is theirs. This financial arrangement can go on for many years. The exploitation is nonstop. When the greedy high level narcissist has acquired enough money is tired of the current spouse, he or she moves on to the next money making source. It’s like gold prospecting. You strike gold, mine it out and then move on to the next possible gold rush. For the high level narcissist you are a commodity and resource that makes him very rich. You are interchangeable with others. If you don’t bring it forward he will easily find someone else. For the high level greedy narcissist, everyone is expendable.

High level narcissists steal creative concepts and fully completed project if they think they can get away with it. It isn’t a conscience that stops them, it is a cool calculation about whether they would be exposed and found out. Otherwise straight ahead they move without a twinge of conscience.

If you are partnered or married to a greedy high level narcissist there is a time of reckoning of becoming awakened to the true nature of the narcissistic personality. You can no longer be exposed to their psychological and moral toxicity. You are exhausted from their taking advantage of you, financially, psychologically, emotionally, creatively and spiritually.

You stand firmly grounded on your individual wisdom and insight. Now you move forward along the pathways of the healing and restorative parasympathetic of self – care, the fruits of your unique creativity, the beauty of your self expression, spontaneity, solitude of inner peace. Give yourself tremendous credit for this journey you are making. And always listen to your intuition, a divine gift.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply

You have been a primary resource of ego supply to the high level narcissist: adulation, praise, loyalty, creative collaboration.

Beneath the extreme confidence, self entitlement and charm, the high level narcissist is an individual who is constantly in need of keeping his ego fully inflated. High level narcissists create a golden circle of followers and admirers who provide them with constant re-circulating adoration, obedience, monetary rewards that raise them up on the power food chain.

High level narcissists choose partners and spouses who increase the attraction and fascination that others have toward them. A socially skilled charming sophisticated partners is an invaluable part of the high level’s appeal and cachet. High levels choose spouses who burnish their image, are gifted socially and add to the perfection of the high level’s impeccable image.

For the high level narcissist you are an object who fulfills his/her needs, wants and expectations. Your perfect performance is expected.

The high level is cunning and has a gift for knowing your psychological vulnerabilities and deep wishes.

He/she uses these skills for purposes of control and manipulation. High levels offer a series of carrots and sticks to mold and manipulate their partners. If you sufficiently please the narcissist you are rewarded; if you move independently you are rebuked, treated with disdain—thrown out of paradise. Many married to high levels tend to be people pleasers which started in their family of origin.

For some partners to high level narcissists it is the exciting and easy lifestyle that is so appealing. You feel special when you can go through your days and have everything taken care of, it is so smooth, exciting, expansive. You feel like you can have anything you want because you are connected with the magic of the narcissist. This is your delusion and denial of his/her true nature.

Behind closed doors the story turns ugly. You become the object of the narcissist’s vile projections, criticisms, humiliations. It is stressful and exhausting to be treated in this manner for so many years, even decades.

You have spent time researching the narcissistic personality, thought carefully about the stress you are under and know intuitively that this narcissist is not going to change.

You have many insights and decide to move forward along your own pathway—that you deserve to pursue your unique creative gifts, to go through your days with a sense of inner peace, appreciating and acting upon your individuality. As you practice self care each day you learn to access the calming restorative part of the nervous system, the parasympathetic. Physical, psychological and creative energies are renewed. You have come back to your original true self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Leaving Your Narcissistic Parent Behind – Five Steps

Growing up as the child of a narcissistic parent is one of the most difficult and complex life histories a child can experience. The psychopathology of the narcissist is deep and daunting. As a baby and young child you were subjected to the full force of the narcissistic personality. Quoting from my book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist offers a clear picture of this fixed, personality: Narcissistic personality disorders are characterized by extreme self-absorption, lack of empathy, ruthlessness, incapacity for emotional intimacy, volcanic rage, chronic lying, deceit and exploitation… The narcissist lacks a conscience; his sense of right and wrong is determined by how clever he is at not being exposed or punished for his unethical, immoral and illegal behavior.

The narcissist believes he/she is superior to others. He has an overriding sense of self-entitlement…For the narcissist, everyone is disposable; one person is interchangeable with another. .He has neither a memory nor one scintilla of concern about the victims of his psychological crimes…Beneath the elaborate mask of a grandiose false self, the narcissist unconsciously experiences a deep, intractable psychological emptiness.

Your restoration and healing begins with your deep research and study of the true nature of the narcissistic parent. Your understanding of the narcissistic personality provides you with psychological and emotional distance from this non parent.

You are taking the initiative to separate yourself from the narcissistic mother or father who was incapable of attachment, love, caring, warmth, empathy, protection or guidance. This is a foundational step for moving forward as a psychologically grounded individual.

Children of narcissistic parents grow up with blocked emotions. Their feelings were stifled because it was psychologically dangerous to express themselves. When we squelch ourselves we cannot be spontaneous. We are constantly putting the brakes on our self expression. Growing up as the child of a narcissist we are required to tow the line, to model our reactions to the tune and timing of this distorted, demanding, derisive personality. Being in one of these homes is like what psychoanalyst Alice Miller call a kind of prison. In her first book she named these children Prisoners of Childhood.

Now that you are in the process of awakening to yourself allow feelings to come through. When you feel laughter bubbling up let it blossom ; when tears form and fall from your eyes, let them flow. Spontaneous writing is a creative way of releasing feelings that are often hidden from the rational. Take a pen and pad or notebook and let yourself write whatever comes up without editing or judgment. This is an incredible tool of discovery and creative. Long hidden feelings, memories and thoughts come to consciousness and are expressed by you on the page. This is a part of the real you that has been hidden for a long time that is now being expressed in the most unique beautiful way.

3. Recognizing that the deprivations and psychological abuse projected on to you was not your fault. You were the innocent child the victim of the narcissistic parent’s cruel, wanton projections. The cruel words and criticisms that you at times still hear inside of your mind were manifestations of your narcissistic parent’s psychopathology and had nothing to do with your true essence. You were on the receiving end as an innocent child who was blameless. Take this truth inside and let it resonate deeply within you. Rest in knowing that you were an innocent, a precious child. Feel this deeply in yourself now.

Practice self care each day. Make it simple and do it your way. Get the rest and sleep that you need . If you have trouble sleeping and falling back to sleep, rest. Do not be judgmental when you have difficulty sleeping. Eat nourishing food, organic if possible. Hydrate well with pure water. Movement and exercise reduce stress, stretch our muscle and make us stronger with greater endurance. Spend time with Nature. Allow its beauty and mystery to captivate you in its magic. When we are engrossed in Nature in the moment we are healing and restoring ourselves.

5.Tap into your creativity each day. This takes as many forms as there are individuals. Think of all the ways you are creative: drawing, painting, sketching, sewing, cooking, baking, singing, dancing, chanting, gardening, all forms of writing, doing research on what fascinates, you, crocheting, knitting, sewing, quilting, photography, woodworking, ceramics, night dreaming, daydreaming, reveries.

And —Be Kind To Yourself!

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Rescue Yourself from the Pernicious Shadow of the High Level Narcissist

“..Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.” Carl Jung

Trapped in a marriage or partnership with a pernicious high level narcissist, an individual obsessed with self and public image, with extreme self-entitlement, very low conscience capacity, often an infant terrible with a dreadful temper that is projected out on to you behind closed doors. This is horrifying to the spouse or child of the high level narcissist. There are the severe criticisms, the humiliations, the exhausting over the top demands, the blatant hypocrisy, the incessant lying in every form imaginable. More lying to cover other lies; this is endless with the narcissistic personality.

The high level carries from within a primitive, seething Shadow that ejects venom in various forms on to you: false accusations, recriminations, incessant criticisms, withering projections that send you into the dark reaches of the fight or flight nervous system, the sympathetic mode. You are at the mercy of the narcissist rampant regressed Shadow. The high level vehemently blames you for the pernicious traits, deeds and words that he/she is constantly using. The narcissist never owns his wrongdoings since he believes that he is perfect. It is in private that you shudder and cower as the spouse takes the full brunt of the narcissistic partner’s disowned shadow.

The opposite occurs in public with the high level who worships his image. Here there is a major shift – the look of the face, the eyes, the movements, pace, style are transformed. We are now under the spell of the narcissist’s very convincing charm offensive mode. The narcissist, an incredible method actor lights up with this charming, charismatic false self. He/she turns it on like a light switch, a transformation that is highly impressive.

Only you and a small soupcon of others know who this narcissist truly is, a regressed, selfish, self-aggrandizing, greedy, callous, manipulative, ruthless human being.

How much longer can you tolerate the scream fits, volleys of temper, scathing glances, belittling that leave you psychologically and physically weakened. You don’t and never did deserve to be treated this way.

Make a stand now for yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect and deference.

With this new opening and beginning you move forward along the pathway of your individuality and creativity, restoration.

You belong to yourself again – spontaneity, joy, awe, beauty, solitude, independence of thought, full appreciation and expressions of yourself.

I want to share some thoughts about the Shadow with you.

For tens of thousands of years man has been dealing with his Shadow in a variety of ways. Going back to the dawn of time when man first walked the earth upright, he has been infused with the Shadow parts of himself found in the deep unconscious of his psyche.

In primitive cultures there were rituals that provided an outlet and understanding for integrating the shadow within the group and the individual.

Today we are still facing our Shadows. For many the Shadow remains completely unrecognized by the conscious psyche of the individual. As human we carry the inheritance of our Shadow selves. This is not a curse but an incredible boon to those who seek wholeness, individuation and the promise and fulfillment of one’s unique creativity.

We contain the distinct DNA of our ancestors of thousands of years ago. We carry these imprints inside of our body/minds. I gain comfort and strength and a sense of gratefulness to my brothers and sisters of so long ago with whom we share that which defines us as humans. Where we walk those who have trodden over the millennia, make the earth their home. We have much to learn from our instincts and innate pre-ancient wisdom that is part of every one of our cells and our very consciousness.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

High Level Narcissist – Lies, More Lies, Damn Lies

High Level Narcissist: Lies, More Lies and Damn Lies

You have known for a long time, many Summers and Springs that you partner and spouse was lying to you by commission and omission.

You didn’t want to believe your perceptions and instincts. When the message of untruth came across clearly, you retreated from your clarity and returned to your belief in the lies of the high level narcissist. You have been under the spell of high level for decades.

High level narcissists gets a thrill out of lying to you.

You are under his control and the narcissist knows that he can play you anyway he wants. The high level has taken your measure and found your deepest vulnerabilities, your empathy, integrity, individuality.

The narcissist is obsessed with controlling your thoughts, feelings, plans, creative pursuits.

The shameless narcissist lies; he/she perfected his perfidies as a young child.

Chronic lying is a permanent fixture of the high level narcissist. Without a developed conscience you move adroitly, forcing your power position on your partner, spouse, ex-spouse, children.

Clever, cunning, predatory high level narcissists layer lie upon lie and experience giddy pleasure through their countless deceits. If they suspect they will be found out, the high level fashions a more “elegant lie” on top of the previous ones.

Their lies are served up with irresistible charm that makes you believe in them all over again. You make excuses for the high level. As a result your patterns of self-deception are reinforced.

As the high level narcissist lies, he oozes charm that is coupled with artfully designed promises that warm your heart and reinforce your attachment to them.

You make countless efforts to convince yourself that the narcissistic spouse or partner is a good person. You hold on to this false belief to reinforce the attachment to the high level narcissist and as a result postpone your rights to inner peace, respect for your personal boundaries and transformation and the rediscovery of you limitless creative gifts.

After numerous intuitive messages and inspirations and your research you awaken to the true reality of the high level narcissist and the travisties, deceits and traumas you have endured and sustained. The voice of your real self says: No More!

You hear yourself say: I am moving in my own direction My compass is due north —-the truth, the source, the beauty, the hope, independence, calm, solitude, creativity, individuality unbounded.

Children of Narcissistic Mothers – Re-Traumatized by High Level Narcissists

You grew up as a child of maternal deprivation. Your mother’s presence was neither loving nor protective. Early on you knew that Narcissistic Mama (or Mothering Figure) couldn’t stand your presence, even as a little child.

Psychiatrist and researcher Dr. John Bowlby created the term Maternal Deprivation to describe a mother’s lack of attachment and warmth toward her child communicated as cold dismissiveness and lack of empathy.

These children even when their physical and environmental needs are met, experience an existential sense that there is something fundamentally wrong with them—mother doesn’t love them and therefore they are horribly defective.

As adults some of these children feel guilt and shame, a deep sense of unease for being imperfect and letting mother down. They feel that they can never measure up no matter what they achieve professionally or personally.

As babies they looked into their mother’s eyes and discovered a void—a cold uncaring, dismissive “don’t come near me” revulsion.

Enter the high level narcissist, infused with magnetic charm, command of self, energetic, self-confident, charismatic. Children of narcissistic mothers become entranced with the high level narcissist. Their high energy, expanded egos, towering ambitions are compelling to the child of narcissistic maternal deprivation. They are spell bound, caught up in the romantic magic of the high level. They feel energized, hopeful about this new gambit.

Marriage and partnership with the high level narcissist is exciting in the beginning. The narcissist is on his or her very best behavior, winning the heart and mind of the partner.

After a short period of time, the narcissistic partner reveals their cruel, demanding, manipulative side. You experience the extreme controlling qualities of the narcissistic partner. Everything you do or say or even think is monitored and judged. You are the object of cruel, obnoxious projections frequently, of course, in private behind closed doors. You dare criticized, castigated for the smallest oversight or mistake. You are name called, unjustly accused and criticized.

You often now feel anxious, jumpy just waiting for the next volley of insults and recriminations. You develop chronic insomnia and digestive disorders. Why do you tolerate this horrendous treatment. In the back of your mind in the unconscious there is a part of you that still feels empty and unworthy and essential wrong and not enough.

You were traumatized as a small child and now you are being re-traumatized by your narcissistic spouse.

This is your time and opportunity for awakening to the true nature of the high level narcissist.

With deep insights and intuition and your research you become clear that you will move forward along your own pathway of recovery, transformation and the continued evolution of your true self.

Along the way you learn to be self entitled, deserving of inner peace, worthy of trust and warmth, the full use of your many creative gifts.

Practice self care: rest, sleep, movement/exercise, food, hydration, Nature.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Selfless Servants to High Level Narcissists

Selfless Servants to the High Level Narcissist

Besides jeopardizing their psychological and physical health, those who live with narcissists rob themselves of vital opportunities to develop their unique creative gifts. They often set aside their talents, drives and dreams to spend huge amounts of time and energy at the disposal of the obsessive acquisitiveness of their high level narcissistic partner.

The high level narcissist expects you to perform perfectly for them. Their demands are unrealistic and outrageous. Those who are trapped in these marital arrangements feel like they must acquiesce to the overpowering wills of their partners.

Some individuals who are partnered with high level narcissists grew up with a narcissistic parent. As children they were treated like servants, expected to have full charge of the younger children, even the babies in the family. As early as five years of age, these kids were expected to do the heavy housework, cooking, cleaning, fetching. Narcissistic mom or dad was constantly screaming at these small kids. When the slightest mistake was made or something like the dinner didn’t turn out perfectly, the small son or daughters was horribly punished and made to feel ashamed and worthless. Growing up under these conditions of psychological and emotional abuse and servitude is chilling. As adults these individuals do not develop a healthy sense of self entitlement, a core belief that they are worthwhile, a sense of solid well being. They feel unworthy.

This is the reason why so many of them are attracted to the high level narcissist who is so charming and compelling in the beginning. When the narcissistic partner turns ugly and becomes very demanding, these outrageous behaviors are familiar to the spouse who grew up as the unworthy child of the narcissistic parent.

Being a selfless servant to the high level narcissist is a familiar role to the adult child of a narcissistic parent. They go along to get along. Feeling unworthy and not enough these partners put up with the rages, humiliations, demands, iron will control of their psychologically abusive partner.

For some there is a time of awakening, a clear realization that they can no longer remain in this role of servitude. They recognize that they must move forward along their own unique pathway of their authentic self.

This is a decision of triumph and strength. Individuals who follow their own pathways embrace their individuality with all of their creative gifts and finally find respite, restoration and the fulfillment of their true selves.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.