You Deserve Recovering Psychologically, Emotionally and Spiritually After the Narcissist

It is the life experiences of my readers and clients that led me to speak directly to their suffering and the process of healing and restoration in my new book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self.  I specifically write to those who have experienced multiple cruelties, deprivations, and humiliation and offer a program to those who live in the aftermath of the narcissistic cataclysm—spouses, ex-spouses, mothers, fathers, siblings. Those who live under these horrific conditions  suffer deep pain. They are desperate, confused, suffer from self blame, are exhausted, feel lost and at times  even crazy.

The narcissist took so much of your life—You deserve to get it all back and then some.

For those who have experienced narcissistic abuse in its innumerable cruel forms, know that you deserve to recover in every aspect of your life, to thrive and use your many creative gifts and discover your true self.  Throughout life we are in a process of separating and individuating from our families of origin.  This is your psychological, emotional and spiritual birthright as a precious individual.

Your healing and recovery involve breaking destructive survival patterns.

The survival tactics we develop become ingrained into us.  Like a familiar song that spontaneously reprises in our minds, distinct patterns of thoughts, feelings memories, fantasies and wishes emerge…Most people continue to listen and respond to the old family life song first heard in childhood.”   (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering your True Self)

“The destructive life repetitions that we engage in are innumerable and particular to each individual.  They are found in a repeated cycle of returning to narcissistic individuals who injure us emotionally and psychologically. It is surprising, but often the child that was raised in a narcissistic family with narcissistic parents and siblings returns to this environment that created his greatest suffering by marring a narcissist.” (From Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:Discovering Your True Self)

Your healing begins with a deep understanding that: There is a center within us that is always seeking the truth about ourselves…Cracking the code of psychological repetition begins with waking up…When we are awake we see things as they are, without delusion. There is no veil, wall or barrier that separates us from what is true.”  (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self).

Full access to your true self occurs with a specific, consistent practice of self care and the full use of your many creative gifts. As you heal in the aftermath of sharing your life with a narcissist, writing is one of the most powerful methods for loosening up, expressing your thoughts and emotions and igniting your imagination. All you have to do is open yourself up to writing..The practice of spontaneous writing is a gift that never wears out, has no restrictions or boundaries, and is always available. (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self) Writing regularly is a significant part of your personal transformation.

Nurturing deep friendships where trust and comfort are part of your life,are an essential part of your healing process. We only need a couple of individuals with whom we can communicate, let down and be completely ourselves. These relationships are pure gold.

Rediscovering your creative self is an essential part of your life journey toward recovery.  Creativity is occurring ever moment we are alive, whether we are awake, asleep or dreaming or in joy, sorrow or doubt..It is a transpersonal experience that redeems us from our life histories, .We jump into the roaring, ecstatic stream, swept up in the current that created the cosmos…(From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)

Learning to meditate your way with consistency heals with the gift of inner stillness.  Be patient and kind with yourself in starting a meditation practice. Remember, this is your unique experience that belongs to no one else. Meditation is the key to insight, healing and breaking unproductive and destructive cycles of repetition…With meditation we reach the mind beyond mind, thought beyond thought–the source of knowing. In deep meditation we experience a vibration of peace…Meditation creates a spaciousness of mind. When we are at peace, even for a few moments, we expand and deepen.  (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)

Tapping into the healing restorative part of the nervous system, the parasympathetic is a key toward healing and recovering your true self. “All Healing begins by consistently accessing the parasympathetic nervous system. This is a state of letting go as you bathe in physical and psychological security, peace and body and mind grounding. This calm waking state is natural and built into your being. In the parasympathetic you float down a gentle river, letting the waters take you in a direction of their own. You feel receptive to the freedom and ease you’re experiencing. As you consistently visit this state of calm, the healing of psyche, body and mind accumulates and moves forward at a steady pace.” (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)

Becoming open to the souls of other individuals is a profound experience of healing and transformation.  Meeting a soul, you attune yourself to that person on a spiritual and psychological level. They feel your empathy In this interchange, the souls meet and healing takes place. (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)

You deserve to heal, recover, transform your life, manifest your unique creative gifts, develop psychologically and spiritually to the fullest and to live in the beauty, peace, comfort and strength of the true self.

You can read portions of my new  book and purchase it at amazon.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Narcissistic Parents–Terrorizing Their Kids to Be Perfect!

Narcissistic mothers and fathers are on endless rampages to make their children ultra perfect.  No little child can meet the “standards” of these highly disturbed parents. Sometimes there is only one narcissistic mother or father—-Other children are thrown into the impossible role of having duo raging narcissistic moms and dads.  I have had heard from many of these adult children and the horror stories of their childhoods, at times Hitchockian, are chilling–and this is an understatement.

Everything on the surface appears to be in absolute order. In many of these homes one would not find a spot of dirt, dust, particle of food, mud, smudge, grit, grim–even a grain of cereal, sand, rice or a small thin sample of one human hair. And speaking of human–these children grow up in a tidy, sterile inhumane environment.

On the outside, narcissistic mothers and fathers are often regaled as sterling examples of individuals and parents in their communities and the wider world.  They are feted for their accomplishments, creativity, professional excellence, their moral bona fides. These individuals wear many convincing masks that fool entire worlds of people, including psychotherapists, teachers, physicians, neighbors, friends, professional associates. They are beyond judgment because of the perfection of their impeccably masked false selves.

In a society that is breeding narcissism faster than we can imagine, these individuals are raised up to the highest places in their societal groups. No one would ever know that in private they create a chronic horrific living nightmare for their infants, young children and adult children.

One of the toughest problems with these cruel, treacherous narcissistic parents is that the child who speaks up about the reality of his or her hidden frightening world is severely punished, demeaned, humiliated and threatened. “No one believes me”  —-that is what I am often told by the victims of the narcissistic parents. “They think I am crazy, weak, deluded.” After a while some children come to believe that something is intrinsically wrong with them.  This is so painful—like constantly screaming into a cyclone and feeling yourself being ripped away into oblivion.

Narcissistic parents are not affectionate with their children unless it is in front of a camera for a family portrait or on display at social events or church. There is no real hugging, holding or being soothed. These arms are hard and cool, even cold. The parental eyes show no feeling, depth, warmth or compassion. They are blank, menacing, judging and at times deeply  threatening. Parental abuses take place in the imprisonment of the family home. While the physical arrangement can be very attractive and neat to the extreme, the emotional and psychological environment is hard edged, apprehension charged, waiting for the footfall that will strike fear in a child’s entire nervous system. These children never feel safe—Why would they? They aren’t and can never let down. There is no emotional and psychological space for private reveries, pleasant daydreams, flights of fancy.  Night time is a special horror to these children. Alone in their rooms they are doubly fearful. They know that no matter how desperate or even how ill they are,  they cannot call out to mom or dad because either they will be completely ignored or if the parent comes, a great loud storm will appear rather than a comforting mom or dad. Left alone, the child whimpers and cries for the parent who will never come to them in the time of their greatest need. Their fears increase and some children develop phobias, symptoms of post traumatic stress, anxiety disorders.  On the surface, of course, they must morph into mother and father’s perfect little darlings.

As the years go by, children of narcissistic parents suffer horribly. Some of them learn to conceal and protect their true feelings and to wall off their precious authentic original selves.  Other kids get the message that in order to survive they must play the roles assigned to them: scapegoat, golden child, forgotten child, unwanted child, stupid child, crazy kid.

I have spoken and communicated with many adult children of narcissistic parents who have survived these endless wars on their psyches, bodies, minds and spirits. Listening to these survivors is profound. I am deeply moved beyond words by their grit, strength, courage, creativity, compassion, insight and deep humanity. Many find their own pathways to healing and recovery.  This is a long journey with many detours, switchbacks and roads less taken. Here they are—Deep affection, gratitude and joy to those who are on this path each day, moment by moment.

 

Narcissistic Spouse Determined to Annihilate You–Make Sure that You Survive and Thrive

A narcissistic spouse during a divorce is a menacing figure. With all of the pain, the deceit, manipulations and lies that you internalized and sustained during the marriage, when the narcissist is in the divorce phase an acceleration occurs in his/her cold animosity toward you. (This post refers to male and female narcissists.) Be prepared for the revelation of an intensely ugly side of this psyche. You feel the fury of his determination that you will lose everything: monetary assets, child custody agreements, your excellent reputation, your social connections, your living arrangements including property that you own as an individual. shockingly, I have seen this happen in some instances.

The narcissist initiates an all out war against you. He knows that you will go down–he will be the triumphant winner. Winning is the only thing that the narcissist knows besides his perpetual god—-money, property, social prestige, raw power over others. This is an extension of his extreme sense of self entitlement, grandiose inflated ego, blind ambition and lack of a developed conscience.
Narcissists Never Play Fair; this is not part of their psychic structure.

Avaricious before the divorce, the narcissistic spouse doubles down when he knows that the spoils of the marriage must be divided. I find that the multiple cruelties perpetrated during the divorce are legion. In too many cases the narcissist gets away with stealing what rightfully belongs to you, whether it is financial assets or the time that you are allotted by law to spend with your shared children. In many cases the narcissist pushes his argument vigorously to have his children (the ultimate narcissistic supplies) with him more frequently.The purpose of pressing this point is to reconstitute himself as a “good father or mother”, to use his children to bolster his impeccable image, to cause the other spouse horrible pain and primal trepidation that the children could be awarded by the court to the narcissistic personality.

Prepare yourself with in-depth knowledge about the true nature of the narcissistic personality. Remind yourself that you are not to blame, that you are dealing with a severe, fixed personality disorder that will not change but become more entrenched.

Practice self care religiously. Sleep, eat high quality food, exercise your way, keep things simple, practice quieting the body/mind, spend time with friends whom you trust, escape into beauty in Nature, Art, Film, Writing, etc.

Maintain a steady gaze forward— knowing that you are the keeper of the flame of truth, that you have great strength and stamina and are entitled to lead your life on your terms.

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Narcissist’s Hair Trigger Rage

Narcissists dish out their cruel visceral pathological projections. Their rage is always bubbling beneath the surface. When you criticize them in the mildest way they attack you back with a vengeance.  They eviscerate you emotionally and psychologically. Those married to narcissists have to watch them every moment to see when this person is going to erupt into overwhelming rage that knows
no end. This refers to male and female narcissists.

Over and over again the narcissist attacks unmercifully in a verbal manner that is primitive and dirty.  He/she gets in every dig and then some. He brings out your whole history and every transgression he can manage to make you the bad guy, the stupid one, the evil person, the malicious secretive spiteful human being whom he detests and that is so unlike him. (After all he is perfect). The incoming fire lasts an eternity. You can’t stand it. You are feeling sick from the impact of this bombardment. It feels like it will never end. You can’t escape–you are desperate.

You never know exactly when the narcissist will explode on to you. You watch the eyes that pierce through you, the brows  furrow, teeth are barred, the body posture that becomes militant and scary. You wait for the first verbal salvo. When the uproar begins, it is tsunamic—overwhelming everything in its pathway is swept away.

Nothing is sacred to the narcissist’s out of control rage. It doesn’t matter if you are physically ill, if the children are very young and emotionally fragile, if you are completely innocent and not at fault, if you have done your best to give this person the best part of your life–nothing matters, except this prolonged attack on you at this time.  This is the unleashing of the self-hatred of the very badly damaged real self of the narcissist in the form of psychological and emotional vomiting.

In some cases the narcissist starts trashing your home, throwing any item about that is within reach. He/she becomes manically carried away with the rage that controls every part of his being. Volcanic rage has a life and energy of its own. Just when you think it has subsided, it resumes with another cycle of assault and horror.

Those who are children of narcissists, who are married to them, divorcing them or siblings of narcissists, understand up close what it is like to be the recipient of this level of traumatic chaos.

At some point those who have suffered from the narcissist’s hair trigger rage will re-assess what this individual has done to them, the cruelties perpetrated, the years of your life they have stolen, the days and months of terror and struggle you sustain just to get up in the morning and go through the day and to repeat this routine each day, knowing that you are not free to be yourself, authentic, experience joy or calm, spontaneity or creative spirit.

You now know that the narcissist is not capable of changing and that you deserve a life separate from them. Put yourself first each day.  Go no contact. If you are married to a narcissist, do your research regarding a divorce. Do not share what you have learned with the narcissist. Do not let a lot of time go by. So often I hear from women and men who waited it out too long and either kept thinking that they were to blame or that the narcissist would change eventually if they were understanding enough.  None of this will work with them. This is a very fixed personality disorder that does not change. It gets more entrenched as the years go by.

Honor your own life.  Trust your intuition, your knowledge and your higher self.  Know that you can recover, heal and be free.

Narcissistic Stepmothers–Ultimate Nightmare for Stepchildren

There are tales of wicked stepmothers going back hundreds of years. There are stepmothers who are wonderful parents to their stepchildren. I am speaking specifically about narcissistic stepmothers.

Narcissistic stepmothers cause emotional chaos and psychological distress within the family. Narcissistic stepmothers are cunning and clever. They are masters at appearing to be considerate, cooperative within the new family constellation and even kind. But this is a major deceit, a ruse that is designed to tear the original family apart and to obtain the central power within the household. Throwing the original children of their father to the wolves doesn’t matter to the narcissistic stepmother since she has neither conscience nor compassion.

Narcissistic stepmothers have the upper hand over their spouses. They pick men who can be controlled, manipulated, fooled, deceived and emotionally coerced to obey them. They are masters of sexual and emotional seduction. In many cases they have been having an affair with their spouse to be long before the husband is divorced from the previous wife.

These women have no conscience—They have their eyes and the full force of their personalities on the prize–their next highly successful husband. Some narcissistic stepmothers repeat this pattern over several marriages–always moving upward on the social, economic, lifestyle and prestige scales.

The narcissistic stepmother begins by becoming indispensable to her spouse. She makes extradinary promises to him that she loves his children and will treat them as her own. Using her powers of seduction and charm and the full force of her magnetic, unyielding personality, the spouse turns a blind eye to the darkness of her nature and the cruelties of her deeds.

Eventually, these husbands capitulate their control and decision making. They go along with their wife’s wishes. They are both beguiled and intmidated by her.

This is a lifestyle and power arrangement for the narcisisstic stepmother, not a marriage. She controls the money, properties and assets. She quickly has a couple of biological children with her new spouse to anchor the “contract.”

The narcissistic stepmother is greedy. She favors and gives her biological children with her spouse every material advantage. The children of the first marriage have to fend for themselves. In some instances they become permanently estranged from their family of origin. The burden of their sorrows, resentments, regrets is incalculable.

The child of a narcissistic stepmother has a road that will take them to recovery and restoration. You begin by learning to put yourself first. Practice self care by getting the rest and sleep that you need. the food and exercise that is best for you, the individuals that you bring into your life that are supportive and caring. Accessing your creative gifts is a major part of your healing and transformation. Take time each day to have a quiet time with yourself. For some this means a form of meditation, prayer or contemplation. For others this is sitting in solitude and silence or it can mean listening to music that is calming and beautiful. You will find the kind of practice of calmness and restoration that works for you. Be patient and nonjudgemental with yourself. This is a journey to your invaluable true self

Concealed Narcissists Induce Shame in Their Children

Shame is a dreadful, intolerable feeling, a visceral reaction that goes deep inside of us. Often, children carry their shame into adulthood, especially if they are raised by narcissistic parents. When we feel ashamed we want to disappear, to hide where no one can find us.

The narcissistic parent expects perfection from his child. A child learns how to feel about himself through the loving attachment of the parent–the empathy, affection, acceptance of the son or daughter as a unique human being. The good parent accepts his/her child’s true authentic self.

The narcissistic non-parent expects the child to mirror him perfectly and to obey without question and become a source of narcissistic supply. This occurs frequently through the narcissistic parent’s tapping into what he perceives as a child’s  “good qualities” — physical attractiveness, high intellectual capacity, athletic prowess, social skills.

The child with this highly dysfunctional parent is never permitted to be his authentic self–that wonderful spontaneous, creative,  joyful individual that is expressing the real self.  Instead, the concealed narcissist projects shame into his small child from the beginning–telling them that they are always wrong, stupid, unworthy, worthless.  The messages the child receives are:  ” You must do what I say perfectly or you will be severely punished because you are bad.”  “You are an embarrassment to me, a  disgrace, a nothing, a nobody.”  “All you do is make mistakes. What is the matter with you.”  “You are a cry baby. Stop your whimpering, you stupid kid.”  These and other horrid messages are hurled at the child each day. Sometimes they come through nonverbal cues, looks of disdain and hatred in the face of the narcissistic parent directed at the child.

Children raised in this psychological environment of being demeaned and humiliated feel deep shame inside themselves very early.

On the surface the concealed narcissistic parent is all smiles, lovely manners, impeccable image,  lauded, praised and worshipped as an outstanding human being by professional peers, social acquaintances, other family members not privy to their dark, cruel secrets. Those who do not know this mother or father would never guess that beneath the surface is a psychological and emotional monster who is terrorizing and shaming his children.

I hear from many children of concealed narcissists who have suffered throughout their lives with inflicted shame. They have a very difficult and challenging road that they travel to healing, recovery and the fulfillment of their creative and spiritual gifts.

I have spoken to and heard from many of you who are in the process of healing the shame that has bound you and are on the road to rediscovering your true self and leading the life that you deserve. Remember to put the emphasis on taking very good care of yourself for the first time.  Continue to pay close attention to your intuitive gifts and your creative energies.

Narcissists Play Hide the Money during Marriage/Divorce

Narcissists are very cunning and “gifted” at spiriting away financial resources both during your marriage to and when divorcing a narcissist. The vicimized spouse is usually out-lawyered. Narcissists hire hard core legal barracudas who are so ruthless it makes your head spin. They are without conscience like their clients.

Narcissists are exceedingly greedy especially during a divorce. After all they want you out of their lives. They have moved on to other more “fulfilling” narcissistic supplies.

Even when you share children together, they are parsimonious, watching every penny that you spend. Contrarily, the narcissist goes on buying sprees, elaborate trips and treks, fancy parties and fetes. (This post refers to male and female narcissists).

It is during the time leading up to the divorce and when the papers are served and afterward, that money and other financial assets mysteriously disappear. Suddenly, the narcissist is using the “P” word–Poor!.

Victims of marriage to narcissists often assume that their former partner will negotiate and mediate fairly. Au contraire—The recipient of the financial largesse belongs to the narcissist from his perspective.

These complex situations are very difficult to manuever. First, make sure that you understand the narcissist and the darkness of his/her personality traits of deception, lack of conscience, lack of empathy, primitive projections, extreme control and manipulation on a deep level.

Prepare yourself for the divorce. Make sure that you interview several attorneys. Take their measure and pay close attention to your intuitive sense about them. This attorney must be your absolute advocate and understand just how manipulative, cruel, harsh, unfeeling and financially greedy this person will be during the divorce.

There is a time of reckoning when you recognize that you come first. You have spent a large portion of your life carrying the weight of the narcissist’s ego, responding to their outrageous demands, feeling the depths of sadness from their cruel projections and accusations.

This is a new cycle of your life—putting yourself first. Practice a program of caring for yourself. Pay attention to healing on every level–emotionally, psychologically, mentally and spiritually. You can restore your sense of hope and the anticipation of a renewed life. For some, practices of meditation, physical exercise, eating well, getting proper rest and sleep and using your creative gifts are a vital part of your recovery and evolution. You begin to feel self entitled and at ease with your individuality. This is your birthright.

Narcissistic Mothers Divide and Conquer

Narcissistic mothers are one woman armies of human destruction. They
are an elite team of ninja killers of the psyches of their children. One
narcissistic mother does more psychological damage than you can
imagine. I read and hear life stories every day about those who have
survived the narcissistic battles of childhood. One of NM’s cruelest
tactics is turning one child against the other. She will assure her son
that he is the special one and then tell the older daughter that she has
been chosen. After all, she is gorgeous, bright and talented. She pits one child against the other. This highly dysfunctional family is in a state of endless psychological war.

The narcissistic mother ties her psychological twin to herself like an appendage. These children have special privileges, no psychological boundaries, no empathy, no developed conscience. They are sent to the finest schools, showered with praise and adulation, never questioned about their brutal sadistic behavior toward their siblings. Even when “mother”  is a witness to these treacheries, she turns a blind eye. For her, the chosen one is the ultimate narcissistic supply.

The golden child learns from mom to taunt and terrorize the other children.
Between the two of them, it is a sinister game—a sadistic one.
In these families it is every child for himself. The brother or sister who
is savvy and has the opportunity, escapes as early as possible. Some
children find other adults whom they trust and help them to move, get
jobs, training, go to college, etc.

As the years go by, hatred between the siblings grows and hardens. The narcissistic
mother remains Ruler of the dissembling process.

You are entitled to rescue yourself from this psychological gulag.  Study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Get in touch with your true self, that part of you that that is authentic, genuine and creative.  You are entitled to lead your life with grace, inner peace, the full use of your creative gifts.

 

Concealed Narcissists Are Psychologically Dangerous

One of the most difficult individuals to identify is the concealed or hidden narcissist. They are so clever at disguising their true intentions, lack of conscience, emotional threats to you. Often they appear to be humble and self effacing–butter doesn’t melt in their mouths. They give you just the right kind of attention that makes you feel that you are deeply appreciated and respected. You breathe a sigh of relief and believe that you have found someone whom you can trust. They have a way of putting you at ease and off guard. Concealeds are unlike their grandiose, “look at me” cousins. If anything, they appear to be quiet, undemanding and empathic. They have Ph.D.s in pseudo empathy. That’s how fine of an act they have honed down. You find concealeds in every population. Some thrive in religious circles, spiritual communities, in mental health professions, etcsta. However, they range the gamit in formal education socioeconomic status, social status and circles of influence.

The concealed narcissist possesses the same psychic structure as the grandiose, sun kings and queens that demand attention at stage center and are constantly commanding unlimited applause and adulation. That is the difficulty in recognizing them before they get their psychological hooks into you. They are very cunning and hold their personal cards close to the vest. They are masters of your emotional and psychological “tells”. I daresay some of them are phenomenal poker players.

Concealeds are clever at putting just the right flavors and amounts of their attention on to you. Some act like servants, individuals who are there to rescue you, who declare that without you their lives would lack meaning or value. Concealeds outwardly take the high moral ground. This is a ruse to impress you about their “fine” characters.

Once you are under their spell, you begin to feel the cruel darkness beneath their compelling, seemingly innocuous surfaces. They let the primitive projections fly and catch you off guard. You are shocked and rocked by the incoming waves of corrosive cruelties and psychological assaults. Then, when you think you cannot take it any more, the hidden narcisisst apologizes so convincingly that you let him/her back into your life. This back and forth pattern over months and years saps you of your emotional and psychological energy. But, many of you blame yourself. This is all backwards but you don’t realize that you are not at fault at all. You are on the receiving end of severe psychopathology.

To protect yourself from these hidden narcissists, study this personality structure in-depth. At the same time, start putting yourself first. Learn to take very good care of yourself. If you have not learned how to do this, especially if you were raised in a narcissistic family, it is time to start—-Now.

Know that the concealed narcissist is very difficult to identify. Put yourself first. Take care of yourself with the right amount of sleep, proper eating, an exercise program that works for you, guided meditation, high quality acupuncture, making Beauty and Nature in all of its forms a part of your daily life. Trust your intuition and insight always.

Become Entitled to Healing from Your Narcissistic Mother

Children who are victimized being raised by narcissistic mothers do not develop a healthy sense of self entitlement.  They survive by feeling less than, even worthless and nonentities. It is very sad and at the same time exasperating to watch adults who grew up under family regimes of terror, fight or flight, incessant cruelties and humiliations and exploitation—still be unable to own what is theirs–A healthy entitled solid sense of self.

Narcissistic mothers are over-entitled and take your life over from the time you were born.  You are treated like a servant who is responsible for providing mother with everything that she demands: absolute obedience, constant praise, adulation, even worship. If the child provides mother with everything that she requires, it is not sufficient for her.  You still hear her voice, screaming ugly epithets at you, insulting and humiliating you, telling you how stupid and foolish you are—what a bad human being you have always been, that you were never wanted and a failure. In order to survive the young child must go along with mother’s projections and false beliefs.

There is a raw pit in the stomach of these children that gnaws away at them. They turn themselves upside down, inside out, trying to make mother love them to no avail. Some children never give up. They believe that if they try just a little bit harder, mother will come round and change and accept and love them. This is not the case since mother is a fixed, highly pathological narcissistic personality that will not change. These individuals are cruel, cold, selfish, highly controlling, exploitive and often vicious and sadistic.

For many children of narcissistic mothers there is a time of reckoning when the child, often grown is able to get access to the right information about the true nature of the narcissist. Then, the insight comes through and the victim now knows that this was never her or his fault, that this dreadful abuse occurred as a result of mother’s psychopathology.

After this deep knowing and realization happens, the process of healing and recovery can begin. It is at this time that some child victims become familiar with the intrinsic beauty of their true selves, that part of their deep core that recognizes, often for the first time that they are special, good, bright, talented, lovable and entitled to lead a very good life. There are others along the way who provide support–friends, spiritual figures, various books, teachers, mental health professionals, etc. who remind these precious human beings that they are worthy and can heal. This is the beginning of a new journey, an upward turn in life that promises hope and the fulfillment of the creative gifts of one’s true nature and the possibilities of reciprocal love and inner peace.

Hold on to this new vision of yourself that has been waiting all of your life to be revealed. Pay attention to your intuition and insights that are always leading you toward the direction of healing, transformation and truth. Know that there are so many others who are walking this pathway. You will find them and support one another on this life journey to which you are richly entitled.