It is the life experiences of my readers and clients that led me to speak directly to their suffering and the process of healing and restoration in my new book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self. I specifically write to those who have experienced multiple cruelties, deprivations, and humiliation and offer a program to those who live in the aftermath of the narcissistic cataclysm—spouses, ex-spouses, mothers, fathers, siblings. Those who live under these horrific conditions suffer deep pain. They are desperate, confused, suffer from self blame, are exhausted, feel lost and at times even crazy.
The narcissist took so much of your life—You deserve to get it all back and then some.
For those who have experienced narcissistic abuse in its innumerable cruel forms, know that you deserve to recover in every aspect of your life, to thrive and use your many creative gifts and discover your true self. Throughout life we are in a process of separating and individuating from our families of origin. This is your psychological, emotional and spiritual birthright as a precious individual.
Your healing and recovery involve breaking destructive survival patterns.
“The survival tactics we develop become ingrained into us. Like a familiar song that spontaneously reprises in our minds, distinct patterns of thoughts, feelings memories, fantasies and wishes emerge…Most people continue to listen and respond to the old family life song first heard in childhood.” (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering your True Self)
“The destructive life repetitions that we engage in are innumerable and particular to each individual. They are found in a repeated cycle of returning to narcissistic individuals who injure us emotionally and psychologically. It is surprising, but often the child that was raised in a narcissistic family with narcissistic parents and siblings returns to this environment that created his greatest suffering by marring a narcissist.” (From Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:Discovering Your True Self)
Your healing begins with a deep understanding that: There is a center within us that is always seeking the truth about ourselves…Cracking the code of psychological repetition begins with waking up…When we are awake we see things as they are, without delusion. There is no veil, wall or barrier that separates us from what is true.” (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self).
Full access to your true self occurs with a specific, consistent practice of self care and the full use of your many creative gifts. As you heal in the aftermath of sharing your life with a narcissist, writing is one of the most powerful methods for loosening up, expressing your thoughts and emotions and igniting your imagination. All you have to do is open yourself up to writing..The practice of spontaneous writing is a gift that never wears out, has no restrictions or boundaries, and is always available. (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self) Writing regularly is a significant part of your personal transformation.
Nurturing deep friendships where trust and comfort are part of your life,are an essential part of your healing process. We only need a couple of individuals with whom we can communicate, let down and be completely ourselves. These relationships are pure gold.
Rediscovering your creative self is an essential part of your life journey toward recovery. Creativity is occurring ever moment we are alive, whether we are awake, asleep or dreaming or in joy, sorrow or doubt..It is a transpersonal experience that redeems us from our life histories, .We jump into the roaring, ecstatic stream, swept up in the current that created the cosmos…(From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)
Learning to meditate your way with consistency heals with the gift of inner stillness. Be patient and kind with yourself in starting a meditation practice. Remember, this is your unique experience that belongs to no one else. Meditation is the key to insight, healing and breaking unproductive and destructive cycles of repetition…With meditation we reach the mind beyond mind, thought beyond thought–the source of knowing. In deep meditation we experience a vibration of peace…Meditation creates a spaciousness of mind. When we are at peace, even for a few moments, we expand and deepen. (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)
Tapping into the healing restorative part of the nervous system, the parasympathetic is a key toward healing and recovering your true self. “All Healing begins by consistently accessing the parasympathetic nervous system. This is a state of letting go as you bathe in physical and psychological security, peace and body and mind grounding. This calm waking state is natural and built into your being. In the parasympathetic you float down a gentle river, letting the waters take you in a direction of their own. You feel receptive to the freedom and ease you’re experiencing. As you consistently visit this state of calm, the healing of psyche, body and mind accumulates and moves forward at a steady pace.” (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)
Becoming open to the souls of other individuals is a profound experience of healing and transformation. Meeting a soul, you attune yourself to that person on a spiritual and psychological level. They feel your empathy In this interchange, the souls meet and healing takes place. (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)
You deserve to heal, recover, transform your life, manifest your unique creative gifts, develop psychologically and spiritually to the fullest and to live in the beauty, peace, comfort and strength of the true self.
You can read portions of my new book and purchase it at amazon.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.