Narcissistic Spouses Seek Revenge Taking A Pound of Your Flesh

Narcissists are always on the take. They are aggressive, unempathic, merciless and driven to get exactly what they want. If you have been married to one for years or decades, you must know that they don’t care about your feelings. They are using you for their own purposes. Everyone in their lives is expendable. They can and will replace you. Narcissistic spouses wear you down to the nub. If you are emotionally and psychologically vulnerable, you are at particular risk.

If you want to stay in the narcissist’s favor, you must mirror them perfectly. Regardless of how perfect you are and how well you follow their orders, it is never enough. If you cross them and become more independent, they seek revenge.  Since they don’t have a conscience to slow them down, they go right for the jugular. They take their pound of your flesh. They kick you when you are down and take control of mutual financial assets. They know how to whisk them away in secret, leaving you vulnerable and at their mercy.

If you wait too long to divorce them and they have the upper hand, the narcissist holds the best cards. He slaps you when you are down. I know of situations of narcissistic husbands refusing to help a spouse who was physically ill. She had to drive herself to the hospital.

Narcissistic husbands and narcissistic wives out of revenge will work the mediators and courts to get custody of your children. They hire attorneys who are slick, hungry beasts. 

Arm yourself with research about the true nature of the narcissist. Recognize that this person cannot change. This is a fixed personality disorder. Don’t be pulled back into the pseudo marriage by his empty promises and pitiful martyr performances. Be prepared for his tawdry act but know that he will seek revenge, get it and never look back. The narcissist is hard and cold, like a piece of stone.

Make your move to sever the relationship soon rather than later. You have courage and talents and your life ahead of you. Many before you have made this break and discovered that at the end of the tunnel there is freedom, inner peace and an expansion of your creative gifts. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Narcissistic Men Despise Independent Women

Narcissists control others with the back of their hand. They have
learned this from childhood. Male narcissists were often controlled by
their mothers. Momma, mom, mother—adored them to use as her puppet and
her psychological partner. She chose her son over her husband. Some
adult male narcissists report that mother comes to visit the family and
in secret tells her son that she wants to go to dinner with him for a
“date.”  The narcissistic male is often psychologically possessed by his
mother. Unconsciously he grows to hate her. There is always an
ambivalence with mother,  a love/hate relationship. The male child
cannot be free and is emasculated.

narcissistic men love the chase and the seduction of women. If they are
married they often have numerous affairs, even hidden children in the
shadows. With each conquest they move on to the next. They never tire;
they are hungry for more females they can conquer.  If they are powerful
in the world and good looking and completely charming, they succeed on a
superficial level. They are voracious in their need to seduce.

men despise women who are independently minded—those they cannot fool
and know instantly who they really are. Some women are so astute that
after a few flirtatious rounds they have picked up the scent of the
narcissist and turn their heads away. The narcissist cannot have them,
cannot bargain with them, cannot possess them. They are contained and
control their own lives—they are psychologically independent women.
Narcissistic men hate what they cannot own and control and abuse. The
narcissistic man is never free of the mother who controls him even after
her death.  She has put her imprint on his soul and it is indelible.

men despise all women and independent ones in particular. If you are in
this category, celebrate. If you have been fooled by a narcissistic man
(and that includes a lot of us) but now know who they really are, give
yourself a hand. If you are just finding out that the man you are with
is a narcissist, keep doing your research. It is worth the effort. There
is a celebration ahead for you. Never stop digging for the truth.

Visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Narcissists Abandon Their Families and Re-Invent Themselves

Narcissistic men (and women) cannot be parents. These men are too
obsessed with themselves and their images.They act out with women,
having multiple affairs, and children from these unions. They have no
shame from their reprehensible behaviors.  If they have power in the
world as high level executives, A- list entertainers–movie stars, etc
or members of the social elite, they get away it.  These days , living
in a narcissistic society, most people simply shrug about these matters.
It is so pervasive. Others think that it is perfectly fine that this
narcissistic man has put shame on his wife and especially his children.
He is their father in name only. Psychologically, he has a severe
personality disorder that is never going to change. Their is no
motivation since he believes that he is perfect and everyone else falls
into place on his side. In this current narcissistic social climate,
highly placed individuals can get away with just about anything. 

causing all of this trauma and distress to his ex-wife and children, he
moves on to re-invent himself and burnish his image.  It is
reprehensible that a famous narcissist with an endless group of
followers and adorers is given “kudos” to move on with his life despite
the horrendous psychological damage he has done.  

the narcissistic personality in-depth so that you don’t become involved
with one in a partnership or marriage. The narcissistic style —-“It’s
all about me!” –is becoming more normalized every day. To learn about
every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

You are the Narcissist’s Possession

“Casting one’s lot with a narcissist means that your life no longer
belongs to you. Your mental freedom and psychological space are
invaded…The narcissist  creates an unbroken fusion with his intimates,
treating them like the intricately woven fabric of his own
personality.”(Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

are driven to have what they want and must have regardless of the 
people whom they ruthlessly push aside (even their small children) lie
to, cheat, psychologically abuse, trick or cause psychological and
physical harm. They are bulldozers, juggernauts, human tsunamis.  You
can’t win with a narcissistic spouse unless you fuse with them and allow
them to eclipse your inner world of creativity and freedom and go along
for all of the perks and material upsides of one who is rising in power
and financial assets. Some spouses choose that direction. There is so
much to gain by having the next lovely object—a special article of
clothing, an irresistible piece of jewelry, a perfectly designed home, a
grand trip, the prestige to be married to a man or woman who is sought
after as a very special person in the world. This is so tempting to many
spouses that they can’t say ‘No”.  The deeper and closer the fusion
with the narcissistic spouse the less capacity to individuate out as a
separate person who is free to be genuine and to use their creative
gifts and full potential.

Some spouses decide that they
must sever this pathological relationship. Many of them do it for their
children. They recognize the damage that staying with the narcissistic
spouse is doing each day. They make the decision to divorce. This is a
difficult process with a narcissist but they are up for the fight. They
have confidence in themselves, have chosen an excellent, bright,
fearless attorney who knows how narcissists operate. In the aftermath
the spouse, now free from bondage, is free to renew his/her own life and
the endless opportunities that it holds. To learn about the
narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life