Narcissists are cunning, tricky and conniving. They must always be in control. When they are “on” and contact you, they always want something from you. They don’t give a damn about how you are feeling or your life struggles. They have decided they want something from you–your time, connections, money, influence—any advance they can and will take. In these circumstances they are playing their game to the max. Their tone and manner couldn’t be more charming. They compliment you in just the right manner that will pull on you emotionally. This is especially the case with an ex boyfriend/girlfriend, ex spouse. You ask yourself: “Why is this person coming back into my life now?” Your answer could be–because he has reconsidered his love for me. Watch out before you become engulfed by this play to your heart.
Narcissistic mothers and fathers and narcissistic siblings suddenly appear out of nowhere and make promises about coming back into your life. They are so clever with their words and their tone. “It’s been too long. Let’s spend some quality time together.” Those are the magic words to an adult child of a narcissistic parent that can bring them back into the psychological ambush and painful entanglement with this NPD. Remember, these personality disorders do not change. They believe they are perfect. Remember that they are predatory–always surveying their environments for narcissistic supplies. They calculate your kindness and come up with the answer: Bingo–They can play you once again, get what they want and then disappear, leaving you feeling abandoned, emotionally battered and confused. Don’t go down this road again. It is a painful acknowledgement to recognize clearly that your parent is narcissistic.
You are a unique individual, worthy of leading the life that you deserve. You are the author of your life story once you have severed the relationship with the narcissist. No one can own you, intimidate you, possess you. You are free to use all of your many gifts, to establish close relationships with others capable of compassion and kindness. Develop a strong pattern of self care–doing those activities that you love and that will make you strong on every level. Enjoy all of your many creative gifts, Learn how to laugh again. Trust you intuition. Seek the beauty and healing of Nature. You will find respite there. Rediscover your original previous self.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.