Male and female narcissists are incapable of genuine feelings of love, caring, giving comfort, having empathy or being merciful.
When you are married to a narcissist you become his/her possession. Narcissists are completely disingenuous. They are deluded human beings. It doesn’t matter how successful they are in the world; in their personal lives they are unable to give or receive on any level.
Narcissists believe they own their spouses. They are highly manipulative and secretive. Most spouses have no clue about the concealed lives that they lead right under your nose. Narcissists enjoy the thrill of their clandestine lives. It is an adrenaline rush for them–like the fastest down hill run.
Narcissistic spouses are known for hiding money from their husbands or wives. They want everything for themselves and are always planning what they will do when they decide to dispose of you. Of course, they will move on to a new life. For them everyone has a price and everyone is expendable.
The spouse is an object for the narcissist like a painting that can be auctioned off to the highest bidder. While you are married to the narcissist, he or she insists that you maintain a perfect image that is a reflection of his importance and outward power. After all, you are a living reflection of his/her worth.
When you discover who this individual truly is and decide to divorce him/her, be prepared in advance before you are dumped or put to the side. Do your homework and research. Do not share your plans with the narcissist. You cannot trust someone who has treated you like a non-person.
Begin to take very good care of yourself and maintain your psychological and financial independence as much as you can. Recognize that you are moving in the right direction to re-engage your own life and to rediscover your true self. This is a journey well worth taking.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
7 thoughts on “Narcissists Treat Their Spouses Like Possessions”
Thank you for posting this. I have experienced 3+ years of litigation in divorce and it is now pending before the VA Supreme Court. I couldn’t agree more that the Narcissist plans in advance a divorce. My Ex planned years before the divorce and kept all of his money separate hoping to keep it away during the divorce. Your blogs have been like pieces of therapy for me. Reminders that narcissists are real and look like sheep, are charming and yet deceiving you at every action.
Comment: From Crystal
Wow, I wish I would have read all of this before my divorce began six years ago…. My ex is a pro at fooling people, the courts, into believing his lies… How do I combat this?
Wow! heard about this before. it is a nightmare that doesn’t go away. Even after three years of separation I am still experiencing it and is being prevented from moving on with my life. I am pretty strong but days it still seem too much. My son of 12 decided to cut him off totally,something that I tried to do for over 12 years.
Courage to all of us who have experienced or are going through this kind of madness!
My mother hid money from my father and spent a lot of it. I know when I get married, I plan to hide money from my husband and then spend a lot and leave like what my mother did to my father just to boost my own ego.
I experienced 3 years of litigation. Initially the children were with me, but he later filed to take domicile, and won the children by plotting and scheming. He even asked the courts to force me to move back to our married state, even after we were divorced. He has tried to take everything by hiding money and fabricating. How does he sleep at night?
Once you are enlightened to what you have, you will soon realize that you have been spellbound, taken by a deceitful, Narcissistic animal. Cunning and conniving, they are relentless. They will pursue you even after they have been sexually involved with others. You become a fix for them but your fix is their spell that they cast upon you every time they lure you back. Stay away, disengage, for your own sanity and piece of mind. They will take every thing from you if you can’t break free. It is like being addicted to a drug. You have to break away and not have further contact. If you share children, keep your contact short, and to the point. If you don’t heed this advice, you will be sucked in forever, and will lose yourself. The narcissist does not care. You are the fly in the web, and all your life juices will be sucked from you by the narcissist. I’m currently separated from one and we are getting divorced. It is not easy, she keeps coming back, just when you get stronger. The narcissist knows how to control you. You are doomed unless you break free.
I am NC for a couple of weeks now. I had to do this as the narcissist I was with was starting to do things what made me question my sanity. At first he was the most charming person you would ever wish to meet. A month in and the change in him was the polar opposite of what it was in the beginning. The man is mentally ill. He thinks he is so important and everyone else is nothing. As much as it hurts to stay away I will because the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about. He is not my reality, and never was.
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