If you are seriously thinking about divorcing your narcissistic husband/wife, don’t give any indication–verbal or nonverbal that this is your intention. Narcissists are incapable of introspection or insight but they are uncanny in detecting when you are on to them and headed for divorce court. Be sure that you have made detailed plans to protect your personal assets and the part of the shared property, investments, bank accounts, etc to which you are entitled. Research and interview more than one attorney. Personal recommendations can be of great value but an individual that is effective for one person may not be successful in your situation. Make a clear appraisal. The attorney must be highly skilled in his/her field. In addition he must have a clear understanding of the character traits of the narcissistic personality. That doesn’t mean he must be an expert. He needs to be very savvy about highly manipulative people who lie, have no conscience, are completely ruthless and are dirty players. Expect the opposing attorney to be very tough, chronically lie, be highly manipulative and intimidating. He/she has a charming and go below the belt if he/she can get away with it.
One of the most common schemes of the narcissist is to put all of the assets including properties, bank accounts, stocks in his name. I have communicated with spouses who were absolutely stunned to find out that their financial security had beenr ripped away from them years before they decided to seek a divorce. Don’t put anything past the narcissist. It is strategically wise to play his role–think the way he does. How is he plotting to ruin you financially. What schemes does he have up his sleeve. Is he talking to gullible family members against you? Is he using a business partner to hold his assets (and yours) as a way of playing “I don’t have anything–You can’t get money out of a stone.”
Once you make the decision to go ahead with the divorce, don’t get pulled in the narcissist’s empty promises—this is a ruse, an undertow that will pull you back down.
Form a strong support group. Seek psychotherapy if you think it will help you through the process. Be sure you choose a therapist who is not a narcissist–Yes there are some who are in this profession.
Choose healing routines–gentle yoga poses, slow stretching with the breath that is relaxing and loosens tightened muscles, spend time with Nature–it is healing. Spend time with a few people whom you trust and are there for you. There are some high quality guided meditation tapes on You Tube. There are some good ones by a group called The Hones Guys from England. There are many others. It is worth the search.
Calming the nervous system using gentle hatha yoga, acupuncture with an excellent practitioner, listening to the music you love and spending time with individuals you trust and have your best interests at heart and are there for you are some of the ways that you will be supported and helped during this very difficult divorce process from a narcissist. I have been in contact with many who have gone through this ordeal and come through to lead the lives that they deserve. Remember, you come first.
Continue to research the narcissistic personality in depth. The more that you know and understand about this fixed personality disorder, the more power you have in this process. Take very good care of yourself.
One thought on “Narcissistic Spouses Hiding the Assets”
Only about 1 more month left to go out of the required no less than 6 months in the state of Ca, I can hardly wait until my divorce is final. After 35 years of marriage to someone who never loved nor appreciated me, I am much happier now with myself, knowing he cannot hurt me anymore, belittle me nor manipulate any part of my new life.
Five months ago, I found my own divorce attorney, and the first meeting with her, I began with this question “Are you familiar with divorcing a narcissist?” She then said this seems to be happening more often now. I then told my attorney that based on my now knowing the what and who I married, the fact that he walked out on me 2 years ago, the fact that he will not speak to our mentally disabled son and frequent text messages to me telling me he was taking money out of our joint bank account, made me think “he is hiding more than I know about”.
Finding out recently, after my attorney divulging how much money he was making driving big rig trucks, but then found out through my oldest son’s friends, that my husband had posted a salaried job with benefits proudly announcing his new job, again made me know he thought he was getting away with something– but he was caught.
The day after my finding this new salaried job, I called my attorney to let her know, so she could tell my husband’s attorney of his clients higher paying job with the state. Of course, my husband had not told his attorney about this because he will have to pay me more in alimony, not the previous amount my husband had texted me I was getting.
So, hopefully I will get what is mine, if only money after such a long term marriage to my narcissist husband. As soon as my divorce is final, I never ever want to cross paths with my husband again.
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