Divorcing A Narcissistic Physician–A Waking Nightmare

I have had communications with many women and men who are divorcing narcissistic physicians. (This post refers to male and female narcissistic doctors).

There are innumerable physicians who save lives and improve the health of their patients. They are dedicated, highly informed and gifted at their professions.

In this post I am speaking about divorcing narcissistic physicians. Imagine that you are married to a narcissistic doctor and going through a very nasty prolonged divorce. Some of you have been there and can attest to the relentless, painful unforgiving aspects of going through this series of battles.

Narcissistic doctors, especially those who are highly successful make very large incomes. The amounts are even larger today with the cost of healthcare rising astronomically. One of the scenarios that I hear repeatedly is that with the narcissistic physician you often have a pronounced Jekyll/Hyde series of personality traits. The doctor is above reproach publically. In private he/she is full of volcanic rage, has low impulse control, continually projects his venom on to spouses and children, is obsessively controlling– checking to see who, what, where the spouse is at all times.

Narcissistic doctors play around a lot. Some have more than one affair going at a time. Since they have no conscience this kind of deception or any other doesn’t bother them. After all, as long as their precious egos are getting boosted and no one finds out, what is there to worry about.

Narcissists are full of deceit and duplicity. They continually manipulate and intimidate their spouses and children. They are hypocrites and know how to act like “good people.” This is part of a contrived persona that enhances their image even further.

Divorcing a narcissistic physician takes a lot of detailed planning, regular self care and a divorce team that is competent, knowledgeable, savvy, available, understands the personality traits of the narcissistic personality and is highly experienced at strategies that work with these toxic individuals.

I know of men and women who went through this process on their own without much outside help of any kind–including having to deal with a series of incompetent attorneys. This is truly remarkable. I have tremendous respect for these individuals. They never gave up. They kept going each day–one at a time. They made strategic decisions, protected their children, maintained control over themselves despite even being balled out by other attorneys, counselors, mediators, etc. They were determined to win and were up for the marathon battle.

Start by giving yourself fully earned credit for who you really are–Honor your true self. Don’t blame yourself for having married a narcissistic physician. You could never have known who this person was. Stop making self judgments. Those I know who have come through this process learned to let go of this kind of mind set. They kept themselves in a positive, ready for combat and self contained frame of mind as often as possible. Don’t be judgmental about your meltdowns–You are human after all.

The narcissist is always waiting for you to cave in and will do anything to throw you over. You can surprise even the narcissistic physician. Forget all of his medical training, the schools he/she attended and his walls of degrees. Remember that beneath the grandiose extremely self entitled false self, there is a highly damaged, psychologically empty, true self that is very regressed. You are the adult in this situation. You have the fine character, courage, psychological and emotional intelligence and the deep intuition to move forward in this process and your life.

If you have access to support, use it. Lean on those whom you trust. There may just be a few. I find that this is all we need, especially in this time of your need. Most of all, be kind to yourself.