One would think that with all their womanizing, multiple marriages, affairs and trysts that male narcissists adore women. They may believe they do or convince others but the truth is that they both fear and despise women. Narcissistic relationships are parasitic, based on what you can do for them. Narcissists broker romantic arrangements that benefit them. They are incapable of genuine relationships with expressions of love, tenderness or respect. Some male narcissists change female partners more often than they purchase fancy cars.
Some narcissistic men stay married to a particular woman for decades. That doesn’t mean that they love or respect them. Often these women fit the perfect image of the golden couple that the narcissist treasures above all else.
The evidence of the male narcissist’s dislike and even hatred of women is evident in the cruel, exploitive ways he treats those females close to him. In private the narcissist is downright dismissive and cruel to his spouse. He may turn on the charm to reel her back if she decides she can’t bear the abuse any longer.
The narcissist unconsciously fears women because he is not an authentic man. He learned from infancy and early childhood to become a false grandiose self. He was forced to play a role rather than become an authentic human being. His parent(s) valued him for his gifts of attractiveness, mental brightness, athletic or artistic talent. He was never loved for himself alone. Often the mother of the budding narcissist forms a fused psychological relationship with her son. The father is left out of this dysfunctional triangle. In the course of catering to mother and fulfilling her dreams, (not his own) the narcissist is emasculated. He has lost the potential for becoming a real man as a result of this psychic injury. As a consequence, the male narcissist both fears and despises the mother who would exploit him in this way. As an adult the male narcissist generalizes these fears and loathing of women even though he is a master at choosing the exact women he can possess and completely control. To learn more about the psychopathology of male narcissists in personal relationships, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.