I hear frequent life stories about repeated, painful relationships with covert narcissistic spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. This post refers to male and female covert narcissists. I am finding more and more often individuals are marrying and discovering once again that they are involved with one of these highly manipulative, controlling, cruel individuals.
After evaluating all of the pain and anguish they have been through, they ask why and how they keep repeating these unhealthy patterns.
I tell those who write to me, read my books and my clients to stop blaming themselves. This is not the way to heal. Recovering from the covert narcissist begins with being kind and compassionate with yourself.
Learning to work with the true self inside of you and to cherish and nurture yourself on every level is the beginning of stopping this repeated pattern of choosing covert narcissists as partners who are not worthy of you.
Put the emphasis on yourself for the first time. You are not required to people please – that was something you felt obligated to do when you were growing up. Maybe your parents expected this of you. Now you are holding the reins in your capable hands and can make decisions that are in the highest interests of your psychological, creative and spiritual growth.
An essential part of your practice is to make sure that you get the sleep that you need each night. Rest when you can during the day even if it is for a short time. I have found that there are some well produced guided meditations on the internet. I like a group called The Honest Guys. They are from England and have a variety of recordings. You will find what works best for you. Also, lovely music is restorative and inspiring. It puts us into the calming part of the nervous system, the parasympathetic. Writing spontaneously is a creative way of expressing your feelings, thoughts, reveries, inspirations. Eating nourishing food and keeping your blood sugar balanced is a significant way to maintain your physical and mental health. Along the way, learn to treasure the truth that arises from paying close attention to your intuition. It is always telling us the truth about ourselves and others.
You have come along way on your journey to the evolution of the true, original self. As you move forward, always know that you are a precious individual and that your voice, words, thoughts and feelings have great meaning and value.