The classic grandiose narcissist performs at center stage in the spotlight. (This post refers to male and female narcissists.) He/she demands your total unblinking attention. I recall a number of these individuals whom I have known personally and professionally. They grab the psychological space in a room. They regal us with stories of their perfect lives.
How often have you been psychologically accosted by a narcissistic personality? They won’t leave you alone. They are filled with stories of their latest triumphs. They talk about their superior family members who are the highest academic and professional achievers. Everyone that provides them with narcissistic supply is extraordinary not because they are fine human beings but because they have gone to the right schools, have obtained superlative grades, have high graduate degrees and multiple offers in professional career positions that will pay them extraordinary salaries. I am not disparaging those who achieve in these ways. I applaud those who succeed in these arenas. They are most often fine people.
The point is that the narcissist must tell these stories in order to make him look better than anyone else. He or she is not only bragging about his own accomplishments but extends them to family members who then become a part of his narcissistic domain of adulation and praise. When I have tried to actually have a conversation with these narcissists it is as if they cannot hear you. They don’t acknowledge anything that you are saying. You might as well not be there. You could nave placed a cardboard cutout of yourself in place and left. There is no genuine interaction with narcissists. They give speeches, make grandiose comments, and won’t stop the mindless chatter.
You want to get away from them. You make the decision to excuse yourself and some of them follow you with their “I have a perfect life” rant. Learn to leave the scene early. It is not worth your time and attempts at listening or trying to be heard to remain in these circumstances. The narcissist is always there for his close-up. For him, you are part of the inanimate stage set.
It is still remarkable to watch narcissists and recognize each time how completely wrapped up in themselves they are. They carry with them load upon load of narcissistic supplies–the praise of others, the accomplishments of family members, the constant name-dropping, comments about their extraordinary professional and personal achievements, etc.
I think about those who are married to one of these individuals and cringe at what they have to hear every single day. It is exhausting. Besides the braggadocio the narcissist is highly critical and demeaning to those closest to him. He picks away at the slightest mistake and manufactures reasons for disdaining you out of whole cloth. These are bald lies that the narcissist twists into his “truth” about you and your innumerable shortcomings and poor character traits. Remember that these cruel pronouncements are psychological projections and have nothing to do with your character or capabilities at all.
Study the narcissistic personality in-depth so that you are highly informed. Practice self care. Get the sleep, exercise, nourishment and respite that you need and deserve. Use your creativity gifts and discover others that have been hidden as a result of being involved with the narcissist.
If you are married to a narcissist you may decide that you can no longer live with this person who is always giving speeches to self and throwing you crumbs and volleys of criticisms. Make a plan that works for you. Talk to a few friends whom you trust and are available to listen with empathy. In some cases meeting with an excellent therapist can be helpful. Pay close attention to your intuition. It is always accurate and reveals the truth.
7 thoughts on “Grandiose Narcissists Can’t Stop Talking About Their Perfect Worlds”
Do these people often use variations of their name? I have a coworker who married a man 23 years her senior. He lied to her about owning his own business & his personal life. Turns out she is is third wife and he has multiple kids from previous marriages. I checked into him. He has used variations of his first and middle names in past businesses. Now he is claiming to be the VP of US sales for an electronic manufacturer from Singapore. The business website lists their residential address as “the U.S. Headquarters,” with a new variation of his last name and his cell number listed as a contact. He also claimed to be a senior market for a large US electronics firm but when I called that office, they told me he doesn’t work for them but was listed as a past reseller of their products.
I almost feel like I’m going crazy here. What is your impression of this?
I’m writing about a coworker’s predicament. She is married to a man some 23 years her senior. He lied to her about his past before they were married. Turns out he left his wife and job in LA to marry her and start over after she became pregnant. He did marry her, but lots of things he said just don’t add up, so I did a bit of research on him. This is his third marriage – he has other kids from his previous marriages. It also appears that he has a history of using variations of his first and middle names in past businesses…he even uses his initials on occasion. He claimed to be a marketing VP for a major company, but when I called that company’s headquarters, they didn’t have him listed as an employee, but rather, an occasional dealer that sold their equipment. He convinced my friend to withdraw her retirement and sell her company stock to buy a very expensive home in the bay area and three condos in Las Vegas, where he lives in one of them half time to manage the other two rentals. Last year, he claimed he was the USA Sales VP for an electronic component manufacturer in Singapore, but listed their residence and his cell phone number as the contact info for the US Headquarters. Strange thing is that he changed his last name for the point of contact on the company web site. When I told my friend about this earlier this month, his name, address and contact info was removed shortly thereafter.
I have to ask this, because I think I’m going crazy – is this typical behavior for these types of people? The multiple names just seem crazy.
This describes my dad perfectly.
I am being sued by a narcissist contractor I used for repair my home after a fire. I am being crushed by legal bills. I know I did nothing wrong (except hire and trust him), I know the claims are fabricated and false, and yet I am fearful of going to trial. I take that back, I did do something “wrong,” I refused to be part of something unethical and said NO to him (after paying him in full). Its been going on a very long time, I am emotionally a wreck, and this is truly the only thing in my life that isn’t “working”- I have a great family and I wish I was more present but this keeps me distracted and upset. I feel guilt (why did I trust him, why did I sign that, why didn’t I choose differently) and yet I also know I am one of many many victims, current and past, of the same scheme. Others are being sued, and they are being dragged into court for years too. Right now I am just praying, for my own sanity, for my family and to stop the financial drain. You blog has been helpful. I wish I could educate my attorney, as he is unconvinced of the true nature of this contractor and the contractor’s need not to win, but to keep my attention and hold this power over me to effect my life negatively as punishment. How does it end? When? I think I want to pay him off, as even if I win this case, I can be assured of an appeal.
My ex boyfriend was a sociopath narcissist and yes he did change his name to all sorts of abbreviations and new spellings throughout the years we dated… He basically had 3 names during the time we were together. Only one letter is a great name, as it is very difficult to Google… That way it is easier to hide the affairs etc on the side!
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