Category: Uncategorized

You Cannot Trust Your Narcissistic Relatives

You have heard the expression that blood is thicker than water–that our “kin” is closer to us than anyone else because we share the same DNA and family history. This is not the case, especially when we grow up in a family of narcissists. If you were raised in this type of pathological family constellation, you knew early that your mother, father, siblings, etc. were not on your side. You knew that you would be betrayed if you dared to share confidences with them. You could not depend on your narcissistic mother to nurture, protect or care about you. Your siblings were highly competitive against you. These young narcissists saw you as weak and inferior and treated you in kind. There are innumerable life stories of brutal childhoods that the victims of narcissistic family members endure.

Narcissistic relatives pull the rug out from under us as often as possible. They absolutely can’t be trusted. You may think you know them–even a mother or father or spouse but they have secret agendas. They make empty promises, drawing you in to believe in them. The time comes and they revoke what they have sworn they would do. They make excuses; they tell you there was a misunderstanding and you were wrong. They accuse you of fabrications. Narcissists live in total delusion of their own making They never deal with the truth.

To protect yourself, study the narcissistic personality in-depth. You will discover some family members in all the pages of your reading. Pay close attention to your intuition. It will always tell you the truth. Believe in your perceptions and know that your narcissistic relatives will never change. You cannot have genuine relationships with them. You will form other relationships that are meaningful. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

You Win the Gold Medal–Divorced a Narcissist

Those who move forward despite all of the strum and drang, the intimidations, tricks, ploys, ambushes, etc. involved in moving through the rocky road through a divorce with a narcissistic spouse win the gold medal. This is one of the most difficult passages on your journey to end your relationship with a narcissistic personality. As you know they try and execute every trick, lie, ruse, fear tactics in the book. Some narcissists are so creatively cruel they have written their own books. You have stood up and been undaunted despite all of the onslaughts. You have kept faith in yourself. You have out fought and out witted the narcissist. You have spent many days and nights studying the narcissistic personality and it has paid off. You have learned to be in command of yourself. You now know who you really are—a strong, steady genuine individual who cannot be defeated no matter what. You are free now to pursue your life, to use all of your creative gifts and visions, to manifest the original self–the person you were born to be. Celebrate–lift your arms in victory. Let your heart open and smile. You are victorious. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Children of Narcissistic Women are Ego Supplies Only

Whether they are very successful business women or stay at home “mothers” narcissistic women are incapable of mothering. It is tragic that so many of them have had children. I am making this statement as a result of my clinical knowledge of the psychic structure of the narcissist. The narcissistic woman who becomes a “mother” cannot fulfill this role. In some cases these women don’t become mothers and that is very fortunate. Especially at this time—Not every woman must become a mother–especially if this person is not going to be capable of making a secure loving attachment to her child. Lack of attachment, anxious attachment and disturbed attachment will have a profound negative on the child’s psyche.

For the narcissistic woman, giving birth to a child is a great narcissistic supply. If she is a professional, climbing the heights, there area extra bonuses–She does it all! No, that is not the case. If she stays home as the “devoted mother”, then her life revolves around her dear children and the home. Not the case again. Remember, this is a narcissist. Having a child and children raises the narcissistic mother to another level. This creates an indelible image in the minds of others. Her children are so perfect; she is so loving; the family is wonderful. This is all fiction and delusion. The photographs with the smiles and perfect background don’t tell the tale. The real stories come from the women with whom I have communicated who tell me about the horrors of their life histories as daughters of narcissistic mothers. The cruelties, deprivations, insensitivities, dismissive coldness and treacheries are immeasurable. Many of these daughters slowly heal but it is a difficult and long road they travel. These women deserve our respect. They have prevailed over their highly disturbed, malicious, envious narcissistic “mothers.” To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Men Addicted to Narcissistic Women

There are men who become victims of gorgeous narcissistic women more times than you can count. It’s the look,the sexual chemistry,the promise that she is yours forever, the fantasy of having(possessing)the perfect woman.This is a psychologically dangerous behavioral and emotional repetition. These men can’t say “No” to the narcissistic woman in their lives, videoshd xxx is better than any other tube while also being better than getting into any hassle with women that aren’t worth your time. They give her an unlimited credit card and she uses it to the hilt. They take her on luxurious trips and she wants more.They buy her homes. They will do anything to keep her happy. Narcissistic women cannot be “happy:”. Deep inside, they hate themselves but are expressing these toxic feelings by projecting them on to you. And you take it time after time. How long are you willing to stay on this dizzying merry-go-round? When one narcissistic woman discards them, they move on to the next with painful results. God help the man that marries one of these merciless vixens. One of their ploys is to immediately get pregnant (especially if you are a man of means) and lock you in with a child. She doesn’t give a damn about her baby. This is a big insurance policy and you and your assets are the payoff.

You know how miserable you are. You can’t sleep. You are terrified that she will leave you. You wait for her texts and phone calls. She disappears and you become despondent. What kind of life is this? This woman is controlling your emotions 24/7. First, research the narcissistic personality. When you clearly recognize who the woman of your dreams is, you have a decision to make. She is not going to change.

It is decision time. Will you stay with her and continue the pathological pattern with other women or will you choose to lead your life, taking your own initiative, honoring yourself, not being controlled and demeaned.

High quality psychotherapy can be very helpful in dealing with the process of separating from your narcissistic woman and changing this pattern. Do your homework and interview several therapists. Re-occupy your healthy sense of entitlement. Reclaim your inner peace. Renew deep inside that you deserve reciprocal love.

To learn about the narcissist in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and InternationalBook: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Sadistic Narcissistic Husbands Take Revenge

I know of a number of cases, especially during custody disputes when the narcissistic husband (or wife) turns sadistic and gains pleasure and narcissistic supplies by threatening to take your children away from you. In some instances he succeeds because he has the financial resources and the charm and persuasiveness to persuade mediators and judges that he is the better parent. This man or woman doesn’t give a damn about the welfare of his children. He is out for revenge because he gets pleasure from watching you suffer. That is the definition of a sadist. He is seen as the “good father”. He spreads lies about you and may even turn your family members against you.

Arm yourself with as much information as you can about the narcissistic personality. You cannot know enough. Make sure that you have a very savvy attorney who can go up against the narcissist. He will have hired a barracuda of a lawyer who is out for blood.

If you know early that your spouse is a narcissist you may want to end the marriage there before you have children. Being married is one thing—having children is another. Having children with a sadistic narcissist is putting the welfare of your children in jeopardy. If this has already happened, take heart and go into battle fully armed, knowing that you are going to win.Take good care of yourself as well.Form a close knit support group.You can do this. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

You Can’t Fix Your Narcissistic Mother

If you are the daughter of a narcissistic mother, you have worn
yourself out, trying to make her different. She suffers from a severe,
fixed personality disorder that does not change. Her lies, the terror
that she inflicts, her psychological and emotional blows upon you are 
unconscious projections of her self hatred. This is not about you; it’s
about her psychopathology.  Stop blaming yourself, if that’s what you
have been doing since you were a child. Free yourself of guilt.

If
a brother or sister of yours has been treated since birth as a prince
or princess, that’s because mother chose them to mirror her belief that
she is perfect. She aspired to create a clone of herself. Having a
chosen brother or sister in the family makes life more painful. You were
always compared with the perfect one and of course came up short. None
of this is true but how could you have known when you were a small
child. Now you know that this sibling is a full fledged narcissistic
personality—another person you want to avoid and who has a complete
lack of empathy.

We can heal and change our attitudes
toward ourselves. We must develop self mercy and look at the small child
inside of us who has suffered so much and soothe and give love to this
little one. Great healing takes place by going into the calming mode in
the nervous system. This is done in a variety of ways. Gentle yoga with
emphasis on breathing through the nostrils brings a feeling of deep
relaxation into the body/mind.

Cardiovascular exercise (what works
for you) removes obsessive thinking and brings us to a state of peace. 
Some people benefit from working with an excellent acupuncturist who
facilitates your dropping down into the most restful state. Listening to
calming music, sketching, journaling are all ways to switch us back to
where we belong–in a state of rest and peace. In this inner place you
leave all of your emotional pain behind. You are linked with a healing
dynamic that we have within us. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Sing Your Own Tune Not the Narcissist’s

We all have music inside of us. It may be a small voice that calls
from inside that is barely heard. It may be a swelling sound like a
river held back too long that is bursting to go over its banks. When we
are little many of us sing to ourselves and if we are fortunate, others
share their voices with us. Song has been with us for thousands of
years. It is a part of our nature. We were meant to move to rhythm and
to hum and sing. Listen to very small children and you know that is part
of who we are.  When we sing and give power to our voices, we are whole
and free.

Those who are tied to the narcissist in a
charade marriage narrow their chances of becoming the person they were
meant to be.  The narcissist demands mirroring of him/her alone. He is
the master; you are the follower.

He is always right–impeccable.
You make all the mistakes. Every fine idea or creative endeavor evolves
out of him, even when its origin is yours. You can never win with a
narcissist. They may create a comfortable lifestyle that is consistent
with your external goals but where is the heart of the narcissist. It
can’t be found. Narcissists are masters of pseudo empathy and caring
when they have to play the part but once the drama is over and they have
gotten exactly what they wanted, they revert back to their fits of
rage, recriminations, constant lies and ruthlessness.

If
you have had more than enough and can hear your own song in your head
and it is getting louder and your intuition is messaging you frequently,
pay attention. You are being told to make a decision, to take a
different road, to activate yourself fully as an individual without
limitations.  We come to this earth in our present form once only. Make
this one count. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth,
visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

No Longer In Shadow of Narcissistic Sister

I hear from many sisters who were psychologically dismissed because
they existed in the shadow of their older sister golden child. She was
beautiful and bright. Everyone paid attention to her. Her birth was long
awaited and she became the star of the family immediately. The
narcissistic mother worshiped gorgeous Sis. Second sister Alyce was not
an extrovert. She was quiet and  intelligent. Alyce learned to survive
by living in her older sister’s  shadow. She  tried to imitate her
manner of speech and gestures, thinking that she would be able to get
her mother’s attention and love if she succeeded. Instead Alyce was
laughed at, demeaned and humiliated. The narcissistic mother who was
psychologically fused with her older daughter would mimic Alyce, even in
front of company. Alyce was so hurt that she ran to her room and cried
uncontrollably. No one came upstairs to see how she was feeling. She knew
that her mother and sister didn’t care. They were too engrossed with
one another in mutual adoration mode. Alyce learned to keep very
quiet and become invisible to this duo. She didn’t have confidence in
herself and hid in her studying and books. When Alyce left for college she was relieved to get away from the narcissistic abuse.  

The psychological pain
remained with Alyce. She found excuses not to visit the family on
Holidays. After going through a rough period of depression, Alyce sought
psychotherapy. She developed a strong therapeutic alliance with the
therapist and went through the process of grieving for the mother
she never had and a sister that could do without her. It was difficult
work. Alyce emerged emotionally stronger and steadier, more clear about
her true identity as an individual and appreciative of her unique gifts.
As time passed Alyce severed her relationship with her narcissistic
mother and narcissistic sister.

She is no longer in the shadow of
her narcissistic sister nor does she fear the disapproval and cruelty of
her mother. She has gone through a process of personal transformation.
Alyce feels free to move ahead with confidence and optimism about her
present and future. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic
personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

The Narcissistic Style Has Taken Over

The narcissistic style is obsessive self involvement sprinkled with
lack of empathy, compassion and doses of  of materialism and the need
for external perfection. There are countless individuals who lead their
lives with consideration for others and who will stop and help people
they don’t know. They provide comfort to their friends and are present
and loving to their families and people whom they have never met before.

I
am talking about what has happened to many individuals in the course of
a decade or so. The narcissistic style is being highly rewarded by
corporations, amid many social circles, in the media and entertainment.

Externals
of face, body, figure, clothing, connections, glamour and youth are
rewarded over kindness, consideration of others, thoughtfulness, empathy
and deep awareness. It has become a Darwinian world. Many people are
out strictly for themselves and brag about it with their constant self
references of success, monetary gain and, with regard to parents, the
perfection  and brilliance of their children.

Many
individuals need to wake up and realize that some people lead very
difficult if not impossible lives. They had it very rough as children.
They were dismissed, abused, neglected, beaten, psychologically
deprived, physically ill and poverty stricken. Never assume when you
meet someone that they have not had a very painful background and that
every moment of their life now is trying. I am sickened by the lack of
sensitivity and awareness of those who have taken up the narcissistic
style as a way of life. Learn to tune in to the other person before you
start bragging about yourself and all of your achievements and monetary
worth.  Keep still and listen and take the other person in. Then you
will know what to say about yourself and when to keep quiet.

There
are extraordinary human beings who are so empathic they restore your
belief in the goodness of people. We need more of them. If you are one
of these, appreciate yourself. Let your light shine. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Sociopathic Narcissists Have The Killer Instinct

The grandiose narcissist needs to have his/her ego constantly
stroked. He knows how to reel people in. He plays to their dependency
needs, material desires, their aspirations for wealth and power. He can
take one look at a woman and know how to get her under his control. Many
women fall for this master of charm with all the gilded promises. With a
narcissist you are lead to believe that you life will be unlimited,
that you can have every high and pleasurable experience you’ve ever
wanted, that you will never have to worry about money, security, social
status. You will always be royal. Woman with very successful careers and
professions still fall for charming narcissistic men. They become
entranced, hypnotized.

The sociopathic narcissist is
several steps beyond his classic brother narcissist. He doesn’t have a
whiff of conscience. He is involved in illegal activities as part of his
lifestyle. He secretly leads a number of lives and has a keen killer
instinct. You get in his way and your life is toast. That is the force
of his dangerous darkness. He may threaten you openly or keep his plans
secret but watch out if you confront him. Those who go along with him
are not leading their own lives. They stay there because of all the
perks which are a constant distraction like a merry go round that is
moving faster and faster. The giddiness of having anything you want is
intoxicating.

Sociopathic narcissists are disastrous
parents. They are incapable of forming any kind of relationship with
them. Sometimes the child looks up to the father or mother because this
person is very successful and powerful. Some narcissistic sociopaths
choose one child to mirror him. He becomes the golden boy or girl and
can do no wrong.

Sociopathic narcissists are
psychological killers in business. They terrorize their rivals. They
have close allies and partners that make the lives of their competitors a
living hell. They step over ethical and legal boundaries all of the
time and don’t get caught because they have a coterie of killer instinct
sociopathic lawyers.

When you decide to divorce a
sociopathic narcissist, make your preparations secretly and take your
time to do a lot of research. Interview several attorneys who understand the way these people tick. The soon to be ex is out for blood and will stop at nothing to win.  Find an attorney who is
not intimidated in the slightest with these personalities, someone who
remains calm when the long knives come out. Use all of your resources to
get the support you need. Excellent psychotherapy can be very helpful
during this time. Find friends that are available to support you and
stick with this ordeal. You will prevail. Keep telling yourself that
this is a marathon and you are up to the race and will cross the finish
line with a smile on your face.  Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]