I hear from many sisters who were psychologically dismissed because
they existed in the shadow of their older sister golden child. She was
beautiful and bright. Everyone paid attention to her. Her birth was long
awaited and she became the star of the family immediately. The
narcissistic mother worshiped gorgeous Sis. Second sister Alyce was not
an extrovert. She was quiet and intelligent. Alyce learned to survive
by living in her older sister’s shadow. She tried to imitate her
manner of speech and gestures, thinking that she would be able to get
her mother’s attention and love if she succeeded. Instead Alyce was
laughed at, demeaned and humiliated. The narcissistic mother who was
psychologically fused with her older daughter would mimic Alyce, even in
front of company. Alyce was so hurt that she ran to her room and cried
uncontrollably. No one came upstairs to see how she was feeling. She knew
that her mother and sister didn’t care. They were too engrossed with
one another in mutual adoration mode. Alyce learned to keep very
quiet and become invisible to this duo. She didn’t have confidence in
herself and hid in her studying and books. When Alyce left for college she was relieved to get away from the narcissistic abuse.
The psychological pain
remained with Alyce. She found excuses not to visit the family on
Holidays. After going through a rough period of depression, Alyce sought
psychotherapy. She developed a strong therapeutic alliance with the
therapist and went through the process of grieving for the mother
she never had and a sister that could do without her. It was difficult
work. Alyce emerged emotionally stronger and steadier, more clear about
her true identity as an individual and appreciative of her unique gifts.
As time passed Alyce severed her relationship with her narcissistic
mother and narcissistic sister.
She is no longer in the shadow of
her narcissistic sister nor does she fear the disapproval and cruelty of
her mother. She has gone through a process of personal transformation.
Alyce feels free to move ahead with confidence and optimism about her
present and future. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic
personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life