Category: narcississtic personality

Each narcissist is unique in his or her inimitable way. We learn a great deal about a person by the way he communicates.
With narcissists there are several styles that stand out. The first is The Screamer. This man or woman always has the volume dial turned to the max, especially when under stress or frustration which is frequent. There is no modulation in sound intensity whether the narcissist is in public or private. Screaming is the most direct route to getting his or her needs and desires met immediately. Although many narcissists are obsessed about their image and would not make a public scene, the Screamer projects his feelings, threats and intimidations without a filter. If he doesn’t get the right table at a restaurant, best theater seat, quickest appointment
he screams bloody murder–wild eyed, face flushed, mouth gaping, body shuddering. He attracts a lot of attention as he communicates: “I want what I want when I want it.” Surprisingly, those involved in the ugly interchange with narcissistic screamers, respond to their requests readily to restore peace and civility. Narcissistic Screamers do not apologize nor are they embarrassed by their inappropriate behaviors. For them, it is only what they want and getting it that matters. After all, they deserve it; they are superior and entitled. The sheer volume and intimidation projected by the enraged narcissistic is enough to make must people cringe and go to their protective corners and acquiesce to the narcissist’s delusional demands.

The Passive Aggressive narcissistic communication style is notable for its seesaw quality. These narcissists are sullen and can go for weeks without speaking a word if they have been crossed or confronted, especially by a spouse. They are masters of the “silent treatment.” This type of narcissist is gifted at “quietly seething.” Everyone in the household is unnerved and disrupted by this behavior but it is difficult to confront and deal with since the narcissist has become and will remain mute until he decides to end his strike. These narcissists often play the victim role, expressing that no one appreciates or understands their problems. In this role, the other spouse often feels guilty that he or she is responsible for the narcissist’s sorry emotional state.

The Covert Operator is the narcissist who juggles a second or third life, beyond the 007’s of the world. These are fine actors, playing many parts skillfully. They are never genuine, even with those close to them-spouses, children, friends. They lead secret lives, cleverly compartmentalizing one from the other. “The narcissist puts his life in neat compartments that are sealed off from one another. He (or she) is able to activate self-identifications of vitality, superiority, success, and power. These are kept separate from the unconscious parts of himself that feel depressed, enraged, empty, and helpless. It is as if one side of the body is unaware of the sensations and activities of the other side. It is not unusual for a narcissistic personality to juggle a series of mistresses and wives with other peripheral affairs as well.” Those who travel widely as part of their professional careers pick up intimate partners for varying lengths of time. Unable to demonstrate fidelity of any kind, they move from one woman or man, looking for sexual excitement rather than emotional intimacy. There is cold calculation in narcissists who are Covert Operators. Some of them return to home base at various times that suit them. They convince spouses that being away is essential to success in their careers. Many spouses are taken in by these fraudulent explanations and stay with their Covert Operators until they are replaced or discarded.

Understanding and learning how to successfully deal with narcissists are powerful tools that will fortify and inform you in handling these complex, pervasive personality disorders of our time. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi,Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
email:[email protected]

Entitled, shameless, supremely arrogant—narcissists get away with almost anything, especially if they wield power, exude charm and are well connected. In their private lives, super narcissists—CEO’s, top entertainers, powerful politicians and upper echelon professionals, write their own tickets, doing whatever they desire and want. They choose marital and romantic partners who cling to them, feed on their delusions of grandeur and ingest massive doses of abuse for unlimited periods of time.

Narcissists are gifted at juggling several partners at once. There is the wife or husband who is chosen for his/her perfect external image, education and professional credential, family heritage and high social standing. Narcissists are skilled handlers, keeping their romantic partners in the air and on the string. Since the narcissist is incapable of genuinely caring about any of these individuals, swinging from one person to the next is effortless and thrilling for them. It’s a game. There are no human attachments or feelings on the narcissist’s part. If one lover or spouse doesn’t work out, there is always someone else, even more desirable and willing to take his/her place. The narcissist is the writer, director, producer and star of his movie. Everyone else is playing the roles defined by the narcissist to ignite and sustain his star power.

High level narcissists have swagger and nerve. Flaunting their carelessness, they are reckless with the feelings of others. If a spouse or lover cannot tolerate the narcissist’s frequent betrayals and abuse, they are shown the door. Narcissists lie to everyone all of the time. They lie to themselves and live in a perpetual state of grandiose delusion. High level narcissists are constantly reinforced in their outrageous behaviors by a society that handsomely rewards those who achieve extraordinary material success, celebrity and power. The current external world, driven by a manic compulsion for continuous excitement and adrenaline driven thrills, fawns on narcissists. Within this paradigm, character, conscience and kindness are faded remnants from a naive, unsophisticated past.

Learning to skillfully identify narcissistic personalities and mastering ways of dealing with them, will reinforce your strong sense of self and protect you from the chaos and suffering that they leave behind. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:[email protected]

The narcissistic power couple is very much alive and thriving in today’s celebrity obsessed, media saturated culture. We find narcissistic power couples in all professions: entertainment, politics, high tech, medicine, law, the corporate world. The power couple consists of two narcissists who are either married or partnered with one another. The most important aspect of their identity is their tandem perfect image, the dual persona that they present to the world. Narcissistic power couples are often physically very attractive, affluent or very wealthy, grandiose, completely self entitled, glamorous, socially adept, intimately connected
with other high powered individuals and elite groups. Their external persona is riveting. Together they create a synergy that magnetizes people to them. Some individuals become so obsessed that they lead their lives through the narcissistic couple rather than their own. This is evident in the celebrity culture of golden couples. The television outlets, magazine and gossip rags present constant images of the intimate lives of celebrity narcissistic couples. Like professional voyeurs, they ask and answer the most intimate questions about famous entertainers: their sex lives, marriages, miscarriages, pregnancies, infidelities, divorces, plastic surgeries, mental and physical illnesses, alcohol and drug addictions.
Narcissistic power couples are both competitive and complementary to one another. They propel one another to dizzying heights of power, wealth and material acquisitions. With two high level narcissists the glow of their presence is enhanced and the breadth of their power and fame radiates and resonates, cutting a generous wide swath.

Many of these couples have unwritten agreements that each is free to have affairs and liaisons as long as they are discreet. The narcissistic couple is exquisitely skilled at vanquishing their enemies. Together they charm, deceive, seduce and intimidate those who would dare to unseat them. They play both dirty and nice, depending on their mutual goal to control, manipulate and even destroy others.

Narcississtic power couples lead lives that are set apart from most of us. They are whisked off on private helicopters and planes to exclusive venues all over the world. They accumulate greater aggregates of wealth and power because they have intimate contacts with the right people who make sure that their timing for making profits is always precise. God help those who dare to infiltrate and dilute their power or money base. The lawyers and rabid dogs will be set upon them. You could become the intended feast.

The inner world of each member of the narcissistic couple is shallow, vapid, rancorous,without meaning. These individuals are burned out, devoid of human warmth and empathy. Their act is worn, pathetic and inert: a psychological wasteland. Visit my
website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
email:[email protected]

Narcissists are thrilled by the climb to the top. They have their version of a Himalayan summit in their sites at all times. They push with obsessive focus for entrees into circles of the social elites, access to large veins of accumulated wealth -old and new- lifestyle accoutrements, and raw power that provides them with easy access to the most influential social and economic stratas. These are the individuals who are rules unto themselves and answer to no one. They control each card in the deck and every player at the table.

Some power maneuvers involve several narcissists playing different roles. There are narcissistic men and women who use their extraordinary physical attractiveness and psychological stealth to meet higher level narcissists who will lead them further up the mountain.

In one case a very attractive young man obtained his real estate license during a boom period. He had recently moved to the fringes of a very wealthy enclave. It was his goal to become a multimillionaire in five years. Through his gifts at captivating women with his great looks, easy conversation and seductive nonverbal communication, Rex got invited to parties that many of these exclusive individuals attended. After several unsuccessful forays into elite territories, he met the narcissistic wife of an ancient billionaire. The couple’s relationship was based on her access to his fortune:nothing more. Any emotional intimacy had always been out of the question since they were both narcissists. They were together to enhance his dynastic image so that she could inherit it directly from him. Diana purposely picked an elderly billionaire, knowing that she could lead an undetected secret life. Diana often calculated in her mind the number of months she would have to put up with this human albatross she had hooked on her line.

An exciting distraction from the sterile marriage was her intense physical relationship with Rex. In exchange for sexual favors and making her feel young and vital (Diana was more than twice her lover’s age) Diana introduced Rex to her inner power country club circle. He was on the inside now. Very soon Rex had more well heeled clients than he could manage. In the first two years of his real estate business, he cleared over four million dollars. Rex hired others to ensure that his transactions were closed smoothly. He couldn’t be bothered with picky details; he was a big picture man. Rex’s business/intimate arrangement with Diana spanned five years. In that period Rex kept his promise to himself and became a multimillionaire. Diana’s enfeebled narcissistic husband died, leaving her a bonified billionairess plus.

After Milton’s death, Diana was restless for a different brand of excitement. She arranged to visit one of their homes in Switzerland and stay for a while. She was bored and needed a change of people and culture. With some research and sleuthing, Diana became the fiancee of the scion of an old banking family in Switzerland. Heinz was a billionaire many times over. While the magic was still in the air, Diana married her multibillionaire. This narcissistic woman of many faces and roles had danced her way from one billionaire to the next, flawlessly executing each intricate step in her routine.

Each narcissist in this scenario got what he or she wanted, especially Diana, who choreographed, directed, produced and starred in the performances of her life. For each narcissist, these are performances. They are not real in the sense that there is no emotional or psychological commitment or loving attachment between any of the individuals in these pairings. In many ways they are business transactions, arranged for the purpose of providing each narcissist what he needs to reach his summit. For specific information about how narcissists manipulate the people in their world to achieve their heady goals, create chaos and psychological pain to others and how you can learn to skillfully identify and deal with these highly exploitive individuals, visit my website:www.the narcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:[email protected]

Narcissists are thrilled by the climb to the top. They have their version of a Himalayan summit in their sites at all times. They push with obsessive focus for entrees into circles of the social elites, access to large veins of accumulated wealth -old and new- lifestyle accoutrements, and raw power that provides them with easy access to the most influential social and economic stratas. These are the individuals who are rules unto themselves and answer to no one. They control each card in the deck and every player at the table.

Some power maneuvers involve several narcissists playing different roles. There are narcissistic men and women who use their extraordinary physical attractiveness and psychological stealth to meet higher level narcissists who will lead them further up the mountain.

In one case a very attractive young man obtained his real estate license during a boom period. He had recently moved to the fringes of a very wealthy enclave. It was his goal to become a multimillionaire in five years. Through his gifts at captivating women with his great looks, easy conversation and seductive nonverbal communication, Rex got invited to parties that many of these exclusive individuals attended. After several unsuccessful forays into elite territories, he met the narcissistic wife of an ancient billionaire. The couple’s relationship was based on her access to his fortune:nothing more. Any emotional intimacy had always been out of the question since they were both narcissists. They were together to enhance his dynastic image so that she could inherit it directly from him. Diana purposely picked an elderly billionaire, knowing that she could lead an undetected secret life. Diana often calculated in her mind the number of months she would have to put up with this human albatross she had hooked on her line.

An exciting distraction from the sterile marriage was her intense physical relationship with Rex. In exchange for sexual favors and making her feel young and vital (Diana was more than twice her lover’s age) Diana introduced Rex to her inner power country club circle. He was on the inside now. Very soon Rex had more well heeled clients than he could manage. In the first two years of his real estate business, he cleared over four million dollars. Rex hired others to ensure that his transactions were closed smoothly. He couldn’t be bothered with picky details; he was a big picture man. Rex’s business/intimate arrangement with Diana spanned five years. In that period Rex kept his promise to himself and became a multimillionaire. Diana’s enfeebled narcissistic husband died, leaving her a bonified billionairess plus.

After Milton’s death, Diana was restless for a different brand of excitement. She arranged to visit one of their homes in Switzerland and stay for a while. She was bored and needed a change of people and culture. With some research and sleuthing, Diana became the fiancee of the scion of an old banking family in Switzerland. Heinz was a billionaire many times over. While the magic was still in the air, Diana married her multibillionaire. This narcissistic woman of many faces and roles had danced her way from one billionaire to the next, flawlessly executing each intricate step in her routine.

Each narcissist in this scenario got what he or she wanted, especially Diana, who choreographed, directed, produced and starred in the performances of her life. For each narcissist, these are performances. They are not real in the sense that there is no emotional or psychological commitment or loving attachment between any of the individuals in these pairings. In many ways they are business transactions, arranged for the purpose of providing each narcissist what he needs to reach his summit. For specific information about how narcissists manipulate the people in their world to achieve their heady goals, create chaos and psychological pain to others and how you can learn to skillfully identify and deal with these highly exploitive individuals, visit my website:www.the narcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:[email protected]

It sounds like a very tall order but you can work at being physically healthy while you are divorcing a narcissistic husband or wife. During the marriage you may have neglected your health because your entire life was deferred to the demands of your narcissistic partner. He/she didn’t care how much sleep you got, what you ate, your stress level, exercise routine, physical symptoms suffered, flus, colds, asthma attacks, bouts of irritable bowel, migraine headaches. The list is endless. The narcissist’s unawareness or lack of concern about your physical health is shocking but predictable. The only reason a narcissistic spouse would be concerned about your weakened condition is that you can no longer respond to his/her constant orders. Some narcissists become furious when their spouse is ill. They have no empathy for another person’s suffering. The smooth machine of their lives is being disrupted by someone else’s physical malady. How inconvenient for them! Getting sick was your fault. In some instances the narcissist is so delusional that he feels it is your way at getting back at him.

During a divorce process, everything becomes magnified. For some non-narcissistic spouses it is the merciful opening of the cage that holds the bird who can now fly freely into the endless sky. This is a precious moment to exhale for the first time in their lives. To make sure the divorce process is as straightforward as possible, it might be worth contacting some divorce attorneys castle rock, for example. Attorneys can handle all of the communication and negotiating, ensuring that the non-narcissistic spouse has a better chance of gaining assets from the marriage.

For a vast group of those divorcing a narcissistic spouse, it is very anxiety provoking and stressful on all of the body systems. The red alarm of the sympathetic nervous system is going off:”Fight or Flight, Fight or Flight.”

There are effective ways of working with your body that will reduce your stress during the divorce process and for the rest of your life. First, learn how to breathe properly. Most of us breathe high in a constricted chest. Learning how to practice diaphragmatic breathing is invaluable to lessening stress. For specific information, check my ezinearticle entitled: Relief from Anxiety – Breathe Like an Opera Singer. Get your sleep. Sleep is the blessed healer, the preserver of physical and emotional health. If you can’t sleep, learn how to let yourself rest your body, even for five to ten minutes. Teach yourself that it’s not just ok but essential that you lie down. Physical exercise is a tremendous health enhancer. Find the exercise that appeals to you and be consistent. Let yourself cry. Crying is an emotional and physical release that awakens the parasympathetic nervous system that fosters calmness. Write your feelings in a journal rather than stuffing them in your body. Talk to friends whom you trust and are capable of listening with compassion. Arrange some sessions with an excellent psychotherapist during the divorce period. With a good psychotherapist you are free to explore any emotion or behavior, to express your anger and rage, regret, grief and any other feeling that you are holding inside of your body. A good psychotherapist is highly empathic and you will experience the security of the therapeutic alliance you have formed with this skilled individual. The practice of gentle yoga decreases stress tremendously. This kind of yoga places an emphasis on the breath and doing poses that strengthen, release and calm the body. Make your physical health a priority now and into the future. You are entitled to feel strong, relaxed, alert, at ease and compassionate with yourself. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:[email protected]

There is almost always the Other Woman (Other Man) or Other Women (Other Men) in the romantic and sexual lives of narcissists. A narcissist can be loyal to no one. Since he/she is incapable of true intimacy, being devoted to one spouse ot partner is absurd to this type of personality. Narcissists are restless and bored, full of themselves, supremely self entitled and absolutely sure that they can get any one they want at any time. Many high level narcissists are very successful at this game. They pick and choose their desired one of the moment as easily as someone selecting fine chocolates from a confectionery.

A narcissist knows when the person chosen will tilt toward him and have the affair. They are masters of persuasion through word and gift that this is the time that they must be together. Empty promises flow from their lips like the gifted notes of fine opera singers, their tones and trills following with exquisite precision, the mood, mental and psychological state of its audience. Women or men who are disillusioned in their marriage or who are psychologically wounded and in shock after a divorce are particularly vulnerable to the endless wiles of the magnetic narcissist. Once they are hooked, they fuse with the narcissist and cannot let go of him regardless of his egregious, inappropriate and abusive behaviors toward them. They throw the other woman out, only to reel them back in. This back and forth choreography serves as a psychological reinforcement, tightening the bond with the narcissist.

When the narcissist has had his fill and sends the partner out of the Garden of His Eden, the hellish part of the cycle begins. The Other Woman or Man despite the fact that the narcissist has told them in every way that it is over, begs, bargains, cajoles the narcissist to take her/him back one more time. The injured party cannot let go. Her delusion is set in stone. She knows that this man still loves her despite the fact that he will never leave his wife or mistress for her. The same is true for the other man. Hope springs eternal as they say in the heart of a former lover of the narcissist. Some former lovers never let go and proceed to lead lives of delusional fantasy, believing that at any moment, the phone will ring, the text message will appear, the door bell will sound and he or she will be standing there, awaiting the long expected reunion. These stories have unhappy endings. The narcissist always wins in the liaison game since he is incapable of intimacy or love. Learning how to specifically identify the narcissistic personality and protect yourself from these corrosive individuals will serve you well in your private life. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:[email protected]