Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply

Divorce is one of the most stressful experiences in our lives.It is a time of chaos, unpredictability and disorientation. Divorcing a narcissist is particularly difficult and challenging. If I was in a position like this, I don’t think I could use the assistance of lawyers such as Peters And May soon enough! This must be difficult for anyone to handle. Even thinking about it is tough enough. Frequently, the narcissistic spouse has already moved on from the marriage, leaving the other spouse to pick up the pieces of his or her life. Often the first reaction is severe shock. Many of the women I consult are still reeling from the fact that narcissistic husband is insisting on a divorce. They are struck numb by this announcement and their spouse’s abrupt thoughtless and reckless behavior, such as, leaving the home and taking all of his possessions, going on an extended secret vacation, purposely appearing on the arm of another woman, spending large sums of money on extravagant trips and possessions.

Besides hiring the best attorney you can and have him fully vetted, be sure that he/she has an understanding of the narcissistic personality and how they operate, especially during the divorce process. Narcissists turn very ugly during divorce. They despise the exposure, the potential damage to their flawless image.

Many women divorcing narcissists are taking care of everyone else but themselves. I find that it is valuable to make a brief list of what you need to do on a regular basis to keep yourself healthy, calmer and optimistic (despite this most difficult of passages). Writing in a journal regularly releases innumerable pent up feelings. Write freely, in the flow of your consciousness, without editing. It is surprising how the act of writing with freedom, creates catharsis, a stronger sense of self and is a creative exercise as well. Find a form of physical exercise that appeals to you and do it regularly. Even if you don’t feel like walking and are able, get up and do it. Begin very gradually. Every step you take is in the right direction toward your healing. Allow yourself to cry freely. Carry no shame about this. Crying is a natural process that too many women have forgotten. Crying is a natural healing process, that releases mind and body.Get regular quality sleep. (Exercise will help with this matter) Pay attention to good nutrition so that you have the physical and mental energy and stamina to move through your days. Treat yourself with kindness: go to the library, watch movies you love (with the help of dish tv), talk to friends whom you trust, take up a new activity like yoga, meditation, book groups, writing in a journal, taking pictures of nature, etc. If you need to see a therapist, do your research and get the benefits of quality psychotherapy which can help you tremendously during this stressful period. You could also look at alternative medicines such as CBD to help with stress and anxiety-filled days, your mind can run away with you, so being able to get yourself to a calmer pace can do wonders. See what you could buy from ezcbdwholesale.com to help with your day to day life, consult with your doctor first to see if this is a good pathway for you.

Divorce is not forever.It does not define you. Divorce can become a beginning, especially if you have been hamstrung by being married to a narcissist who has held you back, demeaned, humiliated, betrayed and manipulated for so many years. The opportunity to manifest who you really are with authenticity, spontaneity and,yes, eventually, joy, awaits you. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

The narcissist draws a circle of admirers around him/her that provides him with a constant flow of praise, adulation, even worship. Those who are married to narcissists are members of this special club. Those who cast their fates with high functioning narcissists benefit from financial security, a comfortable lifestyle, social status, business opportunities. “The narcissist draws a magical, golden circle around himself…Those inside this chosen enclave are privileged. Members of this elite group believe that the light that shines so brightly upon the narcissist will reflect back onto them, warming each one with an incandescent glow.” Spouses of narcissists are part of this golden circle of influence, a connection with power and privilege. This is the upside of being married to a narcissist. The downside is hidden and dark. Beneath the image of charm and magnetism, the narcissist in private is a demanding, manipulative uncompromising individual who is cold and ruthless. Spouses who obey and give their lives to their narcissistic spouse are more likely to be remain in these relationships. They will be betrayed many times through the narcissist’s sexual affairs as well as his complete psychological absence. and total lack of empathy. They have lost themselves and their lives.

By the time the non-narcissistic spouse has come to the point of divorce he/she has suffered greatly under his partner’s ruthless hand. You have been the recipient of endless demands, humiliations and bottomless narcissistic rage. He has turned your emotional and psychological life upside down over decades for many. The time of decision has come and you have mustered the courage and strength to break this abusive alliance and leave behind your role as part of the charmed circle. This step can feel right but overwhelming. The final straw is different for each non-narcissistic spouse. You sense a keen psychological vulnerability. Nevertheless, you move forward, do your homework, choose an excellent attorney and make the plans that will lead to a legal and emotional break in the pathway of your life. Your momentum is moving forward rather than backward. Although this is a difficult process and there are reverses and plateaus along the way, you are in the process of rediscovering yourself. With the help of psychotherapy, emotional support of real friends, and a determination and belief in yourself as a valuable and worthy individual, you step out of the narcissist’s golden circle. This is a psychological relief and a promise you have kept with yourself. You are unbridled to move along at your pace, your style, recreating your life and expanding and deepening your experience of reality in the world and deep within yourself. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Taking your life back from a narcissist is a tall order—-but it can be done. The first step is recognizing that you are involved with a narcissist through marriage and the narcissistic family tableau. This is often one of the most difficult aspects of the process. Many spouses suffer for years, blaming themselves that they feel trapped and miserable in their marriage. I have heard from so many spouses who spent decades, forcing themselves to make their marriage to a narcissist work. The couple went into therapy; the narcissist sabotaged it. The non-narcissistic spouse tried to turn herself/himself inside out to change, to do anything that would make the narcissistic spouse happy. When all of their efforts were fruitless, the suffering spouse blamed herself/himself. In some cases these partners become physically ill with chronic diseases that begin with the stress that they have internalized. Some spouses make an unconscious and conscious decision to put up with the pain and emotional sterility of staying in the marriage. They choose to eclipse their lives, creativity, spontaneity, joy, freedom. Their need for security, often financial, runs so deep that they make the compromise and remain married to their narcissistic spouse.

Getting prepared to divorce a narcissist is like standing at the end of a thirty foot high platform, poised to dive into the aquamarine water below. You have gone through all the moves of the dive hundreds of times. The pivotal moment has come and you are ready. There is a brief hesitation as you look ahead and anticipate your trip through the air and into the water. There is a no turning back moment when you know that the divorce is imminent. Because we are human and subject to a myriad of emotions, especially when we are on the brink of a major life shift, doubts arise. We want to return to what we believed was the security of our marital life. This is a false hope of the lost dream of the marriage. Returning to the familiarity of the old life is tempting but no longer possible. I am reminded of magnificent olympic divers who with courage and grace, leave the platform to perform an intricate dance in the air, followed by an elegant, soundless entry into the water. They have chosen to make the leap forward, putting their fears aside as they catapult forward in arcs of great beauty. Learning to move forward in your life with courage and grace is part of your destiny. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Each person deserves a sense of respect and psychological protection. This inner feeling of entitlement begins when we are very young and stems from how we are treated by our parents. If we are loved as a valuable unique human being, we begin as little children to internalize these positive feelings about ourselves. At the same times good parents teach their children by example and learning to respect them and other human beings. In many instances parents are insensitive and abusive, treating their children as extensions of their needs and desires. Narcissistic parents make little kings and queens out of the their children to make up for their own psychological deficiencies.

The narcissist grows up believing that he or she is superior and perfect. His understanding from childhood is that other people are at his disposal. They are his possessions, existing to serve him. He or she has no sense of boundaries or limits. He respects no one; he exploits everyone, even spouses and children.

A specific example of this kind of boundary issue is the narcissist’s sense of linear time. There’s an old song which begins: “Your time is my time and my time is your time…” For the narcissist your time is always his/her time.Some narcissists are night people and will call you at 2 in the morning because they have a brilliant idea and must share it with you immediately. The narcissist must be in control of others or he won’t play. Narcissists discard people who don’t fulfill their needs and whims of the moment, then seduce them back into their lives to exploit them once more. Narcissists show no boundaries when they steal your creative ideas and give you no credit in return.

Learn to draw your own psychological boundaries clearly. Activate a healthy sense of self entitlement so a narcissist or any other predatory human being can never cross that line again. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@gmail.com

The identity of the narcissist is largely based on his/her external image. I am talking about personal appearance, the look of success–homes,cars,planes, yes—even wives, mistresses and children. The narcissist feeds on his grandiose feelings of superiority but must present perfection to the world. His act is so smooth. He or she is perfectly turned out–so charming, affable, persuasive with those from whom he is seeking approval, power, money, praise. Those on the receiving end of this act feel a thrill of excitement in a highly developed narcissist. He surrounds himself with an aura of overriding confidence, When the narcissist is “on”, he or she can seduce us with their magnetism (unless we know how to read them psychologically).

Those who have spent years of suffering living through relationships or marriages to narcissists know that this velvet exterior is an act, a device of manipulation. Even so, many spouses and partners of narcissists trudge on, staying with these masters of image because they want to believe that this is the real person. Narcissists rip off their masks when they leave a particular stage. They are consummate actors—they even produce tears that appear to be genuine. The dark side is exposed readily enough. The rages, recriminations, criticisms, humiliations, accusations resume. The partner is blamed for everything that goes wrong. The self hatred that the narcissist unconsciously feels inside is spewed out onto those closest to him. They take the blows. There are no real apologies for these verbal assaults. The narcissist justifies all of his actions, even his cruelest deeds.

I remind those who are recipients of the narcissist’s vitriol that he/she is not going to change. You can stand there and take the blows, numb yourself, detach emotionally, in some cases, become psychologically or even physically ill, or you can make the decision to end what was never a reciprocal relationship and reclaim what you deserve: your life together with all of your gifts, energies, dreams, talents and potential. It’s not too late. It is your decision. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Relationships with narcissists always end badly. They often culminate in emotional devastation, financial ruin, physical illness and other human disasters. They can terminate as precipitiously as they started or span many decades. Some individuals don’t recover from their toxic relationships with narcissistic spouses and partners. Many others, and this is the good news, exit from marital relationships with narcissists to launch new beginnings.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

You would think that highly successful male narcissists would be at ease with women. On an unconscious level, the male narcissist is very uncomfortable and suspicious of women. These male narcissists fear and secretly despise women. The narcissist’s mother emasculates her son. He is fused with mother whom he despises.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email:lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

The narcissist is two faced: irresistibly charming, attractive, and magnetic in public; enraged, intimidating, threatening in private. Those who live with a narcissist have a difficult time with these individuals during the “good times.” This is defined as a brief cycle when the narcissist is still enthralled with an adoring mate who satisfies his ego needs of the moment. This idyllic state doesn’t last long. The outer image of the perfect marriage and family remains intact. This image is invaluable to the narcissist and perceived by him as real. Some spouses of narcissists know that they have made a mistake very soon after the vows are spoken. Thirty years later— exhausted and suffering from intractable emotional pain— they are still wondering if they deserve to leave someone who has been so abusive.

The narcissist’s elaborate mask is removed in private to reveal a contorted, demanding, menacing face. The narcissist has no respect for anyone, even members of his own family. The narcissist saves his cruelest acts for those closest to him. When the situation becomes intolerable to the non-narcissistic spouse, a decision is crying out to be made: should I stay with this impossible person or take the risk and divorce. Once the decision to divorce a narcissist is made, the battle royal begins. Even with the help of the best Manhattan divorce lawyer, this can still be incredibly tough. This is why having a great lawyer with you to battle through this horrible kind of divorce is so important. You need a lawyer’s support and expertise to help overcome such narcissistic ways. Plus, it’s also ideal to have a lawyer on board so that you are rightfully given what you’re owed, such as a family home or custody of children. If you live in Salt Lake City, for example, you could talk to those at cramercramer.com. But there are a few exceptions to if the battle will start in the first place. If the narcissist has found a more desirable partner and wants to make a clean break with his old life, he or she is inclined to dismiss the existence of the previous spouse and move forward to his new source of narcissistic supplies. In many cases, the narcissist turns vengeful, pitting one child against another, spouse against parents, friends against friends. It is not unusual for the narcissist to launch a deliberate campaign to demonize his former spouse by making outrageous claims of mental instability, promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse. I know of cases in which the narcissistic spouse used his financial power to buy off the parents and siblings of the non-narcissistic partner. After the divorce the former in-laws formed close social relationships with the narcissist and abandoned their child. Even though the narcissist may have no interest in his children, he will demand full custody to remove any question that he can get whatever he wants. The narcissist’s custody dispute is often enacted as a form of punishment and revenge. In the meantime the other spouse is in a constant state of terror, wondering if his/her children will be wrenched away.

Learn to identify and protect yourself from the narcissist’s innumerble tricks, tactics and subterfuges. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

You may believe that you are safe and secure living in the narcissist’s domain. You may enjoy the benefits of financial security and a comfortable lifestyle. But there is no emotional commitment to you as a valued individual. As a member of the narcissist’s inner circle you share the glow of his/her power but your special gifts and ambitions are obfuscated. You’ve given too large a part of yourself to someone else. The narcissist’s spouse may have a successful career and have accomplished a great deal. But the shadow of the narcissist continually lurks over the partner’s achievements. Always remember the personal price paid. Spouses who have lived with narcissists for many years feel as if they cannot take a deep breath, that they have no zone of privacy and peace and that all of their forward movements are questioned and criticized by the narcissistic spouse.

In marriage we deal with the give and take of the partner. We cannot do whatever we want all the time. Some people are not willing to make a compromise with a marital partner. They prefer to lead their lives on their own terms. That is a decision that deserves our respect. In a healthy relationship each partner bends to the other for the sake of the union. Each party is capable of both giving and receiving. At times one person will be in greater need and require more giving on the part of the other. All solid marital and partnership relationships are the result of a mutuality of respect, acknowledgement and encouragement of the other person’s psychological and creative progress.

Each spouse in a marriage to a narcissist has a vital decision to make. Will I continue to live under this oppressive regime or will I seize the alternative? Dissolve my non-relationship with a narcissist who has stolen my precious gifts— freedom to create, to be at peace, to enjoy true privacy, to shape a hopeful unobstructed expanding future. These questions are waiting for your answer. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation

Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

The narcissist expects others to mirror him or her perfectly. When a narcissists looks into your eyes, not only does he see his reflection but he expects you to feed back to him his flawless vision of himself. The smallest criticism or oversight is a source of psychological wounding. Learning how to stand up and empower yourself in your relationship with this dictator will change your life in the most positive of ways. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com