Linda Martinez-Lewi PhD - The Narcissist In Your Life

Malicious Narcissists—Convincing Others You are at Fault Or Crazy

Narcissists have a sinister side, especially if they want something that you have and you refuse to comply. This becomes very ugly during the severing of a marital relationship. Many non-narcissistic spouses who have been treated abominably still want to believe that when it comes to ending the marriage, the narcissist will be fair and amenable to negotiation in good faith. Be clear here—-Absolutely Not! This is what they do to their victims—Bring on the army of shark-toothed lawyers and go for the jugular. To protect yourself, study and research in-depth the true nature of the narcissistic personality including examples from real life. Get to know this personality profile intimately. It will be a strong reminder when you start to bend or buckle to the narcissist’s tricks, tactics, strong arming techniques and charm offensive.

Another dark ploy is that narcissists or their doubles, contact your relatives, in-laws, friends and anyone who will listen to broadcast blatant lies about your character. This doesn’t happen in all instances but it is remarkable the lengths these malicious individuals exceed to trash you, putting you at fault and even leading others to believe that you are “crazy.” Even people whom you have trusted —family members—can be flipped to the narcissist’s side, especially if he has influence where you have lived and deep pockets.

To successfully deal with these complex and stressful situations as you move toward divorce, be sure you hire an attorney who is not only an expert in family law but who is exceedingly savvy about the ruses, tricks and ploys of the narcissistic personality disorder. Your attorney needs to be highly professional but fearless in facing this relentless cruel and destructive individual. An excellent attorney in these situations must be like ultra-marathon runners. Regardless of any obstacle placed in front of them by the narcissist, they are undaunted. Their perseverance is golden.

A narcissist (male or female) will wage a custody battle for the sole purpose of trying to psychologically and financially decimate the former spouse. For the narcissist, revenge is sweet. It’s where they live in their delusional treacherous minds.

Surround yourself with individuals whom you can trust completely and who believe and understand the horrible ordeal you are going through. Be good to yourself. Know that you hold the truth. You are very wise. If some others around you don’t believe your life story, don’t associate with them. Don’t talk about your personal life. Be protective of your privacy. Another dirty offensive is to make you look “crazy” . This is so cruel and sadistic. Know that you are the sane one who is holding the truth. You are entitled to be treated with respect. You deserve it. Pay close attention to your intuition. It will always reveal the truth to you and help you to maintain a sense of steadiness and calm. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Online stores, etc.
Email:[email protected]

Narcissistic Sociopaths in High Places

There is a term that describes certain kinds of individuals who are very successful in the world, have many admirers if not adorers, have access to social/business connections we might all envy whom I call bloodless sociopaths. I use this term because they are without conscience, completely lack empathy, are among the cruelest and sadistic human beings but literally don’t draw blood. They commit numerous crimes throughout their lives and don’t get caught. That’s how well they have mastered their act. Often they have a high intelligence quotient and have achieved superlative marks throughout their schooling. From the time they are very young these sociopaths know that they are superior to everyone, including their parents, that there isn’t anything they can’t do or have. The world and people in it exist to be manipulated by them.

With the narcissistic style taking over much of our world today and becoming fully acceptable—self absorption, obsession with appearance, being in the A list social circles, coldness and disdain for those outside of this magic bubble—it becomes easier for the sociopath to move in and out of business and social circles undetected as a dreadful human being. We have narcissistic sociopaths who run some of our prestigious corporations. We have some members of the branches of government who fit this definition. When you look at some of the dirty deal making that takes place, the rip-offs of those who are without power or money, and the pure greed involved you find that many in the corporate, entrepreneurial, entertainment, media and government that fit this definition. No one wants to talk about sociopaths in high places. Most people have a problem believing that a person with such prestige and power who is given the highest respect and deference and even lionized could be so predatory.

Their family members may not be aware of their levels of criminality. They have become so deluded and accustomed to leading privileged lives that they close their eyes to anything that disrupts the perfect insular world they have created. There are plenty of spouses and children of narcissistic sociopaths who will tell you horror stories about their private lives. Family members describe themselves as prisoners, unable to make their own decisions, forced to follow their parent(s) commands to the letter. They view ugly violent scenes between their parents that are re-enacted frequently and put them in a chronic state of anxiety and apprehension. Spouses who willfully stay married to these reprehensible individuals put the lives of their children in psychological and emotional jeopardy. If you are the spouse of one of these individuals and finally recognize all of the damage that has been done, wake up and prepare to sever these pathological relationships if not for yourself for your children.

Narcissism and sociopathy in its bloodless form are becoming more acceptable in the society at large. You don’t notice many high level narcissists doing perp walks or losing court cases when they are clearly guilty or going out of business because they have been defrauding their business partners and clients for years.

To protect yourself, study the narcissistic personality disorder and the narcissistic sociopath so that you recognize them quickly and know exactly how they operate. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers—Begin Your Healing Now

Daughters of narcissistic mothers learn early that something vital is missing from their lives. They may live in a household that appears to be normal. Everything is organized. The children are fed and kept safe. But where is the affection and warmth that they need so desperately from their mother. That is the missing piece that causes such horrible distress to each daughter of a narcissistic mother. In some instances the father is able to compensate for the mother’s lack of understanding and empathy. He is warm; he listens; he keeps his promises. He plays with his children and listens to them. Some daughters have aunts who take on the role of mother or even a grandmother or grandfather. There are some daughters who have to depend on themselves. Some of these children know very early that they must fend for themselves and they do this with great courage. This takes place against the barrage of criticisms, sarcastic remarks and dismissiveness of the narcissistic non-mother. These daughters become intellectually independent very young. Despite all of their efforts and accomplishments, the narcissistic mother wound is still there.

Adult daughters long to heal. In communications with some of these brave women I hear that they have taken their own pathway. Some have benefited from quality psychotherapy. Others find inner peace and a sense of belonging in a consistent practice of meditation. They discover that as the mind is quieted they get in touch with the deep inner loving part of themselves and feel their own warmth and compassion. This is a powerful process that transcends who we had as a mother or father. As meditation deepens as a practice it can become a pathway toward deep inner healing. Gentle hatha yoga is an excellent companion practice with meditation. Here the emphasis is on the breath. Focusing on the breath in the moment as each pose is done, quiets the nervous system, focuses the mind and gets you in touch with that serene vibration of love within you. After enduring all of these years full of pain and suffering, as well as having to deal with the constant effects and repercussions that this has caused, your mental well-being, and your outlook on life may have been significantly impacted. With the help of meditation in being able to quieten your mind in order to get to a better place, you will start to feel better. To further enhance your mind control and to relax into your meditation and yoga, you may decide to buy shrooms, (magic mushrooms), to utilize the calming effects that it has been known to bring to your everyday life. And once you have control over your mind, your qualities will soon shine again, such as your warmth and compassion. This is who you really are. Embrace yourself. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Widely distributed
Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic Spouse is a Dark Shadow in Your Life

Romantic relationships start off so beautifully. They are almost magical. You find the man or woman you have been waiting for. This is especially the case if you are ending a painful marriage. If you have been dumped and abused, you are feeling desperate and suddenly a person you have known for some time begins to fill the role of romantic partner and rescuer. You breathe a sigh of relief and become quickly intimate with this person. You think you know him—maybe you have know this person in a different context for a number of years. This cycle of magic moves with warp speed. Soon you are sharing the same home. You are making plans for the future while still enthralled with the psychological and sexual attraction you share. After a few months you begin to notice hints here and there of inappropriate bursts of temper. He is blaming you for something you didn’t do. He is picking away at your absence of perfection. He sits you down and berates you over nothing. You think that he is moody, having problems with work. You try to make him feel more comfortable. You become his protector and healer. Some partners recognize that something is very wrong with this relationship. You watch the self absorption, the phony fancy facade, the volcanic rage that erupts out of nowhere, the complete control of your life—-like a giant shadow that is making you feel immobilized.

What happened to the real you who could think her own thoughts and express her feelings.At some point often after a particularly ugly episode many spouses wake up and realize they cannot and will not take the abuse any more. They recognized the psychological and emotional damage this highly disturbed individual has on their children. They are tired of being the target of the narcissist’s toxic projections, Many spouses take the initiate to leave the narcissist’s dark shadow by severing the relationship permanently. They assert themselves and heal through quality psychotherapy and the practice of quieting the mind through meditation and gentle hatha yoga. They form support groups with a few others who have dealt with this pain in the past and have now recovered. They are rediscovering themselves. They are answerable to themselves, filled with a new creative optimism, and celebrating a renewed identity. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers—You Deserve to Heal Sooner than Later

Each daughter of a narcissistic mother is unique. Her life experiences are specific to her but there are common psychological dilemmas daughters of narcissistic mothers share. As a small child she was never appreciated for herself as an individual. Even if she was the chosen one, the star of the family, this daughter was not allowed to be her real self. Some daughters of narcissists become narcissistic themselves. Most often this is not the case. The daughters of these mothers suffer horribly under the cruel dictatorship of insensitive, demanding, cold mothers who impose themselves on their children. Some daughters are used as scapegoats by the mother. This is one of the most painful and difficult roles for a young child. There is no peace or respite for these daughters. Many of them make themselves invisible and do everything they can to be out of mother’s line of fire. There are daughter who spend their childhood and adulthoods in sadness, confusion, anger and guilt. They feel invalidated by the narcissistic mother at every turn. The constant criticisms, put downs, demeaning comments and cruel manipulations reverberate deeply within them. Some daughters keep returning to the mother for love which she is incapable of giving.

The goal of each daughter of a narcissistic mother is to reclaim her life—-a life that was commandeered by a woman who is not a real mother. In some cases the daughter was able to obtain comfort and acceptance from the father, a grandmother, aunt or a family friend.

One of the first steps to healing is recognizing that mother is a narcissistic personality disorder that will not change. Another part of the process is grieving over the mother that you didn’t have. You are a special human being,not a possession of a woman who has no understanding or empathy. This is a difficult step and old pain comes to the surface. Being able to deal with the loss and the recognition by the daughter that she is a valuable separate person in her own right. This represents a great movement toward individuation and personal freedom.

Some daughters of narcissistic mothers are helped by quality psychotherapy with a clinician who has clinical expertise on the narcissistic personality disorder. The nest step is a transition of turning around how the daughter experiences herself. This begins with her understanding that she shares her mother’s DNA but not her characterlogical attributes. As time moves forward these daughters discover and develop their unique creative gifts. This movement toward creativity is essential in making a clear break as a separate person who deserves to feel whole and independent. Many healing modalities are effective in moving in this direction. One pathway is through practices like gentle yoga with emphasis on the breath. When we breathe through a pose we are enlivened and calmed at the same time. Yoga can be done on any level. It is highly adaptable to the individual. Another regular routine is developing your own meditation practice. Meditation is a personal activity. Learning to be at peace with yourself is invaluable to healing. Discovering your own expression of creativity is invaluable in redefining yourself. Some daughters discover that journaling and writing regularly is a freeing experience that allows them to express and appreciate what is deep inside and needs to be treasured. Some daughters discover that helping other women who have been victimized by these mothers is part of their healing. It is time now to reach out for the life that you deserve. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Rampaging Narcissistic Matriarchs

Narcissistic mothers are tough enough to take. When you add over the top rage, extreme self entitlement, treachery and large sums of money to the mix you have a disaster on your hands for anyone who will stand in this woman’s way or question her. No one can over-emphasize the psychological damage that they do to entire families for many generations. Stories about them area legion. You cannot overstate their rapacious treachery. These women have unlimited energy, plotting how they will control their adult children. One heinous method is to turn sibling against sibling, encouraging one to gang up on the other. Often the matriarch has a special child who is her clone and will enforce whatever cruel plans she has laid down. These matriarchs take pleasure in watching the clashes that occur among her children. They love being in the center of the battle—the ultimate five star general. They send their lieutenants out to do the real dirty work. Often the cloned child—a blooming narcissist–decided very early to get access and control over money and property that is owned by his/her aging mother. Little by little she is courted by her golden child. This child knows how to inflate mother’s ego to the max. The GC tells outright lies about the siblings he wants out of the way. Words like” unstable, overdoing medications, involved with questionable people who can’t be trusted, having poor judgment” endless litanies of negative profiles of siblings are “confidentially” put into the mind of the narcissistic matriarch with perfect timing. When other siblings get wind of these betrayals all out war is threatened. Sadly, the most sensitive, caring and non-narcissistic siblings are left behind. They have very few options. Some of these victimized children find their singular way out of this nightmare. They study hard, use their creative gifts, take initiative and remove themselves from this pathological snake pit as soon as possible.

Some children of these matriarchal nightmares are still feeling psychological injury and deep emotional wounding into adulthood. Some of them finally recognize that they cannot obtain genuine love and understanding from their own parent. This individual suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, a pathology that does not change. Some find help working with an excellent psychotherapist who can help them move through the grieving process of never having a real mother. Many of these adult children learn how to mother themselves by recognizing the lovely child who is deep inside of them and who is worth and deserving of respect and leading a rich and meaningful life. If you are from one of these families, be patient and kind with yourself. You have been through a horrendous ordeal. You are strong and solid. Always remember that you are a valuable unique human being. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Are You Still Buttering Your Narcissistic Husband’s Toast

I have actually witnessed a woman married to a narcissistic spouse in a restaurant, cutting up her narcissistic husband’s steak in perfect bite size pieces. She sat there throughout the meal, hanging on his every word. These women believe they have made a good bargain. Some of them have financial security which is crucial to them and they are willing to pay for it with their lives.

Narcissistic husbands have rules that their wives must obey. They are part of his elaborate image that keeps his ego inflated.

Being married to a narcissist narrows your mind and your life. Some wives learn to detach psychologically and pursue their own careers but this is not a marriage is a business arrangement.

Married to a narcissist? You are living each day in the sympathetic nervous system. Hyper vigilant, apprehensive—you can never let down in your fight or flight mode. To preserve your psychological and emotional well being you need to learn to switch to the parasympathetic nervous system of calm, relaxation and ease.

Married to a narcissistic husband? You are expendable, even if you have have been with him for fifteen to twenty years, it is very possible that your spouse has cheated you a number of times. It is easy for men to sleep with work colleagues, mutual friends or escorts that they can find on sights like https://www.escortdirectory.com/escorts-krakow-212/. Narcissists change partners and find women who are younger, more exciting and desirable to them. They need trophies, not wives.

If you make the decision to separate from your narcissistic husband your healing begins. Some women seek high quality professional psychotherapy and find it very helpful. Be sure to take the time to find a good therapist. Interview several. Cardiovascular exercise is an excellent way to increase your stamina, strength, obtain endorphins which lift the mood and to gain a sense of inner peace. Gentle hatha yoga with its emphasis on the breath calms the body, mind and spirit. Some spouses that daily or weekly journaling offers them a cathartic way to express their feelings and thoughts openly, creatively and freely that is part of their renewed lives. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Leaving the Narcissist—From Delusion to Truth

Narcissists live in a world of their own making. For the classic narcissist it is larger than life to suit his enormous ego. They stand at the center of the universe—everything and everyone revolves around them. Those who are married to narcissists, children of narcissists or siblings of narcissists are keenly aware that there isn’t enough room for them in this view of reality. The narcissist is highly deluded. He/she believes that he is perfect, incapable of making mistakes, ruthlessly self absorbed and willing to psychologically endanger even his wife and children to get what he wants. Some spouses of narcissists are so mesmerized by them that they are psychologically fused and are unable to distinguish themselves from their partner. In spite of this some of those who share a comfortable lifestyle with the narcissist continue to fool themselves that they are truly loved. The narcissist cannot love or be intimate with another human being. Many are deluded, spending much of their lives wishing rather than facing reality. At times we are swept away and impressed with people who are highly successful and appear to have it all, without considering that they are not human beings of integrity. They are shallow, empty, venal, ruthless and superficial. It is their worldly acquisitions and their power reach that impress the majority of people today. This is all part of the narcissistic style which has become predominant among a large portion of our population.

Many of those psychologically abused by the narcissist in their roles of spouse, child or sibling finally wake up and recognize that this individual suffers from a severe personality disorder that is not going to change. Spouses of narcissists can decide to stay in this abusive relationship and make the most of their constrained lives. You cannot be yourself; you are suffocating from the narcissist’s overwhelming role in your life; you are not free to be creative and you have no inner peace. Severing a relationship with a narcissist is not easy but it can be done. It is a grand leap from delusion to truth—your truth. Those who have taken this initiative with courage and perseverance discover that they are now living with the truth about themselves, have their life opening and expanding in front of them and are free to determine their own destinies. If they have children, they have given them a greater chance of becoming whole solid human beings who seek and experience truth over delusion.

Major life decisions are worth all of the hard work, effort and stamina that they take. Life is a marathon not a sprint. Each moment lived in truth is a great achievement. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists Throw You Off Guard and Take You Down

The covert narcissist, who can be difficult to identify until you have been bitten by him or her, flies under the radar. They wear the dress and manner of civility, empathy (of course finely tuned false empathy) and humility. This is their masterful facade—Covert narcissists are often mistaken for caring human beings who value your well being above yours.The covert narcissist is not grandiose. In the beginning he doesn’t brag about himself.

He appears to look up to you. The covert narcissist works on your ego needs to feel special, important, bright, talented. These individuals are great performers. How self sacrificing and dutiful can you get!

If you are a good catch as a marital partner (You are a well respected professional; you come from a prominent well connected family; you have an enviable financial portfolio) the covert narcissist is stepping over himself with compliments. You are superior, brilliant, talented, accomplished—the most extraordinary person he has ever met. It isn’t long before the CN has control of your feelings. You have fallen for him. You are lapping up the narcissistic supplies as the CN is throwing bouquets of roses at your feet. You feel adored for the first time in your life.

You marry the CN. It doesn’t take long for the dark side of the CN to appear behind closed doors. The core narcissistic personality is revealed in all of its ugliness–the demands, non stop criticisms, accusations, recriminations, manipulations. Barrages of insults fill the air; you are suffocating with anxiety. The spouse of the narcissist is worn down and exhausted, living in a state of ongoing apprehension, anxiety and hyper vigilance.

The disparity between the humble, charming facade of the CV and his real nature is astounding. Often the psychologically injured spouse is not believed. and further abused. Isolated, worn down and desperate the covert narcissist swoops in to take you down—financially, emotionally, psychologically. He finds another willing partner—someone else whom he can fool, use and abuse. To protect yourself and learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed as a book and eBook
Email: [email protected]

Married to a Narcissist-Stressed to the Max

Being married to a narcissist is an extraordinary life experience.There are time sequences of highs but ghastly lows. Living with a narcissist is like being in a war zone under constant incoming fire.

Narcissistic spouses never stop injecting into the lives of their spouses. With their constant tantrums, screaming fits that go on for hours, criticisms that cut you to the quick and an unending lack of empathy.

When your are married to a narcissist your nervous system takes a beating.You are constantly
in a hyper vigilant state—waiting for the next horrendous shoe to drop.Those who share their married lives with narcissists are always in flight or fight mode—the sympathetic nervous system.
In this state the adrenal glands are pushed to the limit and exhaustion sets in. If the stress becomes overwhelming, chronic illnesses can develop. Some spouses are willing (at times unconsciously) to give up their physical health and emotional well being to the narcissist.

Those who recognize that they can no longer tolerate the emotional, psychological and physiological pain and stress chronically projected upon them, make the decision to sever the relationship.through divorce or separation. With the help of good psychotherapy and other healing modalities, they awaken to the realization that their lives have intrinsic value as separate human beings, that they are entitled to use all of their gifts and capacities and that they deserve the benefits of deep inner peace. I have communicated with many spouses who have reached this new shore and are now leading their lives in hope, personal freedom and the full expression of themselves as valuable individuals. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book:amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Widely distributed as books and e-Books
Email: [email protected]