Romantic relationships start off so beautifully. They are almost magical. You find the man or woman you have been waiting for. This is especially the case if you are ending a painful marriage. If you have been dumped and abused, you are feeling desperate and suddenly a person you have known for some time begins to fill the role of romantic partner and rescuer. You breathe a sigh of relief and become quickly intimate with this person. You think you know him—maybe you have know this person in a different context for a number of years. This cycle of magic moves with warp speed. Soon you are sharing the same home. You are making plans for the future while still enthralled with the psychological and sexual attraction you share. After a few months you begin to notice hints here and there of inappropriate bursts of temper. He is blaming you for something you didn’t do. He is picking away at your absence of perfection. He sits you down and berates you over nothing. You think that he is moody, having problems with work. You try to make him feel more comfortable. You become his protector and healer. Some partners recognize that something is very wrong with this relationship. You watch the self absorption, the phony fancy facade, the volcanic rage that erupts out of nowhere, the complete control of your life—-like a giant shadow that is making you feel immobilized.
What happened to the real you who could think her own thoughts and express her feelings.At some point often after a particularly ugly episode many spouses wake up and realize they cannot and will not take the abuse any more. They recognized the psychological and emotional damage this highly disturbed individual has on their children. They are tired of being the target of the narcissist’s toxic projections, Many spouses take the initiate to leave the narcissist’s dark shadow by severing the relationship permanently. They assert themselves and heal through quality psychotherapy and the practice of quieting the mind through meditation and gentle hatha yoga. They form support groups with a few others who have dealt with this pain in the past and have now recovered. They are rediscovering themselves. They are answerable to themselves, filled with a new creative optimism, and celebrating a renewed identity. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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