Rescue Yourself from the Pernicious Shadow of the High Level Narcissist
“..Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.” Carl Jung
Trapped in a marriage or partnership with a pernicious high level narcissist, an individual obsessed with self and public image, with extreme self-entitlement, very low conscience capacity, often an infant terrible with a dreadful temper that is projected out on to you behind closed doors. This is horrifying to the spouse or child of the high level narcissist. There are the severe criticisms, the humiliations, the exhausting over the top demands, the blatant hypocrisy, the incessant lying in every form imaginable. More lying to cover other lies; this is endless with the narcissistic personality.
The high level carries from within a primitive, seething Shadow that ejects venom in various forms on to you: false accusations, recriminations, incessant criticisms, withering projections that send you into the dark reaches of the fight or flight nervous system, the sympathetic mode. You are at the mercy of the narcissist rampant regressed Shadow. The high level vehemently blames you for the pernicious traits, deeds and words that he/she is constantly using. The narcissist never owns his wrongdoings since he believes that he is perfect. It is in private that you shudder and cower as the spouse takes the full brunt of the narcissistic partner’s disowned shadow.
The opposite occurs in public with the high level who worships his image. Here there is a major shift – the look of the face, the eyes, the movements, pace, style are transformed. We are now under the spell of the narcissist’s very convincing charm offensive mode. The narcissist, an incredible method actor lights up with this charming, charismatic false self. He/she turns it on like a light switch, a transformation that is highly impressive.
Only you and a small soupcon of others know who this narcissist truly is, a regressed, selfish, self-aggrandizing, greedy, callous, manipulative, ruthless human being.
How much longer can you tolerate the scream fits, volleys of temper, scathing glances, belittling that leave you psychologically and physically weakened. You don’t and never did deserve to be treated this way.
Make a stand now for yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect and deference.
With this new opening and beginning you move forward along the pathway of your individuality and creativity, restoration.
You belong to yourself again – spontaneity, joy, awe, beauty, solitude, independence of thought, full appreciation and expressions of yourself.
I want to share some thoughts about the Shadow with you.
For tens of thousands of years man has been dealing with his Shadow in a variety of ways. Going back to the dawn of time when man first walked the earth upright, he has been infused with the Shadow parts of himself found in the deep unconscious of his psyche.
In primitive cultures there were rituals that provided an outlet and understanding for integrating the shadow within the group and the individual.
Today we are still facing our Shadows. For many the Shadow remains completely unrecognized by the conscious psyche of the individual. As human we carry the inheritance of our Shadow selves. This is not a curse but an incredible boon to those who seek wholeness, individuation and the promise and fulfillment of one’s unique creativity.
We contain the distinct DNA of our ancestors of thousands of years ago. We carry these imprints inside of our body/minds. I gain comfort and strength and a sense of gratefulness to my brothers and sisters of so long ago with whom we share that which defines us as humans. Where we walk those who have trodden over the millennia, make the earth their home. We have much to learn from our instincts and innate pre-ancient wisdom that is part of every one of our cells and our very consciousness.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.