A betrayal is one of the most painful experiences an individual can experience. ” A betrayal is a broken agreement, implicit or explicit, that is considered vital to the integrity of a relationship. It is a deep violation of trust. (This post refers to male and female narcissists.)
The individual who is betrayed is treated with disrespect and dismissal. Betrayal, a deception, finds it origins in nets of dark lies and primitive psychopathology.
There is a sharp sting we experience when we discover that someone we have trusted completely, a person at the core of our lives, has quickly shifted away and turned to other sources of psychological, financial and creative supply. Narcissists know exactly how to choose their victims. They pick those who suit their image, are vulnerable, often trustworthy and creatively talented. What could be better for them then to have a person at their disposal tailor made for maximum narcissistic supply and ego inflation.
Narcissists use and abuse your creative talents in the cruelest of ways. They take your best work, pretend like they are collaborating with you, then abandon you without a scintilla of conscience. Narcissists never look back on their betrayals. They move forward, tripping along in the fast lane of their lives–stealing all of the gold for themselves. One person for them is interchangeable with another.
This occurs in marriages to narcissists. The person with whom you have shared your life has hidden his true identity. Narcissists often lead several lives within one. As a result they are duplicitous in their relationships. Since narcissists have no psychological boundaries or a fully developed conscience, they enter into relationships that their partners believe are close and filled with trust and integrity. These two words trust and integrity are not a part of the narcissist’s values or represent the ways they lead their lives.
You can spend decades with a narcissist, give your love, loyalty and devotion to them and they will betray you. It is just a matter of time and opportunity for them. Narcissists are very restless human beings who are psychologically empty inside. These feelings are harbored in the unconscious but acted out in their relationships. No one can have a genuine relationship with a narcissist. They are not worthy of your trust. You should not give your heart to one of these individuals. They don’t possess the psychological capacity for emotional intimacy and loyalty. The narcissist has the upper hand. His/her masks are irresistible. He is taken with you, fascinated, charmed—as if you are the only person on the face of the earth. Once you are tied to him, attached firmly and have opened your heart, the narcissist knows that there isn’t anything that you won’t do for him. He has cut a deal with you—not a relationship. It is not until the betrayal is exposed that you will know the truth that has been purposely and cruelly hidden from you.
Some victims of narcissistic betrayal keep going back to their perpetrators. This is very unfortunate and the cause of great emotional pain. The sooner that you understand the true nature of the narcissist the better for you to end this empty predatory relationship.
You deserve to heal as you work through the psychological and emotional pain of this series of betrayals. Be kind to yourself and patient. Practice self care every day. You will recover and be freed to use your creativity, to discover there are individuals worthy of your trust and that you can smile and laugh once more.