The Narcissist Must Win–Or Else

The narcissist is always right and must win, regardless of those whom he injures, even if they are spouses, children, siblings, parents, or friends. The singular purpose of the narcissist’s life is power, material acquistion and the manipulation and control of others. As a result the narcissist treats those closest to him with an ingrained ruthlessness, after he decides they are of no further use to him. This includes his children. After all, he/she can marry someone else and produce others.

The budding narcissist learns from the time that he/she is very young that the only game to master is winning. He internalizes this “value” very early from his parent(s) who through their greediness, coldness, lack of empathy, overriding ambition and hubris, teach their child to exploit everyone in their lives to get whatever they want. Even as small children, budding narcissists are brutal with their playmates. They cheat at games, tell lies to alienate one friend from another, and will step over anyone for first prize. Narcissists get away with their cruelties when they are young because often their parents lack conscience and are narcissists themselves who firmly believe that the purpose of life is to acquire and control as much power and money as possible.

Most people are unaware of the extreme lengths a narcissist will ravel to “win.” In divorce situations their corrosive personality is particularly disturbing. The narcissist believes that he is the victim and therefore entitled to what he wants. Narcissists find professionals who will hide their assets leaving the spouse in little or no monetary security. When the time comes for dividing property, investments or money, there is little or nothing left. The narcissist has used a pre-emptive strike on the spouse and gotten away with it. In fact the narcissist celebrates this victory and views the former spouse as a weak, pitiful person whom he justifiably discarded.

Develop a well informed understanding of the narcissist’s personality structure, how he or she operates and what you can do to both protect yourself and prevail in situations with them. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
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