The narcissistic style has been co-opted by a growing part of the American population. The media and entertainment business, the powerful influence of peers on growing children and the lack of true quality time given to their children by narcissistic parents are all part of this equation.
There is a collective self absorption and selfishness that has become the norm in many circles. There is an absence of sensitivity to the needs and suffering of others, especially those who are judged as not fitting in to an elite group. Their differentness is derided and scorned through gossip and shunning.
There is a deep fissure, a social and psychological divide that is growing exponentially. If you are materially successful, have all the right contacts, and present an image of external perfection, you are preferred even chosen. If you don’t have the impeccable image, the high professional status, you don’t make the cut. Large swaths of today’s society have been taken over by narcissists and their deluded followers.
Grandiosity, lack of conscience, ruthlessness, lack of empathy, deception and manipulation have become tools rather than bad character traits. This is especially the case with sociopathic narcissists–those individuals who have the narcissistic personality structure and also share many characteristics of the sociopath. These traits include a careless disregard for other human beings, including chronic extreme verbal abuse and stress perpetrated upon spouses and children. Sociopathic narcissists purposely seek out ways to delude and control those who will profit them materially, socially and professionally. They are gifted at leaving others “holding the bag” while they abscond with the profits of some else’s labors. Leaving another person’s life in shambles or even their entire family is of no concern or interest to the sociopathic narcissist who has adroitly moved ahead to his/her next cycle of acquisition and control.
I am in communication with a number of victims of narcissistic abuse. There is a callousness in sociopathic narcissists that overrides any authentic humanfeeling. In fact if you get in their way, don’t pay attention to the cues that are speaking to you clearly, they will cut you down professionally and emotionally. Sociopathic narcissists are rarely brought to justice. They surround themselves with covens of cunning attorneys who do their bidding around the clock.
Human nature is both dark and sublime. There are individuals alive today who are giving, selfless, warm, empathic and such a joy that they bring a great light into our lives. We are psychologically held by their deep authenticity and boundless personal generosity.
30 thoughts on “Sociopathic Narcissists–More Dangerous Than You Think”
Thank you for your dedication in the work that you do and for writing these posts. I speak for myself as a survivor of 19 years married to a narcissist and all other survivors or soon to be free, we could not survive emotionally without reading your material, certain posts on Facebook and Twitter and the good books out there. I personally hang on every word!
I am dealing with an extremely violent antisocial personality disorder person now. I am going to Child Protective Services and have already reported but not finalized. I really need help with this. I am thinking the CPS people are going to be charmed by this creature.
These people can be identified by brain scans such as fMRI. This is because they are denied feeling empathy physically. And the part of the brain involved with empathy is the same with all of us. The development of this is not as simple as it sounds as the brain is plastic and especially as an adolescent the wiring is not completed until about age 23.
One thing I have come to recognize is how central their “harmful impulsiveness” is to their psyche and their manipulation techniques. They put people off balance by their abrupt and unbelievable changes in presentation or direction.
It seems that the use of “sociopath” has now been changed to “psychopath” because of the absence of empathy. It seems like empathy drives most of the higher human emotions or activities.
A good example of this is Hillary Clinton. She first came on my radar when I saw a clip of her physically threatening anyone involved with the Star investigation of her husband. It is interesting that the media or much of America did not see what was in front of them. She was vile. She was the actual president, working it behind the scenes.
Look forward to responses.
The narcissist who trashed my life many years ago was a psychiatrist.
My brother is a lawyer who views lying as just a skill.
So, I’m agreeing with what you said above. They’re scary. Too bad they don’t have it tattooed on their forehead, they look like everyone else.
As a victim of a sociopathic narcissist, I’m at a loss as to where to start. Do you have a recommendation? A year and a half ago, my abuser managed to assassinate my character and mothering skills so horrifically that my children are both in his legal and physical custody. Of course he is alienating my boys and I as much as possible. He has an incredible amount a of money to buy the perfect marketing team for his campaign; attorneys.
This becomes easier for him as my children are both autistic.
All keep telling me that I have to take care of myself first, but how does one do that knowing her children are being psychologically abused and developmentally neglected. The only voice they are given is his deranged view of what he sees. He’s taken my oldest off medication (he does have a mood disorder and severe ADHD). You are absolutely correct in that society rewards the narcissist. The judicial system defines “success” as the person with the bigger house. The courtroom is about who can put on the best production. Up against his/her victim, the narcissist will undoubtedly give a better performance.
Those who tell me that someday my boys will know what has happened, and they will come back to me….do not understand autism. They are being morphed and brain-washed into “how things really are” according to his twisted pathology. In this case, time is my enemy. I just want to rescue them.
I’m a daughter of a narcissistic mother. For the past two years I’ve completely cut myself off from her. My stepfather recently passed away. Both he and my mother were legally divorced, before divorcing he, my mother, and my younger sister had filed to turn power of attorney over to my sister (so we thought). my mother NEVER mailed the notarized papers over. she used to always say “He’s worth more to me dead” Moving forward my stepdad suffered from a heart attack and was o. Life support. Both my sister and live in another city, everyday she and I would drive down to the hospital to be with him. Before his situation took a turn for the worst our mother caused EXTREME division with family members, friends. etc. To the point police were at the hospital, certain people were banned from seeing our dad, etc. At one time my sister and I were called to because the nursing staff said their was a woman in our dads room who was whispering in his ear and it caused his heart rate to shoot up to the point where they had to run in his room and ask that she leave. Although they were divorced my sister and I found out she still had power of attorney and there was nothing we could do about it. Moving forward the day before my dad passed away my sister and I were called by the physician to make the decision to take him off life support. We decided to leave early Saturday morning to say our final goodbye. L
The night before we received a call my mother “authorized” them to pull the plug, we weren’t given the chance. Later the next day we received calls from family members stating my mother called them laughing saying “I PULLED THE PLUG ON HIM, HES DEAD” Needless to say upon hearing this we were devastated. My sister and I have one brother whose incarcerated my mother had gotten to him before we did she lied and told him my sister and I threaten her, how we hurt her for not allowing her to visit him at the hospital she even went so far as to tell him we had people who were going to kill her if she attended his funeral. My brother is just like my mom. My sister knew our dad had life insurance during the planning of his funeral we found out someone had called the insurance company two months prior to our dad passing and cancelled his life insurance. Although we can’t prove she did it in my heart I know she was the culprit. My sister and I were left paying for his funeral and the return of his remains to the state where he grew up and where his parents, sister and twin brother were buried. Many people did not show up for his funeral because my mother had lied to them about my sister and I threatening her.my mother even tried to discourage the pastor of my dad church from performing the eulogy. Since I’m the oldest this was mentally emotional and draining so much had transpired during those two months I hadn’t had the time to grieve. My husband and children were affected afterwards because I was withdrawn. The day after my dad passed away my mother was at the funeral home requesting his death certificate, she even threaten the funeral home she would go to the local papers to discredit their business. Because I had signed the funeral papers as the responsible party she didn’t have access to it nit unless she paid to get the death certificate six weeks afterwards. This struck an angry cord within her, I say this because right after my dads funeral I received a call from a family member my mother had asked my brother if he could have someone to gave me killed!!!!! My sister was threaten as well by my brother but not to this extent. Its hurtful to know your own mother would seek to have her flesh and blood murdered. This was nit the first time she’s made mention of me dyeing. As mentioned above its been almost two years since I’ve implemented no contact with my mother or brother. My mother has caused so much havoc there’s still family and a few friends who blames me. I would talk to a few of my church friends and all I would hear is “but that’s still your mother, the bible says honor your father and mother, that your days nay be long” I would even hear this from my husband which caused me more anguish, hatred, bitterness, I experienced every emotion one could experience in a lifetime. My sister-n-law even made the comment “I don’t care what’s she’s done, she’s still your mother” it was like I was the villain. I went through bouts of highs and lows although my sister experienced her emotional breakdown my mother was able to weave her back into her web. I thought if I break ties mother then I God would punish me. It wasn’t until I begin going to a a counseling session at church for the bereaved and shared my story one lady whose much older than I reached out to me and shared her experience she too had been a victim of a NM. She also said people will not believe these things your mother has done because they can’t see passed how society views mothers, secondly if they’ve had a good mother its like you’re making this up. She mentioned her mother had passed away and sadly she was glad of it. I’m sorry to gave written so much but my advice to those of you out there whose experienced the mental abuse of a NM please know their sickness doesn’t go away it gets worst. Here it is two years later no contact with my mother but she still trues to send messages through my sister, and family of how I’m tormenting her and how she wishes I were dead. I do have one question, what actions do I need to take just in case my mother acts on hurting me?
Oh Yes, I was married to a complete narcissist and sociopath, without a doubt, My husband of 33 years, walked out of our marriage on Sept. 16th, 2013, without a clue to me that anything was wrong, and nothing was ever said. He made me feel throughout our marriage, that I was nothing without him, and he never respected anything I did or said either. It wasn’t physical harm that he did, although I would have left him years ago, but was more subtle, subdued, and over many years and decades.
Looking back and assessing our marriage, he treated me more like a “roommate with benefits” than a wife. Even some of my long-time girl friends, who were military wives like myself, told me recently that they always felt that my husband not only didn’t treat me well, but he thought he was better than anyone else, condescending and arrogant too. While his narcissism and arrogance served him very well in his military and corporate life, achieving, becoming an officer from an enlisted rank, and much more, it didn’t in his personal life.
The book I read after my husband of 33 years left me, was about men leaving their wives, out of the blue, usually, (But not in my case) for another woman, was called “Runaway Husbands” by Dr. Vicki Stark, whose own husband walked out of her marriage, and she interviewed over 400 women pertaining to this phenomenon of wife abandonment, and once I read it, I know exactly “what and who” I married, and how much my husband sucked the life out of me. I am age 57 years old, and have only begun to heal after his emotion abuse and beat down of me. The “aha” moments that I found in this book, struck me like a bolt of lightening, Only a narcissist and someone who doesn’t know how to deal with their own emotions does something like this to another human being, especially me, his wife, who shared many decades with, the same values, had children with (2) and supported all his dreams, goals and aspirations, only to be thrown out like garbage.
The best phrase I know to describe these people is one I read recently.
A NARCISSIST IS A BITTER ONION COVERED IN ROSE PETALS…. BUT WHAT’S INSIDE WITH MAKE YOU CRY!
Yes, and crying about what my husband did to me, and the signs I was not aware of during my long term marriage to him. These people come in all forms, and sizes, and aren’t gender selective either. Regret is the hardest part of learning from your mistakes. You can never change these people either, and hope that we all can become more aware of how to never get involved with them in our lifetimes.
Yes, I agree with you, that these people should be branded for what they are “life suckers and takers”, instead of life lovers, and givers.
I am in therapy, along with my youngest son, age 23 years, and have come so far in my own growth and awareness of what my husband did, to me, and his sons. The narcissist can not feel what normal people feel; love, humility, care, concern, remorse, or happiness, and can never apologize for their own faults or mistakes, because they feel it’s a sign of weakness or an attack on their character, so they cannot-ever. The devastating carnage the people like my husband of 33 years left in his wake, made me want to take my own life after he left me suddenly. I kept asking myself “why? “What did I ever do to deserve this treatment and cruelty by him?”
One day, my husbands ex-boss said to me “people change”, but do they really? Have they been this way all their lives, but not only didn’t I see it, but they didn’t either? My husband not only left me, but also won’t have anything to do with our two sons. When our youngest son, age 23 years, went to commit suicide in June 2014, and went into the mental ward in the hospital, everyone I knew, including my brother asked me, ‘is your husband going to visit the hospital or call to find out how he is?” My response was “No”he’s not”, because he has no emotion–absent of all feeling, care or concern. Blank. It is truly astounding that our marriage lasted as long as it did, but that’s because he was gone either out to sea in the Navy, or away on consulting business, and we moved all over the U.S. like Moses for 33 years, with no family, short term friendships, and no real lasting relationships that we formed,
When my husband no longer wanted to be being married to me, but never toldl me, he hated his job, disliked or at least felt no father/son bond with his/our sons, filed for bankruptcy, ruined our credit, got a car title loan for 315% interest (TX) —he then left- bailed, with no remorse, regret, or explanation-just left, and he no longer cared.
At first I thought it might be because he was going through mid-life crisis, or had a nervous breakdown, but that seems too simple, especially since he never had any remorse or said he was sorry to me for leaving me. What I do know is I never deserved this treatment, and am aware of the signs that he is damaged and I need to protect myself from this type of person from ever coming into my life again.
It’s taking me a while to overcome my own fears about meeting other people, but hopeful that I will heal, and become a much stronger a person too, who will love myself again, without “him” to tear down my dreams and love of others.
I’ve had growing concerns for a friend of mine Deena Hamza who’s studying psychiatry at the University of Alberta. She also, a psychiatrist has been showing signs of antisocial and narcissistic behavior. She and I discussed issues with her marriage and is an emotional roller coaster every other day. I overheard she filed for divorce reportedly filing for abuse but rarely did I hear of issues before. I honestly have no way to approach her and help her, and at times our colleagues has asked her to come out with us but she seems a bit confrontational and at times, harsh. We honestly never knew she was married half the time because she rarely shared any personal information. We do want to help her but there doesn’t seem to be much we can do except give her space. I have a family relative that also suffers from this so we just need guidance to get her the help she needs.
The female who destroyed me, my life,is not living with me but still attacked me daily im so afraid of her im 49 years old I believe she wants me dead or in prison the jail thing tryed it 3, times before. I need to talk to someone. PLEASE HELP OR TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO. THE END IS NEAR !!!! SHE WILL NEVER STOP THIS.
Yes, I didn’t really know the person I married for 33 years, until he walked out of our marriage a year ago. It was only after 4 months of him being gone, without an apology or regret that I began to assess the real sub-human I lived with for so long.
Yes, these types of people definitely do some damage to your self asteem and it will take me many years to heal from it. I absolutely know for sure, it was “him” and not me that caused the collapse of our marriage. It was “him”, and not me that could not deal or communicate his love, or emotions to me. While it does take two people to make a marriage and relationship, a narcissist will only use the best attributes up from the person he is married to, and I was his supply of energy, outgoingness, and love towards others that benefited him and his success and career assimilation up the ladder; military, corporate, real estate, and franchise ownership. My husband beat me down emotionally, but not physically, although it would have been more noticeable if he did hit me because I would have left years ago.
I am now in therapy with a fabulous woman, who has helped me to see that I am not to blame for his lack of respect or love, and to come to grips with the fact that I cannot change him nor his narcissistic behavior, nor the past. I must learn to accept that the marriage is over and be happy that I no longer have to live with this type of life-sucking person, and move on with my life the best I know how to, with those who love me, and me them and to recognize those people who are toxic to my being and self.
Hi KC; I was married to a narc four12 years. 666 should be tattooed on their forehead
Erin, I feel your pain. I have a sister with 2 children with disabilities, both physical and mental. The oldest of the 2 was able to leave and with the assistance of myself, my other sister and niece we are helping to get her established as an independent adult, she is 23. This young lady has endured years of abuse, physical and mental, at the hands of her mother. The stories that she has told us are just so heart retching, and the fact that this was happening right under or noses just makes me so much more angry. We always knew there was something wrong with this sister. But up until now we never had a name for it. She is a covert narcissist and on top of that has had a drug and alcohol addiction most of her life. For a long time now, things seemed to have been okay, or so we thought, just goes to show how good they are at deception. Erin, I pray with all my heart you are able to get your boys from their monster of a father. We are working on getting the young of the 2 children with disabilities out of her house, but like you she has most of the state workers associated with her family convinced we are all out to get her and have done nothing but trying to hurt her all her life. I know it seems useless to fight, but don’t give up, he and my sister will mess up at some point. Keep the faith
Ken, I’m no professional, but my advice to you is to move out of the area, move away, and leave her with no way to find you. The only way to have her stop is to cut her out of your life. And she will not stop until she can not find you. Don’t let her kill you
My prayers go out to you. I know this may sound easier than done but you gotta stay strong, if you are a spiritual person please turn to someone you TRUST in the church, call a hot line to help you with your worries. My mother wants me dead also she has verbalized it to family members and to me as well. Its been 3 years we live in different cities but even when I go back home I’ve become so strong in my faith I can go to my hometown and NOT think of her. ” NO WEAPONS FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER” You have to build yourself up daily, whenever those thoughts come into your head think of something positive or start reading your bible. Put it in your mind ” This Person cannot hurt me anymore” I’m no therapist but I WAS once a victim!
Divorcing after 35 yrs of marriage to an abusive Narcissistic Sociopath (professional diagnosis). He tried to kill me so I am trying to determine how far I need to go to protect myself once things are final – I am moving far away and am wondering if I truly need to go to the extreme hassle of changing my identity, etc. so he doesn’t find me. Anyone out there who can tell me their experience and offer advice? Once I finally stood up to him, he left, filed for divorce, and has left me alone (other than his attempt to ruin my reputation with his lies and manipulation). I would not hesitate to go through the process of changing my identity to hide from him but he has to pay spousal support of some type and would know my new name, although not the new location. My desire to “disappear” is strong, but I have to be able to survive financially, too.
She was custom made for me. Seriously, if you could have hand built the perfect woman for me, she was it. This winter, she had an affair with a married man that resulted in an innocent mother’s suicide. To cover it up, she falsely accused me of domestic violence.
I was sucked in, taken for 200k easy, and now I am dealing with the aftermath, she still tries to control me, I am on leave from work, due to PTSD, it’s the worst thing I could have ever imagined I could go through.
I was supposed to be marrying the woman of my dreams 6 weeks ago, and instead I am ostracized, an outcast, I’m suffering psychologically, financially, and would have rather been hit in the head with a hammer than go through this.
There needs to be a national movement to make sociopathy illegal. They are public enemy #1 from my perspective.
I hope that all that read this know that you are not crazy, sociopaths and malicious narcissists do exist, I have not discovered the secret to defeating them yet, but when I have successes I will share them, so far every move I make that frees me a little bit more from her control is countered with more destruction than if I had allowed her to retain control.
That being said, I will give my last breath to defend myself, and I will share with all of you the results so that sacrificing everything I have had in my life will at least help those that are experiencing the impact of this plague on humanity to avoid some cruelty even if it is small, because a little plus a little equals a lot.
If my sacrifice saves hundreds 10% of their life, then my life meant something.
Good luck in your fight, be strong, and know that eventually we will prevail.
Well, Just when I thought I was on the road to recovery my sociopath narcissistic mother tried to provoke me. I have implemented a “NO CONTACT” with her its been almost four years. She’s tried everything from slandering my name, accusing me of just about anything you can think of, etc. As you all know Mother’s Day was this past weekend. a few days before I received calls and text from family that she (mother) has called everyone telling them how I have turned them against her. I simply laughed at the thought rather than reacting, I mean its going of four years I used to it by now right? WRONG!!! I told my sister i’d had a bad feeling that something was going to happen, like her showing up to my place of worship ( note, she lives over an hour from me) and trying to harm me. Well needless to say I told my husband I wasn’t up to attending church on Sunday didn’t feel right.
After spending a wonderful time with my family I begin receiving calls from church family a women showed up to my church and begin slandering my name claiming all she wanted was to see her grandchildren!!! Many people do not know the hell she has put me my family or my sister through ( my brother is the golden child).To think I was trying to lift Ken up by commenting on his post I’m feeling the same as he is. I keep telling those who are close to me I feel she is going to try and hurt me or worst no one will believe this could happen!!! this women is seriously insane she has made several remarks to me and others how she wishes I was dead!!! now I’m placed in a predicament of considering filing a restraining order against her to protect not only myself my kids as well. My biggest fear is that she will succeed in her quest and this is when all those who thought something was wrong with me or that I was making this up or over exaggerating will then say ” OMG Tara said her mother wanted her dead and that she was dangerous” it will be too late by then. If anyone has any advice I plead with you now to please send me your comments……. she will not leave me a lone!!! she has also made comments she will continue to go to my church now she’s trying to use my kids as her pawns.
I am sorry you are going through this. I am not an expert in this, just a narcissist’s target too (story much like yours). Just know this, she cannot use your children if you don’t let her. Keep up the no contact, even if it means changing your church. Check your state’s laws on grandparents rights. I am fortunate; they don’t have any where I live.
Thank you for reaching out to me, I must say my heart thumbed heavily when you mention about grandparents rights!!! sadly I thought they only had rights if the parents were unfit. I will have to check into this with the District Attorney office. To be honest I am scared not sure what she will do next. My husband and I have been a member of the same church for over twenty years. I’ve thought about worshiping elsewhere until i can get this psycho off my back.
How long have you been a target? To be honest I don’t feel she will stop until she has someone to hurt me be it fatal or incapacitated or one of my kids.Even her Pastor has recently shared light with my sister of my mothers hatred for me, he says ” when she speaks of how much she hates me, she has a scary evil look on her face”
Hi Tara. You were always a target for your mother because of your autonomy. How dare you live your own life. These mothers have society fooled. And that makes them feel powerful. Like a child with a big secret laughing cause they put one over on you. My mother tried to kill me. Twice that I know of. Once when I was eight. Once when I was thirty. Talk about your long term goals. And who would believe such an outrageous story? She knocked me down the steps probably thinking she could claim on homeowners insurance. After the birth of my twins she manipulated a two foot air bubble in the hose of my IV thinking she would collect then. I’ve been no contact ten years and I still hear from family how I threaten to kill her through email. My siblings, her flying monkeys, are under her spell. I am the last of six and I’m an orphan. I asked god about this and he referred me to Joseph and the coat of many colors. This woman is evil and the lord doesn’t expect us to honour evil. You can worship elsewhere or just stop attending for a while till you throw her off your scent. God understands better than us what we’re dealing with. You may have to get off all social networks and even stop contact with family and friends that will remind you of her. This sounds brutal and totally unfair but she wants you to be psychologically fused with her.
She wants you to fear her next move and use others to deliver news of her latest smear campaign. She wants you to believe her tentacles can reach you wherever you are. I had to accept that the only way for me to be free of her is to live my life as though she is dead. She’s not physically gone but every other aspect. I speak to no one who is close to her. I tell the one or two family members I do have nothing personal about my life. It is the silence and ignoring that’s killing her. No reaction from you is like cutting off her oxygen. I know this is difficult but to save your sanity you have to be where she can’t reach you in any way shape or form. As badly as you want to respond or defend yourself silence is golden. This may mean not speaking to family period. It hurts like hell but in my case I have begun my road to peace. And yes I’ve heard how she tries to incite others to hurt me. But god protects me and deflects her attempts
He will for you too. Pray gods protection around your mind your kids and your home. This is spiritual warfare and your mother is a pawn to the real evil at work. I hope you find peace. I know all too well what it feels like to be hunted.
In Oct 2014; I took my ex to court for child support… He is narristic sociopath…in Dec 2014, he took an order of protection against when I tired to speak to him about our child. I am living in HELLLLL!!! In May 2015, he filed for full custody of our daughter. He claims in an unfit. He continues to tell everyone I have alienated him from his daughter when he walked out. His family knows what he is doing and have cut of contact from him. I fear for my life. Help what can I do to protect my daughter and myself in New York State?!?
I also have a Narcissits brother who just trash my life
I weep for all of you.. raised by sociopath mother, destroyed two husbands and myself in her wake – I ran away at 14 and threw myself into homelessness and starvation just to get away.. or get her to show love for me – the opposite occurred – she said “yay” and said if I come back I’ll go into foster care for what I made her look like by turning to the streets for love that she couldn’t give me. Years later, after so many painful relationships and women treating me like crap – I married and had two kids with an even more dangerous sociopath – 14 years after the divorce (caught her cheating among many other things), I finally learned what a sociopath was and that explained my life and turned it upside down at same time – I had HUGE mental breakdown, rash all over body, 102 fever for three months strait, lost 40 lbs, lost my job, and lastly lost my kids after becomming suicidal and penniless and unable to feed myself more than once a day.. after a year of this my doctors and specialists who diagnosed me with severe PTSD and major depression and anxiety disorders are not wanting much to do with me now that I lost my job (employer fired me in middle of my disability absence) – I was suicidal and am becomming again.. but I have two kids to try to save in this condition?? How do I live like this? I’m so terrified for my children, and worse, my son has autism.. it’s a living nightmare.. I think I have saved them up till now but now my health and wealth is completely gone and one day I will end up plotting my suicide because I can’t live with the horror or the pain anymore.. I live on Bly for my kids the last 14 years since they were born and now I can’t even care for myself almost at all.. I’m just a friggin LOSER
Scared to Death,
Your story sounds like a mirror image of mine. Just past 4 years into the relationship, we were the storybook couple. He had the most integrity of any man I’ve ever met; so thoughtful and charming. Loyal with an amazing work ethic. Ask anyone in town and they’ll vouch for him being an upstanding guy.
… Until I saw behind the mask. It’s all crumbled. He cheated mercilessly, loves young girls, and has this bizarre alter ego where he insinuates he’s a serial killer. I always wondered why he made me watch so many movies and shows about split personalities and murderers (Se7en, Primal Fear, Dexter).
I found strange things on his phone, like other peoples’ social security numbers hidden in his calender (he had a cache of 7 phones). When I brought the matter to the police, his REAL side came out! He left me little clues after he came to collect his things – that he had poisoned my dog, intentionally destroyed my car when I let him borrow it, and was trying to get me in jail, as he had done to his ex roommate (who had almost done 10 years for a rape he didn’t commit; he was cleared after 2!).
The worst part is, he has a network. His mother is totally complicit. I always felt sympathy for him because she’d never sent him to school, but selfishly received 2 degrees for herself – in criminology and forensics. Ah! It was for her son after all; she has coached him into having a squeaky clean record. I’ve been wiretapped on my landline and surveilled through my ceiling fan (sounds bizarre, right?) – I noticed my fan stopped working shortly after the line was tapped. Checked out the metal ring around the top, and there was an orange sticker. I removed the screws, including one with sticker residue, but could not pry the ring loose. That night, I heard something downstairs; I was too afraid to go check it out. I convinced myself it was the fan settling. The next day? GONE! No sticker, no screw with the residue; the ring was loose and spotless. Amazing. Someone came in and took that object out.
It sounds too insane to be real. These subhumans (I am so glad you folks use that term, too, because I have been using it — they have no capacity for compassion) will stop at nothing. I am going to end up dead or in jail. My father literally dropped dead while I was in the other room breaking up with my ex. Coincidentally, I thought he was too “boring”! We had been fighting all morning. My mom is starting to get sick ever since the ex left, the same symptoms as my father before he died. These people are ruthless. I think it runs in the family; the mother supports this behavior and her best friend is a self-admitted clinical psychopath.
There is so much more. He turned the town against me and left comic books in my RV about doing that (and one about how you can disappear into a town so easily that you can get away with murder.)
Everybody thinks I’m the crazy one, but if they knew the real story, it would be movie-worthy. I need to get out of here but I can’t leave my mother for dead.
Sorry for the long post … I am also Scared to Death!
My ex husband has taken control of all my family. My children, grandchildren, and my brothers. I am left with no one. I am so physically hurt from him and his step pdsughter both of my feet are breaking and I’ve had to have some toes amputated. I will never drive again, can’t get a job, My shoulder is messed up, my hands are and from having to fall down. basement stairs all the time even all my teeth have to be pulled and permanent ones put in. I don’t have money for any of this. Whenever I have to go someplace I have to pay a driver. I ended up with a terrible lawyer. I am upset all the time and don’t have help. The ambulance used to have to come to the house to get me breathing again. Dozens of times. Please who can heplp me survive.
I lam anxiously waiting for some help from someone. Sandy O.
There is a service called Dial a Ride or Dial a Bus that provides rides for errands and to appointments. Contact the public transit center in your city and ask them if they have this service or something called “paratransit.” You need a doctor to agree that it is something you need, and sometimes the city will do its own evaluation, although that only happens in big cities. Also, see if you can barter something or find someone to give you rides if you pay five bucks or so. Maybe if you can find someone who will give you a ride to a particular place at the same time he/she is going. Ask neighbors, even if you aren’t on close terms with them, ask anyway.
If you do not have medical insurance, or need help with co pays, every hospital and clinic affiliated with it has something called “patient assistance,” you just fill out an app with the paperwork requested (usually very little paperwork is required) and based on your income they will pay your bills accordingly. I know that my hospital Good Samaritan and the Peace Health hospital offer this service.
Maybe then you can get some health services and mental health services as well. Also your local county health department has sliding scale clinics and mental health services.
Call the local women’s shelter and see if they have support groups or do individual counseling often called “One on Ones.” Also call your local legal aid office and see if they can help you in anyway.
Find an online forum for trauma survivors. What you’ve been through is extreme trauma and there are others who’ve suffered this way as well.
If you are in Maryland or near Harvard, they have excellent trauma recovery programs. As does John Hopkin’s.
Call universities and see if they have trauma recovery centers, or if they know of any.
There is an excellent book called Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman, M.D. she talks about the different types of trauma, including domestic violence and the aftermaths. It is a book from 1992, but is a psychology classic and widely used today.
You are in my thoughts.
Umm, are you really just giving this info out for nogtnih?
Your story is much like mine, only opposite. Your mistake is that you were custom made for HER. You had what she wanted and she morphed into the woman of your dreams. This is exactly what my husband did to me. … only he succeeded in marrying me and ruining my life and that of our two children.
The lies, deception, projection, and triangulations over the years along with his charm and gaslighting skills, kept me confused
I lived in the smokescreen he created and was unable to see what was really going on for years.
Finally I found a therapist who understood what I had been dealing with . The more I studied the disorders, the stronger I became. A friend of mine told me about a great attorney and I filed for divorce.
The children and I fled to another state and I now have a no contact order so I dont have to be subjected to his constant drama and threats.
What these sick individuals have taken from us is far greater than money or material possessions. They have robbed us of our inner peace and stolen what we thought was an accurate perception of “reality” when in fact, everything about them was fake, an illusion. He really was nothing more than a room mate. We didnt make love, we had sex. All the dreams “we” had were mine alone while he lied and decieved and promised. He smoked tons of weed and refused to work while he spent the million dollar inheritence he received by manipulating his grandmother.
I agree with you completely that we should be able to press criminal charges against them for the psychological abuse they inflicted upon us in order to take whatever they wanted and leaving us in ruins.
The thought of them still walking the streets and continuing to ruin the lives of others is totally horrific.
I have only been away from him a few months and the divorce is not final. My biggest concern is getting custody of my children. I hope and pray that with therapy and time my children and I can recover from the nightmare of his Narcissism/Sociopathic abuse.
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