Many children of narcissists have played the scapegoat role in order to survive childhood. This is chronically hurtful, painful and demeaning to a child. When other siblings are representing a narcissistic supply to the parent, these kids are shoved in a corner, told they are worthless, even that they were never wanted and should have been an abortion—Yes I have heard this more than once—It is despicable.
Surprisingly, many of these children find their way. They survive by keeping out of target range. Some of them spend large amounts of time with the families of friends. Others engage in solitary activities—spending time in the library, fantasy games, spending healing time with Nature, creating imaginary friends, drawing, painting, computers, writing, etc. They have creative gifts and are using them. They still take the blows of their dreadful “parents” and the budding narcissistic brothers and sisters who torture them with cruel words and threats. If this child is fortunate he has a brother or sister who protects him by communicating that he loves this person and will always be there for him.
One of the greatest days is the one when you decide you are a victim of your narcissistic parent no more. You will take no more abuse no matter what the consequences. Some young adults leave their home, go it alone and find their way. It is very difficult and frightening to be by oneself without resources but they are scrappers who are determined to make it on their own. As they grow into adulthood they recognize that they were placed into the middle of a psychological cesspool. They have left the toxic stew of the narcissistic family. We congratulate them. They have left a dreadful prison. Those set free spend time healing themselves psychologically. Many find help from excellent therapists. (A piece of advice–Be very discerning about the therapist you choose—Some psychotherapists are narcissists and will project their unconscious feelings and thoughts on to you. It’s worth taking the time to find a great therapist). Standing at the top of the hill, you have won the battle. You are strong despite the scars of your wounds. Feeling those old scars is empowering. Don’t expect other people to understand where you are coming from unless they have been through life and death battles of their own. Most individuals are in deep delusion and only want to hear “happy talk”, phony superficial chatter. You are on a road less traveled. Celebrate!!! To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissitinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.
I am celebrating life to the fullest! Since childhood I was tormented by a father who was abusive and by a narcissist mother . Everything was my fault.Beatings followed daily.
I finally left the home and the country.
Visited home few times but got nothing but criticisms from clothing to nails.
My accomplishments were “nothing “.I couldn’t do anything right.I was always reminded of everybody’s events in life so that I had to send them gifts-I did not receive any gifts n return.
The few times I went home my family ganged up on me and I was laughed at for not knowing how to “behave” at dinner table.
The list goes on and on…..
I finally decided that enough was enough!
I cut contact with the family.
These are the amazing results I have found:
1.I am a great person,a loving person.
2.I can make my own decisions.
3.I do not suffer from panic attacks.
4.I am the only healthy one among the distorted family.
5.Since my family doesn’t matter anymore I can enjoy a glass of vino without being labeled an alcoholic.
6.All the quilt is gone and I am not the family servant anymore where they pile up on me while I am trying to have time off from work.
7 .I can finally say what I want to my mother like ” If I ever saw my sister – in – law,I would tell her that she is and always treated me like ” shit”.
8.I told my mother that I would not attend her funeral.
9.Since my family has always treated me like the outsider.I will remain on the outside and look forward to see who will
they pick to be the next victim…..I am not bitter but awake.
10. Nothing bothers me about the family anymore.I know that they have been trying to get me back .I will not fall for their tricks.Their attempts are not sincere.
11.I am writing a book about scapegoat issues and will tell the world what a horrible curse it is when a child is placed on this role in the family.
12.pls pls pls Do not stay in this kind of family.Your family members will not change no matter how well you treat them- you don’t need them,they need you .Your family members are sick – save yourself!
13 I am thanking all the people on internet who have been writing about these articles.You have all stood by me when I needed you the most.Thank you.
14.I declare peace withing myself and today I can stand strong and say ” I do matter “. They lost a loving member of the family.Bye.