Narcissists have no shame. They are incapable of this human emotion since they do not have a fully developed conscience. They are especially shameless in their incessant manipulations and outrageous antics and high stakes dramas. (This post refers to female and male narcissists).
They belong on the stage—that’s how good they are at playing their parts. The grandiose narcissist waltzes through his territories of control bursting with extreme self entitlement and a clear sense that he can control everyone in his environment, including his spouses, children, siblings and those with whom he interfaces in his/her professional life.
High level narcissists who achieve great success in the world look down on those who are not on “their level” as inferior. They can’t be bothered with such lowly people. This current society of rampant pathological narcissism provides endless ego supplies to these individuals—as long as they are making huge sums of money, producing outrageous profits for sharesholders or business partners and incessantly moving towards power plays.
They are increasingly rewarded for their “efforts and successes.” Narcissists are exceedingly nervy–They don’t give a damn about anyone unless it will bring them the power that they feel that they deserve and will have. It doesn’t matter that they are highly destructive to the human beings that interface with them, especially their spouses and children. In many societal sectors, human beings are treated like commodities. In a narcissistic family constellation, the classic narcissist has the dominant voice in the household. Often he or she marries an individual whom he can count on to acquiesce to his demands.
The narcissistic personality is a master manipulator. He has been practicing and honing his game since early childhood. Although the narcissist has little or no insight he is cunning. He senses when you are fearful and hesitant. He works on your vulnerabilities and knows how and when you will “cave” to his intimidations. As long as he wins, it doesn’t matter what kind of pain has been inflicted on you. He/she knows that you will keep coming back for more—always hoping that he has had a revelation and changed. This is never the case. He is counting on you to keep returning to his empty promises and outright lies for more psychological abuse.
At some point you will recognize the true nature of the narcissist and non-stop manipulation machine. You will know that it is time to get off of this painful ride and move toward a new cycle of your life. You have done the research and now know exactly who this person is and the purpose behind his causing you deep pain and stress. There are many who have won back their lives from the narcissistic personality and are now free. Give yourself tremendous credit for working through this process. You are courageous and live the truth.
Ah, so true! I got off the merry-go-round with my NPD-Sociopathic Mother, stated my boundary-line, and my Mother went ballistic! Keep true to your “self”, don’t ever waiver. These people in your life have no shame, and want to suck you back into their game. NO WAY!!!
Well said, Catherine, and very true. With these N family members you can’t even set a fair, reasonable personal boundary without a major temper tantrun ensuing and usually a monster smear campaign in the aftermath. I’m going through it right now. It’s exhausting, but better than having your boundaries continually romped on and dismissed, for sure.
I am 54 and have a narcissistic mother who favors the narcissistic youngest. My middle sister goes right along to fit in. None of them have a conscience. I am the oldest. My mother would ignore me for a week at a time when in grade school and beyond if I said anything she didn’t like. She would intentionally talk around me to my siblings. My father was absent emotionally and mean . I was afraid of him. In turn my mother tells my children and anyone who will listen that i was the bad child . That i was indifferent and never wanted to be held or loved. Can you imagine that? Blaming a child for not wanting to be loved. The 3 of them have abandoned me celebrating holidays down the street without me and my kids . We sit here alone. My parents see nothing wrong with it. They listen to all the horrible things my sisters say about me and prior to me sticking up for myself which caused the ultimate end of our relationships , they would even go on family vacations without me or my kids . My mother has never apologized or taken any responsibility for her actions . The only thing she says abou the trips is that she didn’t plan them. It wasn’t her doing.
I couldn’t see my father today on fathers day because he is in Fla with the favored child and her family. They are inherent multi millionaires and pick my parents up in a private jet.
She has developed a very assertive, aggressive, I will put you in you place personality that I will never allow again.
I never ever spoke up against the atrocities of my family although have mentioned my feelings to my mother and she either hangs up on me because she makes excuses for my sister or hangs up on me and constantly tells me i have lost my mind and to get help.
I cant do it anymore i have tried . I let go of all the pain they have caused to be the bigger person and within a week they are lying to me again about something. The last time it was that I had to work the weekend making it impossible for me to drive 3 hrs to attend my nephews open house. I apologized to my sister sending 4 messages and she would not respond. I overhead my mother tell her she understood why i did not deserve a response. I cant take it anymore. For me im done but my children have no father. I’ve raised them alone and I feel sorry for them not having any family at all. When I speak up for myself I am left out lied about and emotionally abused . The depression it has caused me is beyond words. I don’t know what to do anymore. My father is ok to me but remains completely out of the situation. So to me he is just as guilty. When I force myself to go to my parents , i have to sit and listen to my dad talk about my sister and his favorite grand children to the point that I literally want to be sick. I am at a loss. I’m very lonely.
I have not seen my husband’s father in law in two years and I feel as if someone freed me from a cage of darkness and misery. One example of his cruelty was when I asked him if I looked fat and he actually said, “Well you already know you do” I was 16 and 129 lbs. I have a daughter and I don’t care if she got a purple mohawk, I would find her beautiful and would’nt dream of saying something like that to her…sometimes when I’m sad, the thought that I will never have to see him again comforts me.
Seems to me your children are lucky, they have you! The day my narcissistic in-laws disowned us was the best day of my life. I didn’t have to subject my children to their abuse. I wouldn’t bother explaining why you cant make it to nephews open house and those types of events. That will drive them crazy! That is probably why they invite you, then they can tell everyone how horrible you are for not showing up. I wouldn’t doubt it if they planned events knowing you wouldn’t be able to come. I would put the ignore button on them-big time!
I hear you, Alexis! They can say the cruelest things to people, even babies. My m in-law told me if I lost 10 pounds I would be about right. That was the first time I had met them. I was 19 and 125 pounds. When my first baby was born, the first thing f in-law said was don’t let her get overweight. Eventually, they disowned us, and it has been the best day of my life. I am 52 years old and THAT has been the best day of my life.
Hello very lonely. I am in the same boat. Maybe we can talk. Will you call me 505-423-5140
Having lived my life through a narcissistic bully for 25 years ..ive just broke the cycle…i do however feel unjustified by such cruel and manipulating behaviour but i have really opened my mind and eyes to this selfish,self absorbed self centered man ..time to heal myself from his wounds and regain my self esteem and confidence!!
Unalarlleped accuracy, unequivocal clarity, and undeniable importance!