Narcissists are obsessed with their own lives. If you fit into their their picture as part of an adoring audience that keeps their ego inflated, that works very well for them. There are followers who don’t have an identity of their own and feel and believe (especially with high level narcissists) that they can participate in the glory, adulation and power of this other person. They psychologically fuse with the narcissist so completely that they are always finding ways to emulate him, to make him pleased, to serve him, to seek his approval, to be part of his elite inner circle. There are many sacrifices that the devotee make to achieve this purpose. The first being that you give up your own life to him (her). When you get older, are less attractive, have jowls beginning to show, there is an excellent chance that you will be dropped from his presence. Will he care that you have been run out of paradise. Will it disturb him (her) that you are having a financial or medical crisis and need his assistance. Absolutely not! Even if you have known him for decades.
Narcissists are bored by the suffering, difficulties, illnesses and tragedies of others. They give you a quick clipped message and that is the end of it. Your problems are a bother to the narcissist if you ask him for help. After all, the focus is his life not yours. Some narcissistic fathers and mothers are aggravated when their children become ill. They might tell this child that he or she is lying or exaggerating. The narcissist blames the child for becoming ill and tells the little one he or she is a weakling.
When you know a narcissist whether as part of your family or as a friend or acquaintance, have you noticed their complete disinterest in what you are experiencing in your life, especially if it is heartbreaking or tragic or a difficult protracted problem. Narcissists cannot process the suffering of others, even their spouses and children. The are completely insensitive to what you are feeling. They don’t and won’t understand your experiencing and are bored by it. They either play it all down or ignore you completely. Never think you can count on a narcissistic spouse or parent to come and stand by you when you are in emotional, psychological or physical pain. This state of yours is non-existent to them or it is an inconvenience or interruption in their plans. I have heard life stories of spouses who were very ill and had to call upon others to take them to the emergency room because the narcissistic spouse was too busy or away on a trip and incommunicado.
If a person cannot stop and acknowledge that you are having a very difficult or impossible time with an illness, psychological problem, financial or family crisis, then he or she is not completely human. This individual is not worthy of your respect. Narcissists don’t change so don’t wait for the magical transformation. It is not going to happen.
You can change by recognizing your worth, your meaning and your creative gifts. Rediscover yourself by severing psychologically toxic relationships with narcissists. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life