Remember that narcissists are without conscience or shame. They will never apologize for some horrible trauma they have caused you or your children. In fact, they blame every calamity on you. They twist the truth like a warm pretzel. Some spouses believe their lives are great because they have been brainwashed over the years. Others are immersed in the lifestyle that he/she provides for them. There are too many trips, parties, lovely possessions, gifts and all the other distractions that keep them deluded by the fantasies of having what they want. They are like children in a candy store with unlimited amounts of money to buy every treat they can reach.
When the marriage disintegrates and the nasty divorce dance is over, there are custody arrangements. These always cause problems. With half and half custody the narcissistic ex-spouse spends enough time with his/her children to psychologically poison them against the other parent. They tell outright lies to the point of describing an affair that the other spouse had. None of this is true. The children find this information very alarming. What makes this even worse is the narcissistic ex-spouse swears the children to secrecy. Don’t say a word; this is between you and me. Narcissists thrive on secrets. It makes them feel powerful. They control others with this mendacity. It pits one person against the other and weakens them. They are sadistic and love to watch others twist in the wind and lose their psychological footing.
Maintaining a loving, open, close relationship with your children is key to offsetting the psychological poison of the narcissistic ex-spouse. When the relationship is solid and loving, your children will tell you exactly what is going on when you are not in their presence. We only need one good loving parent or a parent surrogate.
Use your intuition and you will know what your ex-spouse is cooking up. You can smell the aromas of his deceptive stew of lies. You have the drop on him. You know the truth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life