My Narcissistic Sister Hates Me–Part II

This is the second part of the post about narcissistic sisters and the extraordinary cruelties and treacheries they endure. Even as small children the narcissistic sister may even try to smother the little one. They hit, spit on, pinch her making sure they don’t leave any marks.

The meanness and deception starts very early. One scenario is that the narcissistic sister is the golden, chosen one picked by the mother to be her perfect child. She is mother’s echo. Mother worships her and molds her into a perfect replica of herself. Mother is so obsessed with this child that she puts no limits on her. She can perpetrate any physical or emotional cruelty on the other children without consequences. The father is psychologically dependent on the mother—He’s a baby in a grown up body.

The narcissistic matriarch tyrannically runs the entire family including in-laws, nieces, her own mother. Everyone is intimidated by her. She is masterful at the charm offensive. Her many masks are grandly displayed and highly convincing. Most people believe that she has a very fine character. This is all a lie.

When the front door is firmly shut, the narcissistic mother is a seething Medusa–deadly venomous snakes writhing on her head. Each dancing snake is coiled — ready to spew deadly venom. This is the traumatic experience of the unfavored daughter of the NM and the narcissistic sister.

The sister who is victimized by her narcissistic sister learns how to hide–at times literally. I have known children who found a hiding place under their houses. They learned to keep very quiet for hours to avoid confrontation. These sisters live in constant fear. When mother is out the narcissistic sister pounces. Sometimes she invites her cruel friends to join in on the attack. The narcissistic sister tells her little sibling that if she says anything to anyone about the cruel games they have played on her—she will be sent away and will never come back to her family. Young children believe this kind of lie and experience a deeper terror.

Narcissistic sisters do hate their siblings. They are constantly projecting the toxic contents of their unconscious on to those who have no power over them. They are bullies without conscience or limits. When the impulse rises in them to strike out, they do, without a second thought.

Siblings who are treated with this mortal form of cruelty and sadism often find a way to leave the home very early. Some of them literally leave with a small suitcase and a little cash and seek out friends they can stay with. Anything is better than this day and night relentless torture.

These daughters live to tell the tale, work to heal themselves and develop their creative gifts. They find friends who appreciate their unique compassion and genuineness. These sisters replace the hatred reaped upon them with love and compassion for those who enter their lives. Many of them benefit from excellent psychotherapy, practice of healing the body/mind–gentle hatha yoga, cardiovascular exercise (what works for you) and making full use of their creative gifts. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life