There are narcissistic daughters who dictatorially rule over their entire families:mothers,fathers,siblings,grandparents,etc. They treat their parents like stupid lowly servants, who tremble when they bark out commands. One psychological scenario occurs when the parents of the future narcissistic daughter are both borderline personalities. Borderlines area characterized by their fear of abandonment, boundary issues, unstable psyches, dependency, lack of self confidence, emotional over reactions and lack of psychological insight. Borderlines are subject to wide swings in mood and emotionally and psychological fuse with those close to them like spouses. The budding female narcissist enters the picture when this couple has its first born. In this case example, it is a girl named Caterina. From the beginning Caterina is catered to. As an infant her mother ministers to her needs with consistency and care. By the age of eighteen months it is very clear that little Caterina is running the household. Mother and father make no effort to create boundaries of appropriate behavior for their child. Whenever Caterina wants something, she open her mouth, screams wildly, and instantly receives it—morning,noon and night. There are no rules in this household. Caterina is treated like a queen to be obeyed not a dependent child of parents who love her and act as consistent guides in her development. By three the first of her sisters arrived and Caterina becomes more enrage and self entitled. She is very cruel to her younger sister and neither parent intervenes to explain that she cannot act out her rage on the much younger sibling. By this time Caterina is in charge of the household, intimidating her parents. Whatever Caterina wants, she gets, regardless of her insensitivity to her younger sibling or her highly disrespectful behavior to her parents. Caterina has not been taught to treat others with respect. She has never learned that anyone else mattered or even existed in the world, except herself. Her parents have placed her on a high immovable throne where they worship their budding narcissistic daughter.
As a full blown narcissist, Caterina is still ruling the roost. Although she lives halfway across the country from her family and has a husband and children of her own, she directs and rules on family matters from her domain. Recently, she insisted on making decisions about her grandmother’s assisted living care. It is Caterina not her father or mother who is in the driver’s seat. Why would Caterina be so closely involved with a grandmother she doesn’t give a damn about. You guessed it—her grandmother’s inheritance. Caterina turned on the charm with subtle pressure in more recent years and grandmother has made “her decision” to leave over seventy five percent of her estate to Caterina. Never doubt the venality and greed of a narcissistic personality, especially when relatives with monetary assets are involved. For more information that will help you to specifically identify and assist you in successfully dealing with narcissists in your family and beyond, visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.