Living with a Narcissistic Spouse Eclipses Your Life

Like an eclipse of the sun at mid-day when the earth is darkened, your life married to a narcissist diminishes your creativity, your physical health, your peace of mind, your dreams, your sense of hope. Maybe you think that you are compromising with this spouse of yours but that is never the case with a narcissistic personality. When the marriage gets ugly and the word divorce  is floating through the atmosphere, you suggest marital counseling. This can be helpful to many couples but with narcissists the process is different. Narcissists are great actors. They can easily pretend that they are cooperating as clients. Sometimes, they win over the therapist who then finds that you are the one at fault.

Some of those married to narcissists don’t feel sufficiently entitled to lead the life that they deserve. As children they didn’t feel good enough or smart enough or equal to a brother or sister who was “golden.” Parents were highly critical and demanding and often one of them was narcissistic. One would think that if you were raised by a narcissistic mother you would not seek out a man or woman who was a narcissist. But there is a tendency to repeat painful behavioral and psychological patterns that hurt us the most in childhood with our relationships as adults.

As the years being married to a narcissist create a profound burden on you and eclipse the core of your individual life, a reckoning has come. Learn everything you can about the true nature of the narcissistic personality. This is empowering and will enlighten your perceptions of your spouse. No longer will you be able to make excuses for this person who is making your life a living hell and thwarting your opportunities to use all of your talents and energies, to feel free to express yourself authentically.

You will learn to feel entitled to a full life, a free one that is deep, meaningful, spontaneous, filled with some special people who love you and you, them. Explore your creative gifts and discover your unique talents. Spend time in peace and solitude for the first time in your life. Sleep more deeply and dream in every color of the rainbow. Access the healing power of the parasympathetic nervous system which is like moving along the gentle waves of an endless sea of peace.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.


2 thoughts on “Living with a Narcissistic Spouse Eclipses Your Life”

  1. My narcissistic wife of 11 years has all but extinguished my hopes of a fulfilled life of marital bliss with her.
    Until this past year I knew nothing academically about NPD. Unbeknownst to me I was getting a first hand education on the devastating effects of NPD, with me as the test subject. In my 11 year relationship with my NPD wife I have gained 60lbs, developed depression and anxiety, lost more jobs than I can count due to stress, am near destitute financially and been the victim of systematic verbal, physical and mental abuse. All this while being blamed as the “problem” for every issue in our marriage. Being a “caregiver” I bought the “I am the problem” label hook, line and sinker.
    The fog is lifting the more I educate my self on NPD and the tactics associated with it. I used to be naive in thinking that I could “love away” my wifes issues. I realize now her issues have nothing to do with me and never have. As soon as I’m gone she’ll be with someone else and no matter what he brings to the relationship he’ll be treated in much the same way.
    I realize now that a person with NPD can’t be reasoned with because their disorder is devoid of reason. The only recourse I have is to save myself and my kids. We all deserve a better life. I realize that my wife and I are creating the same dysfunctional dynamic in our marriage that she grew up in. My children are still young enough to be positively influenced.and I’m all they’ve got.

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