You have always thought that when you get very tired, even exhausted, that sleeping and resting would bounce you right back to your vital energy.This has worked for you in the past; not now.
Year after year, decade after decade you have remained married to and partnered with the high level narcissist. There have been so many perks to this union: trips, treks, lovely residences, socializing with the brightest and most successful. You knew how to make your partner shine in these venues.
You are his/her greatest asset, narcissistic supply. You are bright, attractive with a perfect appearance, phenomenal manners, socially sophisticated, able to talk with anyone and make them feel terrific about themselves.
You have been the “fixer” throughout this marriage, the one that knows how to smooth over your spouse’s most awkward, rude and callous behaviors. You were always there to set things right.
With a full career of your own, you made invaluable contributions to your spouse’s professional and social image. You introduced him to influential individuals, contacts that are directly linked to his climb to success.
Your exceedingly demanding roles throughout the marriage have taken a psychophysiological toll. Within the last year you have noticed that you are not springing back from your spouse’s endless rage fests, cruel recriminations, litanies of lies, accusations, humiliations.
You feel exhausted now in a different way; it is deeper and unrelenting. Even when you rest, you sense you have few or no reserves. What is happening to you? It is a possible that your oxidative stress has reached a very high level. It is possible that you have HPA axis disorder (hypothalamus, pituitary, adrenal) a dysregulation of hormones that causes a variety of symptoms including unremitting exhaustion, insomnia, digestive disorders, mood swings, blood sugar imbalances, difficulty getting up in the morning, complete lack of motivation. (There can be many reasons for these symptoms)
Pay attention to the signals you are receiving from your body/mind. Listen to your intuitive messages.
Your high level narcissistic spouse is causing you extreme chronic distress.
You are entitled to down time, rest, sleep, nourishing food, gentle movement when you can, good hydration, ways of comforting yourself – listening to books, reading for enjoyment and distraction, listening to beautiful music. Pay attention to your inner wisdom not the narcissistic spouse.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.