Women who marry the man they love who has a narcissistic mother need to be prepared. They have run right into the sites of the Matriarch from Hell. When you first met your husband’s spouse you could not have known that this woman was determined to run your life and make you miserable. Many of these narcissistic mothers are psychologically fused with their sons. This started when the child was very young. In some cases the mother substitutes her son for her husband who becomes a footnote in her life. When her darling son decides to get married the alarm goes off. The narcissistic matriarch is willful, ruthless and determined that she will forever possess her son and he cannot be shared with anyone, including his own wife.
The narcissistic mother-in-law sabotages her daughter-in-law, talking about her in highly negative tones. “This is not the right woman for my son. She seems to be superficial. I suspect that she is ultimately after our money. She has her hooks into him and won’t let go.” These statements are shared with other members of the family in a convincing way that turns them against the newly married daughter-in-law. The NM-in-law throws the full force of her ruthlessness and treachery into her goal—the destroy this marriage. In some cases this works. The wife gives up. She has been isolated, demeaned, lied about, dragged through every texture of mud possible. I have heard of narcissistic mother-in-laws who had the nerve to contact their daughter-in-law’s work to tell outrageous lies about her daughter-in-law. It is remarkable what these dangerous, highly disturbed narcissistic mothers are capable of doing and pulling off.
Many daughter-in-laws take the showers, the oncoming mortars of abuse continuously. They become weary, exhausted, depressed, anxious. Some of them develop PTSD as a result of this severe level of abuse.
My advice to daughter-in-laws who have tried everything to keep peace and to compromise but have been chronically attacked as a result, should consider the possibility of severing the relationship with her husband. The spouse needs to choose between his disturbed fused relationship with his mother and his wife. If the son cannot individuate from the mother, then there are no alternatives than to make the separation. In some cases the husband wakes up and realizes that his love for his wife and his become a separate individual from his pathologically possessive mother takes precedence. The daughter-in-law should not blame herself if she has made repeated efforts to make peace and comes to the realization that she is dealing with a classic narcissistic mother-in-law. You are not to blame. Honor and respect yourself. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
21 thoughts on “Hellish World of Narcissistic Mother-in-Law”
This is an interesting read. I have a mother whom I believe is a narcisist and had been tortured for years by her emotional abuse and isolation from the rest of the family. I severed all ties (which in some ways was disturbingly easy on part of my mother – she managed to find a way to make me be the bad guy and hold me as responsible for HER severing our relationship) I have felt this was the best move I could have done and feel better for it.
Ironically my spouse of 10 years I believe also has a narcisistic mother – the over bearig kind. She is controlling and manipulative of him. She doesn’t like or accept me in his life, and I’m sure if possible she would rather have him still living at home with her. Well sure enough she went to him to find out ‘what happened’ with my mother and I. Like a ‘good son’ he told her. He soon found himself defending me on what she implied was me being the problem with my mother rather than the other way around. Since giving her boundaries on my private life ” if you want to jnow about her, then you ask her (not go to the son)” I have been isolated from her. To the point that I no longer receive presents at Xmas or birthday acknowledgements. The husband no longer asks to talk to me – in fact they dint vene call the house anymore.
I’m at my wits end because my spouse won’t broach the subject so as to not rock the boat. I have been abused by my own mother my whole life. And now am finding myself being abused by my mother in law in much the same way. If anything my spouse talks to his mother more often than ever ( I think he is just trying to keep her happy) and it makes me resentful. He just thinks his mother and I are in a ‘power struggle’. He tells me he supports me, but his actions say otherwise. Rather than confronting her, he takes the advise his father gave him years ago, “just let her have her way, it’s not worth it if you don’t”….
This is validating. My husband and I are desperately trying to escape the death hold of his mother AND older sister, who also acts as his mother’s extra arm in meddling and slandering and various other abusive tactics. We are also a family with Autism and all three of our children namely my oldest has been the target of their attacks. Divorcing my husband is not an option. He has been their victim for years as they controlled every aspect of his life, even his bank account at one point. We are deeply in love with each other and have been married close to ten years now. We are also suffering a trauma from an abuse that occurred with the birth of my first child which was a deep, systematic abuse by several people INCLUDING the midwife and my SIL, who is my MIL’s “side kick”. We do not know how to survive this, as they have stalked all of us relentlessly, even meddled with my relationships with physicians as I owe my crumbling health to them. I have documents and evidence of their abusive behind the scenes behavior, just no one to help me press charges against them. They are so good at covering up their tracks. And since my MIL is a prominent Audiologist with an amount of professional prestige its unlikely anyone will take up the cause of a “worthless” daughter in law.
I forgot to add that my in-law’s behavior has gotten worse since my husband cut them off from us. Its a struggle to keep them away from us and to be left alone. Ultimately, we would love to see some restraining order put against the MIL, but the SIL lives overseas, so her behavior can still continue, which takes the form of internet bullying and slander and mail sent to my house addressed to my children. If you want see what we have endured, here is a website I build in a desperate attempt to cope AND expose them in order to protect my family from these DANGEROUS people: healingmyheart.wix.com/healingmyheart
Everything said by linda rings a loud bell for me, so much so I found this article whilst trying to sort out the mess in my head (and bank account) caused by my mother in law.
I to was and still in this type of relationship with my mother in law, it has got civil in time and distance as we had to move countries to get away from her as my husband was too cowadly to actually put a stop to her verbally abusive manipulative behaviour. 23 years later, and I am still affected by this and the depression and resentment still hasnt gone away. My husband now acknowledges what she is like, but he will not put her in her place or at the very least explain to her how her behaviour has affected me and our relationship and that she was and is wrong. I stayed because i wanted my children to be with their father, i know now, for my own sanity I should of taken my children and walked away and if he loved me he would walk away from his mother. My advice, especially if you are young enough to rebuild your life is to pack your bags and walk away before your health starts to suffer. if he loves you, he will come to you, but only take him back if he confronts his mother and puts a stop to it. If your husband does not make it absolutly clear that she cannot go on this way, you will find that you will loose respect for him and the marriage will suffer. The only winner will be her, because she will delight in your and his misery. She doesnt effect me like she used to, i am older and the children are grown, but the memories and betrayl from my husband for not standing up for me will probably last forever.
When I met my future mother in law 38 years ago, she came across as being a very sweet and loving person. After marriage, I moved to my husband’s small town where everyone knows everybody, and couldn’t for the life of me, understand why all of these strangers HATED me seemingly with a passion.
However my mother in law “seemed” to love me, although she would take pot shots and took every chance she got to belittle me.
I could never have holiday dinners of my own, because these were “her” days. I became ill every holiday at the mere thought of attending a “family dinner” because I did not feel like family. Even our two children were treated as step children.
This was total mental torture.
It wasn’t till about 10 years ago, that a few of the siblings questioned each other about what they knew about me, that their mom hadn’t told them…and decided to get to know me on their own.
Then I was told by my brother in law, that his mom had done a number on me. Said they had believed everything she had said about me, because they didn’t think “their” mom would lie to them.
She had not only lied to them about me, but extended family members, and practically everyone she knew.
My husband is pretty much where all the other husbands mentioned on the blog….silent.
Who would think that silence could hurt so much and for so long??
i had a boyfriend during 2003-2007, i was in 20s and did not know what is narcissism. The boy was her GOLDEN CHILD. He always obeyed her commands and she was so proud of that…..but he fell in love with me ( which his mother did not expect ) . She wanted to bring or find the most BEAUTIFUL girl for him…… she started to cry when she heard from him about me. she started to cry even without knowing who i am and how i look like. She commanded him to break up with me which he did not. So she called me by phone bullying me , saying i tricked him to be in the relationship. Her son is too innocent to understand LOVE ( its all my tricks)….. whenever we used to meet she was constantly calling him to get back home. one call in every five minutes…… a lot of things happened, she saw me as a competitor, she was JEALOUS, ….she was angry because losing control on her son…she was always looking for issues to break our relationship……she damaged me mentally, i even got into depression and felt worthless…..i dont know why i just did not end the relation at the beginning…….. finally I broke up just before our wedding day……many years passed, im 30yr now. But i dont think i have recovered those mental trauma fully.
my mother is a narcissist and has been trying to break my relationship with my bf for years.She is bitter because her plan i s not working.Now she has involved other family members.I cannot stan d that woman.she is a liar,manipulator,you name it.I want out.Therefore i’m not leaving my bf for her,not in this life.
What sticks with me about this is that I am left blaming firstly the people who where (and still are) so quick and eager to believe all the lies that the MIL spreads. In my case she tried to convince him that I am trying to kill him in several different ways (even that I am training my dogs to kill him), that I am having an affair with any man who would just speak to me (at one stage a 74 year old man WHILE I was 8 months Pregnant with my husband’s daughter!), that I am stealing his money from his business, that I am a satanist (I am an atheist)… the list just goes on and on and on. I know I will never recover from the abuse and that the effects will go to the grave with me. My children and even my dogs suffered horribly because even they were her targets. I am still married to my husband and we no longer have contact with the MIL… but somehow the damage she did using my husband as her nr 1 weapon will forever be my undoing. Some things a person does not simply, just get over…
I am dealing with a narcissistic mother in law and I am only 24. I started dating my husband when I was 19 and we got married a year ago. At first my inlaws were so nice and welcoming.. as our relationship got serious, that is when they started showing their true colors.. husband and I are best friends and love each other to death. But for the last 5 years I have been severely damaged from dealing with his family. It’s always my fault too. (Always my fault!) It’s never them.. I am pregnant with my first child and I want nothing to do with any of them. I hate them. They are awful and I refuse to let them have anything to do with my child after the drama and depression that they put on me. Like I said, it’s always MY fault. They will never take responsibility for their actions. I am the problem which are my mils own words to my husband. They put me down for my looks, for my body, for my personality, my likes and dislikes. Everything that makes me who I am… when I was in college I made straight A’s and ran cross country and track for the University I was at. I NEVER got a “how’s school going?” from my mil. She refused to congratulate me on my accomplishments or ask me about anything because she wanted me to fail. She put all my dreams down until eventually I quit school. I was mentally and physically sick. I was literally throwing up and had no sex drive because of the emotional abuse. She cussed me out and screamed at me because I wouldn’t go out into the rush hour traffic to buy dish soap. I had JUST came home from the grocery store and she wanted to pass me off. There was a whole container of soap left because I did the dishes that day and refilled it. She wouldn’t listen to that though she wanted me to do as she said. She started cussing and yelling at me and ever allowed her 13 year old daughter to cuss and yell at me too. She grabbed my arm and clawed it and then pushed my head backwards when I yelled back. I felt so humiliated and vulnerable. I wanted a divorce! I haven’t had anything to do with since then and it’s been almost a year. She thinks that I’m supposed to just move on because after all it was MY FAULT to begin with. She manipulates my husband to get him against me and he is too nice to be mean to anyone so he falls for everything she and his sister tell him. I told him when I found out I was pregnant that it’s me or them. Mil thinks that their are no consequences to her actions and that this baby is going to be around her. He’ll no! After the cussing I moved out, quit school, got a great job in the mortgage field, bought a home and some land, and she still to this day is not welcome inside my home. She thinks this is a “rough patch” and doesn’t respect that I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM ANYMORE! I’m losing my mind and ready to throw my husband at them!
Let me add that when we got married we went the courthouse. I have always dreamed about my wedding day and I did it in a courtroom.. she kept telling us to just go to the justice of the peace. I hated that idea! But eventually I was just ready to marry my love and we were so paranoid about having a wedding for them to ruin, we got up one morning and went. She followed us outside to the truck being nosy about where we were headed so we told her no where really. We knew she would want to tag along and then it would be an awful experience because it will turn into being ALL ABOUT HER. How awful right? We actually JUST got out of some high credit card debt because my husband followed her advice about “how great credit cards are!” I totally disagree.. they are great when used properly. She lives off of credit cards and they have very high spending limits that she keeps high. Not my business, but I have my way of doing things and she has hers.. she knows how I like to spend my way and how I like to stay clear of a lot of unnecessary debt. But she would run to my husband behind my back and talk him into doing things HER way because after all she IS his mother and she’s wiser! Sarcasm.. so of course my young husband took his mother’s advice and then $8,000 later this young couple was deep in credit card debt!! No she didn’t rack up the debt on those cards, it was my husband but her meddling manipulations put that debt into place!
I tried to make peace with her and talk to her several times but she always acted childish about it and would never talk to me. She however go off somewhere and have talks with my husband that would be her little vent session to trash talk about me. He would tell me everything she said because I made him tell me. I also would read the messages on his phone that she would send him. No I’m not the jealous snooping type but when it comes to my marriage and this issue you bet I wanted to see what was said about me to MY HUSBAND. She still now wants to “sit down and talk” with us. (Or talk to him) but I shoot it down every time because it’s a little too late and I’m not going to sit there and have my bully explain to me WHY she did it and how it was all my fault. She will never take responsibility for her wrong actions. I am not letting her be a grandparent to my child because of everything that has taken place the past 5 years. She thinks that it should all be history and we need to move on. Yeah ok, so it can continue to happen again like it ALWAYS does? She thinks that just sweeping it under the rug exempts her from having consequences! That gets to use a ‘get out of jail free card’ and not take responsibility for anything because I’m pregnant. Ha!
We have not spoken to the MIL in four months. I feel ashamed of how paranoid she makes me feel, but considering she spent much of her free time following us or parking outside our home, my parents home, work, (always to drop off a soda or a piece of junk mail, and ALWAYS after we asked for privacy), I’m finally giving myself a break. She moved to another state but that made little difference in her intrusions and games. It’s the most delicate and poisonous Web I have ever had the misfortune of walking into. The final straw after MIL FIL SIL moved: she always suffocates my H’s 10yr old sister and we wanted to spend time with her, so we tried to arranged to pay for her to come visit solo. The MIL vanished, and called us back two days later stating she was so excited because she was also going to come! We politely reminded her she was not invited. She immediately began spiraling. She started calling my H at work telling him I really wanted her to come, and me the reversed, along with many of her usual stabs. Well… he came home early one day, and she began playing this game via text while we watched in horror. She went on and on. Finally after she began sending us fake flight itineraries with cut out photos of her and covering the actual info, telling us she purchased tickets so it was too late and she ” loves us so much with all her heart, god wants this trip for us,” and its “my H’s duty to see her so she will drive if she has too.” when that didnt work she blamed his young sister calling her unpredictable, out of control, and having her husband call and degrade my H for not planning this trip around his mom and “respecting her inner diva.” But it got wild when she told my husband verbatim…”you are a bad son, I miss the days when you were a good son, my mother is dying it’s your job to support me but you tear my heart like the bad son you are”….already grossed out by the sheer manipulation, we texted back “ok thanks, were calling her to wish her well”. And off she went..Her responses ranged from “she won’t tell you she hates to worry others, she was sick but I sent the medicine already, to she has something wrong in her foot, and finally “she was dying but I made her better already”. This was enough for us, she doesn’t even make sense, we told her we needed space, which increased her efforts, so we were forced to block them to have time to gain our footing, but not before receiving group texts saying “you will see hijo, I will be the woman with you in the end!” And various other sickening things my H was humiliated by. I feel as though she tries to use this weird seduction to win people over, and has a %100% male audience preference. It’s very awkward
Despite being old and out of shape, she always wears her clothes very bright and barely there…. even waltzing through a family restaurant with her panty liner and thong FULLY exposed, flapping around, and catching eyes because her shorts were so small and she rolled them up more still!!!!! Alas no remorse, she loved the attention. That was our last public trip with them, just one of many “IS THIS REAL?” moments. My H and I have moved forward alot in the short time she has been kept at bay, but I can’t shake the anxiety. I’m very lucky my H is aware of her tactics for the most part, but I always feel like she is watching. (Last week she had a distant relative of my H start trying to contact us via facebook, equipped with a video of us by the pool we didn’t know exhisted, Filmed of course by the NMIL. She always does these small things as if to say, I can still get you! I’m everywhere!
My H and I just continue to block, we do not want to buy in to her games, so now we’re in shark infested water and we have no visual contact! How do we navigate from here? What about his sister? Will we get lucky and MIL will forget about us?
I have experienced everything mentioned above with my Mother-N-Law and my husband has also remained silent.
I am the “No Nonsense” type, I simply refuse to allow another person or person’s to invade my space and attempt to make me feel like I do not matter. There is a solution for that and it is called walk away from these types of people, you cannot help them. Only God can!
After much research on the subject of Narcissism, I completely understand my husband’s silence. After all, he has had to deal with the drama and pain since the day he was born. I would not wish that on my worst enemy.
I empathize with my husband and I have no problem being the voice that says, “No More” for him and our family. So far, so good! Minimal contact works very well.
As far as all the lies spread throughout our community and to other family members, I did not marry them and they don’t pay my bills, so I could give a flying rats rump about what they think or choose to believe about me.
It is a very freeing feeling, when you take control of your own house, look in the mirror and love your husband, children and yourself first and let the rest go. Of course our secret weapon is Christ, who says to love him above all and be willing to walk away from those that seek to destroy you.
Unfortunately I also have a MIL that’s narcissist. She was horrible to me before marriage, and I almost called it off the week of our wedding. Once my husband married and looked at her from the outside he realized really how abusive she was. I mean he had noticed little things before and they would argue about it, but she really showed her true self after marriage and when we had our first child. We finally had to cut his mom and his da (who she’s manipulated for years and now he’s become like her) out of our lives. Without the Lord we wouldn’t made it this far. We’re doing so much better since, but we’re still very emotionally scared from it all. I feep like I’ve lost part of myself I’ll never get back.:( And because of her selfishness my husband is not the same either…I still think he’s the most wonderful man in the world, he’s so good to me…but there’s part of him missing too…how can mothers do this to their children???
My ex husband narcissist put me through he’ll in a hand basket , turned my children against me and was the cause of my 17 year old son committing suicide .
I honestly believe narcissists are demonic people, footprints without a soul , looking back on our 14 year marriage it’s as though it never even existed and nor did he because he didn’t have a humane conscience and was incapable of loving anyone other than himself.
I can relate to your post! My husband endured years of abuse from his mother. I am happy to be the strong lady they all don’t mess with. You have to look that nasty narcissistic lady in the eye and lay down strict boundaries.
There is nothing more in the world a narcissist loves then to make someone unhappy. The best revenge is to focus on your marriage and children and do the best you can for them. Be a happy, loving space so to speak.
My mother in law lies about me all the time. I have no (or very few) allies in my husband’s family even though I have hardly said two words to these people. Personally I figure they are all of the same breed as her. Bitter, unhappy people. It makes me sad our only young son is shunned by his relatives. I always keep saying, why, why. Why are people so awful. The truth is some people don’t know any better. Maybe their parents where cold and unloving.
I have a few relatives in the area and they are loving accepting so at least it is not a total bust. Would have been so great to have nice in laws!
You made a mis-type in second sentence.
You said, “When you meet your husband’s spouse”
You meant to say, “When you meet your husband’s mother”.
sj, I know exactly how you feel. My husbands parents are both Narcissists. His older brother is the Golden Child and also a Narcissists ( his ex-wife introduced me to the term Narcissism). When I did some research I was blown away. It was as if the for the past 18 years I had been looking at something blurry that suddenly snapped into place.
His parents were horrible to me. Why? because I married the scapegoat of the family. Just like the golden Child can do no wrong, my husband could do no right. I once asked my husband why they hearted us so badly and his reply was “because we see them for who they really are, not who they’re trying to be”.
My husband was the scapegoat because he was honest and that scared them. Narcissists will try and destroy you with lies because they know that you could destroy them with the truth. My husband didn’t play along with their charade of “we’re better than everyone else”. They often made themselves look better by dragging other people down with their slander and lies. If you were popular and successful in life you were their number one enemy.
However, despite the fact that my husband was the scapegoat, and very well aware of their toxic behaviour, he would never confront them or draw boundaries. I believe this was for two reasons. 1. he grew up with that behaviour and quickly learnt that the only way to survive was to ignore. 2. there is no rage quite like Narcissistic rage – he knew this.
Over the years we ignored their behaviour. However, as we all reached our 40’s, things changed. The once “successful” golden child lost his job, his marriage and it turned out that most of his “wealth” was in fact debt as a result of him punching way above his financial weight in order to look successful. On the other hand, my husband who always lived modestly, struggled to pay his way through university and invest money wisely, became quite successful in his career, and the best part was that we were happy and had three beautiful children.
How dare the son they said would amount to nothing have what the Golden Child is entitled to. Hard to believe that parents could actually be jealous of their son, but they were, and that is when things become nasty. Poor behaviour that could once be ignored, turned to destructive behaviour and they were hell bent on destroying our marriage. My husband then finally confronted his parents about their behaviour, and I can’t begin to tell you how unprepared I was with what followed. So my advise – in hindsight – don’t confront a Narcissist , you either have to live with it and try and ignore or cut ties completely.
All of these stories are so similar to my own. Although, when I first met my mother in law I knew exactly what she was despite her nice act (having seen my mother go through the same with her mil). My husband is one of 2 children: he is the golden child, while his sister is the scapegoat. Among the things she has done are:
1. Try to convince me that my husband had always been in love with one of our best friends, even though I know that my husband set this friend up with her now husband, and everyone in our group considers her one of the guys.
2. Convinced her entire side of the family that my sil was an awful, cold, ungrateful spoiled brat who was moving and taking her granddaughters to spite her. Later on, when it was revealed that my sil had been molested by an uncle throughout her youth, no one in the family believed her- because of the reputation mil had created for her own daughter.
3. Told granddaughters to file for legal parental separation from my sil, because she missed them after they moved to another state.
4. Only moved to said state after her “golden child” (my husband) and I moved, and proceeded to tell the extended family that I dragged him there to take him away from her too, and she was going to reclaim their relationship (very melodramatic).
5. Told her family that I didn’t allow spouse to visit them during the Holidays- knowing very well that the reason he didn’t visit is because he had to work. Also told extended family that when we have children, she will have to learn Spanish because she is concerned I will poison them against her and she won’t know what I’m saying (lmao). We have never even discussed having children, and I’ve always kissed her ass to try to get her to like me, so not sure where she got this from.
6. Snuggles up under his free arm when spouse and I are lying on the couch (completely neglecting her own husband). Has gone as far as kissing my husband on the neck after I kissed him in front of her (how dare I). That was a major wtf moment for me.
7. Invited herself to my family thanksgiving, then recounts her stories about our disgusting ethnic foods (we had an American dinner that year in an attempt to make her comfortable + rice and beans for a little traditional cuisine. She ate nothing).
8. Has degraded my entire educational path from undergrad through grad school- insisting that my husband has been supporting me for too long (I have worked full time through my schooling and the bit of financial help I received was from my mother during undergrad).
9. Insists I am too picky about my career and should be applying at McDonalds (I have a great paying job in my career now- she HATES this). Yet for some reason, when she followed us to our current home state, she was without work for 6 months because she would not settle for anything less than perfect (even without a degree, the proper experience/training, and a purple colored resume)
10. Is a damn racist- absolutely hates successful Blacks and Hispanics. Which is a problem since I come from a family of financially successful, educated Dominicans. She wants people to fall into stereotypes and if they don’t, well off with you! Same for LGBTQ- she wants to befriend a gay man because they are “sassy and can go shopping with her”- but god forbid they ask for rights. That’s overstepping.
The worst is she does all of this with a smile on her face- and claims everything she ever does is just “joking around.” Then when a joke is aimed at her, she cries. Rock and a hard place.
In 2 days it’s Christmas Eve- and the first one in a long time when the entire family is getting together. And I realized that my mil doesn’t actually know me. She only knows the person I’ve been trying to be to get her to like me for so long. I haven’t seen her in about a month but have certainly heard what she has been saying about me behind my back (thanks sil!). I’m feeling like a volcano now- and best of all my husband has recently realized (after 10 years together) who she really is. He gave me permission to stand up for myself from now on, something that I have never done, and also something he doesn’t feel like he has the freedom to do. Although I would prefer that he stand up for me instead, it’s got to end one way or another. It’s either going to be terrible or terrific. Either way, I’ll keep it condescending as hell- no more high road for me.
Sorry for sounding dramatic but I have some adrenaline going after reading some of the other comments.
sj, thank you, thank you for your valuable advice. I am trying to sort out the mess that my mother-in-law has created in the past 6 years. It’s not just her attitude towards me but what hurts me the most is the fact that my husband will not stand up for me. I do not want to live a life of misery and resentment. We have no kids and are considering a divorce. I still care about my husband and probably always will. But it’s in the best interest of both of us that we separate. It’s most devastating thing I’ve endured so far. Hearing somebody like you who has been there, done that, I believe I can still rebuild my life without suffering major emotional and physical issues.
AMEN!!! SO WELL SAID!!!
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