Children of Narcissistic Mothers Must Be Heard

 “No One believes that my narcissistic mother is a monster.” I have read and heard these comments often in my interactions with children of narcissistic mothers. So often this is the case, especially among other family members or friends of the family. Brothers and sisters have spent their lives identifying with the aggressor–the non mother narcissist. They are accustomed to abusive treatment; that is their reality. Then there is the golden child picked by mother to be her representative on earth. He or she has full range of the household and can treat his/her siblings as he pleases. This often involves inflicting physical, mental and emotional traumas that go on throughout the childhood of his/her victim

Other children in these highly disturbed families try to voice the truth an are beaten down (sometimes literally for speaking out. The father is often weak, like a child himself and goes along reflexively with the egregious acts of his monstrous wife.

As adults these victims of the narcissistic mother are often not believed when they tell their relatives about the suffering they have endured. In fact they are ridiculed, criticized and told they are strange or exaggerating or talking about pure fantasy. “You have an overactive imagination, my dear.”

These life stories of torment and in some cases torture, are true. This truth is immutable. It has been my personal experience that most people do not want to know the real truth because it is an embarrassment, a shock. It speaks of the forbidden. It causes alarm. When some individuals hear the truth about the suffering of children of narcissistic mothers they are in disbelief because they cannot imaging that another human being can be so treacherous–even evil. They fear the depths of human nature. Unconsciously this can be a avoidance of their own darker side, the Shadow.

Victims of narcissistic mothers deserve to be heard. It is a vital part of their healing. When they come together, support one another and give voice to the truth, they are healing themselves and reaching out to all of  those who are still suffering. Alice Miller, the great psychoanalyst began a wave of healing with her classic book Prisoners of Childhood.  She has spent much of her life giving voice to those who were defenseless against narcissistic parents. The reckoning has come. The voices are becoming stronger and growing in numbers. The time for healing has come. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life