If you are married to a narcissistic spouse this person has stolen too much of your life. The hours, days, months, years and decades add up quickly and the psychological and emotional pain of living with one of these impossible, psychopathological individuals takes its toll on you.
The narcissist is free and easy. Without a conscience, obsessed with self, the narcissist moves from one narcissistic supply to the other like a frenzied honey bee. (Honey bees are magnificent; they create one of nature’s greatest gifts–honey. )
Once you have broken free from the narcissist spouse and resumed regular breathing, the doors of your life open. Take time to rest and appreciate what you have accomplished. It is a great victory to leave the notorious narcissist behind. Don’t wait for an avenging angel to bring you justice.
Use the new more peaceful moments of your life to rebuild yourself on every level: physical strength, professional growth, rediscovery and use of your creative gifts, spending time alone to experience uninterrupted peace. Take time for yourself each day to quiet your mind whether this is formal meditation, prayer, reading poetry, journaling, listening to inspiring and calming music and any other activity that you choose. You are making decisions based on your needs and wants not on the demands of the narcissistic spouse.
Bring beauty into your life. Spend time with Nature—the great healer. Grow flowers and watch them bloom. Listen to the bees, the birds, the winds that blow across your face. Let Nature speak to you. Listen to your intuition. It is always present with us. Don’t override its messages.
If you have friends that have been left behind during the trials of marriage to a narcissist, reacquaint yourself with them–the keepers who are loyal and care deeply about you.
Practice self care. Eat and sleep well. Exercise in the ways that you find pleasant. Make an effort to be consistent. As the days move forward, be patient with yourself. Healing does not move in a straight line. It is a complex process. We reach plateaus and feel like we are going nowhere. That is not true. Healing is catching up with itself.
Be spontaneous–laugh, sing, dance and be silly with a friend. Feel yourself lifted, lighter and freer.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
2 thoughts on “Healing from Narcissistic Spouse–Resurrect Your Life”
This was wonderful to read. I left my narccisstic husband 5 years ago after learning of affairs with police informants/drug addicts all while being pregnant with our son. This was all discovered when my son was a week old and the other parent had been discovered having an inappropriate relationship with a police informant. He is a detective. This was an extremely humiliating situation for my family and myself as it hit the papers and media. Whilst I beleive he did me a favour by revealing himself in such early days,it is what has followed which has been not only traumatic but soul destroying.
This NPD man has remarried fairly quickly and as his new spouse can’t have children they have decided to take our son.
I have had lies, false allegations, detrimental stories made up about me by both of them and have been taken to court.
Fortunately the NPD father sacked all his legal representation because he thought he could do a better job! Typical.
I had a fantastic legal team and was prepared with the truth.
In a turn of events the father was totally exposed on the witness stand with an incredible cross examination by my barrister QC.
I never thought I would see the light of day whwn this man would be made accountable for his lies etc… Which he believes are true.
I get blamed for everything, including his latest wife leaving him. She has returned.
I also got blamed for his womanising. He told me they filled a void I didn’t give him?? Very confusing being involved with a narccisist. He was all over the place and chaotic. There was also big financial spending, gambling and lots of abuse.
I could go on forever, but I have survived and reading your information is very helpful. Although financially drained I will be ok and will know how to better handle the malignant narccissist next time he tries to take me to court again.
The hardest thing about overcoming the narcissist’s impact on our soul is relaxing enough for self-care to take hold.
Personally, it took me over a year of no contact w/ my N family to finally feel safe enough to venture into self care.
I had heard from many therapists over the years that the problem was mine, that I hadn’t given enough, and the poor-poor narcissist was the one to accept and adapt to.
Thank you Dr. Martinez-Lewi
for telling it like it is,
and helping us to find PEACE.
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