Don’t Become a Filler for the Narcissist

Narcissists are restless individuals. They are always searching their environments, scouting out narcissistic supplies—attractive men or women who will come under their spell, business opportunities that will give them the highest yield even if that means running off with the money and cheating everyone else, opportunities for public adulation and adoring audiences. Grandiose narcissists love nothing more than being the center of attention on the largest stages—elegant parties, prestigious entertainment and sporting events, etc. Narcissists don’t stand still for very long. If they find you attractive and vulnerable to their charm, they will quickly have you in the palm of their hands. They make you feel that you are at the very center of their lives. You are the most wonderful and unique person they have ever met. Some narcissists are quick to give gifts–often impressive ones if they are in high income brackets. they love to dazzle you with surprises–special private dinners, jewelry, a day at a magnificent spa–They know exactly how to pull your strings. These kinds of behaviors are prevalent in the beginning when the narcissist is baiting you. After you have been with him for a while, the narcissist is inclined to take you more for granted—You are no longer the novelty you once were. Now you are labelled for him as a “filler”–someone he can call at a moment’s notice. You may think that the narcissist is finding you indispensable to his life. At this stage, the opposite is true. He has already moved on to another special woman—or three or four. These fellows are masterful jugglers.

You have become for him the woman he brings into his life when nothing more exciting is happening. You have slipped from number one to way back in the pack. From the beginning this reality was always going to be true. Narcissists don’t value anyone but themselves. They are predatory–always searching for the next best thing that they will manipulate, pursue and control. If a narcissist whom you have known in the past comes back into your life, oozing with charm, telling you that you are unforgettable—nip it in the bud with no equivocations or hesitations. You are a “filler” for no one. You are a person who respects herself, expects to be treated with courtesy and consideration and who values her individuality, creative gifts, her time and energy. She has relationships with people whom she respects and where there is reciprocation of understanding and deep caring. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life