We are always in the process of evolving. We feel the internal gashes, blows and deep bruises of childhood cruelty and maternal deprivation, especially if we are children of a narcissistic mother. This is one of the greatest challenges in life. There are those who have that moment of awakening and recognize that there mother is a narcissistic personality. Something deep inside them stirs and says they must free themselves of this deep wound. They are determined to break from the psychological and emotional shackles of the parent who never was.
This insight about your narcissistic mother puts you on the path to healing yourself. Your are a unique human being—an invaluable one. Although you may share the DNA of your mother and father and your ancestors, you are not them. You will never be on the face of the earth again–Your special imprint will never appear again past, present, future. You have time left to fulfill the evolution of your original self–the person you were meant to be.
Healing often begins with grieving the mother you did not have. You feel like crying. You are infuriated by all of the years of brainwashing, cruelties, put-downs, constant verbal abuse that has made you wonder if you are too blame. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. Always remember this. You didn’t ask to be the child of this mother. An aspect of your healing very many is to sever the “relationship” with this non mother. Other members of the family may object or wonder what you are doing. WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS, NOT THE OTHER PARENT,NOT OTHER SIBLINGS, NOT IN-LAWS –MATTERS. THIS IS YOUR DECISION TO HEAL.
Individuals heal in different ways. Let yourself cry, Give yourself the solitude and time that it takes to move through this process. Some individuals benefit from excellent psychotherapy. Make sure that you interview a couple of therapists and make sure that are not narcissists or people who have a strong money motive.
There are a number of healing modalities including gentle hatha yoga with emphasis on the breath, sitting and walking meditation, the company and contact with a couple of friends who care deeply about you and are available at any time. Spontaneous writing done consistently without editing gives your a portal to your feelings and access to your creativity. If you draw and paint, do this–Start a healing art book. Remember, no judgements. Look at yourself. Give yourself love and credit for your psychological survival under horrendous childhood circumstances. I have a deep commitment to those who are children of narcissistic mothers. I am amazed by their compassion and kindness. I am honored by their presence in the world.
Keep evolving–there are no limits—keep loving–Keep giving solace to others as you have all of your life.
You will find peace and your gifts will expand and deepen. We are so fortunate to share a place with you in the world.
3 thoughts on “Children of Narcissistic Mothers–Heal and Evolve”
I am the only child of a narcissitic mother and absent father. I am 51 years old. Reading your sites posts brings out so many emotions. I am on my third marriage. I am lucky as she has hung in with me. I have narcissistic tendencies. I don’t want to be this way but they are so ingrained that I am clueless on how to overcome them. Presently the most harmful coping skill I learned is how to hold a conversation with my mother without listening at all. My mother has diarrhea of the mouth. Her monologues go on 30-45 minutes without allowing any discussion. She is now 79 years old. So I learned how to go on auto pilot and lightly listen and give her audible cues of “aha… Really? Aha…, etc.”. Unfortunately if my wife starts a conversation while I am deeply focused on something, I go automatically into this autopilot mode with her. Days later I ask her about something that she already told me while I was on autopilot and she gets understandibly quite upset. She no longer likes to talk about anything with me. I have told her about all this and she admits my mother is a narcissist but regardless I don’t want to play the victim game, I just want to keep evolving to a more normal person. Can you advise how I can break out of such a destructive coping habit?
I am so worried now as I am in the beginning process of cutting loose with my mother but she still has some of my father that I would like.
Also, as a result of my childhood I have picked up so many of the traits I have become borderline personality. I will and want to break free from all of this.
I also wonder if her jealousy of me for my gift of art also played a part as one of her dreams was to always paint for a living but she became a teacher. I guess that is a part of the pathology of the whole thing. Finally after 2 years I got my dolls house back from her and there were some things missing from it. I was sad but happy to finally get it back after her “looking after it” for me. I realise now that I should have made a plan as soon as I moved.
In the beginning stages of recovery now and hopefully be free soon – I just have one problem – I am financially dependant on her and I stay in an apartment that she bought for me to stay in.
I am discovering so much about myself through your writings. So many questions are answered. I am a son malignant narcissistic mother. I never had words before to understand or explain my life’s experiences. I have a LONG road to recovery. But at least now I have found that road and am walking upon it. Thank you! And thank you to all the courageous and intelligent people out there who so elegantly and sharply put into words the things that I could never quite put my finger on – the things I could never myself put into words. No longer do I have to say to others, “you just had to be there.”
Comments are closed.