Category: narcississtic personality

Covert narcissists are among the most difficult to decipher. The can appear to be shy. They are excellent method actors, pretending to be your best friend. Covert Narcissists are magnanimous. They are always watching to get the inside track on you. Most people don’t notice any of these behaviors until these disguised enemies bare their sharp teeth.

Covert narcissists come on treacly, sugary, dependent, overprotective of you and caring. But you begin to notice here and there they are planting small digs at you. They dig and then come back to be your best friend, your confidante. They play the confidante role to the hilt. This is a big red flag. As you look carefully at the covert narcissist, they display no genuine empathy. If you recall clearly, you now know they wanted something from you from the beginning. They were obsessed with taking your power and putting themselves in your place.

Covert narcissists are incessantly cruel. They lie in the weeds. When you are the most vulnerable they strike with extended claws. Never share how you feel with a covert narcissist—that you are down, having to struggle emotionally or financially. They will find these times to demean and humiliate you. Once they have you where they want you the covert narcissist quickly discards you. They believe they’ve gotten rid of you and annihilated you. This pleases them. They are at the top of the heap; you are at the bottom. You now see them clearly with artifice or mask. They are incapable of genuine feelings or empathy. They are cold. They plot all of the time, using their cunning to stalk their human prey. Covert narcissists are highly competitive. They will fight you to the death psychologically. They are incredible competitors. Don’t let them get the better of you or any part of you. Learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth. Assert your own power, mental steadiness and your sense of self entitlement. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic mothers don’t stop the battles—even long after their daughters are fully grown. It is psychologically very painful to grow up as the daughter of a narcissistic mother. Being the small child of a narcissistic mother is a horror. I hear from adult daughters who have survived these childhoods of extreme deprivation and cruel unending abuse. The acrimony, cruelty and combativeness of the narcissistic mother continues throughout the adulthood of these women. Elder narcissistic mothers often carry on this malevolent abuse through narcissistic siblings who have colluded with them. If there is money involved, the narcissistic siblings close ranks against the non-narcissistic daughter. They spew malicious projections on to their victimized sibling(s). Sadly, some of these victimized daughters add to their pain by making overtures to the narcissistic mother. They cannot believe that a mother, their mother, doesn’t love them on any level. Some of them live in a state of shock, wondering what they have done to become the object of such cruelty. These daughters have done nothing wrong. They are dealing with a mother who suffers from a severe personality disorder.

If you are the adult daughter of a narcissistic mother, don’t expect her to change. This personality disorder is rigid and fixed. Narcissists believe that they are perfect, superior to others, even their children. Many narcissistic mothers believe that they are good parents. They accuse their daughters of being spoiled and ungrateful. Another tack is to flat out lie and call their own daughter(s) “crazy.” There are narcissistic mothers who spread malicious rumors of mental instability throughout the family and friends about their mentally unstable daughter(s).

For some adult daughters, a time of reckoning and decision comes. The accumulation of too much psychological pain, horrible distress, chronic self-doubt, deep sadness and confusion reaches a crisis point. There are daughters who reach a turning point and finally recognize that there is nothing they can do to change their narcissistic mothers, that they were and are not responsible nor should be blamed for this parent’s delusional thinking and complete lack of empathy. Some of these adult daughters make the decision to sever the “relationship” from their narcissistic mothers. They decide not to have any contact with these individuals.

Many of these daughters do the work of healing themselves. Some of them seek quality psychotherapy. They re-start their lives, recognizing that they are valuable individuals in their own right. They develop a sense of self entitlement. They grow in their renewed strength of their separate identities and the use of their creative gifts. They discover the inner peace they have been yearning for all of their lives. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

There are innumerable stepmothers who are wonderful parents. They do the hard work of raising the children after an ugly divorce or a situation in which the biological mother abandoned the children.

I am speaking about the narcissistic stepmother who purposely plots her way into the heart and mind of a man who has minor children. These women are on the alert for a vulnerable man. If he is a widower, all the better. No ex-wife to get in her way. This is often the case if the man has considerable wealth. I call these gals— One Bounce Women, meaning that the ink on the divorce papers is barely dry and they are presenting themselves as prospective playmates to these unsuspecting fellows. The narcissistic stepmother cleverly solidifies her powerful new role with the tried and true method —Sex! First she is friendly and warm and very understanding of this man who is going through a tough ordeal. Next, she works her way into becoming his indispensable confidant. Add a generous measure of brilliant sexual moves to the mix and he’s bagged.

Once the marriage is legally solidified, the stepmother breathes a luscious sigh. What next—dealing with the kids. Narcissists are gifted actors. When the marriage is new and everyone is on his/her good behavior, the stepmother displays a convincing devotion to his children. She is pleasant and courteous. She pretends to be interested in their social and school lives. Children under divorce circumstances are having a very difficult time adjusting to the fact that their parents are no longer married to one another. They may still feel shocked, confused and angry about this turn of events. When dad quickly remarries this adds to their psychological pain. Father is so carried away with his new love that his attention to the children flags. Kids pick up on his dismissiveness and distancing. They feel cheated and depressed. They’ve been replaced by a woman who is practically a stranger.

As the months and years pass by the stepmother’s narcissistic attributes come fully to the surface. She is duplicitous in her dealings—warm, seductive, pseudo empathic with her husband and cold, critical and emotionally threatening to the children. She achieves this two faced role with great cunning. Because she has such a tight grip on her husband (As far as he is concerned his wife can do no wrong) the father will not believe his own children when they tell him they are being treated cruelly. The stepmother’s psychological brainwashing on her spouse works like a charm. She continues to buttress her intimate relationship with this man. He’s a keeper—too much equity there and a great lifestyle to let go of it now.

Children under these conditions are suffering horribly. Sometimes they band together for emotional support. Some kids spend less and less time at home. They are often at friends’ houses where they feel welcome.
During the teenage years, it can get very derisive. Each time the dad sides with the stepmother, the child is left standing alone. In some cases children decide to live with the other parent and find a real home there. When no other parent is available, children leave the home early and make an effort to find their way solo or with friends. I have communication with adult children of narcissistic stepmothers who remember the ordeals they endured under her watch. They lost their childhoods and the deep caring and loving of a real father. Many of them still say that their narcissistic stepmother “took dad away” from them. Some of them go into psychotherapy to mourn the loss of the parent(s) and to deal with feelings of betrayal and abandonment.

The narcissistic stepmother has no pangs of conscience for alienating and in some instances destroying the relationship between the father and his children. She has won. When the children are grown, she will celebrate again. Some of these stepmothers repeat this pattern with more than one man. When the money is no longer forthcoming and she cannot fool her husband any longer, she moves ahead to find her next male trophy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Envy is an emotion that is not discussed openly. People are secretive about their envy—This is a feeling of resentment that an individual has about wanting to possess the qualities of another person or what they control and own. As they puff themselves with circulating narcissistic supplies: adulation, praise, social status, professional achievement–the narcissist holds his envy close. After all, he/she is perfect, unsurpassed. Why should he care about you and your petty achievements. Much of this envy is driven by his unconscious feelings of dark emotional emptiness. He has no resources to go inside himself and feel solid, secure and authentic. The narcissist is always competing with others to better them and defeat them. He views those who are perceived as more successful as his enemies. If they won’t capitulate to his will, he will obliterate those who stand in his way. These ruthless endeavors are played out in many divorce procedures where narcissists are involved.

Recognize that the narcissist is a vindictive human being who will not change. These individuals suffer from a severe personality disorder. Remove yourself from relationships with these individualsincluding family members, siblings, parents and spouses. This may mean divorcing a narcissist or separating from them permanently. No matter how many years, effort and time you have taken to improve your relationship with a narcissistic spouse, you are better off not colluding with this level of pathology. Wash you hands of these disturbed people so that you can be free to lead your own life, , expand and deepen your creative gifts and seek and achieve inner peace. To learn about the narcissisic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition

I have actually witnessed a woman married to a narcissistic spouse in a restaurant, cutting up her narcissistic husband’s steak in perfect bite size pieces. She sat there throughout the meal, hanging on his every word. These women believe they have made a good bargain. Some of them have financial security which is crucial to them and they are willing to pay for it with their lives.

Narcissistic husbands have rules that their wives must obey. They are part of his elaborate image that keeps his ego inflated.

Being married to a narcissist narrows your mind and your life. Some wives learn to detach psychologically and pursue their own careers but this is not a marriage is a business arrangement.

Married to a narcissist? You are living each day in the sympathetic nervous system. Hyper vigilant, apprehensive—you can never let down in your fight or flight mode. To preserve your psychological and emotional well being you need to learn to switch to the parasympathetic nervous system of calm, relaxation and ease.

Married to a narcissistic husband? You are expendable, even if you have have been with him for fifteen to twenty years, it is very possible that your spouse has cheated you a number of times. It is easy for men to sleep with work colleagues, mutual friends or escorts that they can find on sights like https://www.escortdirectory.com/escorts-krakow-212/. Narcissists change partners and find women who are younger, more exciting and desirable to them. They need trophies, not wives.

If you make the decision to separate from your narcissistic husband your healing begins. Some women seek high quality professional psychotherapy and find it very helpful. Be sure to take the time to find a good therapist. Interview several. Cardiovascular exercise is an excellent way to increase your stamina, strength, obtain endorphins which lift the mood and to gain a sense of inner peace. Gentle hatha yoga with its emphasis on the breath calms the body, mind and spirit. Some spouses that daily or weekly journaling offers them a cathartic way to express their feelings and thoughts openly, creatively and freely that is part of their renewed lives. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed in books and e-Books
Email: [email protected]

Narcissists live in a world of their own making. For the classic narcissist it is larger than life to suit his enormous ego. They stand at the center of the universe—everything and everyone revolves around them. Those who are married to narcissists, children of narcissists or siblings of narcissists are keenly aware that there isn’t enough room for them in this view of reality. The narcissist is highly deluded. He/she believes that he is perfect, incapable of making mistakes, ruthlessly self absorbed and willing to psychologically endanger even his wife and children to get what he wants. Some spouses of narcissists are so mesmerized by them that they are psychologically fused and are unable to distinguish themselves from their partner. In spite of this some of those who share a comfortable lifestyle with the narcissist continue to fool themselves that they are truly loved. The narcissist cannot love or be intimate with another human being. Many are deluded, spending much of their lives wishing rather than facing reality. At times we are swept away and impressed with people who are highly successful and appear to have it all, without considering that they are not human beings of integrity. They are shallow, empty, venal, ruthless and superficial. It is their worldly acquisitions and their power reach that impress the majority of people today. This is all part of the narcissistic style which has become predominant among a large portion of our population.

Many of those psychologically abused by the narcissist in their roles of spouse, child or sibling finally wake up and recognize that this individual suffers from a severe personality disorder that is not going to change. Spouses of narcissists can decide to stay in this abusive relationship and make the most of their constrained lives. You cannot be yourself; you are suffocating from the narcissist’s overwhelming role in your life; you are not free to be creative and you have no inner peace. Severing a relationship with a narcissist is not easy but it can be done. It is a grand leap from delusion to truth—your truth. Those who have taken this initiative with courage and perseverance discover that they are now living with the truth about themselves, have their life opening and expanding in front of them and are free to determine their own destinies. If they have children, they have given them a greater chance of becoming whole solid human beings who seek and experience truth over delusion.

Major life decisions are worth all of the hard work, effort and stamina that they take. Life is a marathon not a sprint. Each moment lived in truth is a great achievement. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed as a book and e-Book
Email: [email protected]

The covert narcissist, who can be difficult to identify until you have been bitten by him or her, flies under the radar. They wear the dress and manner of civility, empathy (of course finely tuned false empathy) and humility. This is their masterful facade—Covert narcissists are often mistaken for caring human beings who value your well being above yours.The covert narcissist is not grandiose. In the beginning he doesn’t brag about himself.

He appears to look up to you. The covert narcissist works on your ego needs to feel special, important, bright, talented. These individuals are great performers. How self sacrificing and dutiful can you get!

If you are a good catch as a marital partner (You are a well respected professional; you come from a prominent well connected family; you have an enviable financial portfolio) the covert narcissist is stepping over himself with compliments. You are superior, brilliant, talented, accomplished—the most extraordinary person he has ever met. It isn’t long before the CN has control of your feelings. You have fallen for him. You are lapping up the narcissistic supplies as the CN is throwing bouquets of roses at your feet. You feel adored for the first time in your life.

You marry the CN. It doesn’t take long for the dark side of the CN to appear behind closed doors. The core narcissistic personality is revealed in all of its ugliness–the demands, non stop criticisms, accusations, recriminations, manipulations. Barrages of insults fill the air; you are suffocating with anxiety. The spouse of the narcissist is worn down and exhausted, living in a state of ongoing apprehension, anxiety and hyper vigilance.

The disparity between the humble, charming facade of the CV and his real nature is astounding. Often the psychologically injured spouse is not believed. and further abused. Isolated, worn down and desperate the covert narcissist swoops in to take you down—financially, emotionally, psychologically. He finds another willing partner—someone else whom he can fool, use and abuse. To protect yourself and learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed as a book and eBook
Email: [email protected]

Being married to a narcissist is an extraordinary life experience.There are time sequences of highs but ghastly lows. Living with a narcissist is like being in a war zone under constant incoming fire.

Narcissistic spouses never stop injecting into the lives of their spouses. With their constant tantrums, screaming fits that go on for hours, criticisms that cut you to the quick and an unending lack of empathy.

When your are married to a narcissist your nervous system takes a beating.You are constantly
in a hyper vigilant state—waiting for the next horrendous shoe to drop.Those who share their married lives with narcissists are always in flight or fight mode—the sympathetic nervous system.
In this state the adrenal glands are pushed to the limit and exhaustion sets in. If the stress becomes overwhelming, chronic illnesses can develop. Some spouses are willing (at times unconsciously) to give up their physical health and emotional well being to the narcissist.

Those who recognize that they can no longer tolerate the emotional, psychological and physiological pain and stress chronically projected upon them, make the decision to sever the relationship.through divorce or separation. With the help of good psychotherapy and other healing modalities, they awaken to the realization that their lives have intrinsic value as separate human beings, that they are entitled to use all of their gifts and capacities and that they deserve the benefits of deep inner peace. I have communicated with many spouses who have reached this new shore and are now leading their lives in hope, personal freedom and the full expression of themselves as valuable individuals. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book:amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Widely distributed as books and e-Books
Email: [email protected]

In many narcissistic families you have a child who is pronounced “golden” by one or both of the parents. One example is the narcissistic mother who picks her eldest son as the Perfect One. These narcissistic mothers are psychologically fused with this child. They know that he is perfect from the day of birth and treat him like a prince. An extreme example if that of Frank Lloyd Wright’s mother Anna who adored her baby Frank, knew that he was superior and perfect and never set any limits on his behavior. She clung to him–so strong was her psychological fusion with him. Wright could never disentangle himself from her. He both loved and hated Anna.
Wright is a classic grandiose narcissistic personality with tremendous creative talent. A pioneer in architecture who designed innovative incredible homes and office buildings, in his private life was a horror. He psychologically victimized his wives and children, starting with wife number one and six children whom he abandoned to move to Europe to live the sweet life with a mistress.

The narcissistic older brother grows up knowing he can do whatever he wants. He has no limits or boundaries, nor is he capable of empathy. These brothers from hell taunt and abuse their brothers and sisters, treating them with disdain and scorn. Some narcissistic older brothers are sadistic and terrorize the younger children.

Throughout his life the NOB stays at the top of narcissistic mother’s most favored list, especially if there is an estate or property involved. He uses his position at the “beloved by mother” to gain complete control all of the material wealth. The father has been out of the picture from the beginning. Narcissistic mothers cast their husbands aside to fuse with the eldest son. When mother dies, the eldest son is bequeathed the entire estate and his siblings are left with paltry sums or nothing. This scenario is not rare. It happens quite often in the real world and speaks clearly about the entrenched power of the pathological fusion between the narcissistic mother and her narcissistic son. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book:amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed as a book and e-book
Email: [email protected]

Narcissists lie constantly; it is the air they breathe. They are believable with their lies. They enjoy the power they have over you when they not telling the truth. Lying is a way to control you, to keep you guessing, to throw you off guard. Narcissists have been telling lies all of their lives. A lie is a shortcut to get what they want whether it is an attractive man or woman, a valuable business connection, a way of taking custody of a child away from the custodial parent. There are so many life stories of narcissists lied their way through an entire divorce, pretending that they were the victims. There are women who have been left without the children they raised from birth because their narcissistic husbands plotted to wrest them away from them. He cleverly planted lies in the minds of his ex-spouse’s family and friends (many believed him). Mediators and even judges are known to make mistakes in awarding full custody to the narcissistic parent who has hired an army of legal experts to win. This narcissist doesn’t really have deep love for his children—they are narcissistic supplies—part of his perfect image as a great father.

If you suspect through you keen observations and study of the narcissistic personality that your spouse is a narcissist act to protect yourself and your children as soon as possible. Do not wait for the narcissist to change–this is not going to happen. Strengthen yourself and your resolve. Create a plan for severing your marital relationship through divorce. This is a big step but it is better to move early than to wait until you are so entangled with the narcissist that it becomes even more difficult to free yourself and renew your life and give your children an opportunity to lead solid, happy, creative and hopeful lives. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed as books and e-Books
Email: [email protected]