narcississtic personality - The Narcissist In Your Life

High Level Male Narcissists – Size Matters

You’ve heard the expression “Size matters.” In this case I am talking about high level narcissist’s:

Expanding egos, outrageous sense of entitlement, multiple stock and asset portfolios, number of homes, yachts, vacation homes, private jets, helicopters, vintage cars, outrageous salaries and bonuses. I understand that some of the receivers of these obscene amounts of money are now whining because some people have publicized that they are being unfair to customers by charging extra fees at their banks. Can you imagine how anyone would have the hubris to complain and moan about this. Well, believe it. High level narcissists are always surprising to those who are not narcissists. I see a lot of “narcissists in training” these days. They fawn over high level narcissists who are left unaccountable in any legal or moral way, who help themselves to obscene payoffs while those whom they harm, in the millions, are left behind, grabbing for crumbs or to lick the bottom of a dry bowl.

I hear from the spouses of high level narcissists. Some are willing to make the deal with the devil and stay married to them because they are afraid of being on their own, are more delusional than they think and have become too accustomed to the lifestyle to give it up. Others are desperately trying to gather up the courage and knowledge to leave these psychopathological nightmares. Some make the break and sever the marriage and get back their real lives. They have great courage and resolve. Many of them report that it was the best decision they have ever made.

What matters is quality—-of your kindness, empathy, use of your creative gifts, support of friends and family members who need your help now. And what about the people you meet who through no fault of their own are without any kind of support—financial, psychological, medical or otherwise. Fortunately, I have heard from exceptional people who are moving along spiritually—-They think about those who are suffering and how they can help to alleviate that pain; they think about living more simply; they care deeply about how we are destroying Nature with collective greed; they think about contributing to the quality of their lives and the lives of others. Make yourself heard. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation:United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Identify Covert Narcissists-Show Them the Door

Covert narcissists are among the most difficult to recognize. They have such a smooth act going that they have been practicing all of their lives. How can someone who is so self-effacing and self critical, be such a louse. That’s because they have learned to play so many roles with great skill. Some of them are: “I’m helpless and need you desperately.” “You are the most wonderful person I have ever met. I don’t deserve you.” “I want you to be my mentor; I look up to you.” “You are so great; I want to be just like you.” “I have fallen in love with you and can’t let you go.” That last one is one of the best if we can admit it.

First, take time to research in depth all of the facets of the narcissistic personality disorder. Beneath the well faked humility, the covert narcissist possesses all of these traits. He/she may not be grandiose and they usually aren’t. But they feel superior to others, are self absorbed, deceitful, manipulative, chronic liars and exploitive without a pinch of empathy.

Especially if you are very attracted to this person, hold off on your impulses to get more intimate and take a long view and a microscopic look at this individual. It is well worth your effort and time. You will spare yourself a lot of misery not getting caught up in the narcissistic web. Always use your intuition. If you are finely tuned to it, they will give themselves away. Be patient and highly discerning. I wish you the very best. I know you will prevail. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle editionEmail: [email protected]

Narcissistic Older Brother Colludes with Narcissistic Mother

There are certain pathological and destructive patterns that run through narcissistic families. Each family is unique but there are repetitions of unjust and cruel maneuvers that take place when a narcissistic older brother is the mother’s favorite perfect son and the two of them collude. This is particularly the case where financial assets and properties are involved. Plans between these two are made well in advance before other family members are suspicious. The father who is considered weak and stupid by the narcissistic wife is out of the picture. The narcissistic mother married him for the family money that he controlled or his lucrative business. That was her goal from the first time she met him. I want to emphasize that these narcissists plan ahead—not in weeks or months but years ahead. They are so entitled and over-confident and nervy that they believe they can get whatever they want because they are so brilliant and clever.

If you suspect that the favored sibling is a narcissist, do everything you can to become highly informed about this serious personality disorder. At some point you may decide to hire an attorney to protect your interests. Other siblings may be fooled by the golden boy narcissist. There is nothing you can do to convince them that this person has a very defective character that is not going to change. Talk is very cheap and narcissists are excellent at using their lying words to convince others they are telling the truth.

I have observed too many cases in which the narcissistic golden child was given the benefit of the doubt that he is looking out for all of his siblings. Even if it is a biological sibling, this person has no right to take what belongs to you. Observe very keenly and maintain your sense of focus and inner steadiness. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Surviving Your Narcissistic Family-You are an Extraordinary Individual

Growing up in a narcissistic family is one of the most difficult and painful legacies. You have been surrounded by some family members whom you thought you could trust and who cared about you. But that is not the case. In some instances one of the parents is able to give his/her children enough love and attention to be spared. In others, the child is on his own to make his way. Sometimes, brothers and sisters stick together to protect themselves from the narcissistic parent and the golden child that has been chosen and created. Those who discover early that they must fend for themselves have a very hard road ahead. They use everything inside of them to remain strong and move ahead. Some of these children have to pretend that they are going along with the narcissistic parent and obeying them to keep the peace. Inside their minds, they know that the narcissist is cruel and deluded. Other children are less fortunate. They keep thinking that it is their fault that the parent does not love them. I have known of adult children of narcissists who are still suffering, looking for love from a parent who will never give anything to them.

What is extraordinary is the child of a narcissist who becomes a compassionate empathetic human being. Against all odds, this person not only survived the horrendous abuse and neglect of this family but they became a solitary force of love, kindness and compassion to all of those who touch their lives. They carry the scars of what happened in this cauldron of cruelty and neglect but are determined to make their lives different—and they have. These individuals deserve our respect. They are people of high consciousness that bring needed light into a world. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Use Your Intuition-No Contact with Narcissist

You have been suffering from breaking up and going back with your narcissistic ex for years. You know the pattern. You don’t him see or hear from him in several months after one of your many partings. He calls; you are hooked again. I communicate with a number of women who are trapped in this repetitious pattern. Many of them have been married to narcissists. Each time they resume the relationship, they believe that this time it is all going to work. Narcissists are not capable of loving or being loyal with other human beings. They have a serious personality that is not going to change. They are false selves, often with an irresistible facade. Most people fall for this and believe that the persona is the real person. This is not the case.

Instead of repeating a psychological pattern that is harmful to you, use your intuition—listen to this voice of wisdom within you—. When the narcissist makes contact or you feel the need to call, email or text him, listen to your intuition say no. Intuitive messages move through us very quickly. We learn to be attuned to them. This is a great gift. The more consistently you use intuition the more finely tuned it becomes. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists-Don’t Wait for Formal Justice in This Lifetime

If you have been psychologically, financially and/or emotionally damaged by a sociopathic narcissists, sociopath, don’t wait for for him or her to be brought to justice –formal or informal–in this lifetime. It is chilling to watch how these non-blood drawing criminals get away with destroying the lives of others.

I am in communication with individuals whose lives have been eclipsed, diminished and disrupted by these people. They are so clever at covering their tracks and if they live and work at the higher reaches of a current society where many value absolute power and materialism, they are assured of being protected by business and social associates that give them praise, veneration and blind loyalty. These tight groups of deceit and exclusivity reflexively close ranks and protect destructive and abominable behaviors.

On the opposite side of the divide are individuals of the finest character. Despite their professional achievements, their socioeconomic status and all of the praise they receive, they never forget that they are no more important or valuable than any other human being. In fact, they are grateful for what they have achieved. They are aware of the suffering and difficulties of others who are not as fortunate as they are.

If you are still involved with a sociopathic narcissist, you know deep inside that your life is compromised and and you are being whittled down by this controlling, demanding personality. I hear from women who for decades have been married to these men and will not leave them. They are paying a very high price for this decision. Their identities have been blurred, their creative opportunities have been squelched and their nervous systems are worn from the chronic harsh criticisms, constant demands, intimidations and betrayals by their partners.

When you make the decision to sever the relationship from the sociopathic narcissist, this is an enormous step in reclaiming your life. It takes tremendous courage. You are demanding to have what belongs to you: a life that is filled with hope, creative energy, the possibilities of reciprocal love and respect and inner peace. Gather your support group around you. Research the best attorneys and interview them in depth. Call upon your spiritual practice if you have one, keep yourself physically strong through consistent exercise. Stay in the present but envision the freedom and all of the opportunities that await in this next phase of your life. Take hold of your destiny with open arms. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Using Lies to Invent Their Truth

Narcissists are compulsive liars—-they can’t help themselves. This is not an excuse for their abominable behavior. It is part of their psychopathology. Narcissists spend their lives in a state of delusion, a world of their making. They find others to share this delusion with them. If they are highly successful they have no difficulty finding those who are willing to “play with them” and share their lifestyles. At the core of it, the narcissist is a very small petulant child who has major tantrums if he doesn’t get everything he wants.

One of the chief ways the narcissist reaches his goals is through lying—overt and covert lies. He/she often bad mouths others, makes efforts to destroy their characters and professional status to move themselves foreword up the ladder. They have no compunctions about lying to everyone. They have clever concocted stories for each person in their inner circle and for the world at large. They lie to their spouses all of the time, to their children—promising them they will spend time with them and then making excuses at the last minute. Narcissists never show up for their children unless it is the favorite golden child that they have picked to be their alter ego. They are very keen at inventing “truths”—intricate stories out of whole cloth. People believe them, even highly sophisticated individuals who should know better. It is the charm and magnetism that camouflages their perfidy every time. Once the narcissist has established power in the world he continues with his lies. He says the opposite of what he does. He promises constantly and never honors these proclamations. He knows that he can create his own reality and if this involves ripping people off for millions of dollars over and over again, or destroying the lives of his children because he was neglectful and cruel, causing so much stress that his spouse becomes very ill—-none of this matters. He faces those who confront his lying with more lies. And this works for the high and mighty these days. We live in a highly narcissistic age where these people are running most of the show. Learn everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder. Protect yourself from these highly disturbed predatory individuals. Lead your own life, using your many creative gifts. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissism and Spirituality-A Noxious Brew

Spiritual treks and pilgrimages have become very popular within the new age culture, with many people enjoying a newfound understanding of themselves through their angel number, check out how it affects you. Among these followers there are sincere people who are looking for ways to re-direct their lives, to become humbler, calmer, compassionate, more in touch with their authentic selves. There are spiritual teachers who are very sincere. I am speaking about narcissists who have discovered that offering seminars, books, dvds, ebooks, etc. is one of the surest ways to make large sums of money and be venerated as a very special person.

Narcissistic gurus offer their embossed brand of spirituality. It’s presented as instant and sure. They emphasize that you are just the right person to participate in their program and tell you that you are highly intuitive and that there is a special reason why you found them. They make you feel special. Their eye contact is intense as they draw you in. In some ways they put their prospective students in a light trance. The begin by flattering you. They pretend to listen and to care deeply about all of the life problems that have brought you to their door. They spend just enough time with you to convince you to give them a bank card and sign up. Once they have you in their clutches they will keep pressuring you to sign up for more advanced classes that cost higher amounts of money. Never decide that a person is spiritual based on how many seminars he/she has given, their academic or medical degrees, how many books they have published, the size of their audiences.

Protect yourself from this spiritual predator. Read in depth about the narcissistic personality disorder. Stay in touch with that deep part of you that is highly intuitive and can identify phonies very quickly. Working toward spiritual growth is not about spending a lot of money. It is your spiritual journey. You are free to choose the path you will take. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Children of Narcissistic Mothers-Objects to be Used

There are large numbers of children who were “raised” by narcissistic mothers. I use the word raised with question because these individuals are incapable of true mothering. Psychoanalyst Alice Miller describes the psychodynamics between the narcissistic mother and her child: “The child…was the narcissistically cathected object. What these mothers had once failed to find in their own mothers they were able to find in their children: someone at their disposal who can be used as an echo, who can be controlled, is completely centered on them, will never desert them, and offers full attention and admiration.” So many adult children of narcissistic mothers continue to play this role of servant and adorer throughout their lives. Every energy, gift, thought, sense of initiative is quashed by the narcissistic mother. They grow up knowing only that they survive by being and remaining attached, fused and loyal only to mother.

Some of these individuals awaken at some point in their development and recognize that they have been imprisoned in a psychological and emotional gulag. The walls of their psychological cells are thick with emotional brainwashing; their minds are taken over only by thoughts of what the narcissistic mother demands of them. They feel anger and frustration but that disappears when they are enveloped by the darkness and delusion of their mother’s hold on them. This is a tragic life course.

Some adult children through their own self analysis, psychotherapy, personal support groups, the working of their insights—discover that they deserve to be released from this nightmare of captivity. They awaken, shake themselves and start moving slowly toward healing and transformation. They expand the use of their creative energies and gifts that have been locked in cold storage. They begin to fledge with practice like a young eagle from branch to branch. They falter at times. But this is all part of self strenghtening. At some point they are ready to fly from the tallest tree in their environment. Now they feel entitled and deserving to become and manifest themselves both inside and in the world. They launch with strong wings that ride the winds, unstoppable and free now to participate in the beauty and meaning of their own lives. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Varieties of Narcissistic Rage I

Beneath the surface the narcissist is always seething with rage. Some narcissists are clever concealers. No one in their external environment would ever suspect that in the privacy of their homes they are out of control screamers. It is not unusual for them to literally get in your face. You watch the veins of the face and neck bulging, wondering when they’re going to pop. I have heard many horrendous stories of a narcissistic parent’s menacing ways. Some narcissists carry out physical beatings on their children. Others prefer the psychological torture of maintaining an environment of terror and panic. By keeping the anxiety temperature at the highest levels, children and spouses are in a constant state of uneasiness. This makes them easy pawns for manipulation.

One of the most unpleasant varieties is that of the narcissist who creates ugly public scenes to get what he wants, when he wants it. He will accept no authority other than his own. When he is in restaurants, stores, at meetings and his argument is not going well, he simply turns up the volume to full blast. The people around him are first shocked. Then they become frightened. I have seen many narcissists get their way with this full throated approach.

The opposite is the covert narcissist–that charming, gracious, attractive, “humble” individual who pretends to be a saint but has been plotting your occupational, marital or psychological demise for a very long time. These are the tricksters, those double agent narcissists who present themselves as saviors and then go into all out combat to destroy you when the right moment arises. They are the schemers. You may even believe they are your ally. Never be surprised among family members. When it comes to wills and trusts there is often treachery and betrayal. An aunt, parent or sibling has plotted most of his life to acquire the family wealth, leaving crumbs to everyone else. He or she plays up the aging matriarch or patriarch, tells lies about the other family members, fabricates scandals, even crimes. These fictional tales are believed by the aging parent. The villain here makes sure that he maintains his role as savior to the parent holding the bulging purse of gold. He goes out of his way to be unusually attentive. He orchestrates his meticulous moves in such a way that he is trusted completely and given complete control of the estate and all of its holdings. This knowledge remains secret until the parent is deceased.. All hell breaks loose when the other family members learn the truth of the betrayal. But it is too late. This treacherous deed is a way of obtaining the maximum of narcissistic supplies for himself and at the same time disrupting and eclipsing the lives of other family members. The narcissist has achieved his only goal—winning at any cost. This is the circuitous route his rage has taken—the web of lies, deceits, plotting, secrecy, revenge and destruction. These narcissists have no conscience and never look back on what they have done. They easily justify all of their evil moves. They deserve to have everything. They are entitled to all of the spoils and winnings. That’s the way they play their dirty game, stepping on friends and family members to reach their goals.

One particularly egregious type of narcissistic rage is revealed in the endless fight for custody of children that is waged for years. The narcissists doesn’t give a damn about his children with the exception of a child he can use as an echo of himself. His children are possessions to be used to take revenge and destroy the life of the ex-wife or ex-husband. I have witnessed too many occasions in which the narcissist has used loopholes and machinations of the justice system to obtain a substantial amount of custody of his children. This is not done out of love but spite. Even further, it speaks of sadistic measures on his part that are meant to land a final blow to the non-narcissistic spouse who truly loves the children.

Waging these battles is very tough and requires the support of an excellent attorney who has mastered family law and understands the dark meanderings of the narcissistic mind. If you are in this position, do not give up or give in. Gather support around you from every quarter. You may lose some of your financial assets (or not) but you will have saved your children. That is the greatest achievement of all—creating a peaceful, emotionally consistent and calm, affectionate and loving, affirmative and creative life for your children. This is their legacy–the demonstration of the depth of your love. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com