Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply - The Narcissist In Your Life

Staying Married to a Sociopathic Narcissist for the Lifestyle-Not Good for Anyone II

Sociopathic narcissists have narcissistic personality disorder but are further along the spectrum to being sociopaths. They are self absorbed, highly manipulative, chronic liars, lead double and triple lives and have absolutely no empathy (They fake it very well.) Women are drawn to them and often find them irresistible. These men (and there are female sociopathic narcissists) are so clever that they have fooled many psychotherapists. Sociopathic narcissists are often obsessed with wealth–obtaining it, removing it from others and growing it to increase their power in the world. Many of those who today are standouts in our societal and political system are sociopathic narcissists. They know how to play every angle and loophole of the law, surrounded by a cadre of clever lawyers who know exactly how to play the legal system. They spend hundreds of thousands of dollar each year to make sure that they can sue whoever is getting in their way.

Women who marry these pathological individuals often do so without realizing it. That’s how charming and convincing they are. Sociopathic narcissists are consummate actors and facilely move from one part to the next. They can be philanthropic if it suits their image and will provide them with essential narcissistic supplies of praise and adulation.

In the home they are tyrants. Some women make the deal with the devil and stay married to them because they are leading a life on the surface that is filled with the excitement of living at the top tier of the social ladder. It is very tempting to have a public image that is admired, to be friends with the movers and shakers, to know that you are beyond financially secure and that your investments, trusts and portfolio will expand and bulge.

From a psychological perspective, this picture is not so lovely. Those who marry sociopathic narcissists will eventually experience the sharp, ugly, treacherous side of this personality. Once the bright sparkle has come off of the marriage, the sociopathic narcissist reveals his fangs and they are sharp and ready to tear without mercy. When this spouse is no longer intrigued with you and you cannot supply him any longer, you become the enemy is despises and intends to vanquish. Spouses on the receiving end speak of endless tirades, dreadful humiliations, demands for perfection and even apologies (for what–being human) Some women decide that they must stay in the marriage to protect the children and the family. They don’t realize the severe psychological damage this causes their children. A child would rather have one loving parent in reduced material circumstances than be trapped in a family from hell with a sociopathic narcissist. I have heard too many stories on this theme and know that children choose love, protection and caring over anything material.

If you are in the process about considering a divorce from a sociopathic narcissist, take time to research your plan of action. Interview attorneys, Ask the hard questions that will indicate if they are qualified to work for you and get the best result for you and your children. Tune in carefully and ask questions that will reveal if the lawyer you have chosen understands how sociopathic narcissists operate. Make sure your attorney has the knowledge, understanding of the dark edge of human nature and the courage to represent you. It is worth interviewing several attorneys. I know of so many women who were so stressed that they didn’t take this time and settled for someone who took their money and didn’t represent them and the interests of their children.

When you are free from living in the psychological prison of the sociopathic narcissist, you will be surprised at the changes in your thought patterns, sleep patterns, the calming of your nervous systems, the blooming of your creativity and most important—how your children are now able to live each day free from the moment to moment constraints and anxieties that their narcissistic father/mother placed on them constantly. Take credit for your courage and strength of will to travel this road to psychological and emotional freedom. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Don’t Make Yourself Sick over a Narcissistic Spouse

Narcissists cause stress, emotional pain and in some cases, physical illness to their spouses. They have been berated, verbally abused, humiliated and constantly criticized for many years. Every time the abused spouse is attacked by the narcissist, the stress hormones become activated and the fight or flight syndrome goes into gear.

“Can I survive another moment of this. He’s (She’s) grinding me down into a pulp. I’m confused, exhausted.; I can’t think straight. What has happened to me?” Those are the questions victims of the narcissist ask themselves incessantly. But the problem with so many of these spouses is that they keep holding on to the narcissist. There are so many reasons for staying in harness on this wild ride into delusion. There’s the lifestyle for some which they are accustomed to. It is very difficult for many people to face the fact that they will be living in reduced financial circumstances when the marriage is legally dissolved. Others are distressed by a complete change in their social milieu and what some call status. There are those who still believe that, despite the fact and evidence that the narcissist has harmed and diminished their lives in a variety of ways, they must keep the family together, make all the sacrifices. And then, there is the emotional pain of the loss of the dream of the marriage to this partner and all the what-ifs and could-have-beens.

Some non-narcissistic spouses are so determined to stay married to an abusive narcissistic partner, that they hold enough stress within their bodies to become physically sick. There are a variety of symptoms and conditions: high blood pressure, IBS, chronic allergies, chronic bronchitis, frequent bouts of physical exhaustion, ulcers, colitis and many other ailments. For some, this is a wake up call. The spouse realizes that she/he can no longer sacrifice her life to the narcissist to the point of becoming physically ill. For those who decide to end the marriage at this point, there is a rode to psychological, emotional and the building up of one’s physical health and stamina. Some people report that they feel the relief, the renewed energy of re-starting their lives. They have left the burdensome past behind and are now lighter, freer, more creative and healthier on every level. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists have double standards

Narcissists have “standards” for themselves and different one’s for others, especially those who are not within their privileged inner circle. The narcissist experiences himself as perfect regardless of all of his/her shortcomings, malicious acts, chronic lies, hurtful manipulations and belittling of those who are in disfavor.
This often includes their family members: spouses,children, siblings and those whom they view as rivals they are plotting to defeat. If the narcissist becomes fixated on you because he knows in advance what you can do to enhance his image or fatten his pocketbook and stock portfolio, for a while you are the answer to his dreams and desires. Once he has deluded you and gotten what he has wanted, you are discarded in exchange for someone else whom he fancies will fulfill another grand delusion. If you area married to a narcissist you know how it works with them. They are always right, perfect, without mistake and you are always wrong (even when you are incredibly competent).

When you are a child growing up in a narcissistic household you must do what is necessary to survive.When you are grown and begin to recognize the narcissist as a severe personality disorder, you will recognize with research and your own observations that these individuals are incapable of any real relationships. Narcissists always live by double standards. If you are living with one of these disturbed individuals it becomes necessary in many instances to sever your contact with them. After going through this process which is often difficult and takes a lot of perseverance, you find yourself in charge of your own life, enjoying the freedom of your personal thoughts and feelings and an upsurge in your unique creativity and your pathway to inner peace and personal growth. Visit my website www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists Have Sadistic Relationships

Being sadistic is deriving pleasure from cruelty. It is difficult for many people to understand how this is possible.
There are narcissistic personalities who not only must always win, weaken the most vulnerable, cause psychological and emotional pain in order to win and vanquish another human being. Then there is that treacherous narcissist who is sadistic and gets pleasure from inflicting emotional and psychological pain, especially upon those close to him/her: spouses, children, siblings, in-laws. Narcissists often choose spouses who are psychologically compliant, dependent, fragile and frightened to live an independent life. They are swept up in the narcissist’s elaborate persona, grandiose visions and the dream of sharing their lives with an individual who is highly successful, confident to the max, has smooth social skills and tells them they are the most important person to them on the face of the earth. Early into many marriages to narcissists, the mask begins to slip and the non-narcissistic partner is subjected to his/her partner’s volcanic rage, outrageous demands, demeaning humiliations. The non-narcissistic partner believes that it is her/his fault that the narcissistic partner has suddenly changed. They don’t that the first personality was a well rehearsed seamless act. As the relationship goes further down this dark road, the narcissist not only causes psychological and emotional harm (and in some cases physical injury) to his partner, but experiences pleasure and enjoyment in watching this person suffer horribly. These sadistic behaviors become chronic and threaten the psychological health of the partner. Some non-narcissistic spouses remain victims of these treacheries for the rest of their lives. They pay a very high price to remain at the side of the narcissist. Narcissists understand cruelty. For many, it is their middle name. This is the way they control others by beating them down, keeping them on edge, threatening to leave them without any financial resources and where there are children involved, promising that they will remove them from the household, wrenching them away from the injured spouse.

With narcissistic siblings there is a great deal of pain. From childhood through adulthood, these individuals continue to perpetrate acts of cruelty upon their brothers and sisters. They must always win regardless of the harm they cause to members of their own family. Being in the presence of a narcissistic sibling is painful if not intolerable.

There are adult narcissistic parents who continue to perpetrate sadistic acts upon their children, especially those who are highly sensitive and vulnerable.

Once you recognize that you are in a familial relationship or marriage with a sadistic narcissist, it is your decision whether to continue to meet and communicate with this person, limit your association or sever it completely. Know that the narcissist is never going to change—this is a fixed pathological disorder that is highly fixed. Learn to protect yourself from these sadistic relationships. First learn to recognize these individuals quickly by studying the narcissistic personality disorder in depth. Severing your relationship from the narcissist is the best course in most cases. Those who take this step are free to lead their own lives and become fully separated and individuated with the use of their creative gifts, talents and the inner peace that they deserve. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Don’t Let Your Narcissistic Spouse Run Off with Your Assets

Knowledge is power. You have heard that many times.When it comes to a narcissist this is particularly important. When you begin to intuit that your spouse is a narcissist, pay attention. Then, do your homework and inform yourself about the serious nature of this severe personality disorder. Many women stay married to narcissistic men—Let’s stay together for the children–We have a great lifestyle–There are no financial worries; I feel stable and secure. You can never be secure with a narcissist. They are never straight or true. They lie, cheat, convincingly put on the act of the “good person”, They are connivers and schemers.

Narcissists are exceedingly greedy. They love money and the status that can bring them in business and social circles. Narcissists conceal their money from their spouses. They make secret deals. They are super controllers. If you don’t protect yourself the narcissistic spouse will make all of the demands on you, treat you like dirt and eventually leave you. Narcissists change their wills without your knowledge. They buy and sell properties. They gamble it away. They are restless human beings that must always be entertained.

Protect yourself financially from your narcissistic spouse by insisting that you share all of the assets to which you are entitled. When the marriage goes south at least you will have the material means to take care of yourself. During a divorce in particular narcissists hide valuable assets and pretend that they are flat broke. They have been creating this scheme for a long time. Get ahead of them with your knowledge of their true nature, the assistance of highly informed professionals who can obtain the truth about your mutual finances and by keeping yourself psychologically and emotionally at a distance. These are tall orders but essential to your present and future. You are entitled financially, psychologically and emotionally to lead a life in which you use your potential, creative gifts, have meaningful relationships and feel deep inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

High Level Male Narcissists – Size Matters

You’ve heard the expression “Size matters.” In this case I am talking about high level narcissist’s:

Expanding egos, outrageous sense of entitlement, multiple stock and asset portfolios, number of homes, yachts, vacation homes, private jets, helicopters, vintage cars, outrageous salaries and bonuses. I understand that some of the receivers of these obscene amounts of money are now whining because some people have publicized that they are being unfair to customers by charging extra fees at their banks. Can you imagine how anyone would have the hubris to complain and moan about this. Well, believe it. High level narcissists are always surprising to those who are not narcissists. I see a lot of “narcissists in training” these days. They fawn over high level narcissists who are left unaccountable in any legal or moral way, who help themselves to obscene payoffs while those whom they harm, in the millions, are left behind, grabbing for crumbs or to lick the bottom of a dry bowl.

I hear from the spouses of high level narcissists. Some are willing to make the deal with the devil and stay married to them because they are afraid of being on their own, are more delusional than they think and have become too accustomed to the lifestyle to give it up. Others are desperately trying to gather up the courage and knowledge to leave these psychopathological nightmares. Some make the break and sever the marriage and get back their real lives. They have great courage and resolve. Many of them report that it was the best decision they have ever made.

What matters is quality—-of your kindness, empathy, use of your creative gifts, support of friends and family members who need your help now. And what about the people you meet who through no fault of their own are without any kind of support—financial, psychological, medical or otherwise. Fortunately, I have heard from exceptional people who are moving along spiritually—-They think about those who are suffering and how they can help to alleviate that pain; they think about living more simply; they care deeply about how we are destroying Nature with collective greed; they think about contributing to the quality of their lives and the lives of others. Make yourself heard. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation:United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Identify Covert Narcissists-Show Them the Door

Covert narcissists are among the most difficult to recognize. They have such a smooth act going that they have been practicing all of their lives. How can someone who is so self-effacing and self critical, be such a louse. That’s because they have learned to play so many roles with great skill. Some of them are: “I’m helpless and need you desperately.” “You are the most wonderful person I have ever met. I don’t deserve you.” “I want you to be my mentor; I look up to you.” “You are so great; I want to be just like you.” “I have fallen in love with you and can’t let you go.” That last one is one of the best if we can admit it.

First, take time to research in depth all of the facets of the narcissistic personality disorder. Beneath the well faked humility, the covert narcissist possesses all of these traits. He/she may not be grandiose and they usually aren’t. But they feel superior to others, are self absorbed, deceitful, manipulative, chronic liars and exploitive without a pinch of empathy.

Especially if you are very attracted to this person, hold off on your impulses to get more intimate and take a long view and a microscopic look at this individual. It is well worth your effort and time. You will spare yourself a lot of misery not getting caught up in the narcissistic web. Always use your intuition. If you are finely tuned to it, they will give themselves away. Be patient and highly discerning. I wish you the very best. I know you will prevail. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle editionEmail: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Use Your Intuition-No Contact with Narcissist

You have been suffering from breaking up and going back with your narcissistic ex for years. You know the pattern. You don’t him see or hear from him in several months after one of your many partings. He calls; you are hooked again. I communicate with a number of women who are trapped in this repetitious pattern. Many of them have been married to narcissists. Each time they resume the relationship, they believe that this time it is all going to work. Narcissists are not capable of loving or being loyal with other human beings. They have a serious personality that is not going to change. They are false selves, often with an irresistible facade. Most people fall for this and believe that the persona is the real person. This is not the case.

Instead of repeating a psychological pattern that is harmful to you, use your intuition—listen to this voice of wisdom within you—. When the narcissist makes contact or you feel the need to call, email or text him, listen to your intuition say no. Intuitive messages move through us very quickly. We learn to be attuned to them. This is a great gift. The more consistently you use intuition the more finely tuned it becomes. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Marital Counseling with Narcissistic Spouses-Taking a Big Chance

Many men and women marry narcissists without knowing the truth about their personality structures. This is not surprising. Narcissists appear to have it all—the image of physical attractiveness, smooth social skills, charm, even charisma combined with great self confidence. What’s not to fall for. In the beginning the narcissist is very attentive to the partner he/she has chosen. Many of these masterful manipulators bend to your every wish, even anticipating what you want before you ask for it. They are lavish in their attention and giving. As time moves on, the emotional scene changes and you notice how demanding, perfectionistic, cunning and deceptive they are. For many spouses a time comes when the non-narcissistic spouse has reached a point where she can no longer tolerate marriage to this self absorbed unempathic partner. Some spouses want to save the marriage. They unwittingly believe that they are dealing with a normal person—someone who is willing to go into therapy with the best intentions and try to sort out the mutual and individual issues that will improve their marriage. This happens frequently and doesn’t have a favorable result.

It is your decision to enter couples therapy. My clinical experience has been that narcissists believe that they are superior, have no imperfections, that problems with the marriage belong to their partner. They will either refuse to go to therapy or if they do will sabotage the process. In some cases, they persuade the therapist to take their side. That’s the cunning of the narcissistic personality disorder.

Rather than trying to fix or change your narcissistic spouse, it would be more helpful to you, if you are seeking therapy, find an excellent counselor and see them one on one. It is important that this professional has studied narcissistic personality disorder in depth and has counseled many spouses who are married to these individuals. Think about your emotional and psychological welfare first and that of your children. There are solutions. They may not preserve the marriage but they will help you to reclaim your life, your emotional and psychological well being. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Big Hypocrites Concealing Their True Natures

Most Narcissists are obsessed with their image—impeccable physical appearance, professional reputations, societal standing, important connections, their superiority and their need to have others look upon them as wonderful human beings. Narcissists put on such convincing acts that they deceive professional observers like psychotherapists, attorneys and judges.

I have been in communication with family members of narcissists who are shocked at split in the narcissist’s presentation of himself in the world and in his private life. Those inside his charmed circle are entranced with this man or woman who appears to be capable of achieving anything he puts his mind to. These accomplishments are often built up by the narcissist, putting himself in the role of leader and hero. Narcissists are gifted story tellers. They can spin yarns that are full of holes, exaggeration and made from whole cloth and audiences will be hanging on their every word. Narcissists often take credit for the achievements of others.

In private, narcissists act with malicious cruelty, withering ongoing criticism and a steel fist attitude about controlling their family members. Some spouses, siblings and children of narcissists are treated with great disrespect. Many narcissists are never home and lead secret lives with their mistresses and girlfriends.

After years of leading a very stressful life with a narcissist many partners simply cannot carry on this charade any longer. When you awaken and discover that you are married to an ultimate hypocrite who is incapable of loving anyone but himself, it’s time to take stock. Even if you have known this person for years , he is still criticizing you constantly, wearing down your nervous system and your will and any sense of optimism.

If you want to be free of this dreadful hypocrite, you have a decision to make—to stay or leave. This individual is never going to improve. You can change your life and make it a lot better by letting go of the burden of sharing it with this impossible individual. You now know that these men and women are hypocrites to the max. You are genuine and authentic and deserve to lead a life free from this rigid, deeply pathological personality disorders. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com